10 December 2018

How Can You Save Me If You Can't Save Yourselves? Part 2.

In the first part of this bit of wild-eyed polemic, I explained that the evidence-based coaches in the strength training community are, almost to a person, liars who resemble in many ways the idiots and psychotics who espouse the Flat Earth theory.  The issue, however, goes deeper than conspiracies, however.  The theoreticians behind the studies utilized by evidence-based training aren't eminent lifters, nor are they wild-eyed optimists with the goal of advancing the human condition- they are shills paid to promote the degenerate goals of the cabal of coaches seeking to limit the potential of neophyte lifters to validate their weaksauce training methods and excuse the lack of results they produce.  Whereas the power of belief, the lack of mental limits on performance and growth, or the innate desire to achieve led us in the past to utilize training methodologies that essentially amounted to "if you believe in it, it will work," lifters now wait for "clinical evidence" to put a training method to the test rather than opening their fucking eyes and taking what is happening before them as proof of concept.  The insanity and weakness driving that mentality is fucking staggering, yet most strength sports "athletes" (Crossfit and strongmen being obvious exceptions, because those motherfuckers are hellbent on superhumanity) take that shit as gospel.


"The whole machinery of the state, in all different countries, is turned on to making defenseless children believe absurd propositions the effect of which is to make them willing to die in defense of sinister interests under the impression that they are fighting for truth and right.  This is only one of the countless ways in which education is designed, not to give true knowledge, but to make people pliable to the will of their masters."
-Bertrand Russell

That's right- it is a goddamned cabal of people who have no business discussing strength manipulating people who don't know better into believing they're preordained to be weak, then tricking them into the belief that the degrees they have validate their bullshit training methods, which are designed for weak people by weak people to induce very marginal gains to ensure a never-ending income stream. And if the above quote doesn't make you want to hang one of those pussy-ass poser coaches from the nearest fucking lamppost, you are officially dead inside.  The bullshit adage "those who cannot do, teach," is even less valid when it comes to strength and nutrition, because if they could truly turn anyone into a serious athlete, they likely would have started with themselves.  Thus, if they cannot do, they have absolutely no fucking business teaching.


Would you take advice about street racing from a guy whose parents bought him a Ferrari or the paraplegic who built his own rat rod from the ground up?

And as to their degrees, granted from institutions of purported higher learning who are willing to have their name attached to these charlatans- they're no more meaningful than the EliteFTS shirt you have in your dresser.  Does the fact they allowed you to purchase their shit mean they endorse your lifting and the beliefs you espouse?  Of course not, and the degrees for which these bullshit artist coaches have paid are similarly meaningless.  As Arthur Schopenhauer said:
"Ordinary folk have a deep respect for professional men of every kind.  They are unaware that a man who makes a profession of a thing loves it not for the thing itself, but for the money he makes by it; or that it is rare for a man who teaches to know his subject thoroughly; for if he studies as he ought, he in most cases has no time to teach it."
In this case, studying would almost entirely consist of actual lifting, and Schopenhauer sums up my myriad issues with these pink-bitch, half-assed, witch doctor coaches who are nothing but money hungry pussies with perpetuating the weakness of others at the forefront of their minds.  Shit, even when they succeed in making someone super strong, it is purely by accident, as the goal of their coaching is not the success of their lifters but the propagation of their system.  As such, they don't use logic to create their methodology- their method is eristic.  The form of the conclusion is correct, but the premises by which the conclusion is drawn are untrue, because victory in the form of sales is their sole goal.



Pissed off yet?  You should be, because these coaches, reliant on tiny studies and the broad conclusions drawn from them, are fakes.  Impostors.  Posers.  Ersatz rather than genuine.  They're like Danielson at the beginning of the Karate Kid who thought he could fight after doing the exercises in those (awesome as fuck, and I owned dozens) of ridiculous karate how-to books.  Imitation might be the greatest form of flattery, but in this case it's just disgusting.  They're like shaved monkeys pretending to be insurance salesmen, masquerading as logical while ignoring established anecdotal fact to promote their completely illogical agendas.  Their popularity, which many hold as proof of the veracity of their claims, proves nothing more than the fact that people have been lied to so much that at this point they'll believe any bullshit spouted by a limp dick in a labcoat.

