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04 August 2010

Want Some Angry Fucking Forearms? Here's How You Get Them.

Given that I had numerous requests for Glen's forearm routine, I was personally curious about it, and the fact that Glen's universally beloved by you people, I figured it was high time to post his forearm routine.  As such, here it is.  I'd tell you to enjoy, but you might just want to get out your hankies so you can mop up all of the teary eyes that Glen seems to inspire.


Forearms: there's really not much to say about them. Back in the sixth grade my gym teacher said that if you opened and closed your hand all the way over and over it would build up your wrists and forearms which, supposedly, would help with volleyball. I could give a rat's ass about volleyball but I thought it would be cool to have massive, ripped forearms and spent years opening and closing my hands all the time. If I was reading a book with one hand, I was opening and closing the other one. I had already been lifting weights for four or five years when I stopped using straps on my deadlifts for about seven years and that helped to make my forearms bigger. I also like hammer curls and reverse curls. I don't do anything out of the ordinary with them, I just do them. Years of heavy manual labour also played a role. And I like to do pushups on my fingertips. Even handstand pushups against the wall on my fingertips.

Farmer's walks are one of my favourite strongman events. I practice them with 260 lbs per hand for 10 or more sets of 20 or so steps. I don't bother practicing the turn because the turn ends up being the hardest part of the event in competition whether you've practiced the fuck out of it or not so I'd rather just work on the raw power involved. Wrist curls are probably what put my forearms over the edge though. At first I did them for sets of 15-25 reps just like everyone else does. But doing what everybody else does just gets you the same results as everybody else, which typically means sweet fuck all. So I started upping the weight, practicing wrist curls for lots of sets of low reps, sometimes even singles. That went well for a while but I stalled out after a while. What I eventually found was that starting over with the empty 45 lb bar and aiming for 50 reps at a time let me progress almost forever. The first time I tried it I think I got 30-something reps with the empty bar. A week later that number was even higher, and before I knew it I was at 50 reps so I added five lbs the next time I tried it. The weights kept climbing upward at every workout for a while and if I ever got only 40-something reps I'd just stick with that weight until I could get 50.

This type of workout is good for the tendons because of the increased blood flow. Believe it or not, tendons have a lot to do with grip strength and aside from certain feats of strength, most of the things you'll do with your hands and wrists take a lot of endurance moreso than strength. Either way, since you're always increasing the weight you're building strength anyway. A lot of the anonymous retards will whine about piddly shit details like certain rep ranges being for strength while others are for endurance. This is because they have no real life experience and believe everything the read on the Internet. It's all bullshit. Besides, when you make your wrists and forearms used to doing 50 or more reps with a significant weight, lower rep sets feel easy. And when they feel easy, they are easy and that means they can get heavier over a shorter period of time. After six months to a year of progressively heavier sets of 50 reps, if you decide to switch to doing 10 sets of five for a while your poundages will increase like you've never seen before. The foundation you'll have built from all the high reps will allow you to get a lot more out the heavier weight, lower rep sets than you otherwise would have. This has a lot to do with Golgi tendon reflexes and other scientific mumbo jumbo that I'm sure plenty of fuckheads know a lot more about than I do which is fine.

Fifty reps doesn't have to mean only one set either. Do as many sets as you want. After a month or so it's not that hard to do multiple sets of high reps with the wrist curl. More sets are better than less sets and you can eventually do these at every workout if you want to.
As far as form goes, it's a wrist curl so if you can't figure it out you're probably so fucking stupid that you can't even remember how to spell your own name and therefore need to post anonymously when you use the Internet. But for the sake of completion I'll explain how I like to do them.
My wrists are on the edge of the bench, my hands hanging over. The backs of my forearms rest on the bench and I use my thighs to squeeze them together so that my elbows are touching each other, which neccessitates my hands gripping the bar pretty close together. Range of motion is all the way down and all the way up. I don't roll the bar all the way down to my fingertips excpet on the last rep when I'll hold it at the end of my fingertips for as long as I can. Anyway, setting up your wrist curls this way is much easier on your wrists than having your forearms resting on top of your thighs like everyone else does. Everyone else uses fuck all weight for fuck all reps so fuck them anyway. You'll avoid the cracking and popping in your wrists that a lot of people get when they do wrist curls in the conventional way.

There you have it. A simple exercise and a simple formula. So simple that it'll be overlooked or discarded as nonsense by most "lifters" who were never destined to have extraordinary forearms in the first place anyhow. They can fuck right off.

26 comments :

  1. Just when I thought an angry, ugly ginger with mommy issues couldn't get any trashier, you go and have an outie belly button.

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  2. I find it funny that so many people who read Chaos and Pain still ask for someone's bodypart routine. Unless I'm much mistaken Glen, you basically just said, put in a whole lot of work for the forearms, experiment with a bunch of different training methods including those frowned upon by the mainstream, find what works, and do it for a long period of time. Is that about correct?

    It's certainly valuable to hear the experiences of someone with massive fucking forearms, but I think the requests show that a lot of chaos and pain readers may still be buying into the "this guy has awesome (insert bodypart here), he must have some secret" mentality as opposed to "this guy has awesome (insert bodypart here), he must have been working hard on it since long before I started weight lifting." mentality.
    I bet somebody reading this is going to go to the gym, do exactly what Glen said, and wonder why he doesn't have massive forearms a month from now.

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  3. I concur. His belly button is completely disgusting.

