19 September 2009

*Baddest Motherfuckers Ever #5- Arthur Saxon


Arthur Saxon.
More of a man than everyone who's been in Flex magazine for the last year, combined.
Essential Stats (per the Development of Physical Power):
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 200 lbs.
Chest: 49"
Biceps: 17 1/8"
Forearm: 14 3/4"
Thigh: 24"
Calf: 16 3/4"
Bent Press: 371 lbs.
Two Hands Anyhow: 448 lbs.
Clean and Press: 342 lbs.

Arthur Saxon (1878 – 1921), born Arthur Hennig and nicknamed "The Iron-Master", was a strongman and circus performer from the late 19th century into the early 20th century. Saxon is most well-known for the bent press, with which he set a world record of 370 lbs (although there are claims that he has done 385 lbs.) as well as the "two hands anyhow" lift of 448 lbs. (1)
If you think that Saxon did concentration curls to get those peaked bis, you're an asshole, and I guarantee you that everyone you've ever met hates you more than AIDS.

  • Saxon believed in training heavy, with fewer repetitions, rather than light, which he thought was pointless, thought frequent training was best. Yes, he was a bad motherfucker, and wanted everyone else to be just as bad a man as he was.(2) According to Thomas Inch (of the Inch dumbbell), "Even when appearing twice a night with this laborious and trying set of feats of strength they practiced for two or three hours in the morning and seemed tireless."(3) For the grip, back and leg muscles, they used to carry a pair of 119 pound ring-weights, at the hang, around the stage ten times. (Farmer's walking -- Koto) They also used to walk around the stage carrying their heaviest barbell, a few times around, it weighed 192.5 kilos or 423 pounds.(Walking with weight, you basically get under the bar like you're squatting, pick it up, and take a walk with it.) The warm-up exercise was always the leg press with a heavy barbell; they used to do 20 repetitions(Leg presses back then involved them laying on their back and actually balancing a barbell on their feet and doing leg presses that way.) and then go up into a shoulder stand and while in this position the barbell was pressed a few times again and also balanced on one foot. From a standing position, the barbell was held at the back of the body, rolled up the back to the neck and jerked from there to arms' length.(Behind-the-neck presses, they also did these coming out of a squat like a clean and press but with it behind the neck.) Arthur's heavy one-handed bar was used for this exercise. A barbell that Arthur used for two arm pressing was cleaned and jerked to arms' length, passed over into one hand, and deep knee bends were performed while holding this weight at arm's length overhead.(One-handed barbell overhead squats, a bitch of an exercise) This is why they became so good at the one hand anyhow, although, while exercising, they did not practice picking up the kettle-bell.

    Every day, the one hand bent press was practiced."
THUS, TRAIN THE LIFTS AT WHICH YOU WANT TO BE THE BEST, MOST OFTEN.
  • He thought that one should train the lifts at which he wanted to excel with light weights on non-heavy training days.
  • Saxon whooped Eugen Sandow's ass in an impromptu weightlifting competition in front of an audience in Sheffield, England, in 1898. Sandow was never able to avenge this defeat.
  • He at least occasionally lifted bare-ass naked. "At one time the so-called friends of the Saxons claimed that he had, in the early hours of the morning, and after discarding all clothing until he was quite naked, raised over 400 lbs. bent press after commencing with a very much higher weight."(4)
  • Drank like a fucking fish. "Arthur, however, was certainly a heavy drinker and once when a Fulham crowd at the Red Lion endeavored for a joke to get him drunk so that he could not go through with his show, he drank some 50 glasses of beer and had the last laugh as he never performed so well as that night at the “Granville.”"(5)
  • Died like a fucking man. "At the height of his career Saxon met with a serious accident. Through no fault of his own a heavy wooden bridge loaded with a large motor car and a number of people fell on him whilst he was supporting it. He was in hospital a long time, iron bolts having been driven in at several places."(6) While in the hospital, he died of pneumonia. Other accounts, however, claim he died after being run over by a car, hammered drunk, and laying in the gutter, haha.


