03 July 2012

Baddest Motherfuckers Ever #26- Steve Stanko

There have been times when the best among us hasn't felt like hitting the gym- whether it be the common cold, not enough sleep, stressful day, or getting identified in some super-sweet gay porn, the urge to skip the gym will occasionally strike.  Few people have been able to resist the siren call of the couch on a training day from time to time, but it's exactly those motherfuckers who rose to levels of greatness about which few modern men dream outside of the leader boards in Call Of Duty.  One man, however, stands head and shoulders above the rest,  due to the mere fact that after he hit 35, he could barely fucking stand- Steve Stanko.
"Seriously, though.  He fucking hates you!"

For those of you unfamiliar with this former titan of strength, allow me to shit some knowledge on your proverbial chests.  Prior to contracting phlebitis, which is a disease wherein your doctor simply shakes his head and explains "God really fucking hates you, champ" when diagnosing you, Stanko held the following distinctions:
  • he was the first person in the world to total 1000 lbs. in the three Olympic lifts (press, snatch and clean and jerk).  In doing so, he even chumped John Grimek, which would be more or less akin to Dmitri Klokov getting owned by a teammate who weighed ten pounds less than he did.  In 1941, Stanko represented with a  Press of 310.5 pounds, a Snatch of 310.5 pounds, and a Clean and Jerk of 381 pounds for  a total of 1002 pounds in 1941 at a bodyweight of 220. (Willoughby 167)
  • he could run 100m in 10.8 seconds in street clothes, at a time when the world record was 10.2.  In other words, it'd be like an Olympic weightlifter who could more or less keep up with Usain Bolt without removing his club clothes after a night of fist pumping with the Jersey Shore kids at Neptune's. (Roark, Wiki)
  • he was the first Mr. Universe, a distinction later held by guys you might have heard of like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sergio Oliva, Reg Park, John Grimek, Frank Zane, Brutal Bertil Fox, and a whole shitload of other notable bodybuilders.
  • At the time Super Athletes was published, Stanko was one of the two most heavily muscled Mr. Americas (along with John Grimek) at 5'10", 223lbs, for a 3.119 height to weight ratio.  (Willoughby 167-168)
  • Stanko was one of three men to do a snatch holding the largest plates at the end of the barbell, snatching 145 lbs. in that fashion in 1945.  Only Hermann Goerner outlifted him with 165 lbs., though he outweighed Stanko by about 80 lbs.(Willoughby 216)
  • In one workout, Stanko cranked out ten single clean and jerks with 380.
  • He could do 3 one arm chins at a bodyweight of 220, making him the 7th best chinner in history (according to David Willoughby).

Most of that shit was accomplished prior to the onset of phlebitis, which sounds like it sucks hard- it's a shitload of clotting in the legs.  You can't massage them away, since they'll dislodge and get stuck in your lungs, heart, or brain.  As such, you basically live in a shitload of pain.  This had to suck extra-hard for Stanko, who was a goddamned superman prior to contracting the disease.  He dropped from 223 to 178 after getting the disease, and was forced to walk around with crutches like a modern-day Tiny Tim.  Unlike most people, however, Stanko didn't just sit on the couch getting fat and bemoaning his shit luck.  Instead, he started lifting light and eventually got back up over 200 lbs in spite of the fact that he couldn't do any standing lifts.  When pressed to do something while tottering around on his rebellious legs,  rickety-assed Stanko busted a 190 lb strict curl standing, and that is the only record of a standing exercise I could find of Stanko's after contracting what amounts to AIDS of the legs.  Not fucking bad for a cripple.

Giving zero fucks.

Prior to being smited by the angry Jewish god of the Old Testament, Stanko's workout was fucking hardcore.  He trained five days a week, lifting massive amounts on the Olympic lifts daily.

300 for 8 singles
260 for 5 sets of 5 reps

300 for 8 singles
260 for 5 sets of 5 reps

360 for 5 sets of 3 reps

Clean and Jerk
370 for several singles

True to form in terms of being a cast-iron badass, Stanko didn't give a shit about warming up- he just did some old-school calisthenics and ate a shitload of baked beans (seriously) before starting to press.(Fair 67)  After he got done with the serious business of his workouts, Stanko would fuck around with weights at which his contemporaries shit their pants:
  • overhead dumbbell press-100lb dbs x 12-14 reps, 120lb dbs x 8-10 reps (Murray)
  • dumbbell swing- "in which he used a pair of 100’s for six reps"(Murray)
  • squat- 380-400 for 10 reps (Murray) 
  • high pulls to the chest with 350-400 pounds (Murray)
  • quarter squats held in the clean position- with 400 lbs for sets of 10  (Murray)
  • continental 410 or 420 to the chest just to “get the feel of the weight.”  (Murray)

