31 March 2018

If You Pass On Hot Sauce, You Pass On Gainz

This is the majority of my hot sauce collection at present, save for what I have in the fridge. Before you ask, I've not yet opened Shit Your Bed or Jason's Own.

I've covered the topic in passing in the past, but I still don't believe that my appreciation for, and subsequent belief that you should share that love for, pungent foods.  I realize that most of you think pungent is a worst reserved for shit that stinks, but according to the dictionary and science, pungent refers to anything you would traditionally think of as "spicy."  That includes chili peppers, ginger, horseradish, mustard seeds, wasabi, black pepper, Indian long pepper, szechwan pepper, and a variety of other delicious shit, and in addition to making your food delicious, pungent foods have a crazy array of health benefits ranging from improving the effectiveness of other chemicals you ingest to increased metabolism to the wholesale Vlad the Impaler-style slaughter of cancer, and they serve to separate the pussies from everyone else, because if you can't handle spiciness, you probably can't handle anything cool.  The same type of people who think Eddie Murphy Raw is "too vulgar" and vastly prefer the comedic stylings of Jeff Dunham and other sundry clean comedians, people who prefer Michael Bolton to Cannibal Corpse, the people who willingly buy a beige Toyota Camry... those are the people who prefer their food bland and avoid pungent foods.  In short, pussies and generally terrible, fat fucking people with low IQs and low testosterone (Begue).

Pretty spot on in my house.

I suppose their one claim to preeminence is that their assholes aren't constantly being seared shut when they shit.  Balderdash, say I!  The asshole-scorching goodness that comes with a pungent meal lets you know that your b-hole won't be too hairy if someone decides to toss your salad and that any unhealthy bacteria is going to be murdered all to death.  So in an effort to spread the toilet-searing pungency love, we're gonna cover all the ways you can get the job done, and exactly why it would behoove you to do so.

And by the way:
"'Although you feel like it’s burning [when you eat spicy foods], it’s actually a trick of the mind,' he says, adding that spicy foods do not cause any physical harm to a well-functioning digestive system. [Emphasis mine]
The chef explains that fiery food tastes hot because chemical molecules, such as capsaicin, excite pain receptors on your tongue that are linked to the sensation of temperature, not because it’s burning off your tastebuds. 'It’s more of a sensation of heat than something physical. Interestingly, spearmint actually hits on the same receptor, creating a sense of cold.' 
Chef Phillips says spicy food lovers aren’t born with an affinity for hot sauce. Rather, it’s acquired over time, as capsaicin and other spicy food molecules deplete a neurotransmitter called substance P, which is responsible for sending pain signals to the brain" (Sweet).
So there's no need to worry that you're going to fuck yourself up by kicking up the pungency level of your food a few notches- i.e. don't be a pussy about this and just do it.

Burns So Good In So Many Ways
I will do my best to be as comprehensive as possible here, but I am certain  there is no way I will manage to hit all of the ways you can light your taste buds up like you were napalming a village of people in some far-away jungle who are sitting around listening to music that sounds like whales raping each other while completely unaware of the existence of the United States.  Yeah, your ass is gonna burn in ways you didn't think were possible outside of an anal-only gangbang, because as it turns out there is a hell of a lot more pungent shit out there than just Sriracha and black pepper.  Let's take a look at what's out there.

The Mustard Family
Love 'em or hate 'em, there are a lot of members of this family of plants that will blow your sinuses open like you filled a Netti Pot with Greek Fire.  This family contains a wide range of plants, but the ones with which we are concerned contains allyl isothiocyanate (AITC).  Found in your favorite nasal-scorching condiments like wasabi, horseradish, brown and black mustard (but not white/yellow mustard, which contains sinalbin rather than AITC), and radish.  This shit, unlike the capsaicin in chilies or the active ingredients in peppercorns, hits you in the sinuses rather than the mouth.  We've all been there- a mouthful of wasabi or Chinese yellow mustard has your eyes tearing up like you just got whacked in the nose with a bit of rebar in a street fight, and any sinus congestion you may have had instantly dissipates.  The health benefits of mustard oil go way beyond making Flonase look like dirty bathwater though.  Check it out:

  • it makes Advil it's punk bitch, because its anti-inflammatory properties are fucking insane (Wagner)
  • the precursor to AITC, sinigrin, is also found in all of these veggies and may be an extremely potent nootropic (though the only evidence I could find of this is that it makes you much less retarded when whacked off your face on ketamine) (Yadav)
  • clears up colds and the flu in a fucking hurry, and might even cure your athlete's foot- this shit will slaughter anything in your body that's not supposed to be there (including listeria, E. coli, and staph) due to it's insanely strong antimicrobial and antifungal properties (Chacon)
  • makes you less of a fatass, because it drastically improves insulin sensitivity (Ahn)

Black Pepper (which also includes white and green)
We've all used it.  We all know what it tastes like.  What you might not have known is that all of the colors of peppercorns are all the same basic thing- the black peppercorn is a green (ripe) peppercorn that's been dried, while the green peppercorn that is canned or otherwise preserved to retain its color, and the white peppercorn is just the seed of the pepper plant with the black bit removed.  They all have slightly different flavors, but the thing that makes them awesome remains the same- piperine.
Piperine doesn't do much on its own, but it is a badass companion to other shit you might ingest.  Its main claim to fame is its ability to drastically increase the bioavailability of just about everything, and increase the length of time compounds remain active in your system (Han, Shoba).  Yeah, bro- that means adding it to your food all day long makes almost everything you take that day hit harder, from your fat burner to your test booster to your joint supplement (this shit increases the effectiveness of curcumin by 2000%).  It also increases digestion, has antimicrobial properties, and improves mental function, so grab that pepper shaker and make it fucking rain (Organic Facts).

Surprise- you can actually eat ginger.  I thought it was just for figging.