As you can tell, Saxon was the fucking man. I'm reposting part of an article entitled "The Saxon Trio: What They Ate, and How They Trained", as it's all about balls-to-the-wall living and training.
"For breakfast they ate 24 eggs and 3 pounds of smoked bacon; porridge with cream, honey, marmalade and tea with plenty of sugar. At three o'clock they had dinner: ten pounds of meat was consumed with vegetables (but not much potatoes); sweet fruits, raw or cooked, sweet cakes, salads, sweet puddings, cocoa and whipped cream and very sweet tea. Supper, after the show, they had cold meat, smoked fish, much butter, cheese and beer. Following this they had a chat and at one o'clock went to bed.

At nine o'clock in the morning they arose and always had a cold rub-down over the whole body; if possible they would have a shower bath and a massage. It was this way that Kurt learned massaging which helped him very much, in later years, when he became an instructor and masseur.

In their childhood, breakfast, for the Saxons, consisted of a thick soup made from white flour, rolls or white bread with butter or marmalade. On week-days dinner was at one o'clock; there was no soup, but instead, vegetables of all kinds, cooked or steamed, with fat on them, and some potatoes; after this, raw or cooked fruits. Other days they had green beans, white beans, peas and all kinds of food like this and rice cooked with milk and plenty of sugar. This was varied at other times by having salted herring that had been watered for 24 hours and eaten raw with boiled potatoes; there was also pickled cucumbers and raw onions with a little vinegar and plenty of oil; they had milk or sweet cream made by their mother. Salads and celery were also part of their meals, particularly in the summer when they had salads with plenty of oil on them. Dinner was usually followed with fruits or sweet cakes made from white flour and sometimes, berries on top of the cakes. They were very fond of these. There was also plenty of mushrooms eaten raw or fried with fat; their mother used to go out in the morning and pick about 10 to 12 pounds of these in the fields. She also used to make big cakes, 24" by 36", and spread with butter, or beaten egg whites, sugar and chocolate. The was often eaten with apples. At dinner time, there was usually nothing to drink but plain water. Other meals included soup, black German bread, butter or lard, cheese, smoked fish, raw cucumbers and radishes and onions. There was never any kind of meat on weekdays except for their father's meal; their mother did not care for it and it was only when they went to England, as professional performers, that the Saxon brothers learned to eat meat every day; the meat in England was very good.

Although they had other foods, the things mentioned were their favorite foods. On Sundays they had a little meat, and for breakfast, real coffee. Other mornings they had coffee made from burned corn. There was also a special kind of beer of which they were very fond -- this was made from wheat, was sweet and contained but very little alcohol.

Later, in England, as performers, Hermann and Kurt were partial to sweet foods and sugar. They tried very hard to gain weight but in spite of sweets and a terrific appetite, sometimes consuming one pound of butter between them, they failed to gain weight; sometimes only a few pounds which they could not hold. Arthur, the oldest, did not care for sweets and butter; even as a child he did not care for butter. Instead of butter he would use the lard from pork. Hermann and Kurt, in addition to other things, could make two pounds of marmalade and two quarts of very sweet cocoa disappear at one meal. Kurt was the heaviest eater of the three and for breakfast alone he could consume 24 eggs cooked in one-half pound of butter.

Their three o'clock dinner consisted mostly of roasted or fried meat, beef, pork or veal, not much potatoes, plenty of salads with oil just as in their childhood. Sometimes they had vegetables, but always lean meat. Every day they had pudding-yorkshire, rice, sago, etc., but very sweet. Then there was always raw or cooked fruits and nothing to drink. Sometimes, on one day during the week, they roasted poultry, goose, chicken, or turkey. "Many times I ate an 11 pound goose alone," Kurt informed me. One day during the week they had fried or boiled fish, plenty of butter and toast but no potatoes. At six o'clock they had "tea"-this was mostly raw minced meat with raw onions, German bread and plenty of butter; sometimes sweet cakes and coffee were substituted. Their late supper included herrings (when they could get them) and eaten in the same manner they had become accustomed to in childhood. The herrings were sometimes used in salad form; they made their own mayonnaise with raw whipped eggs and oil. There never was any whisky or brandy at home. Even as children they did not care for milk and as men they developed no taste for it. At "tea" time they very often had whipped cream. They did not care for boiled eggs, instead, they went big for poached eggs with plenty of butter.