After getting all crippled up, Stanko continued breaking his ass in the gym, but modified his movements because he had trouble standing.  “Plenty of reps, with heavy weights – that’s my system,” Stanko once noted, which pretty much puts his philosophy in line with John Defendis.  Eventually, Stanko worked up to 322 pounds on the pullover and press on bench, "never attempting to press more than he could pull over with bent arms. His bodybuilding routine often included 4 sets of 20 bench presses with 205."(Murray)  While that might seem retarded to you or I, you've got to remember the bench press had only recently been invented, and they were jury-rigging bench stands.  I can't imagine utilizing the retardedly dangerous toomfoolery they got up to when attempting to construct a bench on which to press, but it makes sense they wouldn't want to load up their hilariously rickety apparatuses with a bunch of weight.

While Stanko's lifts don't seem all that insane in retrospect, the takeaway here is that whatever excuse you think you might have to quit training or skip sessions, you fucking have no excuse at all.  Steve Stanko was a bad motherfucker simply because he looked god directly in the eye and told him to go fuck himself, and then proceded to be a horrifyingly bad motherfucker to the point that he won the most prestigious bodybuilding competition of his day while barely able to stand.

Stop making excuses and go crush shit.
GOMAD isn't always the wrong choice.


     Everson, Jeff.  Strongest Man in History.  http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/planet28.htm
     Fair, John D.  Muscletown USA: Bob Hoffman and the Manly Culture of York Barbell.  State College:  Penn State Press, 2008.
     Murray, Jim.  Steve Stanko's Training.  http://ditillo2.blogspot.com/2008/05/steve-stankos-training-jim-murray.html
     The Roark Report.  A history of the Mr. Universe and Mr. World Competitions Before 1950, Part One: Mr. Universe 1947.  Iron Game History, Vol 3, Number 4
     100m World Record Progression.  Wikipedia.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men's_100_metres_world_record_progression
     Willoughby, David.  The Super Athletes.  1971.


  1. I wonder why more people don't do dumbbell swings?

    1. Interesting thing about modern swings: they're about half the lift they used to be in Stanko's time. Back then, they'd either split or squat underneath the dumbbell, finishing up with the weight overhead.

    2. That's pretty much how Ross Enamait demonstrates how to do them in his books. I'm pretty sure the Dragon Door/kettlebell people are advocates of the shoulder high swing. I personally enjoy doing them as a finisher to workouts.

    3. Right the fuck on man, good article and choice of words and tits...I mean pics.

  2. Ridiculously hot pic at the end. Now I have to jack off and be late for work.

  3. "he could run 100m in 10.8 seconds in street clothes, at a time when the world record was 10.2. " I thought you were supposed to "Say 'no' to cardio"?

    You wrote "however" too many times, but congradulations on not calling it a "continental clean", that expression's terrible.

    Any chance of a Bert Assirati article?

    1. I cranked this fucker out in a hurry due to the fact that there's a deaf guy who's been left CnPless for a while. I'll go back and reedit later. 100m is anaerobic. I know very little about Bert Asserati, but I'll look into it.

  4. It sounds like this guy is responsible for everyone in the gym who never works their legs and does seated everything.

    Unless you have painful blood clots all up in your legs that may kill you, you have no excuse not to work your legs.

  5. Was going to relax today on account of the holiday.
    Now getting my ass to the gym....

  6. I was about to skip the first day in 3 weeks.... then I read the first paragraph

  7. @your gay porn experience: "Thats a hot blond with big pecs taking a hard dick. Is there anything more awesome?" - rick

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I personally don't care too much, but this is just priceless. The man who vigorously protests the pussification of modern males and on top of that posts a myriad of pornographic pictures, to which I say thank you, turns out to be the bottom in a gay porno? I can't help but to think this is hysterical; moreover, his father occasionally reads this blog? It's quite literally the funniest thing I've come across in along time.

    Anyways...Jamie, It's alright my man. You're going to get a shit storm at first, but it'll roll over. The lead singer from Judas Priest is gay and still gets more pussy than the internet trolls - 5 bucks says those internet trolls jerked off to that porn. Not to mention I don't think it matters to much. You can still lift more than I can at 181 and you were a college wrestler so you have my respect still. I realize that you say you don't care, but I bet you do. Until it blows over, pun intended, just keep your head up high.

    1. Hahaha. I'm not too worried about it. The idea that I'm gay because I've had sex with guys cracks me the fuck up though. I' guessing that for those people who only see gay or straight, 1) their sex life is hysterically bad, and 2)they must have a difficult time dealing with shading in art class.

      I'm astonished no one replied to this post with "but did he do gay porn?"

