You Can Gain Weight Without Looking Like a Fat Fuck

There appears to be a great deal of fear, circumspection, incredulity, and general confusion surrounding the concept that lifters can indeed gain muscular bodyweight without getting fat (moreso naturally than without gear than with).  Allow me to allay your fears and put that horseshit to rest- it's not impossible.  Certainly, you're going to have a natural barrier to getting bigger that can be usurped by taking things like OTC gear (like Superdrol) or black-market gear (like the non-methylated versions of the shit that's in Superdrol), but even if you avoid the use of that sort of thing, it's possible to gain muscular bodyweight without getting fat.

Stan Efferding *might* have used gear while clean bulking.

First off, I'd like to touch on something that clearly irks the shit out of some people- my total unwillingness to prescribe detailed dieting or programming recommendations.  The loose guidelines I give people apparently drive a lot of you fucking bananas, which I've always found odd.  John Romaniello elucidated the reason behind this, however, in an article on T-Muscle.  In that article, he described disparity between the mental approach of dieters, segmenting them into two distinct categories- freedom dieters and rule dieters.  Freedom dieters are like myself- we thrive on loose outlines like macronutrient ratios and chafe at specific instructions on exactly what to eat, when.  Rule dieters, by comparison, are totally fucking lost without a timetables by which they need to eat very specific amounts of very specific foods.  They apparently make the best bodybuilders, but to me that sort of mindlessness is bizarre.  

The freaks and super sci-fi nerds amongst you will recall the Gor series by John Norman, which outlined a very specific lifestyle dynamic (now referred to as Gorean) wherein one person is completely in control of the other.  People have adopted this lifestyle in real life, to the point where some have actually gone to jail for playing master-slave.  This isn't some normal, "I'm gonna make you prance around naked while everyone has a go at you and we scrawl 'whore' on your chest and then use you as a coffee table" sort of deal- I'm talking, they can force their slave to give up custody of their children, are forced to wait in one spot without speaking or moving a muscle until told to move, etc.  Frankly, either end of that sort of relationship seems fucking insane to me- if I have to take a piss, I'll do so when and where I want, and anyone who says otherwise can eat shit.  Conversely, I cannot imagine the inanity of having to tell someone when to do everything they're going to do, and how- it'd be worse than having a baby, which would in turn be worse than having AIDS.  I mean, I get distracted in the middle of a sentence... there's no way I'd remember to tell some silly broad to get the fuck up and go take a shit before she stains the carpet, and she'd likely starve to death before I remembered to instruct her to eat. 

That's the dude-in-jail linked above, with some broad who doesn't know when to eat.

Thus, when people ask me for specific dietary recommendations, I would rather have AIDS than give them.  I've no fucking clue what people like to eat, whether they can cook, what's available at their grocery store, etc.  Additionally, I'd expect people to exercise a modicum of free thought and initiative in attempting to get lean or build muscle, or both.  On that note, I'm not going to tell you what to eat, or when, in the precise terms some of you so longingly desire.  Instead, I'm going to give you some rather broad recommendations you can use to guide your experimentation.


Now, the very first thing to do is to throw out everything you think you know about gaining weight scientifically.  There's no science in the horseshit recommendations you'll find being made on websites like Bodybuilding.com- they're there people people want to be spoon-fed easy bullshit that they're going to debate endlessly and never actually fucking try.  Lean bulking's not easy and it's not a static process.  The very idea that it might be is about as logical as the thought that tripling the deficit is going to improve our nation's economy in either the short or long term... and we've all seen enough news to see how that happy horseshit is working out.  Common methodologies for weight gain, hackneyed and vapid as they are, are shit like adding 500 calories of anything to one's diet every day, or GOMAD (gallon of milk a day).  Adopting one of those methodologies without employing any critical thinking or utilizing a modicum of analysis in the process of their utilization is as preposterous as going into a Thai whorehouse where the prostitutes regularly fuck sub-Saharan African monkeys, and then fucking every broad in there six times on the recommendation of a friend who told you that you'd have a great time, and you wouldn't get AIDS.  We'll, he'd be half right, just like anyone who recommended GOMAD as the ultimate way to cleanly bulk you be half right- you're going to get the positive aspects of each endeavor, but the the downside is that you might die early from your inability to critically assess your actions as you performed them.

With GOMAD, you too can look like this.

Yep, I'm shot right out of a fucking cannon on this one.  Tomorrow, I'll explain how to bulk while you avoid looking like you spent the last month eating mayonnaise straight out of the jar with a soup ladle.