26 July 2010

Vegetarianism and Veganism Are As Logical As a Poopie-Flavored Lollipop

In the last installment of this series, I outlined the long and storied history of dietarily-indicated mental illness, which manifests as vegetarianism.  The history of vegetarianism in the US is one predicated entirely upon religious fervor, asexuality (or in the case of Kellogg, klismaphilia that left him grossed out by sex but satisfied by enemas), and anger, rather than a desire to necessarily be healthy.  Alternatively, it was predicated upon a love for all living creatures, which although misplaced, was at least the more rational of the two bases for this dietary regime.  Now we'll examine the modern vegetarians' vociferous claims about the superiority of their health with this dietary regime, in the face of reality, common sense, and essentially every fact since the dawn of the recorded human word.  Though this is the rhetorical equivalent of kicking a quadrapalegic baby, this, like kicking the baby, is simply too much fun up with which to pass.

I refuse to end a sentence with a preposition, no matter how ridiculous it makes the sentence.

Vegetarian arguments:

  • Similarity to other primates, who eat less than 5% of their calories in the form of meat.  I'm sure that it goes without saying that this list makes you angry enough to headbutt a dog.  As dogs are cool, I'd not advise it, because headbutting dogs generally leads to a massive loss of testosterone points.  Unless, of course, it's a chihuahua or other purse dog, in which case it's a massive gain of testosterone points if you cook and eat the animal after headbutting it to death.  Purse dogs are not dogs, because dogs, by their very nature, capture and kill squirrels.  Therefore, if a dog could lose a one-on-one battle with a tree-dwelling rodent, it is not a dog, and may be killed and eaten at will.  Similarity to other primates is immaterial, because we diverged from our closest primate relatives millions of years ago.  The main feature lacking in the chart above, which is bandied about wholesale by idiot vegetarians the world around, as they're too fucking weak and lazy to do any research off the internet, and too stupid to engage in any critical thinking, is GUT SIZE.  Ever see a gorilla at the zoo?  They're frugivores, which is what we're allegedly supposed to be, according to the tree-hugging, estrogenic lunatics running every vegetarian website on the planet.  Gorillas have gigantic guts, which are necessary for them, due to the fact that all of the vegetation they eat needs to ferment as part of the digestive process.  Stomach size is markedly different between us and other great apes- humans' stomach small intestine, and colon are  10-24%, 56-67%, and 17-23% of total gut volume in humans, while for orangs and chimps it is 17-20%, 23-28%, 52-54% in orangs and chimps, respectively. In other words, they have massive colons to support fermentation of vegetation, whereas we have comparatively large stomachs, to digest more meat.(Milton, pp 100-102)  Humans and chimps split from the same ancestral tree 2.5 million years ago, and spurred on the path to a belly 40% smaller than the mostly vegetarian chimpanzee, and a brain 3 times larger. (Paleo Diet, p 38)  Thus, even though early hominids had teeth very similar to the modern gorilla, (EHD 43), modern humans have changed drastically.

Australopithecus afarensis.  Doesn't look much like modern human, either

  • "There is no more authoritative source on anthropological issues than paleontologist Dr. Richard Leakey, who explains what anyone who has taken an introductory physiology course might have discerned intuitively--that humans are herbivores. Leakey notes that "[y]ou can't tear flesh by hand, you can't tear hide by hand.... We wouldn't have been able to deal with food source that required those large canines" (although we have teeth that are called "canines," they bear little resemblance to the canines of carnivores)." (Huffington Post).  -  This argument is one of the more fucking absurd arguments floating around, and it's a sad state of affairs that Richard Leakey somehow got caught up in this.  Neanderthals unequivocally ate a diet that consisted of virtually nothing but meat- 10000-12000 calories of it a day.  They also lacked sharp teeth and claws, but guess what?  They didn't need them, because THEY HAD STONE TOOLS.  In fact, hominids have been using tools for over 2 million years- plenty of time for them to develop the requisite biology for the digestion of meat.  (Science Daily)  Neanderthals had even bigger brains than modern humans, which is important due to the fact that their diet was so heavily meat-based, and the metabolic requirements of larger brains would necessitate calorically-dense food consumption, which means they had to eat meat, or they'd fucking die.  This is why gorillas are lazy motherfuckers, and exhibit very little social interaction, whereas humans have shit like Facebook, because they honestly believe they need a level of social interaction and personal involvement with near-perfect strangers that would make the world's greatest narcissists of bygone eras seem comparatively humble. (Milton p. 104)  The adoption of carnivory by Oldowan hominins can be linked directly to the evolution of the hominin brain and social systems, according to Robert Blumenschine, and the very fact that this was facilitated by the use of stone tools distinguishes us from non-human primates, as their lack of tool use limits the usefulness of their predation.  (EHD, p. 167-168)