Ginger (and Grains of Paradise)
If you're like me and thought ginger was just reserved for shitty cookies and figging, you and I would both be wildly incorrect.  Outside of those two things, I only really respected the spiciness of ginger after trying some ginger ale in South Carolina that will peel your fucking wig back- Blenheim Ginger Ale.  I took one swig of that and thought I'd been poisoned.  Seriously, Everclear goes down like water compared to Blenheim.  If fire and gonorrhea fucked and had a baby in the form of a soda, that soda would be what you drank to chase Blenheim in the hopes it would wash away the pain.  That pain was caused by the volatile oils gingerol and paradol found in ginger.  Gingerol is fucking badass, because not only can you use it in BDSM to fire up someone's holes, it:

  • fucks up inflammation so hard that it can drastically reduce the symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis (Funk).  The sore elbows you get from heavy benching can be a thing of the past if you chow down on ginger on the regular.  Seriously- gingerol was shown in clinical trials to be as effective as ibuprofin in reducing menstrual cramps, and actually improves digestive health rather than burning a hole in your guts (Ozgoli).
  • keeps you from being a diabetes-ridden fatass with cellulite on your face and sadness in your heart- it lowers bodyfat, blood sugar, free fatty acids, LDL cholesterol, and all of the other horrible shit that comes with being a disgusting pile of blubber (Naami)
  • raises testosterone levels and increases testicular size.  Yep- you will likely get more swole and rock a better hardon by including a fuckton of ginger in your diet (Kamtchouing).
Paradol, which is the active ingredient in Grains of Paradise and is also found in ginger, is aromatic ketone that brings the fucking ruckus as well.  Because I'm sure you guys are unaware of Grains of Paradise's existence (I recently discovered it because my girlfriend has it in a pepper shaker and wondered what in the fuck I'd seasoned my ribs with), it's often confused with black pepper and to me tastes like a milder black pepper.  Frankly, it is worth adding to fucking everything in addition to black pepper, because it:
  • increases total body energy expenditure dramatically... meaning it will make you fat less fat just by adding it to your food (Sugita)
  • may raise testosterone levels in humans (because it sure fucking seems to in rats) (Akpanabiatu)
  • balances blood sugar so well it's used as a cure (not a treatment for it, a goddamned cure) for diabetes in Africa (Ezuruike) 

Long Pepper
Never heard of it?  I hadn't either until an episode of one of my two favorite podcasts (Milk Street Radio) encouraged me to get out there and investigate the great wide world of peppers out there.  Long pepper is actually spicier than black pepper and was the preferred pepper of Europe until the fourteenth century.  After that, it was replaced by chilies coming from the New World because it has a similar flavor and pungency to chilies.  The shit that brings the heat in the long pepper is piperlonguime (PPL), and it's a fucking beast. It:

  • improves brain health like a motherfucker (Prasad)
  • is the Robin to other stuff's Batman.  Like piperine, it enhances the bioavailablity of various pharmaceuticals and supplements (Patel)
  • fights inflammation like a firefighter fighting a last stand in a forest fire (Prasad)
  • makes you forget there is even such a thing as prostate cancer, because it effectively kills it at the start (Golovine)
  • jacks up your fat metabolism to keep you lean and mean (Prasad) 

Chili Peppers
They are the bane of the existence of every lame person on the planet, and they are the thing that unites interesting and useful people- the chili pepper.  Long the primary seasoning component in the Americas, these amazing flavor bombs have become a staple food in every corner of the world.  Chili peppers are amazing because of the shit that makes them burn going in and coming back out- capsaicin.  Capsaicin's chief benefit is that it separates you from the people who ought to be rounded up and sent to work camps where they're only allowed to wear grey and listen to John Mayer while they work themselves into dessicated husks (but they'd die happy knowing they're safe from ever having to eat delicious food or have an interesting conversation or good sex). Adding capsaicin the form of hot sauce or peppers does wonders for your body, as it:

  • increases your metabolism to counterbalance a caloric deficit.  in other words, when your metabolism would otherwise slow to a stop because you're eating like a 1980s era bodybuilder and training yourself half to death, capsaicin ramps your metabolism back up to ensure your fat holocaust continues unabated (Janssens).
  • may increase aerobic performance (Oh)
  • and is a kickass cure-all remedy for just about any goddamned ailment you might have- fuck Eddy Murphy's dad's remedy of using "the Tussin" for everything.  When in doubt, add hot sauce, because capsaicin improves mood, reduces pain, reduces inflammation, reduces itching, and has cancer-fighting properties (Carollo).

I literally googled "fistful of cayenne" and google came back with Cayenne Klein getting fisted.  I love Google's algorithms- they know me so well.

There are a ton of other peppers and pungent plants out there worth incorporating in your food, because they're all seriously good for you.  Here's an incomplete list for you to investigate at your leisure, but you'll find all of them have have some mixture of anti-inflammatory, anti-microbial, fat destroying, and generally health improving benefits (feel free to clue us into shit you like in the comments or just hate on the whole article because you're a whiny bitch who hates delicious food): 

  • Grains of Selim (tastes a lot like grains of paradise)
  • Tasmanian Pepper (which is sweet and then hot, then leaves numbness like Sichuan Pepper)
  • Cubeb Pepper (like a cross between allspice and black pepper)
  • West African Pepper (tastes like cubeb)
  • Szechwan Pepper (hot as shit, smells like literal heaven, and makes your mouth numb)
  • Pink Peppercorn (mild and black pepper-like, though related to the cashew)
  • Brazilian Peppercorn (pepper-like, and like the pink peppercorn can cause allergic reactions)

According to Reddit, this entire article is a hate crime.  And I refuse to google "xd"- I just despise every person who uses it and live in the knowledge that whatever it means, it's the sole purview of people whom I loathe.

So the takeaway is that if you're not making your food as pungent as possible, you're a stupid fuck and a pussy, and you have no one to blame for your fatness, athlete's foot, low T, and stupidity but yourself.  Only bland people like bland food.  Don't be bland, and for fuck's sake don't be fat. 

Pungency is Power. 

Ahn J, Lee H, Im SW, Jung CH, Ha TY.  Allyl isothiocyanate ameliorates insulin resistance through the regulation of mitochondrial function.  J Nutr Biochem. 2014 Oct;25(10):1026-34.