After their three o'clock dinner they rested for a couple of hours, except Kurt who could not rest so long because he had to go out and do the shopping for the next day. Cooking for himself and his brothers was a hobby with him-he was also out of bed earlier than the others to prepare breakfast."


What about workout shakes? Of course he drank them. The man was the pinnacle of human physical achievement. The forumla, however, was unorthodox enough that we might have to incorporate in in C&P.
"The Saxons did have a "health drink" which I presume they concocted themselves. The ingredients were dark lager beer (or Dublin stout) mixed with Holland gin, the yolk of an egg and plenty of sugar. "It is a very good but strong drink" was the Saxon opinion, "but, if you are not used to it you will get dizzy very quickly." It seems to me that one would have to be a very strong man in the first place, in order to drink it. "
Moral of the Arthur Saxon story. Be a fucking man. Then be manlier. You might, then, be a third as manly as Arthur Saxon.
  1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Saxon
  2. Saxon, Arthur. The Development of Physical Power. 1905. pp. 20.
  3. http://ditillo2.blogspot.com/2009/01/my-friendship-with-arthur-saxon-thomas.html
  4. Ibid.
  5. Ibid.
  6. http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=28966

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    Now playing: Emmure - R2 Deepthroat
    via FoxyTunes

16 September 2009

*My MP3 Player is my Lifting Partner

House had to put a pussy pad on the bar... because he forgot his MP3 player.


And I will not lift without him. He is my strength and my hope, my bosom companion. It is, without question, impossible to lift nearly anywhere without one, for the following reasons:
  1. The music in most gyms blows donkey dick. I actually heard "Boom Boom Pow" in Sc Barbell today. I am not making that up. For those of you who don't know, that gym is owned by a WPO world record holder in the squat. It has three female members of whom I know.
  2. People will invariably ask you stupid questions while you lift, no matter how terrifying you may appear, unless you're wearing headphones. And yes, even that fails to deter the occasional retard.
  3. I am more focused while listing to it.
As I've gotten a number of questions regarding the songs I have in my vids, I thought I'd fill you in on them, and then give you the basics of my playlist, as I cannot cut and paste the playlist out of Windows Media. Fuck iTunes, and fuck Apple. I rock a Phillips MP3 player and love the shit out of it.
Video Songs:
Gods of War- Sworn Vengeance (Hate vid)
Bloodsplattered Satisfaction- Waking the Cadaver (Squat Vid)
13- Bad Luck 13 Riot Extravaganza (Cleans Vid)
Get Sick- Throwdown (Cahos and Pain Intro Vid)

Other than that, I'm rocking the following bands on my mp3 player:
25 ta Life- NYC Hardcore
Acacia Strain- Sludgy Deathcore
American Me- NYC style hardcore, similar to hatebreed
Annotations of an Autopsy- Brutal gore/deathcore
Austrian Death Machine - Songs about arnold movies!
Belay My Last- Deathcore
Biohazard- NCY rapcore legends. Their disc Kill or Be Killed was BRUTAL.
Blood of Our Enemies- Deathcore/ Death Metal
Bloodsport- Moshcore
Bring Me the Horizon- Fashioncore/Deathcore
Bury Your Dead- Moshcore
Carnifex- Death/moshcore. Lots of grooves.
CDC- Toughguy hardcore. Great song called Ghetto ain't hard, about how kids from the suburbs can fuck up your average street thug.
Dead By Wednesday- very cool rapcore. Think Twista meets RATM meets Hatebreed.
Deathblow- Moshcore
Diskreet- Very moshy deathcore. Tons of breakdowns.
Elysia- Their first cd was good deathcore. New one is a Botch/Deadguy ripoff.
Get the Ammo- Super toughguy hardcore. The song Suckerpunch rules.
Hatebreed- You have to know this band.
Hoods- Sacto hardcore. Awesome dual vocals, toughguy lyrics... awesome.
How It Ends- 1st cd was mosh-a-riffic. 2nd was a shitty Crowbar ripoff.
I Declare War- Sick vocals. Crazy brutal deathcore.
I shot the Sherriff- Very moshy deathcore. Badass.
Iwrestledabearonce- Sickest chick vox of all time. Bjork meets Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza
Killwhitneydead- You have to hear them to understand. Awesome.
Knuckledust- English NYC hardcore. 1st cd is their best.
Liferuiner- Deathcore/moshcore. Straightedge.
Misericordiam- Beatdown Deathcore
Nasty- German Beatdown
Oceano- Moshy death metal
One Step Too Many- Super Toughguy hardcore
Repercussion- Sealed with a Fist is one of the toughest songs of all time
Shattered Realm- Deathy moshcore
Suffer The Living- The reincarnation of Shattered Realm
Sworn Vengeance- Metal/deathcore
Sworn Enemy- The 1st cd was super toughguy hardcore
Throwdown- Moshcore superstars
War From A Harlots Mouth- Jazz/death metalcore
xBarcadiax- Supertough hardcore
Years Spent Cold- Moshy deathcore

