06 February 2009

*It Ain't Skinny Bitch Day, Is It?

"It ain't Skinny White Bitch Day, is it?"
"Naw man, it ain't skinny white bitch day"

Few things are quite as irritating as know-it-all sorostitutes who pontificate at length about subjects so far beyond their capability to comprehend that they can't even articulate intelligently what they DON'T know about a subject. Well, my friends, you're about to be treated to a publication written by those very same vapid, Cosmo-sipping, bulimic whores, packaged so that any woman who's ever enjoyed Sex In The City will stop surfing trendy clothing websites for shit they can't afford faster than an 18 year old slut drops to her knees for a bout of cock slobbing at a Donald Trump party.

Feast your eyes on this horseshit: 

Yep. These two vapid, uneducated cunts decided to impart a spectacular combination of bad science and idiocy to an entire generation of women too stupid and lazy to actually exercise.

Though this book has already been bashed all to be damned and is roundly thought to be a steaming pile of horseshit by anyone who knows anything about nutrition, the book still manages to find an audience amongst women too stupid to know better, too lazy to actually research nutrition themselves, and too enamored of the consumerism-laden, superficial claptrap of failed models like those on Sex In The City to know better.

Though I'm sure those soulless and conscienceless whores are too busy counting the ill-gotten receipts from their book sales to care, allow me to pick apart their inanity for the amusement of my gentle readers.

The basis of Skinny Bitch apparently comes from two books: Fit For Life and Eat to Live. Fit is a semi-religious nutrition text by Harvey Diamond that claims that the gods have ordained that we eat "live"(raw) foods. He suggests we eat fruit (which he lists as nature's most perfect food) until noon each day. His reasoning? Jewish/Christian Muslim god must have wanted us to eat it constantly, because it tastes good. I am not making that up. He apparently doesn't know how fruit bearing plants spread their seeds. Additionally, we should eat raw fruits and vegetables, because they're filled with "energy." Wild dogs and cats are never fat, he posits, because they only eat raw foods! Certainly not because they run around all day killing shit and eating fucking meat. Douche. Eat is similarly shitty, though without the odd new wave religious bent that makes Diamond's shit creepier than a naked old guy on a kindergarten playground. Joel Fuhrman, the author of Eat, asserts that people should focus on eating "nutrient dense" (i.e. plant) foods. He fails to understand, however, that organ meats are far more nutrient dense than are plants, so his entire book is essentially a null set.

On page 5, the Skinny Bitches assert that fruit is indeed "the most perfect food in existence", as it "barely requires any work to be digested" and "because it is made mostly of water, fruit hydrates the body and aids in cleansing, detoxifying, and eliminating." Woe betide the person who eats even a spear of broccoli with their fruit, however, as combining anything with fruit, which is usually "so quickly and easily digested," causes it to "rot and ferment in our stomachs." Fascinating. So, what they're saying, is that the most perfect possible food is transformed into a virtual poison whenever it is eaten with any other food. Odd.  Also odd that they don't know that the body NATURALLY FERMENTS CARBOHYDRATES IN THE DIGESTIVE TRACT TO AID IN DIGESTION. Later in the book, the Skinny Bitches treat us to a diatribe against meat, which I'll address later, but they assert that humans are the only animals who "have food rotting, decomposing, and fermenting in our intestinal tracts and colons." And yet the Cornell Sun states that "Within the rumen, there are many different types of bacteria that aid the cow in digesting plant fiber, like the pulp in citrus fruit, which humans and other non-herbivores cannot easily digest." Guess what happens in the rumen? FERMENTATION. Whee! Apparently the Skinny Bitches lack Google in their lives.

These asshats continue their war on common sense, firmly established science, good grammar (the entire book is rife with sentence fragments), and anthropological evidence by warning their idiot readers against the consumption of "refined sugars" (page 29, if you're following along). That's all well and good, as well all know that refined sugar sucks for a multitude of reasons. They, however, continue to say that ALL "simple sugars" are the devil, apparently forgetting the FRUCTOSE IS A FUCKING SIMPLE SUGAR.

