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03 December 2010

Make Up Your Fucking Mind, Already- Get Your Fucking Head Right #2

You've all doubtless visited the boards of innumerable lifting sites, whereupon you've had your eyes and minds raped by some of the dumbest shit to ever spill out of the empty head of some mouth-breathing pussy who can neither use his brain nor the Google machine.  When I say raped, I'm not talking about the chick who kind of wanted to get fucked and then passed out and a guy gently fucked her on a pile of rose petals while taking care not to muss her hair- I'm talking about an I Spit On Your Grave style day long rape by a pack of drooling, filthy hillbillies in the hills of West Virginia, capped off by a bit of anal by a retard at knife point style rape.  Most of the people on the internet of late seem to be confined to a massive group home for the mentally challenged that has unlimited internet access and a workstation in every residents' room.
Your brain on a typical message board.

The worst of it, in my opinion, are the questions about programming, like these:
"I want to get the maximum out of my legs, so I need a good squat routine.
I was reading up on 20-rep squats. If you do 20-rep squats, do you do them for one set, or multiple sets?
I want to squat 2-3 times a week. Could this overtrain my legs?
I also want to incorporate hack squats into my routine
I just don't know what to do in terms of sets and reps, and also if I should do a different workout each day, and cycle them.
My goals: become swole and strong as fuk"- thegodjr
By all means, get on Bodyspace and mock the fuck out of this jackass.

That just happened.  We're living through a time when this happens.  Guess what?  This person isn't asking for advice- they're begging someone, anyone, to slam a sharpened icepick into their brain and put them out of our misery, Trotsky-in-Mexico-style.  Unfortunately, encouraging them to shuffle off their mortal coil is frowned upon, but Bodyspace really should have some euthanasia program in place for these assholes.
Onto my point:  asking for advice of total strangers on the internet, most of whom know as little or less than you do, is fucking retarded.  Furthermore, spending a shitload of time contemplating your exercise selection, workload, or choosing between the programs du jour generally does far more harm than good.  That's not to say that you shouldn't be at least somewhat contemplative about the factors I've listed, but you certainly shouldn't spend hours debating it online.  The reason for this is twofold- 1) debating exercise routines with idiots online is asinine, and 2) you will eventually come to suffer from something psychologists refer to as "paralysis of analysis".  Paralysis of analysis is a phenomenon wherein someone spends so much time analyzing and over-analyzing a situation that no action ever actually occurs.  Additionally, this over-analysis anchors a person, physically and mentally, and causes the analyzer to begin to associate their problem with nonissues, which makes real change even more difficult.  To combat this, psychologists suggest doing something, anything, to force yourself out of a rut.  (UNLP, 51)
"That's the thing about goals- they become the thing you talk about, rather than the thing you do"
- Cherry Darling, Planet Terror.

You're not a scholar of weightlifting because you've researched every program in the world and sought the advice of every weak-sauce asshat on the internet- you're a dithering pussy who's constantly busy with waffling and never gets shit done.  Don't be a dithering bitch- do something.  Weightlifting isn't supposed to resemble a fucking coffee klatch.  Feelings are not to be considered and being mealy-mouthed and fearful is to be despised and spurned, not commended and reinforced with absurd supportive statements.  And scratch that first bit, as most people appear to do no research whatsoever before they ask advice.  In any event, mealy-mouthed bullshit and random searches for the advice of total strangers will yield , at best, no result and at worst, a negative net.  As such, you shouldn't bother with that bullshit.
Your average message board.

Should you wish to get super contemplative about your next program, by all means, get cracking creating your decision tree.  The creation of the decision tree would be the first action toward actually getting in the gym, and after creating a couple, you'll likely see that all paths can lead to success if they're traced with enough badassery and vigor.  No matter what program you choose (within reason, of course, and directed generally at your goals), you'll enjoy at least some measure of success.  This success will occur for two reasons- one, your body will have adapted to your last routine, and a marked departure therefrom will force your body to into a period of adaptation that will be very metabolically intensive (provided you've not switched to pilates and light jogging once a week), and two, because the psychological of regression will cause you to believe that any remedy will work.  Due to the effect of belief on your body's physiology, you might see change simply due to the psychological effect of the change (though this can work against you if you believe that your change will result in failure).  (CC 65-66)
That's pretty close to "absolutely" "correct" structure.