Akpanabiatu MI, Ekpo ND, Ufot UF, Udoh NM, Akpan EJ, Etuk EU.  Acute toxicity, biochemical and haematological study of Aframomum melegueta seed oil in male Wistar albino rats.  J Ethnopharmacol. 2013 Nov 25;150(2):590-4.

Bègue L, Bricout V, Boudesseul J, Shankland R, Duke AA.  Some like it hot: testosterone predicts laboratory eating behavior of spicy food.  Physiol Behav. 2015 Feb;139:375-7.

Carollo, Kim.  The World's Hottest Pepper: Brings Pleasure and Pain Relief.  ABC News.  20 Feb 2012.  Web.  15 May 2014.  http://abcnews.go.com/Health/capsaicin-ingredient-hot-peppers-offers-medical-benefits/story?id=15727011

Chacon PA1, Buffo RA, Holley RA.  Inhibitory effects of microencapsulated allyl isothiocyanate (AIT) against Escherichia coli O157:H7 in refrigerated, nitrogen packed, finely chopped beef.  Int J Food Microbiol. 2006 Apr 1;107(3):231-7.

Ezuruike UF, Prieto JM.  The use of plants in the traditional management of diabetes in Nigeria: pharmacological and toxicological considerations.  J Ethnopharmacol. 2014 Sep 11;155(2):857-924.

Funk JL, Frye JB, Oyarzo, Janice N, Timmermann BN. Comparative Effects of Two Gingerol-Containing Zingiber officinale Extracts on Experimental Rheumatoid Arthritis. J Nat Prod. 2009 72(3): 403–7.

Golovine KV, Makhov PB, Teper E, Kutikov A, Canter D, Uzzo RG, Kolenko VM.  Piperlongumine induces rapid depletion of the androgen receptor in human prostate cancer cells.  Prostate. 2013 Jan;73(1):23-30. doi: 10.1002/pros.22535. Epub 2012 May 16.

Han HK.  The effects of black pepper on the intestinal absorption and hepatic metabolism of drugs.  Expert Opin Drug Metab Toxicol. 2011 Jun;7(6):721-9.

Kamtchouing P, Mbongue Fandio GY, Dimo T, Jatsa HB.  Evaluation of androgenic activity of Zingiber officinale and Pentadiplandra brazzeana in male rats.  Asian J Androl. 2002 Dec;4(4):299-301.

Janssens PL, Hursel R, Martens EA, Westerterp-Plantenga MS.  Acute effects of capsaicin on energy expenditure and fat oxidation in negative energy balance.  PLoS One. 2013 Jul 2;8(7):e67786

Nammi S, Sreemantula S, Roufogalis BD.  Protective effects of ethanolic extract of Zingiber officinale rhizome on the development of metabolic syndrome in high-fat diet-fed rats.  Basic Clin Pharmacol Toxicol. 2009 May;104(5):366-73.

Oh TW, Oh TW, Ohta F.  Dose-dependent effect of capsaicin on endurance capacity in rats.  Br J Nutr. 2003 Sep;90(3):515-20.

Organic Facts.  9 amazing facts about black pepper.  Organic Facts.
 21 Jan 2018.  Web.  31 Mar 2018.  https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/herbs-and-spices/health-benefits-of-black-pepper.html

Ozgoli G, Goli M, Moattar F.  Comparison of effects of ginger, mefenamic acid, and ibuprofen on pain in women with primary dysmenorrhea.  J Altern Complement Med. 2009 Feb;15(2):129-32.

Patel K, Chowdhury N, Doddapaneni R, Boakye CHA, Godugu C, Singh M.
 Piperlongumine for Enhancing Oral Bioavailability and Cytotoxicity of Docetaxel in Triple-Negative Breast Cancer.  J Pharm Sci. 2015 Dec;104(12):4417-4426.

Prasad S, Tyagi AK.  Historical Spice as a Future Drug: Therapeutic Potential of Piperlongumine.  Curr Pharm Des. 2016;22(27):4151-9.

Sugita J, Yoneshiro T, Hatano T, Aita S, Ikemoto T, Uchiwa H, Iwanaga T, Kameya T, Kawai Y, Saito M.  Grains of paradise (Aframomum melegueta) extract activates brown adipose tissue and increases whole-body energy expenditure in men.  Br J Nutr. 2013 Aug;110(4):733-8.

Sweet, Joni.  Why some people just can't handle spicy food.  Thrillist.  11 Mar 2016.  Web.  31 Mar 2018.  https://www.thrillist.com/health/nation/what-makes-some-people-like-spicy-food-and-others-hate-it

Wagner AE, Boesch-Saadatmandi C, Dose J, Schultheiss G, Rimbach G.  Anti-inflammatory potential of allyl-isothiocyanate--role of Nrf2, NF-(κ) B and microRNA-155.  J Cell Mol Med. 2012 Apr;16(4):836-43.

Yadav M, Parle M, Dhingra MS.  Protective effect of Brassica oleracea juice against Ketamine-induced stereotypic behaviours in mice.  JMPS 2017; 5(1): 200-204.

21 March 2018

Juls Borg- 181 lb Powerlifter Who Went 1504 In His First Meet (And Has Been Strength Training For Less Than A Year)

Jules prior to training and now (before you ask, he's walking around at about 195 these days)

Juls is a 26 year old chiropractic student who makes his living by working as a Krav Maga instructor. After studying law and becoming disgusted with both the legal system and his fellow practitioners, he started to read up on treatment methods for athletes and decided to pursue a bachelor’s and then a master’s degree in the art of breaking someone’s spine.

Besides kicking people in the nuts for a living, he played in 2 death metal bands, one called And I Saw The Desolation (RIP), and Impact36, which he joined in November and replaced the old singer, who had shit vocals and is also a vegetarian.

He’s also an avid Warhammer 40k enthusiast, painting miniatures and annoying people at the Games Workshop with his presence.

I became friends with him over the last year while coaching him in preparation for his first meet, in which he absolutely destroyed his opposition and nearly posted an elite total.