Somehow, Ernest Cadine managed to transcend his natty genetic limits and trash everyone in Olympic weightlifting all without the help of science.  At 5'6" he competed at 181lbs and pulled a right hand axle deadlift of 367lbsBullshit artists like Lyle McDonald, Marc Perry, and Martin Berkham claim this to be impossible, yet it happened.  

It's not even that I have anything against the concept of evidence based training, but the reality is that the scientists conducting the studies have inherent bias before beginning them and utilize them in a manner that allows them to prove faulty theories.  Even if that weren't the case, their findings are in no way commensurate with the practical, hands-on knowledge in strength sports that has been compiled and refined over the history of human existence.  Hell, it's not just strength sports- wouldn't you rather take advice on building furniture from a well respected carpenter or on fixing your car from an actual mechanic?  Not the guys who read books about doing the shit and never successfully did either thing themselves, but the guys who have the practical, hands-on knowledge in going it?  Would you want sex tips from a virgin with a PhD in human sexuality or a prostitute?  For whatever reason, that sort of question is never raised in strength sports, and it should be.  People are metaphorically putting their kids in a daycare run by child molesting serial killers and happily overpaying for the service, and this shit has got to come to an end, because you're better off trying to get to the moon in a rocket built by a Flat Earther than you are trying to get insanely strong and jacked using the methods of one of these evidence based asshats.

The glute guy, Bret Contreras, can coach you to a ridiculously subpar squat (my man squatted a hilariously low 424lbs at 242lbs as a self-proclaimed authority on the muscle group responsible for big squats) for the low, low price of $120 a month!  For some perspective, my ex wife squatted 350 for a double at 135, beltless, and didn't think her lifts were in any way noteworthy... and Brett wrote a whole article excusing his shitty performance with genetics.  Surprise!

 For my money, it's far more embarrassing to pay a poser for bad lifting advice than it would be for a suburbanite to take a trap out on a date that would end up in sex.  Worst case there, you were fooled by solid makeup skills and overpowered by your dick, whereas paying a fake-ass authority on strength like Contreras means you're weak, stupid, out a chunk of money, and unfucked... and if you would rather be branded stupid and weak than bisexual, I've no fucking idea how you even found this site.

Whoops.  Well, I already have my pants off anyway, so...

In closing, the evidence/science/empirically-based training movement is a devious, illogical, close-minded, pretentious, and ultimately psychotic (in that the people perpetuating it are shallow and useless to the point of being mentally imbalanced) money grab that should be met with violent reprisals.  The movement has ripped the soul out of two strength sports and is draining the life out of a culture that used to be about positivity (not the idiotic touchy-feely disingenuous bullshit you see in IG comments and hashtags, but rather the genuine communal desire for everyone to get bigger, better, and more jacked), because it is bereft of imagination, joy, aggression, and art.  Yeah, art.  Strength training is as much, if not more, art than science, and anyone who disputes this fact is either an idiot or a liar (the exceptions  to this rule are again Greg Nuckols and Mike Tuscherer.  Nevertheless, I contend they succeed in spite of, rather than because of, their methods).  Your body is not a Betty Crocker Easy Bake oven that you can construct following step by step instructions, nor is your deadlift a cake you can follow a recipe to bake to perfection. 


The Soviet system didn't produce beasts like Rigert and Alexeev- it just benefited from their existence.  The rules and programs did not apply to guys like Rigert and Alexeev, who were allowed to train as they would.