"No model or structure is 'correct' or 'absolute'.  A model is only an attempt at a description, and at some point it will fail."(UNLP 66)  As such, you're going to have a lot of time over the course of your lives to explore different paths to superhuman strength and veiny abs.  Just remember that it's all about the journey, not the destination, and that your destination is guaranteed to change as you travel, so there cannot be any absolute truths in strength training... except that debating routines on the internet is fucking retarded.
You're going to make mistakes in your path to superhumanity... it's inevitable.  Just make sure you do them while standing on your own two feet, and for fuck's sake make them moving forward.


Sources:
Langer, Ellen.  Counterclockwise. 2009.
Young, Peter.  Understanding NLP: Principles and Practice.  Norwalk: Crown House Publishing, 2004.

33 comments :

  1. So your saying to do leg extensions before the 20 rep squats? Also what weight should I use for my hack squats?

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  2. Hey Jamie, I got a new candidate for your baddest motherfucker ever series:

    http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=129040301

    About the only usefully thread that site has ever produced.

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  3. The kids on the message boards don't want to hear this. They view their never-ending quests for "knowledge" as something righteous. Try and tell them otherwise and they'll cry and tell you how the guru whose program they're on this month has changed their lives.

    Beyond a few rudimentary points you get more out of just picking stuff up and putting it down again shutting the fuck up about it. I started out as a kid doing pushups on my knuckles, squats and a few stomach exercises that I learned in karate class in the third grade. Some time around the seventh grade I started lifting an old typewriter and cases of Hot Wheels cars. I'm glad I had no concept of "proper" sets, reps and programming at that time because it left nothing to put into it but pure effort. The way it should be.

    Now everybody's afraid if they don't have a perfect routine to start out with they'll ruin themselves forever. They have no instinct for the game they insist on playing but demand to be told how to play.

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  4. My favourite is when these retards who are addicted to buying books and courses on working out claim that no matter how much something costs, if they learn even one thing from it it was worth the price. Seriously? A dusty library of bullshit that you spent a fortune on at $20 a pop (minimum) and you were lucky to learn even one thing from any one of them? And most of them you skimmed through once and will never even so much as look through again. Way to go, junior! You probably could have won the lottery by now.

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  5. I have gained some interesting information from reading a few forums.
    Bryce Lane's stuff is pretty interesting, as well as Glenn Pendlay's contributions to forums.
    John Broz's stuff is interesting, as well.
    Most forums are complete garbage, though.
    People want so much from a program.
    I just want to get stronger in 3 lifts, so I work hard on those lifts almost every day (the press only 3 times a week- works best for me. The squat and power clean are daily.)
    Works like a fucking charm.
    Oh, and I was tying dumbbells to my (cheap) barbell in the attic before I had any idea as to what "accomodating resistance" was- we just didn't have enough weight to deadlift...

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  6. Lift heavy. Progress. Success.

    (like a wise man once said. fuckin a)

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  7. I agree, Jamie. Stop overanalyzing everything and just fucking do it.
    I'm not gonna say that you shouldn't discuss things, and there are obviously some exercises that are better than others. But generally speaking (when wanting to get bigger): Lift progressively heavier weights + eat enough food = Muscular growth

    When leaning out: Control your calorie intake + lift heavy fucking weight = Leanness (might wanna add some cardio too)

    These two "formulas" should be the main focus of your program depending on your goal, fuck all the other bullshit.

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  8. This dudes stats on bodyspace say he is 5'10" 205lbs. and 7.8% ahhhh i don't know how accurate that is my friend!

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  9. aaaannd he's back! I read the first part of that article twice for a double helping of politically incorrect hilarity.

    Good to see you back on form also Mac.

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  10. Hey, anyone fancy sucking my cock? Guys only.

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  11. I wrote: "You look like you built your paltry feminine physique in the gymnasium halls of fagdom." on the godjrs page.