Check out some of those bands. They've definitely upped my game in the gym, and adding them to your mp3 player (fuck Apple) might raise the bar... literally. Kill it fuckers!!!
Sickest. Vocals. Ever.

15 September 2009

**Hate is an excellent motivator.

You ever have one of those days? One of those days where every fucking thing in your life goes wrong, and you want to grab some shit-talking whore by her throat and rip out her lungs, so she can see her fucking insides before she dies? Well, I had one of those days. And given that I don't want to go to prison, I went to the gym instead.
I am hate.

Though you have to pick have to pick your exercises correctly, as in explosive, brutal, fuck-shit-up exercises, hate can be an excellent motivator, when harnessed correctly. Bear witness to today's workout. Last week, I failed trying to clean 275. Today, I cleaned it many times, and videoed a bunch of them for your viewing pleasure. I also hit 285, which is my max, and got damned close to hitting 295. The last time I hit 285, incidentally, I used perhaps the worst form in history and mangled my wrist, leaving me incapable of doing cleans again until several months later. Thus, my success was all fueled by hate, and nothing else. I slept like shit tonight, was stressed out all day, and by all accounts, should have been a fucking mess in the gym. Luckily, I have a flexible, full-body workout, that accommodates my need for death and destruction in the gym, and harnesses that negative energy in a somewhat positive way. Enjoy.


I refuse your moral standings.
I will strip you of your faith.
I will make you beg for mercy.
I was fucking born to hate.




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Now playing: Sworn Vengeance - Gods of War
via FoxyTunes

10 September 2009

Ask The Asshole #2

The second installment of the series. More testaments to my greatness. The first thing I posted is from today, on a message board on Bodybuilding.com. As I displayed hints of brilliance and, yes, eloquence, I thought it was worthy of a repost here.
Q- "Are you kidding? How are you going to see size gains with low reps all the time and such few exercises? Maybe good for strength but can't see anyone gaining decent size on this kind of thing, 8-12 reps works best for hypertrophy mate."

A- Interesting. Certainly there's a great deal of clinical evidence to support your specious claim, but there's far more anecdotal evidence to the contrary. For instance, NFL players train, primarily, with low reps, and yet they've no problem attaining hypertrophy. Likewise for Olympic weightlifters and powerlifters. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the hobbyist in Olympic weightlifting is 9 times out of 10, far more physically developed than your average bodybuilding hobbyist. This can occur, and does with my style of lifting, when one's rest periods are kept very short. By shortening one's rest periods, one can actually induce sarcoplasmic hypertrophy, as it places a greater load on the muscles over a given period of time. Staley proved the efficacy of such a method with Escalating Density Training, and John Little and Peter Sisco unwittingly contributed to this theory with their Time Under Tension theory. Finally, given that I am naturally a 130 lb, slight, pudgy guy, and am now a 187 lb and very lean, tremendously strong guy, I would state from my own personal experience that this method of training for sarcoplasmic hypertrophy is indeed efficacious. Furthermore, lifting for reps is boring and the product of nothing but vanity, whereas training for strength bears the fruit of utility and generates interest in the activity being conducted. Reps are something to be endured, whereas testing the limits of one's strength is something to be enjoyed. Thus, it proves its supremacy once more.