    • Plant eating creatures have the longest lifespans.  Really?  Not according to scientists who study humans.  According to scientists at USC, "t"The “meat-adaptive gene”, known as ApoE3, is unique to humans and is a variant of the cholesterol transporting gene, apolipoprotein E, which regulates inflammation and many aspects of aging in the brain and arteries."  (Futurity)  Additionally, the average lifespan of a crocodile is between 50 and 100 years, and whales live up to 200 years... which pretty much just takes an elephant-sized shit on the vegetarian animal lifespan theory.
    Although vegetarianism and Christianity used to go hand in hand, vegetarianism is now the de facto diet of atheist radicals of the anarcho-communist/feminist/any asshole with a beret-ist variety, so perhaps a little evolutionary science for them...

    People who read books know a fact that vegetarians do not- that at one point in history, the Earth's total population of humans dropped to between 5,000 and 10,000 individuals, due to the eruption of Mt. Toba in Sumatra, which killed off most of the available plant and animal life on Earth in 71,000 BC.  During this period of time, humans were confined to an extraordinarily small area of Africa that escaped glaciation, where they subsisted on a diet that was "approximately 50-70% meat and 50-30% plants, respectively."  This diet was necessitated by the die-off of plants and animals, and the lack of a varied diet that could have been otherwise obtained though plant gathering.  It was at this time that the Neanderthal diet came to consist of naught but meat, due to the complete lack of availability of edible vegetation, which likely lasted for at least 1000 years.(Plants/climate) 

    If the fact that humanity was forced to subsist on a diet of primarily meat for over 1000 years is compelling, perhaps the size of our brains is.  I've already covered the fact that our encephalization necessitates the consumption of calorically dense foods, especially given the fact that our bodies are comparatively small (so we have less room for the digestion of low-energy foods).  Many anthropologists attribute the massive increase in hominid brain size over the last 4 million years with the introduction of far more meat into their diets, which began with homo erectus and continued with modern humans.  Others believe that it was the consumption of seafood, rife with Omega-3 fatty acids, that spawned this explosion in cranial capacity.  Either way, it was the consumption of meat that led to human encephalization.  A new theory has recently arisen, grabbed hold of like a life jacket on the Titanic as the veggies watch their inane theory sink like that ill-fated shitheap of a boat, that tuber played a role in human encephalization.  Comically, none of them have actually read the study on which they're now basing an argument shakier than a Jenga tower in an earthquake, as one of the proponents of this theory, Harvard anthropologist Richard Wrangham, believes that his evidence for this theory is scanty.  

    Famous Athletes?
    Wherever you find a vegetarian website, you'll find the same dumbass list of vegetarians and vegans trotted out for you.  The list, as you can imagine, is just as wrong as feeding soy formula to a male baby is- horribly, horribly wrong.  Bill Pearl and Andreas Cahling are held aloft as two bodybuilders who ate no animal protein and yet succeeded at their sport. These two men, however, ate a fucking boatload of animal protein at every meal. They might not have been sitting down to a steak that'd choke John Candy's fat ass to death, but Pearl ate a couple of dozen eggs a day and drank fucking GALLONS of milk a day, while Cahling ate nothing but open faced goat cheese sandwiches.(peep it)  Mind you, Cahling was a shitty bodybuilder, but that's beside the point. Tony Gonzalez abandoned veganism after a month of sucking, and Prince Fielder became a vegan after reading SB promptly (only to be blasted in the press as his batting average dropped lower than his daily protein consumption)  In addition to these guys, you'll find a comprehensive list of about ten other people, of whom you've likely heard of none, and for good reason- they've not done anything worth knowing about.  Thus, the argument that people flourish on this diet is invalid, as they'd have much more than a list of ten people, and far more accomplished people, at that, to proffer as proof of the legitimacy of this diet.  Oh, and to the ten people who are going to shout : "Mac Danzig could kick your ass!" SUCK IT.  If a 140 lb vegan would kick my ass in the octagon, I suppose I'd deserve the beating I received.  

