24 July 2009

You ARE a Beautiful and Unique Snowflake

We've all seen Fight Club, right? RIGHT?!?! If you haven't, go fuck yourself twice. If you haven't seen it, but you've at least read the book, only fuck yourself once. In any event, Brad Pitt has a fairly memorable scene in the movie wherein he yells the following through a megaphone:

"Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else."

Well, I take issue with this statement as it pertains to the design of a workout program. Why? Well, due to the fact that there's a phenomenon called Biochemical Individuality to which few enough pay attention that it's astonishing.

What is Biochemical Individuality? It's the idea that every individual organism has a distinctive genetic background that creates in that organism distinct biological makeup and nutritional needs.

In stark contrast to this theory, modern science has propagated the idea that humans are nothing more than organic machines produced on a genetic assembly line. The concept of egalitarianism has compounded the message sent by science, vociferously insisting that everyone is exactly alike, has identical genetic potential, is of equal worth, and sundry other specious and patently ridiculous claims. The idea that you are exactly like your neighbor, save for a few purely cosmetic differences, is fucking offensive in its retardation. You ARE a unique snowflake (but who the fuck wants to be beautiful?), and I'll tell you why, my fuckers.

The Basics

Every individual is made up of a coordinated set of organs and tissues, each distinctive (quantitatively) in size, composition, and enzymatic makeup, There are a fairly large pack of factors contributing to this fact, which include:
  • genetics, birth trauma, and vaccinations
A note to pregnant chicks- Crack is bad.
  • diet (skewed, toxic, or high carb)
  • drug therapy (alters gut function and nutrition status, and changes immune response
  • level of exercise
  • water quality and quantity
  • environmental exposure (xenoestrogens and pesticides, many of which are directly related to water quality)
  • infections

Clearly, I've given some extreme examples here, but they illustrate my point- do you think Frank McGrath and that Indian thing have the same metabolisms or nutritional requirements? How about that fucking meth-head? i highly doubt that the rack and ruin she's visited on her body leave her, metabolically, in the same place as even the octopus. And fuck me running, what's the deal with that octopus?

Even in healthy people, basal metabolism in 2-4 year old children (kids who haven't had a lot of time for anyone to destroy their physiques through bad diet, drugs, and the like) varies from 45-65 calories/square meter of body surface/hour. Additionally, their growth patterns vay widely, as do temperature control patterns, sensitivity to pain, blood pressure and flow, and even the effects of electricity on their bodies.

These all seem like very obvious variations, and ones that you can pretty much see in a person. Obviously, our new Surgeon General doesn't have a metabolism that operates with the same level of efficiency as my own.
Think she's gonna add a Hostess group to the food pyramid?

By now, at least on the surface, it should be readily apparent that all people are not, in fact, created equal. the crack baby down the street is no more your equal than one of the vegetables in Special Ed was during high school. they have different requirements for training in nutrition than you do, just as your lifting partner probably does. In the next installment, I will address the biochemical individuality in the body's various systems, and drive home the final nail in the coffin for guys like the author of the Adonis Diet on getbig, who seem to think that everyone needs exactly the same nutrition, and that we can all diet on peanut butter sandwiches and get to 5% bodyfat. Yes, I know, he must be one of those Special Ed kids.

Now playing:
American Me - Son of a Machine Gun
via FoxyTunes


  1. This is quite the picture-packed blog! Love it!

  2. somatotyping is crap but we are all very genetically unique.