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04 August 2014

Fun With MS Paint, Chaos and Pain Style

I had to show them how it was done.

Unlike the vast majority of the articles here, this is going to have nothing whatsoever to do with training or nutrition.  Instead, this is overflow from www.chaosandpain.com, since I try to keep that site safe for work, and in spite of the fact that these are generally poorly drawn MS Pain pics, there's no sense in getting the Chaos and Pain Facebook shut down or someone to get fired because of some ridiculous drawings.  Thus, I give you your entertainment for the day- the results of the Chaos and Pain MS Paint competition.  The only rules were that it had to be their own work, no copypasta, and no Photoshop.  Even with rules that simple, I had to throw a couple entries out.  Lotta geniuses out there.

First, the worst.  Adam Abu-dayyeh, in what appears to be the first correspondance from a Palestinian I've ever received (the name is, as I understand it, Palestinian) offers up the bottom of the barrel.  I'm not sure if this guy has a palsy, or perhaps CP.  He might have had a shaky hand from the rockets raining down upon his head if he is, in fact, Palestinian.  In any event, this image appears to be a melted candle with a beard deadlifting 495 lbs while standing in a fire, vomiting, after being stabbed in the eyes by large, multicolored poles, as viewed by someone with a unique form of color blindness in front of the Luxor Hotel In Las Vegas.  Either that candle is stating that a sub 500 lb deadlift is "nuthin' but a bit of scrap", or that's the title of this piece.  I'm not entirely certain.


From here, the contest got more difficult.  Should I go with funny, well-drawn, Chaos and Pain related, or some combination thereof.  Given that I made no rules regarding content, I've about as rudderless as Gary Busey's career at present, but I shall forge ahead.  In fourth place I have Kris Ledoux, quite honestly because his cartoon, while apparently labor intensive, makes no fucking sense to me at all.  In it, a drunken Chris goes to LA Fitness to squat, only to be confronted by what can only be described as a heavily muscled Terrence from the Terrence and Philip show holding a handful of snakes.  Thereafter, I'm not sure what transpires, but apparently it involves me giving Kris a free shirt, something that in no why shape or form fits the apparent narrative of the drawing.  Behold:

By the way, Kris, if that was supposed to be me and I've already given you a free shirt, you're welcome.

In third place we have Tim Dallinger, for a pretty impressively rendered version of the blog's logo.  Poor Tim appears to be suffering from a lack of self confidence, according to handwriting analysis.  Hopefully pulling down third place will help.  


In second place, we have Kenneth Turnbull, who did a solid recreation of of chick from Nuts magazine who for no apparent reason is wearing the same facepaint as the hot assed bad girl in Doomsday (Lee-Anne Liebenberg).  Given my love of that movie, and the fact someone included titties in their pic, I had to give this guy his due.


Finally, first place- the entry that amused me the most- Jordan Smith with "Cheat Day."  I've yet to eat a hamburger so good that it turns my dick into a flamethrower, but I look forward to the day I do.  Thus, Jordan wins.


 In case you guys are curious, the winners will receive the following:
1st:  Cannibal Ferox, Cannibal PermaSwole, and Cannibal Inferno
2nd: Either Cannibal Ferox or Cannibal PermaSwole
3rd: Cannibal Inferno
We're holding another contest this week to give away products (Helios and Mercury) from our new line, Olympus, so if you want to get in on the action head over to the Facebook and sign up for our mailing list to get announcements.  And now, we shall return to our regularly scheduled assholery, which will probably come in the form of a follow up to the article I did on the benefits of tanning maybe four years ago.  Given that the summer's all about getting fucked up and laying by the pool, I figured it'd fit in nicely with the smoking and drinking articles.


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