It's time to take back our fucking scene and drive these false prophets of the false god of science the fuck out of strength sports.  Their methodology and attitude is destroying weight lifting culture- replacing the zest for life with banality, the camaraderie with attention whoring on the internet, and the desire to transcend the human condition with a solemn vow to wallow in it.   For those of you who feel like you want a coach, check out this great video lecture on the subject of picking a coach by Jay Nera, who is both a great lifter and a really good guy, or just ask yourself two questions when choosing one- "what have they done?" and "who have they coached?"  If the answer to either is nothing or no one, find someone else, or just fucking figure it out for yourself.  Picking shit up and putting it down is not all that fucking hard- if you suck at it, you're either overthinking it or not trying hard enough.

And to all of those "coaches" whose butts were hurt by this series, feel free to step up to keep your fucking rep up.  Till then,
TALK TO THE FIST AND REST IN PISS.

42 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Missed you Sally. Where's Steve at?

      Delete
    2. Probably having a dirt nap after getting in his daily starches.

      Delete
    3. If I am the Steve to which you refer, I generally agree with the article. I think lifting has to be consistent, you have to train hard on hard moves and attempt to do more than you did before. Basically everything works, but some approaches are more efficient than others. I mean, why do curls whenyou can do pull ups, why do lunges when you can squat, why d tri extensions when you can do dips? Not that all the little stuff does not work, but why bother, why not just get big numbers in big lifts. Now and again you get to the point where you feel shit and basically change a few elements and once again attempt to do more over time. I like to read how people train, take ideas and give them a whirl.

      I do think that there is plenty of evidence from credible sources that abandoning mostly plant based diets is not good for long term health, but that does not necessarily mean 100% vegan, but it could. Apart from that I agree with the "art" approach Mr Lewis describes and enthusiasm and motivation are big factors.
      So essentially, I have nothing to say.

      Delete
    4. Steve, cro-magnon man's diet was almost entirely meat. We'd be adopting a plant-based diet rather than abandoning it.

      Delete
  2. Pretty motivational Jamie. I've never had any problems with coaches people just stick there noses up in the air and jerk off to themselves at my gym. But most importantly they leave me the fuck alone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha. They have to be either Oly or powerlifters. My issue with coaches isn't coaching, it's the unqualified fucks stealing from people and shitting on real lifters.

      Delete
  3. Glad to see you're back, Jamie. How do you feel about taking breaks from caffeine and stimulants im ln general? I recently quit all the ephedrine, pre workout, and caffeine and I'm having the best sleep of my life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've never done it completely intentionally, but it certainly would cut down on the expenses associated with staying hyper-alert. My stimulant use is never entirely consistent, so I have never had to force myself to come off them.

      Delete
    2. Interesting.

      February 6th is the ten year anniversary of this blog, got anything planned to celebrate? I found your blog back in late 2013 I believe, can't believe it's been this long.

      Delete
    3. Yup- the Chaos and Pain blog will be no more as of Jan 1, haha. Everything is going to have a new home at https://plagueofstrength.com/ as of the first. It'll be completely searchable, well-organized, and eventually completely edited (though that is going to take some time). I've got a deathcore artist doing the logo, and some other badass artists working on merch and shit. Plus, I've got a 4k camera for pics and vids, and will be doing a lot more writing on grilling, cooking, etc.

      Delete
  4. Why not mention 531. That fat money hungry douchbag has zero success stories,mediocre lifts and a whole army of fan boys riding his stubby little dick

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha. You know, I hadn't even thought of that guy. I thought that whole deal died off years ago. Didn't he quit lifting altogether? I was under the impression he just rode motorcycles and hung out with the operation werewolf guys playing make believe biker gang or somesuch.

      Delete
    2. 531 is pretty decent program to begin with. Gets boring too early, nevertheless.
      Whats your opinion on opww btw Jamie?

      Delete
    3. Every Wendler article:

      "So this guy on my private forum asked me how to do X and increase Y. I knew this guy/played football with/imagined someone who had good X and really high Y. That's genetics though. I have no idea how to increase X or Y. Pay for my forum. Hipster Metal."

      OPWW: Fake Odinism, real gay.

      Delete
    4. Is there "true Odinism"? I thought any of contemporary so-called pagan believe-systems are modern and at best are based upon comparative religious studies and are completely "revivalistic". Therefore there's no living tradition.
      Just curious.