Holy fucking hell, that book should have been called Stupid Cunt, not Skinny Bitch.

Much of this shitbox book is a diatribe against meat eating, which is a neverending source of amusement. People don't need meat in their diets, apparently, to perform at their best. Bill Pearl and Andreas Cahling are held aloft as two bodybuilders who ate no animal protein and yet suceeded at their sport. These two men, however, ate a fucking boatload of animal protein at every meal. They might not have been sitting down to a steak that'd choke John Candy's fat ass to death, but Pearl ate a couple of dozen eggs a day and drank fucking GALLONS of milk a day, while Cahling ate nothing but open faced goat cheese sandwiches.(peep it) Mind you, Cahling was a shitty bodybuilder, but that's beside the point. Tony Gonzalez abandoned veganism after a month of sucking, and Prince Fielder became a vegan after reading SB and then promptly abandoned it after being blasted in the press because his batting average dropped lower than his daily protein consumption. Dairy's out too, since it comes from animals, and because these vacuous sluts think that the dairy industry has been lying to us for years, as they assert that milk is made of fat, and can thus not be made low fat or fat free. Are they that fucking stupid? They've never heard of Little Miss Muffett, with her curds and whey. Along came a spider and sat down beside her and said "Hey! What's in the bowl bitch?" Never heard of that? Hmmmm. Methinks they must be idiots.

My thoughts are confirmed when they assert that adult humans need no more than 18-60g of protein per day, and that no one in the history of our species has ever had a protein deficiency. Sweet jesus. That'll be a post for another day, because that's wrong in way's I cannot articulate without volumes of writing. In addition to making the above specious claims about protein, they follow up with the idea that high protein has been linked to "obesity, heart disease, and cancer" citing either Diamond or Fuhrman for that gem. Nothing of the sort has been shown in any clinical trial of which I am aware, and I'm far better acquainted with Pubmed than are the Starvation Twins.

I'll skip over a bunch of other points that are simple to cherry pick to end on this bombshell:
"Look at what we evolved from. We looked like friggin' apes and had massive heads, strong jaws, and brute strength. maybe back then we were supposed to eat meat. But last time I checked, we aren't cavemen any more."

Wow. Not only did they jam several million years of evolution and a wide array of different hominid types into one short description of the prototypical caveman, but they failed to notice that the Robust types (like Paranthropus Robustus and Australopiticus Bosei) had the big heads, sagittal crests, and strong jaws to MASTICATE FIBER DENSE VEGETATION.

May those stupid cunts burn for eternity for foisting their stupidity on an even dumber American female readership.

A Look at Longevity of Carnivorous Diet Advocates vs. Vegan/Strict Vegetarian Diets:
William Banting (1797 – 16 March 1878) 81 years- Initially popularized the low-carb diet. He was a mortician who lost 60 lbs following a diet comprised of nothing but meat, veggies, and dry wine.
James Henry Salisbury, M.D. (12 January 182323 September 1905) 82 years- Salisbury was the inventor of the Salisbury steak, and a proponent of a diet consisting of two parts meat, one part veggies.
Vilhjalmur Stefansson (November 3, 1879 – August 26, 1962) 83 years- He advocated the diet of the Eskimos, which consists of nothing but meat. After returning from the Arctic in good health on this diet, he participated in a year-long study at a NY hospital proving the efficacy of his diet.
Richard Buckminster “Bucky” Fuller (July 12, 1895 – July 1, 1983) 87 years- Most well known for his invention of the geodesic dome, Fuller applied his energy theories to diet as well, following and espousing a meat and veggies diet of a Paleo Diet sort throughout his life.