Q: So, bro- you just tore the asshole out of Germany’s best at 181 lbs, right?  What was the meet and what were your lifts?

A: The meet were the nationals of the WPU, the german arm of the GPU. I competed in the 181lbs weight class. I wanted to do it after googling Powerlifting Deutschland when I was 4 months into Destroy the Opposition and being disgusted by the old records, which were lower than my numbers then.

The category I competed in was ‘’classic raw’’, meaning without wraps, which I consider to be an assisting piece of equipment that defeats the purpose of raw lifting. Sleeves were allowed, but I didn’t use them.

After fucking myself up 2 months prior to the meet (I had an accident in a monolift, where I squatted 485 for a single, had my shorts tear and had to shift my weight to the right to re-rack the weight, knocking my hip out of place), I wasn’t able to squat heavy and stuck to belt squats and front squats with the occasional lockouts with 793 lbs. My chiropractor fixed me though, which saved me 2 weeks prior to the meet.

Since I was a bit afraid of fucking up, my opener on the deadlift was 22 lbs lighter as planned, the squat was 44 lbs lighter.

I opened my squat with 440lbs, second attempt at 485 lbs, third attempt at 529 lbs for a PR.
My bench started at 330 lbs, which had the other competitors shitting their pants since I warmed up with 308lbs for a double. After that I benched an easy 374 lbs and got carried away, attempting 407lbs for my third attempt, only to fail halfway through.

My deadlift started at 507 lbs, my second attempt were 551 lbs which flew up easy. I then decided to pull my gym PR, 600lbs, which weren’t hard at all, probably due to the adrenaline, Ferox and ammonia. Fourth attempts weren’t possible during that meet due to time constraints. One of the others dropped 496 lbs on his foot during a sumo pull, which was one of the funnier moments.

I totalled 1504 lbs at my first meet after 9 months of heavy strength training.

Q: Jesus fuck. Only 9 months of heavy training?  Give us a rundown of how you’ve trained over the years.

A: I started with Krav Maga and Escrima 7 years ago, which I did 6 days a week with a 3h intensive course every 3 weeks on Sunday. After getting thrown around a lot since I was 150lbs, I decided to start weight training in mid 2015, although I had no fucking idea what I was doing and no idea how to eat. The trainers at the gym told me to eat a lot of carbs and do a high repetition machine and isolation exercise training, no squatting and deadlifting because of injury risks, no overhead pressing, 10-15 rep range on 4 exercises for 3 sets a day and 4 days a week. No progress was made at all, and I dropped weight training for half a year since it was pointless. I restarted to do the same shit in 2016, this time 5 days a week and trying to squat, which were probably the worst high bar quarter squats you’ve ever seen. In my defense I didn’t use the pussy pad.

After doing a bit of reading I found Layne Norton’s PHAT program, which I did for 3 months, which had me deadlifting for the first time and squatting regularly, where I figured out how to squat like a normal human. In 2017 I wanted a change since I got fed up with the program and the nutrition part was lacking too, since I was still on the high carb train.

I then found this blog, started reading and I was interested by the notion of doing more, going heavy and actually killing yourself in the gym. I started training the way it was outlined in this blog and behold, I was actually making progress, both visually and in the numbers.

It's not just Juls making crazy progress on the APD and Chaos and Pain- his girlfriend, Gina, has dropped 55lbs over the last 6 months using the APD and training her ass off.

Q: How’d you even find out about Chaos and Pain, anyway?

A: It’s actually a quite funny thing. Since I was doing the PHAT routine at the time and going to Krav Maga 5 to 6 times a week, some trainer at my gym said I was overtraining. So I googled ‘’overtraining is bullshit’’. I ended up on reddit of all places, and someone mentioned someone called Jamie Lewis and Chaos and Pain.

Googling that, I found your blog and started reading, I probably devoured the blog in less than 5 days. I was pretty amused by the fact that you shat on vegetarians, nofap, the latter running, as I learned a few days ago, rampant among younger lifters, runners and other assorted vermin.

I then found out you guys were an actual supplement company, and ordered a Ferox off a german reseller. It blew the Hyde I had out of the water.

Q: Ha!  The "assorted vermin" comment has me chuckling.  Redditors generally hate me more than Tara Reid hates sobriety.  That’s amusing.  I’ll have to google the Norton program- I’ve never heard of it.  Anyway, what’s your plan going forward?  Are you planning on competing again soon?  Any fights coming up?

A: I will try to get the 661 lbs in the deadlift until November, besides that my goal is to become stronger, bigger and leaner while not fucking myself up in that piece of shit monolift, which I surely won’t use again. We’ll also try to get the band going, we have an album planned for this year, which is going into pre-production in a few weeks. I will also try to put more emphasis on grinding out knots to prevent injury, which I often forget because I am a lazy bastard who prefers to do other shit at home, and I’d rather shoot myself before I start flopping around on the floor at the gym like some autistic faggot instead of actually training.
My next competition is the European Championship of the GPU, where I intend to rape the rest of the continent in the 181 lbs while totalling at least 1565 lbs.
Krav Maga isn’t competitive, so the only fights I will be having are bar fights or whatever happens at hardcore shows.

Q:  I fucking hate monolifts, too- it's like trying to start a squat while in the middle of a fucking earthquake.  I'd sooner squat standing on a fucking Bosu ball, and that is one hell of a packed schedule you've got on your hands.  Anyway, since you have had such success as a new powerlifter, do you have any advice for a struggling or new powerlifter? Also what do you recommend for bench, since you managed a 180 kg bench in under a year?

Well, the advice I have is the one that I was missing before, eat a shitton of protein and train your ass off, heavy weights and a lot of volume. Also don’t skimp on conditioning, be it sprints, heavy bag work, sleigh drags, whatever. It helped me tremendously with short rest in between sets.

The realization that the lifts are a movement that vary from person to person and that ‘’ideal form’’ is only possible in a textbook was eye-opening for me.