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  12. Good for you. Feel more manly, now?

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  13. I concur

    http://youtu.be/TUk2zSvTlMo

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  14. Anonymous said...
    I wrote: "You look like you built your paltry feminine physique in the gymnasium halls of fagdom." on the godjrs page.

    ----------------------------------------

    Riveting tale, dick eater.

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  15. If that's actually Wendler, which it's almost certainly not,. I'm not sure if my comments from Pendlay, the email from Staley, or the wink from Sarah B... not sure which means more. I am crying from joy inside. That, of course, means that some poor motherfucker's about to get his head kicked in. Hopefully video later.

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  16. Great writing Jamie.Discussions about the thing we love is normal, i think.But i agree that there is so much information out there (internet,magazines,books etc),sometimes not proper, which causes all this confusion. Sometimes the more someone reads the merrier he gets confused, wondering what is the best routine, diet etc.
    There is a quote from Bruce Lee which says ''That the height of cultivation always runs to simplicity''- referring that as long as his knowledge for jin-ku-do was increasing,he tried and made things as simple as possible.He tried to perform his martial art in the simplest possible form.
    And that thing we have to do ourselves not only in training but generally in our lives. Each ''typically'' complex thing can be analyzed into small pieces which are more simple..
    Man, keep it strong! I always say that, but i am really glad that i have found your blog.
    Nikos-Greece.

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  17. Check this out. It's the first York Barbell exercise system from the 30's. It's got swings, one arm jerks, snatches and even bent presses in there. I can count on one hand the number of moves that are done sitting or lying down:

    http://ditillo2.blogspot.com/2008/01/york-courses.html

    I couldn't find one of the latest York wallcharts that you get with their standard barbell/dumbbell sets but I still have mine from years ago when I bought my first 50kg weight set from Argos and the difference between the two is probably one of the most poignant examples of the decline in physical culture and society's attitudes and expectations towards any modern individual's capabilities or efforts I have come across. In short Gentlemen, The Man wants you weak and your rotator cuffs ruined.

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  18. Yes. It's a well thought out conspiracy. People lay awake at night crafting these plans.

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  19. I hope they never do a remake for I Spit On Your Grave. The new Last House on the Left was shit. Same with The Hitcher. Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes had decent remakes but even they didn't match the sheer intensity of the originals. The new Hills Have Eyes was actually really good though. If they make a new Mad Max it will be total crap.

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  20. Not if it stars Jason Statham.

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  21. Last House on the Left remake was pure fucking comedy. And I actually thought the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake was fairly weak. Agreed on the other things though. New Mad Max? Fuck that.

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  22. The Last House on the Left wasn't very good.
    And I'm talking about the original.
    Watch "They Call Her One Eye" for a real revenge flick.

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  23. I hate to break it to you, but they already did a remake of it- it just came out on dvd, actually. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0041KKYCY/ref=asc_df_B0041KKYCY1344909?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=asn&creative=395093&creativeASIN=B0041KKYCY

    One of my exes used to masturbate to the original. Good times.

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  24. I always thought the final scene was anti-climactic. She just castrated a guy, who gives a fuck about an axe in the back?

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  25. Remakes are just insulting.

    Original quality movie, repackaged with some extra gruesomeness or effects and sold it to a new, dumber generation.

    I swear to Crom, if they ever remake The Goonies I will stop watching movies and retire to a cabin in the forrest of Montana to write a manifesto that will ultimately end in the deaths or disfigurements of several movie studio executives.

    TEDKACZYNSKIONER---->

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  26. Remakes are an insulting slap in the face.

    I swear to Crom, if they ever remake the Goonies I will stop watching movies and start writing my manifesto in the forrest os Montana that will end in the demise of several studio executives.

    TED KACZYNSKI ONER----->

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  27. There will also be a remake of 'The People Under the Stairs'.

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  28. "Too old to get titty, too young to get ass."

    ReplyDelete
  29. "Yeah, and maybe the President will make me Secretary of Pussy."

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  30. It's always an incredible day when glen shares his insights into life.
    Sincerely,
    Porridge

    ReplyDelete