11 January 2011

You Can Never Have Too Much Testosterone, Seriously

Have you ever been at a county fair, minding your own business, earing one of those 5 lb turkey legs and debating on whether the freakshow would be worth the $10 admission, when all of the sudden you're accosted by a drunken Irishman screaming "Black's the white of my eye!  Who here will tell me that it's fucking not?"  Did you notice a massive all-in brawl thereafter, with a bunch of people kicking the fuck out of one another simply for the sake of a good round of fustigation?


That's likely because modern testosterone levels are depressingly low.  Though that shit used to occur with some regularity in places like Ireland in the 19th Century, good natured fisticuffs have sadly gone the way of the cocaine-infused soft drink and personal freedom in general.  In fact, "Researchers in the US are finding testosterone levels to be substantially lower -- by about 15 to 20% -- than they were fifteen years ago. Scandinavian studies show similar declines, and in younger men too; a man born in 1970, for example, had about 20 percent less testosterone at 35 than a man of his father's generation at the same age."  (Newswire)  Though people might wonder why this is occurring, it's pretty easy to see that the shift to eunuchs from actual males is a bit of social engineering by the state- the combination of environmental toxins, government subsidized estrogen supplements in the form of soy, criminalization of manly pastimes, and the criminalization of nearly any exogenous substance clinically proven to raise test levels (while estrogenic substances like weed are being decriminalized) would put this ball of shit squarely in the government's court.  Sweden actually took it a step further, mandating that couples would lose two months of maternity leave unless the father was the one who took it.  This, of course, in spite of the fact that men can't fucking breastfeed, can they?  Oh wait, they can.  A spate of articles written in the last ten years attest to this fact.

To recap:  We're fucked.

In spite of the multitudinous articles written of late demonizing testosterone as the root of all evil, and a carefully constructed international psychosis regarding the use of testosterone enhancing substances, testosterone is actually a tremendously good thing.  It improves, among other things (Pennebaker and McKay):

  • vocabulary (most notably words with more than 6 letters)
  • sex drive
  • aggression
  • physical strength
  • longevity
  • competitive spirit
  • metabolism
  • energy
... all the while reducing the levels of bullshit in your life like (Pennebaker):

  • depression
  • anxiety
  • preoccupation with money
  • thoughts of death 

In other words, testosterone is all that is good in the world.  I've detailed a wide array of methods for increasing your testosterone in previous blogs and I've got a few new additions to the mix listed below:
If Sarah B's your sister, you're probably getting your arm ripped off and then getting beaten to death with it.
  • Win, and root for winners.  Testosterone increases in winners, helping them to push harder for greater advantage, while reducing in losers to protect them from further losses.  (Bates)  Rooting for losers also results in a marked reduction in test levels, so maybe it's time to burn your Lions jersey and pick a team that might win a Super Bowl sometime in the next fucking century.  Does this revelation mean you should armwestle your sister?  Fuck yeah!  Actually, ripping your little sibling's arm out of the socket is a fucking stupid idea.  Make a habit of winning and rooting for winners, though, or you might find yourself coming home to watch someone bang your wife in front of you in the future.  Incidentally, that would make you a cuckold.  In Italy, throwing the goat at someone is an illegal hand signal indicating that the recipient is a cuckold, so if you're at a metal show there, throw up the claw instead or you'll find your ass in jail.
  • Take longer rest periods in between sets.  One study showed that taking rest periods of two minutes raised test levels, while rest periods of one minute raised GH levels.  (Rahimi et al)  Frankly, this seems fucking silly to me, as other studies have shown that test and GH levels are positively correlated.  For the slow kids, that means if you raise one, you raise the other. (Faigin 11)
  • Be fucking aggressive.  Doing aggressive shit makes you more aggressive, and testosterone is positively correlated with aggression.  As such, you can literally become a perpetual motion machine of awesomeness if you structure your life right- playing Manhunt while listening to death metal and punching a heavy bag might make your balls double in size in one hour.  Actually, that's hyperbole, but that would be fucking awesome if it was true.  (Patterson and Anderson)

On a side note, ‘black's the white of my eye’, is a defunct sailor's term, that indicates that you want to fucking fight anybody nearby.  According to Encyclopedia.com, it's "an indignant rebuttal of a charge of misdemeanor and that all he has just said is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."  That's a genius fucking way of starting a fight, as it clearly makes the fight completely impersonal and invitational, which is the best way for a good-natured fight to occur.
More ideas, from past blogs:

  • Handle a gun.  This makes you more aggressive, presumably because you're holding the sum total of violent intent form every pre-gunpowder generation in your bare hands.  
  • Colors like red and black can boost your test levels, as they're awesome.  Frankly, anything associated with the A-Team should make any red-blooded American's cock hard.

  • Being alone in a room with a woman (even those you don't find attractive), causes mens' test levels to rise. I'd venture to guess this doesn't work with women whom you'd find so completely unfuckable as to cause you to consider them fodder for a trip to the camps, but apparently average looking women will do.

Teagan Pressley also raises test levels in gay men, straight women, corpses, lawnmowers, and allegedly even in Tipper Gore.
  • Enjoyable music increases dopamine levels, and dopamine levels are positively correllated with testosterone levels, so music you like (i.e. metal) will probably increase your test levels.