For the bench press, I did a lot of weighted dips, sitting now at 155lbs for 8 sets of 6, with a minute rest in between, whereas on light days I just do 500 bodyweight dips with 15 secs in between. Also treating the close grip bench press as a push accessory instead of a substitute for the bench press helped me with developing tricep strength, which was lagging behind since I didn’t press for a long time due to having a shit program.

The Apex Predator Diet does a body good.

Q: Conditioning, is key?  Interesting- I never do it outside of regular training at a fast pace, but I think that's an excellent point.  Also excellent point about the value of weighted dips- most people (myself included) tend to forget about them.  
 Alright, time to ask the question that every Redditor and Bodybuilding.com poster is fucking screaming at his laptop.  I imagine them just shaking with impotent rage, woozy with exhaustion from the effort of standing and shaking their fist, spittle spraying across the screen as they scream a single word- "STEROIDS!"  If you don't mind, why not go ahead and tell these goofballs why they should take a big step back and literally fuck their own faces.

A: I'm on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) due to an injury I suffered while sparring in Krav Maga.  Without going into all theory, testicle rupturing details, my cup did not save the day one day.  I've been on 200mg of testosterone enanthate for the last three years as a result. 

Q: 200mg of test e a week?  And people say I run crazy low amounts, haha.  I'm sure the aforementioned collection of incels are still going to have "natty or not" convos about you and claim that you can't achieve that level of leanness without "eating clen and trenning hard," but there's nothing to be done about those useless little nofapping fucktards anway.  While we're at it, and I don't give a fuck that this isn't germane to the topic at hand behind the establishment of a particular mindset, how about you give us your favorite book, movie, album, quote, and kink/genre of porn?

A: Nonfiction: Bruce Tegner's Complete Book of Self Defense
Fiction: Unremembered Empire (Warhammer 40k) by Dan Abnett
Movie: Same as you, The Devil's Rejects
Favorite album: This is a tie. Either Erebos by Hate or Destroy the Opposition by Dying Fetus.
Quote: "He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee."
Porn: Anything when the chick is tied up/restrained/hogtied.

I have no idea what he's talking about.  That exists?

Q:Well, it's time to wrap this up, so how about you tell everyone about your exciting evening the other day, hahaha.  That’s a pretty awesome story.

A: Since I have to drive a lot due to my studies I decided to train at a gym on the way home, which entirely unlit. So I had to walk a narrow path back to my car, in the snow, while wearing a heavy winter jacket which obscured any body details. Considering I couldn’t see much, I pushed the button on my car key to know where I had to go. After arriving to my car, I put my bag on the ground and had someone grab my ass. Thinking that someone tries to steal my wallet, I turned around, hitting whoever in the nose with my right palm and kneeing that person in the stomach and face, only to see someone else run or rather stumble away in the snow. Not bothering to run after the guy I watched the dude lying on the ground and called the police. They took the guy in, asked me around 3 times for a description of the other guy, which I couldn’t give since I didn’t see shit, and told them they should ask the guy they picked off the floor for a description of his buddy. At least they didn’t tell me to accompany them. The two chucklefucks must have thought I was one of the bigger chicks training at that particular gym, since it didn’t play out like a robbery, but more like an attempted rape/groping. According to the police they must have been watching the place, since in the evening, the place is full of women. The cops told me I’ll hear from them, but the incident is a few weeks ago and I didn’t hear anything, same thing as with my bike tires that were stolen 2 years back. I know that I’ll avoid that particular place in the future, non consensual anal sex isn’t on my to-do list in the near future.

Hahahahaha.  Awesome.  Well, there you have it- the man himself explaining how he totaled 1504lbs in his first powerlifting meet.  For those of you who have been following the resurrected Chaos and Pain podcast, Juls is the one who recorded our new intro.  Nothing like having the physique to match your brutal vocals.

Coming up, I've got a baddest motherfuckers, the second part of my long-abandoned training for the apocalypse series, another article about my current methods, and a stewroids article. 

Go be epic.

18 March 2018

Music You Need In Your Playlist (aka most of the Bands That Are In Mine)

As I continually get asked what I listen to while training and for recommendations for new bands, I thought I'd stop what I was writing long enough to give you a bit of an idea of what's going on musically in my life these days.  Basically, my musical interests in general don't stray far from hardcore/deathcore/slam beatdown- I basically only add grime like Scrufizzer and some dubstep to the mix when I'm not in the gym.  That and the Last Podcast on the Left, which is a badass occult, serial killer, and general esoterica podcast you can find on Stitcher, Soundcloud, and iTunes.  

I spend altogether too much time searching for new music, and waaaaay too much time on this article, so recognize when I say Stone Cold Stunner will knock your fucking socks off.

Since I pretty much get constant requests for what is in my playlist, here we go.  I'm just giving you the band names because giving you the individual songs would be ridiculously long and overly arduous and there just seems to be little point to it.  I did link songs and albums for select artists, but I spent waaaaay more time on this than anticipated and didn't have extra time to link more shit.  So what we've got here a rotating bunch of bands including, but not limited to:

25 ta Life - Strength Through Unity and Friendship, Loyalty, Commitment were fucking amazing brutal hardcore albums.  Back in the day, no one had shit on Rick ta Life's vocals, though the man is now a parody of the scene king he once was.

45 Stainless - epic beatdown from Finland.  Don't sleep on this band- they broke up, but both of their albums will have you spinkicking motherfuckers in the middle of Barnes and Noble if you're not careful.

A Night in Texas - Crazy deathcore from down under.

Acacia Strain - the progenitors of downtempo.  There's better downtempo these days, but they're still worth a listen.

Acrania - the first deathcore band I can think of with truly shit-your-pants crazy vocals.

Agnostic Front - moshy 90s hardcore pioneers.

Altars - metallic hardcore

Angel Crew - moshy christian crewcore with crazy breaks

Angelmaker - dual vocalist deathcore that will melt your face

Annotations of an Autopsy - slam beatdown/deathcore.  Their last EP Dark Days has two epic bangers that must be included in your lifting mix- Buried in a Bad Rap and Stage Breaker.  If you dislike either of those song, you might as well just unfollow this fucking blog and go join Curves where you can rock out to Barry Manilow and suck on your own.