    2. Jamie, in line with Judas Priest, maybe once you get the squat record you should foresake raw lifting and wear some light bondage gear to all meets?

    3. @ Jamie - Fair enough. I'd be one of the people who definitely does not compare to you in terms of sexual activity. In your defense, you're just living in the wrong time period. You should be back in the days when men fucked everything with a hole in it and killed anything/everything known to man kind. The only thing going through my mind when I say you sucking the dude off was "He probably went home and fucked 5 chicks that night". That among other things. I don't care to much considering that in one of your CnP Bang post a girl was blowing you while you were trying to talk. So there you go - hard core modern day Spartan (who often though "pussy is for pussies") bisexual. Is that better? Sorry for calling you gay.

      I do have a few questions though:

      1) "The idea that I'm gay because I've had sex with *guys* (plural)..." So there's been more than one? For the love of fuck man; I at least hope that you were top with the others. That was by far the most disappointing thing of them all - you were the bottom. I was at least hoping that you were the one ripping asses up.

      2) How can you not care? There's a reason why your name was "Tucker James" and I assume it was because you wanted to remain anonymous? There's also a reason why when you're talking about your sex life and the girls you have/have not fucked you don't mention how you like to suck a pecker on the side. I don't believe that you're not to worried about it, but I do believe you are one hard mother fucker who doesn't wince in the face of morons criticizing you. Maybe you really don't care and I'm wrong...I doubt it though. It'd bother me at least. Though you may very well be tougher than I am.

      3) Does this mean you'll be posting pictures of men instead of women now? No amount of brilliant information that you give out is worth seeing dick every other post. Well...Maybe I wouldn't. Depends how awesome your posts would be.

      4) You're not going to stop the blog right? Fuck everybody else man. Never stop this blog because I honestly do not give half a fuck what you do on your own time. I've been reading your blog for awhile now and it gets me fired up.

      5) How'd Paul react? I assume he doesn't care and you went off to get blow jobs by a girl that looks like Gina Carano?

      6) If you were to make a pirate porno with a dude would you title it "Long Schlong Silver"?

      @ Blob - See, Jamie? You're already getting requests.

    4. Goddamn, this guy got his butt hurt. Jamie, your dick has penetrated more butts than you know.

    5. I can imagine hordes of dudes that completely idolize CnP had their worlds completely and utterly shattered by the news. Just straight up destroyed.
      Shouldnt be suprising given his ideals of the Helenistic life, but it is funny to picture big ole Brotein dudes in Hooligan shirts standing around slack jawed and wide eyed " wha.. what do we do now?"

    6. @Big E, that's not the only porn I've been in, and you didn't see the whole thing. As ridiculous as your concern about me bottoming is, I topped in that video as well. Hopefully that sets your mind at ease.

      No one uses their real name in porn.

      I highly doubt I'll be adding pics of guys. Me fucking around with guys is an incredibly infrequent thing. I only date chicks, and prefer to look at them than guys, quite frankly. There's plenty of pics of guys on the blog to jack off to if you like.

      I'm not stopping the blog, haha. I didn't start this thing for the approval of the masses and am certainly not stopping because of a bunch of ridiculous opinions from sexually repressed people who aren't qualified to have a conversation with me, much less judge my actions. In truth, I'm so far beyond the capabilities of the average person that they'd be better off attempting to debunk Stephen Hawking's theories than parsing my words. The collective internet's fighting out of their weight if they think they have shit to say to me that I won't turn around and rape them with. Literally.

      Paul could care less.

      I've no more plans for porn, haha, other than perhaps posting some porn that will make you fuckers tear out your eyes with my girlfriend. Fucking a guy is about the least kinky thing I do on a daily basis. I did a whole AMA on Reddit if you want more information on that:http://www.reddit.com/r/fitnesscirclejerk/comments/vslgg/jamie_lewis_responds/

      @Imperator- Apparently, I inspire a lot more masturbation than I knew as well.

      @Devon- I've sold far more mediums than anything else in the Hooligan shirts, so they're likely not that big, haha.

    7. Holy shit that reddit thread is hilarious, swole acceptance community.. Never been to Reddit before. And it's important to buy shirts smaller than you can wear, makes you look that much more bulging..
      Course I always bought smalls, cause, well, im small. But now theyre getting close to ripping and i just look like a tryhard. Unforseen consequences of heavy lifting.. Having to upgrade wardrobe size. Hate clothing shopping.

    8. project84: "Are you going to make a blog about this?"
      Tucker James: "Probably not. I rather not kill my dad"


      Counter 1) Oddly enough...yes, yes it did put my mind to ease. When I picture Jamie Lewis I don't picture him as jail bait.

      Counter 2) True. I suppose you mean to tell me that "Angel" down at the strip club isn't actually named "Angel"? That's a shame, because I've spent a good 3 days trying to find her on facebook.

