The Caffeinated Elixir Of The Gods: Coffee For The Win

Again, this is another teaser for an article I wrote for the corporate site detailing the awesomeness of coffee.  Like I said, I'm not out to sell shit on this blog, but I figure you guys might like extra content while I'm working on new shit for this site.

Coffee- the second most valuable traded commodity on the planet (to oil), second most consumed beverage (to water), and people drink half a billion cups of it for breakfast around the world.  It's so important that in the Civil War the Union could not have won without it.  Each Civil Union soldier received as part of his rations 36 pounds of coffee a year, and the word "coffee" was more prevalent in the journals of soldiers than any other word, including words that should be most prevalent, like "Lincoln" and "slavery" and "war."  Seriously- Union soldiers loved to be caffeinated so much that in 1859 the Sharps Rifle company put coffee grinders on the rifles themselves.

Chaos and Pain's new coffee hits harder than a dubstep drop and gets you so hopped up you'd think you fell out of an airplane and landed face first in a Columbian coca field.

In other words, coffee is the business.  It's our jam, our jelly, our peanut butter, and our peanuts.  The origins of coffee are a matter of some debate, but there is no doubt that the coffee bean hails from UNICEF's favorite place for charitable donations, the perpetually starved nation of Ethiopia.  Luckily, the people of Ethiopia decided to share the wealth with Arab traders, and by the 11th Century coffee had begun spreading throughout the Middle East and Europe... and this is the historical point at which life got as good as an all-expenses-paid vacation to the Playboy mansion for the world at large.

Had Ponce de Leon simply realized Ethiopia had already given the world the closest thing the world had to the fountain of youth, he could have stayed home and chilled rather than running around the Americas like a jackass.

Though coffee has gone in and out of vogue with nutritionists and health experts, the science is in and it is definitive- coffee is the elixir of life.  When Juan Ponce de León was looking for the fountain of youth in the New World, he had no idea humanity had already found it- it's coffee.  Coffee's health-promoting properties are derived from its phytochemistry... and you'll have to go here to get the rest of the article.

Coming up late this weekend/early next week- "Fuck The Olympia- The Real Champions Of Bodybuilding Are Uncrowned", in which you'll get workouts from Brutil Bertil Fox and a bunch of other maniacs of who you may have never heard.