    The Verdict
    Vegetarianism is clearly only embraced by people with severe mental illnesses who are also attention whores. They wish to foist their idiocy upon others due to the fact that they feel tremendously insecure about the poor life decisions they've made, and are incapable of defending themselves from the predations of others due to their poor dietary decisions.  As such, they'll attempt to convince anyone softheaded enough to be snowed by their half-baked arguments that they're correct, in the face of mountains of evidence to the contrary.  As such, my friends, I believe it's high time we send them to the camps, where they belong.

    "Why meat-eating humans outlive apes."  Futurity.  The article posts preliminary findings scheduled for publication in a special PNAScollection on “Evolution in Health and Medicine” on Jan. 26.  http://www.futurity.org/science-technology/why-meat-eating-humans-outlive-apes/
    "Stone Tool and Bone Find Earliest Ever Excavated." Science Daily.  Nov. 5, 2003. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2003/11/031105065322.htm
    Milton, K. Primate diets and gut morphology: Implications for human evolution. IN: Food and Evolution: Toward a Theory of Human Food Habits, M. Harris and E.B. Ross, (eds.). Philadelphia, PA: Temple University Press. pp. 93-116. http://nature.berkeley.edu/miltonlab/pdfs/kmilton_foodevolution.pdf
    Bluejay, Michael.  "Humans are natural plant-eaters, according to our best evidence." June 2002.  http://michaelbluejay.com/veg/natural.html
    Sutherlan, William.  "Plants/climate may be the key to Neanderthal Extinction."  http://ezinearticles.com/?Plants/Climate-May-Be-Key-to-Neanderthal-Extinction&id=4279873
    Palmer, Jack.  "The Prime Movers in Hominid Encephalization" http://www.ulm.edu/~palmer/The%20Prime%20Movers%20in%20Hominid%20Encephalization.pdf
    Costandi, Moheb. "Diet and brain evolution: another item on the menu." http://scitizen.com/evolution/diet-brain-evolution-another-item-on-the-menu_a-27-1088.html
    Ungar, Peter. Evolution of the Human Diet.  Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2007.
    Cordain, Loren.  Paleo Diet.  New York: Wiley, 2002.


    1. http://www.theweeklyvice.com/2010/07/walter-bond-went-vegan-then-went-to.html

      Further proving the point.

    2. OWNED. The closing paragraph was absolutely brilliant.

    3. Aside from the lack of spell check.

    4. Furthermore, i was reading about a defective gene in homosapiens which enabled extreme jaw muscle growth which inhibited cranial expansion. The inability for the cranium to expand made the children as smart as chimps but also genetically similar. The defective gene strand was similar to that of other with primates with extreme jaw strength and inhibited cranial expansion. The doctor doing the research was looking at gene markers and how and what caused a gene to stop triggering, he hypothesized that if he could isolate and understand the trigger he could cure the disease, i wondered why cure them when we could make a normal human head with no jaw musculature to inhibit maximal cranial expansion, f it, no cranium at all. Fuck, vegans might be able to understand science a little better as well and start eating some steaks.

      Homosapiens may in fact be a genetic mistake of a primate gene which allowed for cranial expansion and thus, right fully so that ability to use inventive methods to hunt and gather. ie tools, cracking nuts etc. This would fit into a Darwinist positive feedback relationship has 4 critical elements bipedalism, tool use, canine reduction and cranial expansion (Primate evolution and human origins (1987)Russell L. Ciochon, John G. Fleagle).

      Because we're genetic fuck ups we had to think of a way to survive. Thus, cranial expansion would imply an increased need for caloric intake like the calories in vegan babies or found in animals, as suggested by CnP so that we don't fn die.

    5. Purse dogs should be euthanized as should their owners. Carrying a dog in your purse is a disgusting habit. Dogs shit for fuck sake! These stupid reality TV star wannabe broads are carrying around purses full of shit! Would you go around with a turd in your wallet?