Sylvester Graham (July 5, 1794 – September 11, 1851) 57 years- This asshole advocated a nearly vegan diet consisting of whole grains, fruits, and veggies, and preached abstinance from both sex and masturbation throughout his life. While he did invent Graham crackers, this was the only positive thing the Presbyterian minister did in his short, shitty, sexless life. According to Wikipedia, "Grahamism was influential in the vegan movement. Sylvester Graham focused on meat and milk, which he believed to be the cause of sexual urges. In fact, he claimed animal byproducts produced lust; Grahamism thus rejected meat, animal byproducts, and alcohol in order to develop a purer mind and body." May he rot in hell.
John Harvey Kellogg (February 26, 1852 – December 14, 1943) 90 years- If possible, this asshole actually outlived Graham, whose foundation paid Kellogg's way through medical school. Kellogg followed in Graham's footsteps, echoing the same diet and anti-sex, anti-masturbation nonsense. When not prescribing daily yogurt enemas, Kellogg was busy NEVER FUCKING HIS WIFE OF 40 YEARS, giving circumcisions sans anesthetic to teenage boys to curb "unnatural urges" or sewing their foreskins closed, and for the love of fuck, applying pure carbolic acid [phenol] to the clitoris as a means of allaying "abnormal excitement" in broads. He's got a special place in hell, I'm sure.
Reverend William Cowherd (1763–1816) 53 years- Founder of the Vegetarian Society in England, known for being the first modern society to advocate abstension from meat products.

Notice anything funny? Perhaps it's the fact that the MEAT EATERS LIVED FAR LONGER. Additionally, they do a lot more fucking, since vegetarianism has been associated with being a fucking eunuch since the dawn of the shitbox idea.

A piss poor showing by the vegetarians, all the way around. As if it wasn't bad enough that they ignore the fact that anthropologists attribute the evolution of early hominids into modern humanity to the hearty consumption of meat, and the spate of evidence showing the dietary efficacy and importance of meat, the Skinny Bitches and their followers shall remain woefully ingorant.

Thankfully, we can rest assured knowing that these poor fucks will put up no fight when we start eating them, if we run out of livestock, as they'll be weak as kittens. Additionally, evidence from Fiji shows that people actually taste really good (the Fijian word for human flesh translates to 'the long pig'- yes, they have a word for human flesh as food, haha), so these silly fucks will at least serve a purpose in their timely deaths.

If only that were one of the authors of SB, ready for roasting over an open flame. A bit of salt and pepper, and a nice rubdown with garlic, and we'd have a meal.

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  1. I'd be interested in knowing if these "skinny bitches" were even healthy. Do they include any kind of actual health information? Can they fight off a cold (wolverine-style, like you do)? I just can't fathom anything about their lifestyle being ACTUALLY healthy long-term. I'd be interested in a study showing people that follow it.

  2. Who knew? I was passing a mad genius every day at Ironsport. An entertaining read for sure Jamie. I'll be tuning in.


  3. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/11/magazine/11Calories-t.html?_r=1

  4. This is SEVERELY late. Get over it. Wouldn't eating the vegans/vegetarian/pussies only dissatisfy us? They'd have no hammies to bite into, just soft, blubbery sticks for legs.

  5. This writing style of yours is awesome! I am enjoying this very much. Thanks for you time and effort. Been browsing for several hours and this is an amazing introduction to what is to come in your blog. It will be an interesting journey for my body as I learn this new art of Chaos and Pain. With all your content a magnificent volume of literature and art could be shared among a vast network of people who truly appreciate communications. You sir are an artist. Its a pleasure to find this treasure. Peace

  6. I think you spend far too much time googling and hating, than actually listening to your body to knowing what works for you.
    I cannot believe the amount of hate you have for this book, and how you actually believe that your government and all the multi million dollar food industries - meat and its by products are actual for you? Do you actually think people that abuse and torture animals care about the health of the people that eat their products?
    My boss has been a natropath of 25+ years and agrees with the information in this book.
    And this way of eating as stopped my digestive problems and now I know why i feel a certain way and 95/100 its because of what I've eat. So its working for me and my body is loving me for it because I'm not forcing it to work double time every hour every day

    P.S. The anger and stress in your body actually makes its harder for your body to do it job. So you might want to go a little easier on it

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