Ed Coan. Big and ripped. And a powerlifter.

Q- How do you progress if you're always working within 80-95% of your 1RM? Do
you try to add 5lbs to the lift every 2 or 3 weeks?

A- I developed this program in response to my frustration with overly programmed routines that require steady, incremental progress. Recent evidence suggests that evolution was not an incremental process, but rather one comprised of massive mutations in response to external stimuli. I believe this is how humanity progresses- long periods of maintaining the status quo, followed by short periods of massive change, a progression that repeats itself infinitely. Certainly, this view would lend itself to a much higher risk of injury than that of the "slow and steady" method, just as a slow and steady evolution would lend itself to far fewer genetic anomalies, but this is not the nature. "Slow and steady wins the race" is a horseshit idea proposed by risk-averse people who will never do a single interesting thing in their miserable, bland lives. They'll eat bland food, paint their houses beige, have the prescribed 2 children with the dog and the white picket fence, and live and die in the same fucking place, working a shitty middle management job for a corporation that never knows their name or face. Fuck that. I'm a "live fast and die young"/"nothing risked, nothing gained"/"no guts, no glory" kind of guy, and this routine reflects that. You progress when you feel like you can do more. You always WANT to add more weight to the bar, but so many factors go into daily performance (eg work hours, sleep, nutrition, supplementation, relationship stress, sexual activity, etc) that it's impossible to accurately predict one's performance from day to day, and properly program for it.

Cube farms and incremental progression can both suck it hard. I'd rather die a thousand deaths as a man than one as a coward.

Q- "So the premise is: pick 1 squat, 1 pull and 1 press movement, and just put arm+ab+neck work on off days? And why BTN presses? That goes against everything I've ever read haha"

A- Yup. Really, on the light days you can do whatever you want- I make those dip/pullup days, oftentimes. As far as btn push presses, they're much easier to do than push presses from the front, and more akin to the lockout of snatches. Also, they're done standing, so the mechanics are different- you're not locked in place. Thus, they're not unsafe.

Q- "
I noticed you said to hold a deadlift lockout for about 10 seconds. Is that how long you should generally hold other lockouts as well, or just as long as you can bear it? Also, you mentioned that you don't like doing lockouts prior to your full range lifts. Do you do them in place of your full range lifts on certain days, or after the lifts?"

A- 10 seconds just seems to be the time that's popular amongst static hold guys, and it's a ballpark number. I don't agree with Waterbury on the partial prior to full range lifts. I find them annoying and tiresome before full range lifts, and they typically stress the area you need to be strongest before you need it.

Arild Haugen apparently likes deadlift partials. Seems they're working.

Q- "Should I use cardio to help cut and decrease body fat? I've talked to guys who have competed before and they swear by doing SS cardio in the morning in a carb-starved state + every other day HIIT after lifting sessions (this is all about a week or two pre-competition)."

A- So as I said, the simple answer is no. At this point, if your bodyfat is fairly low and cardio would be an unnecessary addition, especially given the proper diet. if you feel like adding extra training, add in extra sessions of bodyweight work, light kettlebell work, or assistance work that you want to do, like arms. I would keep away from the cardio, as it could just end up wasting muscle and energy for little or no good reason. If it's not going to anabolic, what is the point, right?

Chinese Olympic Weightlifter Le Maosheng says "Fuck you and your cardio."
Q- "What do you define as a cheat window?"

A- A cheat window is an evenly spaced 3 hour period during which time you eat all of the shit you don't eat during the rest of the week. It serves a couple of purposes- it satisfies any and all cravings you might have, gives your body a needed influx of calories (which is essential during dieting to recharge your metabolism), and it gives you a mini-carbup, which is a nice break from the miniketo runs you'll be doing. I'd recommend at least one a week, and if you're feeling especially hungry or worn down during the week, add a second one. You'll be surprised at the difference they'll make. Also, make sure that the cheat window is on a day of heavy training, so you'll use the calories left over for good, haha, rather than evil.