Attila - wignorant party deathcore

Backtrack - straight up hardcore with a super 90s feel.

Bad Luck 13 Riot Extravaganza - hardest of the hardcore/bats are on the dancefloor.  If Last One Standing won't get your dick hard, nothing will.

Battlecross - their covers of Hostile and War Ensemble are doooope, but they're generally thrash

Beg for Death - brutal downtempo with pretty fucking depressing lyrics that still somehow manage to pump me the fuck up

Bill the Butcher - you've gotta love any band named after Daniel Day Lewis's character in Gangs of New York.  This is one man band of brutal slam beatdown goodness.

Billy Club Sandwich - 90s toughguy hardcore- Slow With Your Hands needs to be in everyone's lifting playlist.

Bitter Thoughts - toughguy hardcore that sounds like an updated Shutdown.  Old heads like me should get all nostalgic listening to this shit.

Blood for Blood - white trash hardcore you should already know about.

Blood Has Been Shed -  metalcore band with great breakdowns featuring Howard Jones of Killswitch (although BHBS was WAAAAAAY better) and pro mma fighter and 90s hardcore legend Rich Thurston.

Bodybag - Epic beatdown hardcore.  Must have shit for your playlist.

Bodysnatcher - brutal downtempo

Bound in Fear - absolutely fucking boneshaking downtempo

Brawl Between Enemies - super brutal beatdown from Germany with dual vocals.  Great shit.

Brick by Brick - old school hardcore

Broken Humanity - brutal deathcore / toughguy hardcore

Built Upon Frustration - same thing.  Pittsburgh hardcore has a definitive sound.

Built Upon Hatred - brutal slam beatdown with some of the best breakdowns I've ever heard.  Check out this one that starts with one of the best lines out of a movie in the last ten years- the "fuck that, it's a promise" bit from Alpha Dog.

Bulldoze - the OG toughguy hardcore band, from which the term "beatdown" arose

Buried Alive - moshcore band that became Terror

Bury Your Dead - Yeah, I still rock shit from Cover Your Tracks and You Had me at hello.  They used to bring the fucking mosh.

Butcher - beatdown hardcore from Germany

Carbine - slam beatdown like a fucking boss

Clawhammer - even more like a boss than Carbine.  This video explains all you need to know- crowdkill cam for the fucking win.

Clench Your Fist - toughguy hardcore

Cold Blooded Murder - wiggertasticslam beatdown from Mother Russia

Cold Hard Truth - badass UK toughguy/beatdown hardcore with a jacked singer

Cold Hearts - the name of their EP says it all- Violence is the Answer.  Deathcore/slam with a beatdown feel and some unique vocals

Colossal - Kublai Khan-esque brutal hardcore

Crowd Deterrent - old school tough guy hardcore

Cunthunt 777 - gang vocal beatdown from Germany- No Gods, No Masters is a fucking multi-lingual masterpiece.

DCA - French toughguy hardcore along the lines of Cold Hard Truth.

Dead By Wednesday - crazy fucking rapcore from the early oughts.

Deathsinger - beatdown/downtempo brutality

Denihilist - ultra-Satanic downtempo

Desolated - see above

Despised Icon - wigger slam deathcore with dual vocals.

Drowning - POSSIBLY THE BEST HARDCORE BAND IN HISTORY, and fuck you if you disagree.  Beatdown wiggercore you must have.

E-Town Concrete - 90's era rapcore with brutal growls added in for good measure

Earth Crisis - awesome 90's ecoterrorist straightedge hardcore

Easy Money - sick toughguy beatdown from Arizona

Embraced by Hatred - awesome brutal german hardcore.  When I want everyone to back the fuck up in the gym, I open up the pit screaming along with None To like I'm at a show.

Emmure - if you've never heard for Emmure, I don't know how you even found this blog.

Enemy Mind - 90's era tough guy rapcore from Pittsburgh.  Fucking awesome.

Expire - moshcore done right

Fallbrawl - dancy German moshcore

Feign - downtempo / beatdown.  Brutal.  Their Mudvayne cover is fucking ridiculous- just listen through the breakdown and tell me I'm wrong.

Filth - s00per brutal downtempo.  If you listen to this while suicidal, you'll off yourself with either a chainsaw or a broadsword.

First Blood - awesome hardcore featuring members of Sworn Vengeance and Terror.

First Degree - California beatdown.

Full Contact - UK beatdown hardcore

Gassed Up - sick UK grime toughguy rapcore.

Gat-Rot - completely unknown Tucson, AZ dual vocal rapcore band I still rep hard.  We used to go fucking BANANAS at shows when they'd play Where will you go.  I no longer have that EP "Us Versus Them" to my knowledge, but intend to hunt it down.  Their first album is fucking great and up on Bandcamp.

Get the Shot - creossover hardcore with a decidedly 90's feel.  If you like Backtrack, Expire, and

Gift Giver - Badass numetalcore band.  If nothing else, you need these two songs on your playlist- Trendkill and Shitlife.  Seriously, don't sleep on them just because the label makes you cringe- they're the VOD of this era, and their breakdowns are fucking legit.

Goliath - brutal deathcore / downtempo

Hatebreed - you better know about them already. First three albums only for me.

Heavy Heavy Low Low - goofy but brutal I Don't Know What-core.  You'll either love them or hate the fuck out of them, and most of the hardcore scene claims to have beaten up the entire band.

Hed PE - I've had "Not Dead Yet" in my playlist since the song first dropped.  The band is widely variable in quality, so don't go adding their entire discography.

Honest Crooks - brutal deathcore/downtempo

Hoods -  one of my all time favorite hardcore bands.  Tough as fuck, badass breakdowns, and dual vocals like a muhfucka (at least until their last album, which you can avoid).  MUST HAVE.

Horned - Mega-Satanic blackened beatdown out of France.  Another must have, in my opinion.

I Am - Crazy sick downtempo.  CRAZY SICK.