      Counter 3) I don't jerk off to dudes. Not clothed dudes anyways. Pics of a man's Twiddle Rhumpus or gtfo

      Counter 4) Fair enough. God knows I wouldn't embarrass myself trying to go toe-to-toe with you in an intellectual debate. I'd rather have an ass dragging race with my worm infested dog across a radioactive pile of used syringes than debate the finer aspects of Shakespeare or training with you. Don't worry though - we're getting treatment for my dog.

      Counter 5) Yeah, Paul doesn't seem like the type of guy that would get worked up about this.

      Counter 6) I will forever admire your ability to say "fuck society" and I hope one day I'll do the same thing. I, however, will make that gay pirate porno titled "Long Shlong Silver". I hope you buy it. Take notes, Jamie! I could teach you a few things.

    9. "this is much harder than it appears." <--- I had to reread your link on reddit because I didn't have the time. Now THAT was witty.

  8. He must have meant it when he said "Alexander the great gay, not clay aiken gay."

    And you're taking this like a champ. (I mean the rubbing, not that dudes dick. Though photo evidence would indicate you took that like a champ too)

    But seriously, file me under the "good for you. I don't care what you do to get your jollies off" camp.

    1. Indeed. I still think it was a dick move of dbdbdb to post that though. How is it any of our business to what titillates Jamie's libido? How the fuck did dbdbdb even find that anyways? He either was looking for Jamie Lewis porn or was on a random gay porn site and just so happened to stumble upon it. So he's either a fucking crazy douche bag stalker or he just outed himself as well.

      So the plot thickens...

    2. Jamie explains all that stuff on Chaos and Bang #10, addresses the bottom position stuff, and a myriad of other things.

  9. And the supplement line is now being renamed to Tucker James' creme de man. Just playing man keep up the good work and fuck all the uptight assholes passing judgement.

  10. Hey I've been on holiday, have I missed anything?

    1. You are no longer the gayest person whose views appear on this website. It's now BigE by a longshot.

    2. Actually, reading the above comments i'd have to agree! And if I'm reading things right, Jamie's had a cock up his arse?! Is there nothing this guy wont do to shock?!! I bet after he found that out, Dray tried putting a finger up his own bum hole. And liked it. He'll have had a cock by the end of the week. It'll be a bit like the way Chris Coopers character went near the end of American Beauty.

    3. In order of most gayness to least, it now goes:


      Everyone who posted a gay joke, then followed it up with "j/k" or something similar, as if they are afraid Jamie will beat them up after school.


    4. Hi Rant, how's it going?

    5. Oh...Oh dear! You mean to tell me some slack jawed fuck faces over the internet don't respect me? Heavens to betsy! I guess my life is a failure. You guys all enjoy the circle jerk while I try to muster up the energy to care even less than I do now.

      @ The Blob - You mean to tell me that a 5'4 181 lber is going to kick my ass? Over what? Me having a little bit of fun? Fun that Jamie, in all likelihood, doesn't give half a flying fuck about? Right hahahaha. Could you possibly drool anymore over your hero, Blob? "*Sniff*...THE PEOPLE WHO MADE FUN OF JAMIE ARE GONNA GET IT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

      @ Jamie - Blob may want to be with you on your next porno if you ever decide to get back in the biz.

    6. Superb come back. About the same quality of a youtube response. Yes, I'm a 12 year old that frequently visits Chaos and Pain. A blog about heavy lifting and training with a multitude of pornographic material. Maybe the porn would interest most 12 year olds, but looking at the obesity rate right now I'd go ahead and say the last thing a 12 year old would do is look up a hard core blog on working out.

      Your power of analytical deduction is absolutely astonishing. Your comebacks...magnificent! God knows I could get a better one from my dog (who I am now considering may be smarter than you).

      It's hilarious that Jamie is an intellectual and yet most of his following is about as mentally capable of forming rational thought as a retarded monkey.

    7. I was referring to the fact that you're being super defensive and trying to be wordy and witty. Your posts read like you're a tween.

    8. Fair enough. I probably did come off like a douche.

  11. Jamie, do you have an Amazon affiliate system in place? I know you link books/dvd's from your site to Amazon so I figured I'd buy some stuff under your user ID if you have it set up. I clicked through a link and bought some stuff, You should have a few pennies coming your way if its working.

  12. Talk about a post that will make you thank the Jewish Zombie that you have some healthy legs to squat and push heavy shit around with!

  13. Totally unrelated, but I thought some of you might find this amusing. while showing my training partner the video of Klokov performing his signature press I noticed a bunch of crossfitters talking shit about his endurance and general athletic ability. These guys crack me up.

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