Q- This is just a comment and not a question: I'm surprised that you basically have 1-2 exercises per muscle group (bench/dips for chest, pullups/rows for back). I guess I've always done the 3-4 exercises per muscle group method.

A- I think the 3-4 exercise horseshit is for the ADD generation. You cannot isolate specific muscle heads, and you cannot isolate specific muscles, so it's stupid to try. It's much better, in my opinion, to find exercises you are good at and kill them, as they'll force growth by virtue of the fact that you're adding weight to the bar. I look good from every angle, and it's because I hit areas, not bodyparts, with my training. Complex, full body movements like the clean and press also lend themselves nicely to this phenomenon.


I beleive Carrot Top ascribes to the multi-exercise theory, and is a bodybuilder. The End.

Q- "Another quick question: What's your diet like? What do you eat normally on your low carb days, what do you eat for your supercompensation day and what do you eat during your cheat window? My supercompensation day is Friday and I am counting down the minutes. For my first cheat window, I plan to eat a pizza. God it's going to be amazing. Supercompensation doesn't mean cheat, right? It just means carb-heavy? So I can eat rice, bread, etc.?"

A- My diet usually consists of baked wings marinaded in olive oil, cayanne, seasoned salt, Emiril's Bayou Seasoning, and black pepper plus protein shakes on my no-carb days. On Supercompensation days, read my blog for the diet- I posted about a supercompensation. Supercompensation means super carb heavy, plus a lot of creatine. The cheat meals are EVERYTHING you can eat in a 3 hour window. Mine usually consists of burgers, breaded fried chicken, pizza, and buttered popcorn at the movies.

If you want a really good article on the supercompensation, go here.

Well, fellow hooligans, that's it for this installment of "Ask the Asshole". I was unpleasantly nice in this installment, but I assure you that I shall up the fucking ante in the next one. Until that day, fuckers....

Who cares why I posted this?

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Now playing: Iwrestledabearonce - You Ain't No Family
via FoxyTunes

09 September 2009

**The Horror! The Horror!

Myriad jokesters have opined in my presence that they fear for their knees/back/vag, etc, when they're doing an exercise heavily and at which they are not proficient. Well, fellow hooligans, I assure you that if you get strong enough, you can have the worst form in the world, still be fairly strong at a given lift, and fail to hurt yourself. To this end, I give you proof. Behold the worst power clean form in history. And to Pologruto of Iron Sport, this is why I will never be in the Olympics, despite my superhuman front squat.


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Now playing: The Bad Luck 13 Riot Extravaganza - 13
via FoxyTunes

06 September 2009

*ChAoS and PAIN's first official adherant- The First Hooligan, Kenny

First off, I'd like to state unequivocally that I don't want any "drink the Kool-Aid" style Gym Jones/Crossfit shit going on with C&P, nor do I want you guys to become like the thousands of Rippetoe marks populating the internet these days. C&P is open-source, fuckers, so treat it like you would anything that's open source. Use it, love it, and make any mods you want to it- without mods, we'd not have Counterstrike, or half the cool shit on Firefox. I'm not Bill Gates, and this shit isn't Microsoft.

That stated, I had a guy approach me a couple of months back with the following email.
"I am leaving on a big beach vacation at the beginning of September. That means I have about 90 days to get ripped. Here's a little about me. I'm 28, Asian, 5'10" and 158 lbs. According to my Omron Fat Loss Monitor, I'm at 11% body fat (which seems a bit high for me, but whatever). I'm in pretty good shape now, pretty lean and have a 6-pack. My current workout routine is 3-4 days of lifting each week (1 hour sessions) and 3 days of basketball (for cardio). My goal is look as close to Bruce Lee (ripped to shreds) as possible.

What do you think I should do for workouts? I am on a very basic routine now. 3 day split (Chest/Shoulders/Triceps, Back/Biceps, and Legs). I do about 12 sets per muscle group and 8-10 reps (this is before I read your blog). I am thinking of switching to a heavy routine, keeping the 3 day split, but going for about 10 sets, 1-5 reps each. Also, what are your thoughts about cardio? You don't seem to be a fan of it, so should I cut it out of my workout? Or should I consider morning cardio on an empty stomach? I just saw your HIIT post so I won't bother asking about it, lol.