      Delete
    5. True, Odin-worship became extinct because it was inferior to Catholicism.

      Delete
    6. As far as the phrase, "True Odinism," there was never anything called "Odinism." The idea of having a religion that was separate from your every day life came about when our ancestors were converted, either by the sword or because their ruler declared them Christian. A Norseman of the 10th century C.E. would have looked at you strangely if you asked him if he was an Odinist.

      The subject of pagan survival is pretty detailed. As far as northern traditions (Scandinavian, Germanic, Celtic) there is very little left except for a handful of traditions (i.e.Christmas Trees, for one, the Welsh Mari Llwyd). This is true for the Southern traditions as well (such as the Greco-Roman pantheons).

      When we get into Easten Europe, especially in the Slavic countries, there was a lot more of the people's real belief system that survived under both the scourge of the Catholic Church and the Communists. This is also the longest holdout against the Church, not falling until the late 14th-15th centuries C.E.

      In regards to modern Pagan revivals, most of those started in the late 19th centuries, and are tied to waves of nationalism felt in Ireland (under the heel of the British Empire), and in the newly minted German Republic (as a way of creating a unified ancestory after centuries of being separate kingdoms, and to justify their Anti-Semitic beliefs).

      After WWII, we have the emergence of Thelema (founded by Aleister Crowley) and Wicca (founded by Gerald Gardner). In the U.S, the counter-culture of the 1960s gave rise to a plethora of both Pagan revival traditions, as well as to new Pagan traditions.

      Delete
    7. Hahaha. OPWW. Apparently mentioning my name at their nazi camps gets you excommunicated, and from what I understand Waggener rips me off pretty regularly. From what I have seen he seems to write a lot of poetry extolling some sort of magical masculinity that is developed by camping, and the other guy seems to be a self-hating gay man in love with Chris Duffin who also thinks reading poetry about "real men" and hating women makes you super masculine. None of that shit makes any sense to me, but I don't own any leather clothing or a motorcycle. Waggener and his brother both seem pretty jacked and like they'd be cool to drink with, but I've only had contact with the gay dude who wanted me to give one of his ridiculous books a good review.

      Delete
    8. I like the idea of pagan revivalism, but it seems manifest to either in silly nerdery or white trash pretending they don't suck harder than any ethnic group ever.

      Delete
    9. Revivalism is okay if not run by the types you've just listed, yes. I just wanted to know if there exists such thing as any "true" paganism of any sort.
      As for the gay man - this should be Donovan you're talking about, and yes, this guy gives me chills. To me his persona can be described as some business motivational coach trying to sell you some how-to-be-tough manuals. Not my cup of tea. Guess i'm just envious and shit.
      Waggener' aesthetic choices make me cringe sometimes, but i guess he's a proper lad. Still, not a big fan of their writings and all.

      Delete
  5. Never understood why people think studies are better than actual experience.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Because reading a study in which people who don't lift test theories concocted by people who don't lift is a hell of a lot easier than actually lifting :P

      Delete
  6. Great article, glad my first and only coach was an olympic weightlifter of 64 who didn't even know how to spell ''university'' but did everything in his lifting career, from an iron cross to squatting 480 at 150 pounds bw

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hey Jamie great to see you're posting again! I know it's a basic question and it depends on the individual, but i was qurious. How many sets per muscle group should you go for in a week minimum? What do you concider high volume?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 7.25 sets per week minimum

      High volume = 9.825 sets plus.

      You're welcome. Suck my cock.

      Delete
    2. Volume depends more on weight moved and reps, frankly, rather than sets. High volume really depends on the individual. To determine it you really have to calculate total poundage in a workout, and high volume is a really subjective term.

      Delete
  8. I remember reading Contreras's articles back when I first started lifting and didn't know much of anything. Even then I thought he was goofy as shit. Something about the "glute guy" label strikes me as 100% moronic. Also just his completely average physique. He looks like every other kinda tall dude who just does basic shit at the gym.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And a glute guy who can't squat shit? What the fuck is that?

