Dude, So and So Got SO Fucking Jacked For That Movie: Sylvester Stallone

Few figures are as iconic and meaningful to American males between the ages of 20 and 40 than Sylvester Stallone.  He, along with Schwarzenegger, Van Damme, Seagal, and Willis, set the standard for manliness through their epic films featuring naught but death and destruction, delivered with witty quips for which we all waited with bated breath.  Their films were the stuff from which UGLs since have distilled their testosterone suspensions, and on which future superheros, lumberjacks and Forrest Griffins will be weaned.  In other words, their films were the stuff of all that is awesome... like unicorns, if unicorns did nothing but gore small children and feast on their entrails while boasting rock hard cocks and carrying naked fitness models on their backs.

Of those three, the only one who's managed to stay in the type of shape we'd expect of them to be rocking is Sylvester Motherfucking Stallone.  Though most would posit that it's because he's jacking shitloads of GH and test, they do so only because they're sloppy fucking ninnies with no conception of how hard it is to get to 4% bodyfat, much less while carrying serious muscular bodyweight and at THE AGE OF 62.  In other words, anyone who talks shit on Stallone can get fucked, and might as well donate their testicles to science so that someone can get a first-hand look at the devolution of the American male.

Ninny.

On that note, I shall delve into the workout routines that Stallone uses to get into the kind of shape to make half of the people reading this want to leave their shirts on when they're about to lay wood.  Though they've varied over time, Stallone's go-to workout's remained basically unchanged since Franco Columbu designed it for him to get him ready for Rambo: First Blood, Part II.  This was when Stallone first showed up onscreen in the condition to which poofters on Bodyspace refer as "peeled".

Brace yourselves, fuckers, as he did not, and I repeat, DID NOT, use 5/3/1 or Starting Strength to achieve that condition.[Note: As this comment has got peoples' panties in a bunch, this is to say that there are indeed, denizens of the internet, other workable programs on Earth.  To those parties horribly offended by this statement, settle the fuck down.]  Shocking, I know.  Instead, he actually lifted weights.  A fucking lot of them.  Very often.  Instead of shriveling up into a condition that would preface the appearance of Smigel years later in the LOTR series, he showed up looking like his skin was replaced by orange saran wrap after receiving full-body lipo and having every muscle in his body replaced by a hyper-striated stone.

Rocky Balboa had the best training montage ever- nothing but mothafuckas liftin heavy-ass weight, to channel my inner Ronnie Coleman.

The workout that got him there was a 6 day double split, broken down like this:

Monday/Wednesday/Friday

Morning

Chest

Back

Abs

Afternoon

Shoulders

Arms

Abs

Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday

Morning

Calves

Thighs

Afternoon

Rear Delts

Traps

Abs

He didn't have a specific set/rep scheme to which he adhered, but apparently stuck with the tried-and-true bodybuilder set and rep scheme of 6-12 reps for 3-4 sets of 3-4 exercises.  Given that Franco trained him, I'm sure low reps also reared their head, as Franco was a big fan of low reps on the powerlifts (For a refresher, go here.)  In addition to that craziness, Stallone did between 500 and 1000 reps of abs a day, giving him the six pack that will forever make the rest of us look like fat fucks, no matter what kind of condition we're in.  According to Franco, he "trained four different ab and torso exercises: sit-ups, leg raises, side leg raises, and side bends. We did 50 reps of each, one exercise right after another, and five sets of this cycle. And wait until you see the results. Sly has great abs, intercostals, serratus, everything."  With that batshit Sardinian midget nipping at his heels, Sly pretty much emplyed the bull-in-a-china-shop approach we all love so much.  He went balls to the fucking wall, every workout, and added sets, reps, and exercises whenever humanly possible.

When he originally utilized that program to prep for Rambo II, "Sylvester gained just about 10 pounds in six and a half weeks," Franco says. "He has great structure, with a waist only about 29 inches. When we started, he had a 44-inch chest. At the end, his chest was almost 50 inches. And his arms went from 16 ½ inches to 18 inches. He was bigger, harder and much more muscular. Wait until you see him in the movie. He's going to shock a lot of people by how good he looks."

When was the last time you broke your ass to add 10 lbs of rip in 6 weeks?  I'm betting the 7th of never.

Of course, you're saying to yourself, he must have employed the GOMAD approach.  He must've kept entire dairies in business all of his own accord, he was drinking so much milk.  Not so much, fuckers.  In fact, Stallone ate the way a sane person would if he wanted to get jacked and still be able to be proudly shirtless in public- he ate a shitload of lean meat and veggies, took all of the protein supplements on which he could lay hands, and brooked no fucking nonsense out of anyone.

"Sly is the most disciplined man that you'll ever meet in any walk of life," says his personal bodyguard Gary Compton. "He doesn't eat real late, he doesn't snack, and he doesn't eat much. Pasta? Yes, but not too often, and only when it's made with a special flour. Fish and brown rice are staples. He even eats fish for breakfast. He drinks little alcohol, but occasionally enjoys champagne. Quick energy? Would you believe oatmeal cookies? Of course, without processed sugar of preservatives."

Although he eventually decided the above was the best way to go, and utilized that program for Rocky Balboa and the Expendables, he wasn't above a bit of experimentation, in the most extreme fucking way possible.  "When making Rocky III, Sly would begin the day with a two mile jog, then go straight into 18 rounds of sparring, 2 hours of weightlifting and jumping rope. After all this, he would take a nap in the afternoon, then go running again! He would finish the day with a swim."  For whatever reason, Stallone decided to get lean first, and then put on a shitload of muscle thereafter for that film, so he dieted down to a ridiculous 155 on nothing but 10 egg whites and a piece of burnt toast a day, and then used a more or less paleo diet to get his bodyweight up to 175 for filming.   

Utter fucking lunacy.  Though he didn't go in for all of that ridiculous running to prep for Rambo, the sultan of shred decided to do something that sucks far, far more: "I have to live up to the last film. That makes it a little bit harder to get in shape. I have a machine like an escalator with the steps coming down, and I pile 40 to 50 pounds of weight on my back and start climbing those endless steps."


There you have it- all you need to do to get into 62 year old badass shape is to train 12 times a week on an essentially paleo diet ("I follow a high-protein diet: Anything with a face, that’s what I eat, with something green next to it,”) and throw in 1000 reps of abs and weights stairclimbing into the mix.  Easy as pie, right?  

If a 62 year old man can do it, so can fucking you.  Go lift something.


Sources:
http://www.ironmagazineforums.com/bodybuilding-gossip/67221-body-sylvester-stallone.html
http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/jaimefiler2.htm
http://sylvesterstalloneworkout.net/
http://www.askmen.com/sports/bodybuilding/58_fitness_tip.html