According to archaeologists, skeletal remains show that paleolithic humans developed muscularity similar to today's superior athletes (3)- in the paleolithic era, humanity resembled professional athletes, fit and sleek and muscular as one could imagine, and capable of such impressive feats as killing megafauna with nothing more than a sharp stick. They were hardly the stooped, sickly, grubby motherfuckers that archaeologists of yore would like to have you think they were. Instead, they were heavily muscled, heavily tatted, meat eating motherfuckers who were bigger, on average THAN MODERN MAN. Yep. Bigger.(4) Additionally, archaeologists believe that the fact that the average paleolithic person only lived to be 35 was due to "the combination of stresses of nomadism, climate, and warfare. The latter is especially clear in the Jebel Sahaba population, where projectile wounds affecting bone are very common and 'almost half the population probably died violently." Over the subsequent few thousand years, the average lifespan only increased about 5 years, until the advent of modern medicine, when it then doubled. (5)
Not all of the softness and shittyness of the modern human can be attributed to diet and religion, however, as it is fairly obvious at this point that the mere sloth of the modern human is not to be underestimated. We've all heard our grandpas tell us how much tougher people were back in the day- I remember having my college roommate's insane, one eyed grandpa relate to me the following tale:
"I lived on a FARM. You DO know what a farm is, eh boy?! Well, it was the Depression, and we had a bunch of lazy fucking layabouts hanging around the place- sleeping in the fields and PUSHING DOWN THE CORN. PUSHING DOWN THE CORN! WHY WOULD A PERSON SLEEP ON TOP OF CORN STALKS?" [At this point, I was edging away from the man, as he was practically foaming at the mouth, and he was screaming at me from a distance of about 4 inches, nose to nose with me.] So this one guy, a real hardass, tells me to go fuck my mother when I told him to get off the property. I got out of the truck and whooped his ass for him. I was 19 or 20, and I wasn't about to let some bum talk like that about my mother. So, I beat his ass, and he was laying there, whining and weeping in the dirt, so as I picked him up to throw him in the bed of my truck, he rolled over and STABBED ME IN THE FUCKING EYE WITH A CORKSCREW. [He emphasized this point my pointing at the pirate patch over his left eye. Dumbstruck, I asked what he did next.] WHAT DO YOU THINK I DONE, BOY? I STABBED THAT BASTARD IN THE THROAT WITH THE CORKSCREW. Then I drove myself to the hospital, where they gave me a patch, an aspirin, and some sulfa. that's how we did it in the OLD DAYS. You boys are soft!"To summarize, the man pulled out his own eye and stabbed a man to death, whom I later found out they buried in the fields, with the corkscrew that had just been embedded in his face. I don't give a fuck who you are, THAT is the essence of brutality.
Other impressive past feats:
- In 1834, a Norwegian sailor named Menson Ernst ran from Paris to Moscow, a distance of about 1550 miles, in 14 days, 18 hours. We're talking unpaved, muddy country roads in the middle of one of the shittiest areas in history, and the fucker SWAM 13 RIVERS on the way. Two years later, he worked as a courier to the East India Company and traveled 5625 miles from Calcutta to Constantinople in 59 days- crossing almost nothing but desert and mountains, and passing through India, Tibet, Afghanistan, Persia, Mesopotamia, Syria, and Turkey. (6)
- Milo Steinborn STEINBORN SQUATTED 553 pounds.
- Greek fishermen regularly carried on their backs loads ranging from 400 to 800 lbs circa 1927.(7)
- The usual load carried by porters in Izmi, Turkey was 560 lbs in the early part of this century, and frequently carried 840 lbs.(7)
- Turkish porters in Constantinople used to carry regular load of 600 lbs, sometimes at a trot, and some of the strongest porters carried 800 lbs.(7)
So, what does this tell us? We're a civilization softer than any in mankind's history, and we've not even regained the stature of our prehistoric ancestors. The word "pathetic" hardly even describes our collective physical state in comparison to our predecessors, and there's no excuse for it.
"We don't have a great war in our generation, or a great depression, but we do, we have a great war of the spirit. We have a great revolution against the culture. The great depression is our lives. " -Chuck PalahniukOur revolution, our purpose, should be to undo the millenia of bullshit and nonsense that has gone on in the human race. We should resolve to be stronger, faster, and leaner than any group of people in history. We shall return to the age wherein men looked like men, acted like men, and did manly shit. Gone is the time wherein you should feel comfortable bitching about physical shit- just do it. Your lower back hurts because you've done a few sets of deadlifts, and you want to stop? You're a fucking pussy. If a Turkish porter could do it a hundred years ago, I'll be a fucking Chinese jet pilot if you can't muster up the balls to lift it now. Arthur Saxon drank lager beer mixed with gin and eggs and then proceeded to outlift EVERYONE, in an era before testosterone had been isolated, and was lean as fuck while doing it. Want to eat more food but not be a fatass? THEN LIFT MORE. Want to get stronger and bigger? LIFT MORE. If people could do it in an era wherein they had no idea where their next meal was coming from, you sure as shit can do it now.
If the guys above managed to somehow live through what any slack-jawed pussy on Bodyspace would swear is overtraining, and thrive, if the pyramids do indeed exist, if the Vikings managed to do what they did, and if TURKISH PORTERS ROUTINELY LIFTED MORE IN A DAY THAN YOU EVER HAVE IN A WEEK, overtraining can suck it. The "take it easy" crowd can suck it. The "10 minute abs" people can suck it. The next time you hear some Under Armor clad asshole in the gym tell you that if you train chest twice in a week you're overtraining, grab him by the throat and pound his fucking face until you see bone and brain. He shouldn't be allowed to procreate.
No one ever got manlier by doing less, and training smarter rather than harder makes you a corner cutting pussy, not a weightlifting virtuoso.
Now playing: Evile - Bathe in Blood
· 2. “Exposure of newborns was widely practiced in ancient Greece. In Greece the decision to expose a child was typically the father's, although in Sparta the decision was made by a group of elders. Exposure was the preferred method of disposal, as that act in itself was not murder; moreover, the exposed child technically had a chance of being rescued by the gods or any passersby.” Wikipedia
3. “The laws of the Twelve Tables required the pater familias to ensure that "obviously deformed" infants were put to death.” Wikipedia
4. Eaton, SB, and Eaton SB III, 2003. "An Evolutionary Perspective on Human Physical Activity: Implications for Health." Comp Biochem Physiol A 136, 153-159. Ungar, Peter S., Ed. Evolution of the Human Diet. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2007.
·5. Longevity and Health In Ancient Paleolithic vs. Neolithic Peoples. http://www.beyondveg.com/nicholson-w/angel-1984/angel-1984-1a.shtml (I've added the page to the end of this blog for your edification.)
7 Willoughby, David P. The Super Athletes. New York: AS Barnes and Company, 1970. pp. 459.
·8. Ibid. pp. 181.
·9. "Tell Us Now the Saga of the Self-Styled Viking", H. Carter. http://outside.away.com/outside/magazine/0798/9807vik.html
·10. "Viking Voyage Revisited, Minus the Pillaging." http://www.active.com/sailing/Articles/Viking_Voyage_Revisited__Minus_the_Pillaging.htm