I, Valiance - If Methwitch had a second vocalist who sounded exactly like Starscream from the Transformers and the entire band loved the circus so much they employed a calliope in their music, I, Valiance is what you'd end up with.  Calling this shit insane is like saying that Tara Reid now looks a bit like Michael Jackson's reanimated corpse, only with significantly less acting ability, and I say this under the impression they're Christian and possibly straightedge.  Yeah, they're that brutal.

In Cold Blood - No one has ever heard of this band, and I think they were a side project of Integrity.  Awesome shit, even if you only put one song on your playlist- Pain.  Gotta have that in the mix.

Indigestion - super awesome German slam beatdown band.  Another band that'll have you spinkicking motherfuckers in the mall.  Must have.

Infant Annihilator - brutal technical deathcore with the craziest vocals ever

Ingested - slam beatdown pioneers.

Interrupting Cow - zany technical death metal with great breakdowns

Irate - super sick beatdown hardcore from the late 90s, when we were all wearing basketball jerseys and beating kids in skinny jeans half to death at shows.

Jerome - I never found out where this vocalist went, but the dude was jacked, had fucking amazing vocals, and even better lyrics.  Crazy sick deathcore.  I AM NOT THE ANTI-CHRIST.  I AM JUST A FUCKING KILLER.

Job for a Cowboy - Nothing yet has come along that blows JFAC's first EP "Doom" out of the water.  Shit your pants brutal deathcore with enough BREEs to keep you cool while dying of heat exhaustion.  Rapist-like wit!  W00t!

Kharma - an updated version of Bitter Thoughts that I fucking LOVE.

Killwhitneydead - love em or hate em, this band is awesome and remains one of my favorite bands to gym mosh to.  Here's to pretty girls and breaking the law.

King 810 - settle the fuck down- they have one good song and it's Heavy Lies the Crown

Knocked Loose - Moshy as fuck hardcore.

Kinshasa -These motherfuckers are named after Nakamura's finishing move because they're that fucking brutal.  Here's my review on Bandcamp: BITE THE FUCKING PAVEMENT. This is true beatdown. Whether you're trying to blow out her back wall and need a steady beat to do it or you're looking to curbstomp a yuppie at the mall, this is the shit to which you want to do it. 
Favorite track: Pavement.

Kublai Khan - kind of the gold standard for moshy metalcore these days.

Laid 2 Rest - Ultraviolent beatdown hardcore for the type of person who wants songs about curbstomping motherfuckers.  BRINGING THE VIOLENCE BACK.

Last Ten Seconds of Life - Hit and miss for me, and they switched from deathcore to.. pop(?) recently, but I still rock their older shit.

Liferuiner - Their first album was a gold standard of moshy beatdown, then the band split into two competing versions of the same band and the one that survived fucking blows.  The rest went on to become Recognize, which was a fucking awesome toughguy band.

Limp Bizkit - yeah, motherfucker- I've had Leech in every playlist I've made since that album dropped.

Lionheart - if you don't know, google them.  FTW has been on my playlist for a decade.

Livyah - fucking incredible downtempo.  So brutal.

Lose None - mid oughts beatdown from Cali

Machete 187 - super brutal slam beatdown.  If you want breakdowns, you came to the right place.

Machine Head - though I generally am bored off my tits by this band, Ten Ton Hammer and Blood for Blood never leave my lifting playlist.  Hard-ass numetal fo sho.

Mercy Blow - Machete 187 wasn't brutal enough?  Well then, here's Mercy Blow with guest vox from Charlie of Gunishment, a band so fucking brutal they can't seem to record an album but have AK47 guitars.

Methwitch - brutal slam deathcore with lunatic vocals.  This is must have.

Monsters - moshy deathcore I can't seem to get tired of.

Murder Death Kill - I'm not promising genius lyrics, but this is brutal as fuck beatdown hardcore and they do a mock gang beatdown of ADTR in my favorite of their vids.

Mushmouth - old school PA hardcore legends

Nails - YOU WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US.  Exactly.

Nasty - sick Belgian beatdown hardcore.  So many awesome songs it's hard to pick their best.  Just grab their shit and put it in your mix.

NJ Bloodline - badass old school Jersey rapcore.  Epic, and great guys IRL.

No Altars - crazy brutal satanic beatdown hardcore.  Yeah, satanic beatdown motherfucker.

No Innocent Victim - great moshy 90's Victory hardcore band.

No Second Chance - toughguy hardcore

No Zodiac - Beatdown toughguy hardcore.  Posi Holocaust might be the hardest fucking song of all time.

Omen - pure fucking brutality.  Sort of downtempo/beatdown crossover that makes Acacia Strain seem downright fucking cheerful.  Dem breakdowns doe.

One Life Crew - the least politically correct hardcore band in history.  Gang vocals and shit-talking abound.  Awesome.

Out to Win - the band Mushmouth became.  Also awesome metallic hardcore.

Pitboss 2000 - OLC became Pitboss when they decided to stop being political and just mock cripples and shit.  Hilarious.  E C DUB was a regular chant at their shows, and if you don't know what the fuck 
ECW is, your life sucks.

Plagued By Humanity - br00tal beatdown hardcore.  Shit is basically nothing but breaks.

Primer 55 - the heaviest of all of the numetal bands this side of Slipknot in the early oughts.  Their first album was fucking great, and it'll get you fired the fuck up for a death set on deadlifts.

Pry -  badass downtempo with more varied vocals than most downtempo bands

Psycho Enhancer - there was a time when there were a bunch of beatdown bands that were also about partying.  This would be a prime example, though they're still around.  You've never seen so many people smiling during a beatdown song, haha.

Recognize - I fucking miss this band.  Brutal as shit and bouncy as fuck.  If anyone of you has the album, hook a brother up, because I lost it when my old laptop got stepped on my some lumbering drunk guy weighing about 210 lbs at a height of 5'6" (on a tall day).  

Reduction - German moshcore along the lines of Kublai Khan.

Sever the Fallen - 90's metalcore that has been in my playlists since the era of mix cds.