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  4. Poster #2: I'll bet you look like shit and I'll bet you're weak as shit.

    People aren't looking for secrets. It's curiosity. Most people who've done this for a while want to be thorough and are looking at what works for others. Sometimes you're too close to a situation to know what you're doing wrong and gaining perspective is all that's needed. That's what Jamie's doing here.

    Don't you think it's intelligent to see someone with abnormally big/strong/striated and then ask what worked for him? Is there something wrong with that? I'm not looking for anything magical, I just want to know what worked, and see if I can apply it for to my workouts.

    Seriously, go take your judgmental philosophy and stick it up your ass. Jamie, nice blog, thanks for posting.

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  5. Hemorrhoidal ass pains just emanating from that last comment.

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  6. Well I guess getting angry at relatively innocuous posts is one strategy for getting angry forearms.
    Let us know how that worked out for you, ok Anonymous?

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  7. Batin' daily is a better forearm workout than any of this bullshit.

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  8. Unrelated, but I got my shirt today. It caught on fire when I picked up a cable machine handle, but I put it out and told the shirt I was just moving it out of the way. Fuck the +5 Orc defense is handy though.

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  9. Yeah, I bate daily and progress has been so good that I'm left handed now.

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  10. You don't do Reverse wrist curls? I take it that you don't think the added effort isn't worth it?

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  11. Anonymous #2, you're a fucking idiot! Obviously, Glen the fuckin' Grouch has some lessons to learn and instead of trying to learn it, you're just fixated on how much of an asshole you think that he his!

    I think the lesson to learn here is volume and lots of overload. That's actually good advice since, like the calves, the forearms are designed to take A LOT of stimulation. That's part of the reason why the tendons are so long.

    Since almost everyone else is doing it, I won't denigrate Mac's efforts and "advice" but I can vouch for the fact that having a physically demanding job where you use your hands a lot will jack your forearms out of fucking sight! Take a look at guys who change truck tires or concrete workers and find some skinny forearms! They don't exist in those jobs!

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  12. PJN, if you want to do reverse wrist curls, go ahead. They'll become a thumb exercise before you know it. Your hands can't get enough leveredge out of that position to do anything worthwhile. I like reverse curls better.

    Anonymous 2, what else did you expect? The thing you don't realize is that you dipshits aren't looking for information, you're looking for inspiration and motivation. You just want to hear what you've already heard a million times and have become have become comfortable with. Maybe with some minor hope that there will be an exact routine with sets and reps all laid out for you to go and try because you're incapable of making any sort of decision on your own. This is because deep down, most of you already know that you suck at lifting weights and you always will. Pick an exercise, get really good at it. It's mental masturbation for you pieces of shit and you can't get enough of it.
    It's why I almost never write anything training related anymore. It's gotten boring and I've lost interest in feeding it.
    Believe it or not, experienced competitive lifters at meets barely talk about training at all.

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  13. It's why I almost never write anything training related anymore. It's gotten boring and I've lost interest in feeding it.


    Yeah? Then fuck off you miserable cunt, who wants to read it.

    And take a hot iron to that belly button and flatten the cunt out will ya?
    Only Ronnie Coleman can rock one of those fuckers.

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  14. If I wrote that you could get stronger by eating your own boogers you'd dismiss it for the nonsense it is. Even a borderline retard like you.
    If I stretched that same concept into 1000 words, at least five of you would consider it and at least one of you would try it. You're all sheep.

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  15. Hey Glen your forearms look even bigger than your upper arms. Do you know what their respective measurements are? Just curious. You look almost like a mini-Arthur Dandurand with that lower arm mass.

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  16. If I wrote that you could get stronger by eating your own boogers you'd dismiss it for the nonsense it is. Even a borderline retard like you.
    If I stretched that same concept into 1000 words, at least five of you would consider it and at least one of you would try it. You're all sheep.


    You don't possess the fucking vocabulary to stretch the entire history of weightlifting into 1000 words, let alone your views on snot eating.

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  17. Glen, your opinions on life, lifting, and the other readers of this blog, are incredibly fascinating.
    Please continue.
    (That's actually sarcasm. I don't think you are bright enough to recognize it, so I'll point it out to you)

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  18. You'd make a special ed class look like a Mensa meeting. I'm glad you don't like me because you;re probably a goof anyway.
    I studied print journalism in college and am a better writer than any of you clowns pretend to be. I do chase away crackheads and have an outie belly button though so I guess you got me there.

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  19. I see. You are intentionally hiding your intelligence. Good strategy. It’s working.

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  20. Want to see a power clean done with perfect form?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clQ0-p_bGm8

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  21. Hahaha. That was the single best cheat on anything, ever.

    E-shit talking is highly entertaining. I'm a bit surprised to see that Rant finally went and fucked off though.

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    Replies
    1. That looked legit to me! The E-peen waving is confusing. Additionally, can you put like a lift requirement before you can comment on this shit? I just feel like 90% of the people talking shit put up like 405 for a squat or some shit, or just had angst-filled childhoods.

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  22. Always love to read your shit Mac, cheers!

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  23. Glen, when you suggest doing curls with the 45lbs bar, is that one- or two-handed? The pictures suggest using dumbells with one hand, but the text is not so clear.

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  24. I prefer to do wrist curls with a barbell in the manner outlined above. The picture with the dumbbell was taken at a friend's house. He has thick-handled dumbbells and at that time I'd never seen one in real life before so I couldn't resist using one for some wrist curls.

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