    6. Well, now you're just beating a dead horse. We got it the first time. Veggies suck. You really are a no talent hack.

    7. A better comparison chart than the one above is the one worked up by Dr. Walter Voegtlin back in 1975. It was included in his book "The Stone Age Diet: Based on in-depth studies of human ecology and the diet of man". You can find it here: Functional and Structural Comparison of Man's Digestive Tract with that of a Dog and Sheep.

    8. Alexander- I wish I had seen that before. That dude's pic is hilairous.

      Nice chart, Don. The one I posted actually came off the vegetarian website I cited.

      Rant- You failed at every opportunity to construct a single valid thesis supported by fact. I, on the other hand, had a preponderance of evidence to support my thesis, and thus broke it into two separate posts for ease of reading. We are all again dumber for having read one of your comments. I award you no points, and may the gods have mercy on your soul.

      Mike- I have edited the post to remove those three highly offensive miskeys. It is my fondest hope that you can one day find it in your heart to forgive me.

      Rejuvanile- My first real post was on the book Skinny Bitch, in which those silly whores failed to acknowledge that massive jaws were for eating fibrous matter, haha. Ah, silly, silly whores.

    9. The derail on purse dogs was truly epic, but citing a rant about lazy gorillas and Facebook? Priceless

    10. (P. Diddy: Yo Dracoy, where u at?)
      Hold on, P. Diddy. I'm not done lifting these mad weights.
      (P. Diddy: Damn, Dracoy, u like the strongest asian dude I know.)
      They don't call me the Asian Chaos and Pain for nothing yo.
      (P. Diddy: So r u gonna break these n words off, or what?)
      Oh u want me 2 do this...?

      The romance in the air is hella intense,
      My balls are swelled up like they in suspense.
      Some str8 ass pounding is about 2 commence,
      My radio's blarin "Return to Innocence."

      (P. Diddy: If that's the case, then romance smells nasty.)

      "I'm the Rasta Monsta" is-a what-a me said,
      Role playin with Boni's mom and three chicks in me bed.
      "If I don't-a bust soon, then I feared me dead."
      I go anal on the three then Boni's mom gives me head.

      (P. Diddy: Yo, ur not really a monster, right?)

      I hear y'all axin, "Why is Boni's mom the topic of this flow?"
      "What's the point of Boni's mom's dirty dookey blow?"
      "How is that M-I-H-F'ed at all apropos?"
      To answer all three: she's the biggest meat lover I know.

      (P. Diddy: Oooooooooooooohh!!!1!)

      Peace I'm out.

    11. I'm going to pray for the day Boni actually finds you, and easily knocks the slant out of your eyes.

    12. Oooooooooooooooooh!
      Dracoy is the most devastating Asian since Cho Seung-Hui.

    13. Anonymous @ 12:27 PM = Boni

    14. To the above poster: at 12:27pm today, I was outside felling a tree in my front yard. This is the first time I've been online all day.

      One day, Jamie's going to organize a CnP get-together of sorts. I'm going to be there. Dracoy will squirm like his grandparents did right before my grandfather laughed at them hiding in their thatched hut and burnt their asses with a flamethrower.

      Until then, I'm content to have a chuckle like everyone else because really, I don't take myself terribly seriously.

      Jamie, great post as always. Even as an English teacher, I shake my head because it appears that you actually like doing all the research you utilize to back your stuff up!!

    15. Yo Boni,

      Every day, ur mom organizes a get-together of sorts. I'm always there. The mere sight of my enormous cock makes ur mom squirm like my grandparents did right before your grandfather (your mom's dad) laughed at them hiding in their thatched hut and burnt their asses with a flamethrower.

      H8 on that, h8r.

    16. Yo that's some ironic shit right there!

    17. Hahaha. It would be fun to organize some sort of CnP battle royale.

      And Boni, if you had any idea how much I enjoy research, you'd shit your pants. This whole blog started on the suggestion of one of my old lifting partners, who was tired of getting all of his info from my random research piecemeal and wanted me to write a book about it instead.


    19. Again, I marvel. It's amazing you can be such a geek and so strong. Talk about ironic.

    20. And Cahling is known in Sweden to have had a very unstrict lacto-ovo-vegetarianism. Which seems to have included roast beef sallads...