Shattered Realm - you'd be hard pressed to find a better beatdown band than the original lineup of this band (which is apparently back with their original singer).

Slamcoke - awesome German slam beatdown.  Their best song has practically every good European toughguy band from 5 years ago in it- Fick die bude kaputt, round 2.

Slaughter to Prevail - Deathcore in a demon mask.  What could be better?

Slipknot - Yeah, I put a few songs off their debut and Iowa on my lifting mix.  How could you not include a song in which the breakdown is ONLY ONE OF US WALKS AWAY?

Soulfly - Yeah, most of their music is derivative as fuck.  If you've not listened to their second album, Primitive, in awhile, give that motherfucker a spin.  You will not regret it- I guarantee you'll find something on there worth adding to your playlist. 

Spite -  IF YOU PUT NOTHING ELSE FROM THIS LIST IN YOUR LIFTING MIX, PUT THIS IN.  I don't even know how to classify this band... maybe what Slipknot could have become if they kept getting more brutal after Iowa.  WELCOME TO HELL.

Stampin' Ground - I really only like one of this UK hardcore band's songs, but it's been in every mix for 15 years- Officer Down.  Unique vocals, but I can't really explain why.

Stigmata - old school hardcore with a bit of a 90s beatdown feel.

Stone Cold Stunner - Kinsasha and Stone Cold Stunner are evil twins separated at birth.  Nakamura vs Stone Cold... to the fucking death.  FUCK YOU AND YOUR GO FUNDMES.  Put this in your fucking playlist immediately or you risk having me drop a fucking stunner on you at a fit expo.

Suicide Silence - deathcore band everyone on Earth knows about.  If you don't, google is your friend.

Sworn Enemy - Metalcore/thrash cossover band you should already know about.  Awesome, and needs no explanation.

Sworn Vengeance - Little known but fucking amazing brutal metalcore band, and the guitarist owns 22nd Street Barbell in Des Moines.  Good people, and fucking sick band I started listening to in 2001 after discovering their CD in a little indie record store in San Diego.

Terror - if you've never heard of Terror, just google them for fuck's sake.

The Browning - weird mix of EDM and deathcore that somehow works well.

The Hell - hardcore supergroup with one of the greatest YOLO anthems of all time, Everybody Dies.  MIGHT AS WELL FUCK SHIT UP WHILE WE'RE ALIVE, CAUSE EVERYBODY DIES, EVERYBODY FUCKING DIES.

The Last Charge - awesome toughguy hardcore

The Projects - YOU NEED THIS BAND IN YOUR LIFE.  Toughguy hardcore in a rap mixtape.  Fucking amazing.  This is a side project of Enemy Mind, with the insanity cranked up to 11. 

The Red Chord - crazy awesome (especially their first album) deathcore

The Rest Will Fall - Cali moshcore similar to Recognize and Lose None.

Thick as Blood - moshcore done fucking right.  You won't be disappointed if you put any song on your playlist at random.

Third Rail - Brutal PA beatdown hardly anyone knows about, but everyone should.

Those Who Fear - Yeah, they're Christian, but they're brutal fucking downtempo.

Throwdown - Before these guys became a Pantera cover band, they were one of the hardest moshcore bands ever.  If you listen to their first 4 albums and first 2 EPs, you'll see what I'm mean.  Sickness.

Thy Art is Murder - If you don't put Whore To A Chainsaw onto your playlist, then fuck you.

Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza - utterly insane technical metalcore.

Trash Talk - awesome powerviolence.  Shit like Walking Disease always makes it into the mix.

True Temper - beatdown brutality with 90's era vocals and slam/downtempo breakdowns

Turmoil - 90's metallic hardcore legends

Unite and Conquer - if you only add one of their songs, make it Go Fuck Yourself.

Until the End - awesome late 90s/early oughts dual vocal hardcore.

Upon a Burning Body - I only like their first album, but it's great metallic hardcore in the vein of Kublai Khan.

Vampirecunt - amazing and hilarious slam beatdown out of what appears to be the most white trash people ever filmed.

Waking the Cadaver - greatest wigger slam band in the history of the genre, and they'll never be beaten.

War from a Harlots Mouth - crazy technical German metalcore with brutal breaks.

Warhound - if nothing else, you need one song from this band in your playlist- Next Level 
Demonstration 2013.  "All you dumb motherfuckers can keep running your fucking mouths.  You're only making us fucking stronger.  We live for this.  We do this fucking lifestyle.  When you're gone, we'll still be here till the death.  You wonder why none of you have allegiance either.  Everyone complains.  Everyone's got something to say.  That doesn't mean shit unless you do shit, so go do some fucking work."

Wicked World - super brutal sort of numetalcore.  Good shit.

Within Destruction -  SLAM AS FUCK.  Women could miscarry listening to this shit.

Words of Concrete - brutal beatdown out of East Germany.  Their new shit is doooope.

World of Pain - FUCKING SICK beatdown hardcore.  Their entire s/t should be in your playlist, but if nothing else, you need Suffer in there.

World of Tomorrow - German fucking beatdown.  If this shit doesn't do it for you, you might be dead.  Essential.

xDisciplex AD - badass Christian toughguy hardcore band from the late 90s.

xKingx - downtempo that got tuned to the lowest audible register.

xTexas Chainsaw Massacrex - Deathcore bordering on slam, xTCMx has the best of both worlds- badass breaks and actually intelligible vocals.  I love pig squeals far more than most, but whatever the nomenclature used for slamming death metal vocals is, I despise that shit.  These guys bring the fucking insanity with super downtempo breaks and basically sound like what you'd imagine Leatherface would listen to for lullabies.  Warning: Failure to appreciate the brutality of this band may result in a severe drop in free and serum testosterone.

xToiletFlushx - hilarious and insanely good slam beatdown.

Years Spent Cold - super toughguy beatdown

So there you go- that's what essentially comprises my current lifting playlist.  Between that and Tumblr porn, you should have PRs flowing like cum in a gangbang.

Speak up the comments and tell me why I'm fucking wrong, who I forgot, etc.  Bring the hate, motherfuckers.