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11 February 2009

*What the fuck is ChAoS and PAIN?

This is a bit of a rehash of a couple of earlier posts, but I'm posting it because I had to write it for the broad who is putting the design I conceived for C&P into Photoshop, so I'm posting it for the edification of anyone who gives a shit about why I started training like this.


Chaos and Pain is a training and diet methodology I designed in response to the spate of nutrition and exercise physiology texts that espouse a one-size-fits-all philosophy that typically presents little challenge, and thus yields few results. As any student of finance knows, there are essentially three types of investments- low risk-low yield, medium risk-medium yield, and high risk-high yield. Just as most people invest their money into low yield mutual funds or CD’s, many people adopt pathetically inane, nearly useless training and nutrition philosophies designed to be all things to all people, and are thus yield mediocre results at best. Chaos and Pain spits in the face of these philosophies and embraces the concept that:

MODERATION IS MEDIOCRITY
EXCESS IS EXCELLENCE

If I wanted to be a mediocre lifter, I'd jock Mark Rippetoe like half the fucking idiots online, spend the bulk of my free time blathering on about how efficacious his ridiculous philosophy is, and generally suck at life. Pendlay Rows? Are you fucking kidding me? So, 5x5 with 135 on ultra-strict Pendlay Rows will yield the same results as some 10x2 with 405, rocking straps and a bit of body swing on bent over rows? Sure. And I'm a fucking Chinese jet pilot. If you're scared of injury, stay the fuck out of the gym and out of my way. Frankly, if you avoid doing anything that's not outright suicidal out of fear of minor injury, you'd best look elsewhere for training advice. Nothing risked, nothing gained, my fuckers.

This fucking retard is a Rippetoe mark. Whee!


Nowhere in this philosophy will one find a prescription for sitting on a padded bench and lifting light weigts. People sit all day at work. Modern life is cushioned enough. Hard bodies are forged with hard work, and extreme strength and body composition is achieved only by extreme methods. At the same time, this philosophy is a fluid, organic, living thing. Nutrition on this plan is guided by a combination of Metabolic Typing, Biochemical Individuality, Paleolithic Nutrition, and cutting edge sports science. As such, the very best physiques will not be a once-a-year, flash in the pan phenomenon, but will be maintained year round by optimizing individual nutrition to achieve strength and body composition goals simultaneously.

Me, three days out from a powerlifting meet.


The end result: the strength and physique of a superman, a Neanderthal, and a godlike archetype. The cost- pain. Lots of pain.

The Farnese Hercules, circa 3rd Century AD. I guarantee you the guy who posed for this never did a single set of leg extensions, seated anythings, or any exercise that didn't involve being a complete and total badass.

Lastly, this program is not simply the demonic conjurings of a depraved mind. Nor was it designed by a meathead with no conception of how the human body works. I'm an MBA with personal training certifications from NSCA and ACE, in addition to group fitness certifications from Les Mills in BodyPump and BodyCombat- I lack a CSCS because I see no reason to go back to school once more to get a degree in Exercise Physiology, relearning shit I already know (and shit that is probably less cutting-edge than what I shall impart to you). I'm also a winner of multiple regional push-pull meets in Arizona, the 2007 WNPF International champion at 165 lbs., and the best lifter in that meet. I back my nutrition and training philosophies with hard science, however esoteric, and draw upon such diverse sources as population genetics, longevity nutrition, and little known sports science studies, in addition to the programs developed by renowned trainer Chad Waterbury, the immensely successful and unbelievably brutal Bulgarian training regime, Arnold Schwarzenegger high volume routine, and an abject hatred of Mike Mentzer and his idiotic High Intensity Training philosophy (look for an upcoming blog ripping all of his shit to shreds and pissing on the remains) thrown in for good measure.



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4 comments :

  1. I doubt that Hercules rests that often. I wonder if they just caught him for the brief second he rested between lifting heavy shit? LOL He doesn't look like the type that posed.

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  2. I think that's supposed to be him while exhausted from completing his trials.

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  3. 1) Still waiting for chubby pics. 2) Where's the broad's project? 3) What'd she get on it?

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  4. I know you're a busy man. I am definitely loving this blog ever since it was posted on Sherdog.

    I read this blog and I've read your ideologies on training with the Uncle training and your bodybuilding.com page..

    I was wondering if I could get more of a routine with Chaos and Pain workouts as I want to change to it.. rkherlugson@gmail.com is my e-amil
    Thanks

    ReplyDelete