    21. While I normally don't post here anymore (as I maintain the real Chaos & Pain website www.chaosandpain.com), I thought I'd stop by to see what kinds of comments are posted here. I have to say, what comes around goes around and Boni, this is what you get for always getting on people's case for no real reason.

      Anyway, Jamie I think you should scrap this site and only maintain the other site because there is a lack of interaction on that one. And all commentors will need to register so you will get less of these troll posts you get on here.


    22. Wait an English teacher reads this blog? I'd be less incredulous if I saw Mahmoud Ahmadinejad hanging out with the Anti-Defamation League.
      Wow, Boni congratulations for not letting your horrifyingly depressing profession divest you of your spirit.

      Also, for more reasons than one, this blog makes me think of the nickname "Blazn Azn."

      As always, Get raped, Vegetarians.

    23. Now wait a minute, Nathan. What do you do for a living?

    24. Vegans are attention whores???

      Is that your attempt at irony?


    25. Hi Justin:
      I was wondering where you went too, good to see you are still around and contributing.
      I stopped going to the "real" website. Honestly, it might be nice for the beginners, but it's the same "how many carbs can I eat on a keto run?" type of questions, and the volume of traffic is slow.
      Also, I have been here since Jamie's first blog post. I'm here for Jamie. Period.
      Tons of these sites have a bunch of inexperienced contributors where one guy knows essentially no more than the next. To me, that is what permeates the "real" site. (as you call it)
      Again, I'm here only for Jamie's posts. He's speaking from experience and results. If I had a 600+ pound deadlift, I'd have my own blog, too.
      As for the trolls, this stuff is entertaining as hell.
      Best wishes,

    26. Justin, where else can you hear Glen's insane comments on dogs??

    27. What I gather from the postings above, is that Boni has a front yard, with a tree in it, and knows how to cut down trees.
      Dracoy, that's a hell of a lot more than we can say for you. Your downfall is those lame-ass videos you have on Youtube.
      What possesses you to act like a tough guy??

    28. hey, no self respecting atheist is a veggie muncher! i completely embrace my evolutionary meat eating!
      also, BTNPP is awesome.

    29. July 28, 2010 7:11 am Anonymous post -

      If it hasn't yet become obvious to you that the person posting on here isn't the poor Asian kid with the youtube account, then you are too fucking stupid to live.

      And that goes for the rest of you clueless fucking idiots as well.

      ps - Santa Claus is not real. I'm sure this also comes as a surprise to you, you dimwit.

    30. To 7:11 Anonymous:
      Wow, thank you, Captain Obvious.

    31. No self respecting atheist labels himself as such prior to making an inane, virtually incomprehensible comment. He thereby saves his fellow atheists the shame and ridicule he brings upon himself.

    32. Given that atheists are generally more dogmatic than religious zealots, and their belief system is predicated on the violently held belief in the non-existence of a group of metaphysical creatures whose existence or lack thereof cannot be proved, it stands to reason that one should expect little more than inane, incomprehensible comments from a self-described atheist.

    33. I thought you might appreciate this, Jaime...last night's dinner:


    34. Awesome post. Check out this video by Barry Groves, who also points out that the long fermentation of plant cellulose in a gorilla's gut is necessary so that the fibrous matter can be converted to... saturated fat!

    35. Fuck, I forgot the link.


    36. Fantastic post. I wrote a similar post earlier this week on the correspondence between abject anti-male, anti-European (I'm not a racist, but a race realist) liberalism and anti-meat dietary advice:

      Real Men Eat Meat: How Vegetarianism Went Mainstream

    37. @Don Wiss

      That is an extremely dubious table, with more than a few claims on it that are just plain false.

      A few:
      -Human jaws move on two planes, not just vertical (I assumed everyone knew this?)
      -Food does get absorbed from the stomach in Humans (not exclusively, though)
      -Sheep take tiny shits
      -Human & dog digestive efficiency is not %100 (no chemical or mechanical system in the entire fucking universe is %100 efficient - again, I thought everyone knew this?)
      -Sheep's gall bladders are not "often absent" - all sheep have one

      I don't support vegetarianism or veganism, but neither do I support dubious "science", no matter the objective.

    38. How long have you been letting your 12 year old son write articles for you?