For my diet, I currently eat whatever I want as my genes have helped fend out any significant fat gain. But I'm no longer 18 so I want to change this as well. I was thinking that I need to consume at a caloric deficit since I'm looking to cut. I am thinking about 50% protein, 35% fat (all the unsaturated fat from olive oils, nuts, etc.) and 15% carbs (limited to basically what's in fruit, veggies, and shakes/bars). Should I be consuming at a deficit or so I need to eat more?"
He wasn't sure if ChAoS and PAIN would get it done for him, but was willing to give it a try. I let him know that if he hooked me up with some pics, updated me periodically, and hit me with stats, I'd help him out for free. This poor fucker sent me a diet that showed that he was going to go basically paleo, but at a ridiculous caloric restriction, and only eat 1600 Kcals a day. That, of course, didn't sit right with me. Thus, I encouraged him to increase his total daily meals to more than 6 per day (6 is the BARE MINIMUM I would ever recommend), clued him into the awesomeness that are Oh Yeah and Supreme Protein bars as mini-meals, and advised him to add some cheat meals to his diet. We did some tweaking to his diet, and then worked on his lifting routine, which amounted to a 6 day a week plan that included no cardio whatsoever, and no sets over three reps, with the exception of his bodyweight exercise days. As he didn't have any specific bodypart goals, I focused his workout on traps and shoulders, and then we tweaked his diet further over the course of the 72 days he had until his vacation in the Bahamas, for which he was training. The results speak for themselves.

Kenny wasn't a slob to begin with. He'd been training some, and it showed.
Kenny's Day 1 Pics
. Face is obscured to protect the guilty.

From June 12th to July 17th, Kenny gained 4 lbs, going from 159lbs to 163lbs, and got way fucking stronger than he had been, but hilariously, did not find his improvements impressive. His July 13th weights and reps are the first, and the ones in parentheses are his previous bests.
  • Squat: Sets of 4 reps @ 225 (Sets of 2 reps at 185)
  • Bench: Sets of 2 @ 225 (Sets of 4 reps @ 185)
  • Push press: Sets of 2 @ 115 (Sets of 4 @ 95)
  • Deadlift: Sets of 1 @ 245 (Sets of 4 reps @ 185)
  • Barbell rows: Sets of 3 @ 155 (Sets of 3 @ 135)
By week 8, Kenny was hitting the following numbers:
  • Squat: Sets of 5 @ 225
  • Bench: 1-2 @ 225. He then changed to incline, since he plateaued and could do doubles @ 205 on the Incline.
  • Push press: Sets of 2 @ 115 and switched to the Behind the Back Push Presses ( which we said were "FUCKING AWESOME." and did sets of 2-3 @ 135.
  • Deadlift: Sets of 5 @ 275.
  • Barbell rows: Dropped to include High Pulls instead. Sets of 3-4 @ 135.Shrugs - He started doing these in week 8, and worked from 275x4 to 325x1 that week.

Finally, 71 days after he started the program..
After (Aug 22, 71 days):
Fucking Sick.
  • 166lbs
  • ~5% body fat
  • Squats: Sets of 4 reps @ 275lbs (He's pretty sure he can do more, but he's scared he's going to blow out his back and knees. He won't.)
  • Bench: Sets of 2 reps @ 245
  • Push press (back): Sets of 5 @ 145
  • Deadlift: Sets of 5 reps @ 275
  • High Pulls: Sets of 5 @ 155
  • Shrugs: Sets of 3 @ 315
Thus, on the big three, Kenny made huge increases (in his lifts in 10 weeks, and dropped his bodyfat by a couple of percent, all while gaining 7 lbs!
Think P90X is the shit? Well, according to Kenny, for body recomposition, there's nothing like a little C&P.
"The best things about all of this are the reactions I've gotten from people and how I feel. Never, in my 10 years of working out, have I gotten comments like these:

"I've never seen a polo shirt look better on anyone" - Said by a friend's girlfriend to a friend of mine (so not to me directly)
"Holy shit dude, did you put on like 20 lbs of muscle this summer? Did you just lift everyday?" - Said by a friend
"Dude, you are looking jacked" - Said by one of my best friends who is in ridiculous shape
"Wow, you really bulked up over the summer" - Friend
Countless comments about my "hard body", "washboard abs", "muscles on muscles" from lots of women.
Lots of "you look great, have you been working out?" comments"
This is what ChAoS and PAIN does. It might not be pretty, and it might not be nice, but it fucking works, because brutal is good, and more brutal is even better. So, my hooligans, show 'em what the fuck is up at your gym, and show the rest of us as well. If you start using C&P, send me your info and I'll blog about it. Spread the love!

PR's or ER's, bitches!

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03 September 2009

*Some Equipment Rules, and Some Equipment Blows Donkey Balls

The following is a compendium of C&P approved equipment, and that which should be treated like the Nazis treated the town of Lidice in WW2.

Approved:
Heavy Duty Power Racks of any manufacturer. Doesn't matter who makes it, so long as it's not finished in chrome, and it's heavy duty. Not one of those horseshit racks you see in Bally's that starts teetering the second you have 315 on the bar. Fuck Bally's.

Platforms and bumper plates. The following looks like heaven on Earth.

Bodymaster Squat Machine. I know, seems like it should never make the cut, but this thing is fucking awesome. It saved my ass while I was in a cast, I loved the fact that I could change the focus based on my foot position, and I could do shrugs on it as well. Additionally, one can perform Viking Presses on it. Thus, C&P approved.

Resistance Bands. Good for tons of shit.

Dumbells (non-chrome- everyone knows chrome sucks). Not my favorite, but they're good for working shit unilaterally, which is good on occasion. Just don't expect to use them constantly and then have any kind of useful transfer to barbell- it's not gonna fucking happen.

Plates without handles. Plates with handles annoy me with all of their convenience. I want the opportunity to drop one on my foot. Call me old school. And preferably, non-matching plates. people who spazz about having their plates match are pussies, probably impotent, and possibly Canadian.
Look at that old, pale fucker lifting mismatched plates. He's more of a man than you, in spite of his melanin and Vit D deficiencies.

Donkey Calf Raise Machines and standing calf raise machines. Frankly, I only do donkeys, since I refuse to load my spine with a shitload of weight to move it two inches. Fuck that.


What Needs to Be Wiped Out of Existence:
Cable Crossovers. If you like them, fuck you and the horse you rode in on. You're fucking retarded, and your family probably thinks you're the biggest retard to hit the planet since Life goes On went off the air.

I am going right to hell.

Hercules Curls. How the fuck is it possible that people even do these? More worthless than the Jonas Brothers' penises.
There's an exception to every rule.

The Leg Press. Shitty for your knees. Not squatting. Essentially, for pussies. No one cares how much you can leg press. One leg press cannot be compared with another, ever. So fuck you and your thousand pound leg press- Lee Priest's 92 year old grandpa did them regularly.

The Leg Extension. Really? How much do you hate your knees, on a scale of 1 to 10? A ten? Then fuck it, have at those sons of bitches, since all you're doing on the leg extension, aside from looking like the biggest pussy since Britney forgot to wear her thong, is fraying your acl. Good job fuckface.

I could have legs like him? YAY!

Seated Calf Raise. Pointless. You show me someone who can isolate his soleus, and I'll show you either a liar, or a guy with calves so good he needn't do any calf work. Plus, after squatting three times in a week, it fucking hurts my thighs too much to bother with them.

Dumbbell Flyes. One, it should be "flies", not "flyes", so it's retarded from jump- what is this, Ye Olde England? It bloody well better not be, because the English might have the least palatable food since the Indians. Fuck Tandoori. Next, it is the destroyer of shoulders, and a waste of time, since you should be doing weighted dips or close grip bp anyway.
I would consider doing flyes for this chick. Fuck, I might consider living in England for this chick.

And there you have it. My list of approved and banned exercises, as per your request. Everything else that's out there, i.e. those exercises which I have failed to mention, fall into a gray area. They MIGHT be ok, under the right circumstances. but I caution you, tread carefully.

When in doubt squat.


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