      Delete
  9. There's one dude on tbag nation that always annoyed me...I think it was Ben Bruno? Every single article was about some unilateral shit, he would always talk about how his body was too messed up to do squats and deads. Why the fuck even lift if all you can do are split squats without falling apart? What did he do to his body to get to that point?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I quit reading that site when they featured some dude talking about squats that squatted less than me...and my squat is shit.

      Anyway, Jamie, you owe us a special forces article from like years ago.

      Delete
    2. I do indeed owe you a special forces article from years ago. I'll make a note of it and will start pulling together research.

      Delete
  10. https://philpapers.org/archive/SJSAPN.pdf

    https://highexistence.com/hidden-psychedelic-influence-philosophy-plato-nietzsche-psychonauts-thoughts/

    http://www.philosopher.eu/texts/

    100% read that first link Jamie, Nietzsche was "script busting" before it was cool, before people drove their cars into walls to get a narcolepsy diagnosis and thus prescribed the legal maximum of the most potent meth analogues the pharmaceutical market for stimulants has to offer. Dude wrote his own fucking scripts ahahahahahah I'm fucking dying, also I hate rationalism so I hope a bunch of DACA recipients get paid some marginal sum of money to storm rippletits gregarious meet up cafe (gym, da bitchita no balls afwetic club yes were mimicking the retarded here) and cut the faggot to pieces lol. In other news I hope you are celebrating SATURNALIA this year, you can read about a bit of it here towards the end of this pdf you haven't read yet either http://ieas.unideb.hu/admin/file_7421.pdf

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'll freely admit that my writing cocktail these days is Baccus (which contains kanna), ephedrine, caffeine, and Genius. Not quite a "chemical philosopher," haha, but headed in that direction.

    Saturnalia is a festival that really needs to be resurrected, but never will- people are too busy pretending to have fun for social media to actually have fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I haven’t gotten around to using Bacchus yet. I’m still nicotine gum and vodka shots.

      Delete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Happy 10 year anniversary ya legend. Been reading your stuff since the start - silently as I was and still am a lifting noob. Your mad ramblings have always helped me man the fuck up in training.

    I've been lifting now for 10 years, did a BSc Strength and Conditioning in my first 4 years of lifting (worth almost jack shit). It was taught by a bunch of professors who would have struggled to bench 100kg - what the actual fuck.

    The formal knowledge has been helpful and a hinderance at the same time. Often leading to paralysis by analysis.
    The fact I'm natty as fuck also lead to me drinking the koolaid a few times and I appraised my own abilities/limits based on "science". It's only in the past 2-3 years I've realised that knowledge should be the foundation for self discovery. Sadly we live in a society vastly made up of followers (probably a good thing because too many crazy savage types would descend the place into chaos) and people often self sabotage by picking poor leaders or by picking leaders at all.

    Here's a list of things I believed based on "science" that have proved as dumb as the producers:

    I thought cardio would destroy my gains - I run 3x per week and plan on doing a half marathon next year at 230lb stronger than ever.

    Training more than 3-4 times per week would be subpar for recovery - I've trained 8-10x per week and only suffered gainz and the ability to sleep like a baby.

    Training much past 1hr a session would elevate cortisol and kill my muscle growth. Nope - trained for 2.5hrs yesterday because I had time... Muscles still growing...

    1g/lb protein was the holy grail. Regularly hit under 160g protein @ 230lb and suffer no less recovery or gains.

    Partials are useless - finally grew traps from regularly doing tiny ROM rack pulls with 1000lbs+

    Thought I'd need to be on the juice to carry more than 190lb lean body mass. Carrying that now after 10 years training of which 4-5 could be written off as dog shit.

    So I agree fuck the sports science. The science seems to change it's narrative to suit the leading athletes anyways. Once you've got a rough idea from someone with a clue, cast the stabilizers to the curb and explore your own limitations. Then challenge those limitations and surpass them daily, weekly and monthly. Thats how you get to Valhalla or Hell whatever floats your boat.

    ReplyDelete