Additional random facts I've recently learned about testosterone:
  • The tears of women lower test levels in men.  (This is ironic, given that Genghis Khan fucked more than any other human being on Earth, and he claimed "The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth and see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses and clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters."  He had, presumably, more than enough test to overcome the dropoff found recently in scientific research.  Interestingly, the scent of tears made men think "fuck that bitch" rather than "I want to fuck that bitch" or "awwwwww".  Additionally, I found it odd that the mere sight of a crying women was found to be sexually unappealing and created a drop in test, given that I've not seen a decent deepthroat scene in my life that didn't involve some tears.  And slapping.  And vomiting.

I'm pretty sure this makes me a bad person.  Luckily, my test levels are high enough that I don't care.
  • Changing gears, competition has been shown in studies to increase test levels in women. That may or may not have something to do with the aforementioned oddity, but I'll leave that for you people to decide.  Prior to competition, womens' test levels raise far more than do their male counterparts, an average of 49% increase as opposed to a 15% increase in men.  As such, it might behoove those women still inexplicably reading this blog to start competing more, as you'll find yourselves leaner and stronger as a result.

On that note, fuckers, I'm out.  Go do something awesome.

Anderson CA, Gentile PA, Buckly KE. Violent video game effects on children and adolescents.  New York:  Oxford University Press, 2007.
Bates, Karl.  Election Results Change Testosterone Levels.  http://www.dukenews.duke.edu/2009/10/testresult.html
Faigin, Rob.  Natural Hormone Enhancement.
Freeman, DW. Women's Tears Turn Men Off: Testosterone Study Explains Why.  http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20027749-10391704.html
McKay, Brett and Kate.  30 Days to a Better Man-Day 4: Increase Your Testosterone.  http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/03/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-4-increase-your-testosterone/#ixzz1AmHdXPy6
Newswire.  Testosterone Levels Declining in Men at Younger Ages: ZRT Laboratory Hormone Tests Reflect Global Trend.  28 August 2007. http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1048357/testosterone_levels_declining_in_men_at_younger_ages_zrt_laboratory/index.html
Patterson, AH.  Hostility Catharsis: A Naturalistic Experiment.  Paper presented at Annual APA convention.
Pennebaker JW, Groom CJ, Loew D, Dabbs JM.  Testosterone as a Social Inhibitor: Two Case Studies of the Effect of Testosterone Treatment on Language.  J Ab Psych (2004), 113, 172-175.  http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/faculty/pennebaker/reprints/testosterone.pdf
Rahimi R, Quaderi M, Faraji H, Bourojerdi SS.  Effects of very short rest periods on hormonal responses to resistance exercise in men.  J Str Condit Res (2010) 7, 1851-1859.


  1. Nice, it was about time for a good post, fucker.

  2. Jamie, are the previous posts discussing test levels under the testosterone label? It brings up this post and only one other.

  3. Thought this link was pretty cool:
    I had no idea their training involved things like the clean (or curl) and press and the stone lift.
    Also, some guy decided to cash in on one of the Indian wrestlers' training implements:

  4. Could i see this study on weed lowering test in humans? because i'm pretty sure it's bro-science.

  5. Good shit as always man. Posts like these make me wish i was around in the good old days when the male population wasn't so disgustingly weak and pathetic. When we were based in germany pretty much all we did was eat meat, drink beer, pass sluts around the camp and engage in drunken boxing matches and random weightlifting competitions. Fuck i miss that country haha.

    On the upside i managed to source a load of methyl mass, that shit is awesome. Literally felt like strangling all the retards in the gym this morning.

    1. What a fucking knob. An internet 'tough guy', what a loser. And yes, i know it was posted in 2011, you're still a cunt though. And so is dray.

  6. Daryl- I never said it lowered test- I said it was estrogenic. I think that an accusation of bro-science is a bit over the top... in fact, I'd say it's along the lines of what might precipitate a duel in better times. Being the benevolent and magnanimous god of research and awesome that I am, however, I suppose I can forgive you, since your weed-addled brain confused "estrogenic" with "catabolic" or "anti-androgenic".

    Here's a little of what google provided:

    "Cannabinoids have been shown to inhibit GH secretion due to stimulation of somatostatin release. Acute decreases in GH have been observed with THC or HU-210 (a synthetic CB1 agonist) administration in rats. http://www.ukcia.org/research/EndocrineEffects.pdf

    Crude marijuana extract competed with estradiol for binding to the estrogen receptor of rat uterine cytosol. Condensed marijuana smoke also competed with estradiol for its receptor. M A Sauer, S M Rifka, R L Hawks, G B Cutler, Jr and D L Loriaux. Marijuana: interaction with the estrogen receptor. JPET February 1983 vol. 224 no. 2 404-407

    "there are some metabolic interactions between cannabinoid and steroid metabolism and that the constituents showing estrogen-like activity exist in marijuana."Watanabe et al. Marijuana extracts possess the effects like the endocrine disrupting chemicals. Toxicology
    Volume 206, Issue 3, 31 January 2005, Pages 471-478

    "Chronic exposure to marijuana produces adverse effects on the endocrine and reproductive systems in humans" Lee et al. Estrogenic effects of marijuana smoke condensate and cannabinoid compounds. Toxicology and Applied Pharmacology Volume 214, Issue 3, 1 August 2006, Pages 270-278

  7. Jip- I could not be more jealous. We might all need to get together and reconvene a Zaporozhian Sech at some point in the near future.

    Cameron- sandow.uk rules.

  8. Nice post Jamie. Check this vid series out man.

    All this shit can't be helping test levels. Among other things.

  9. thanks for the reply. insightful. but no i'm not high atm haha

  10. What about all that low-cholesterol diet bullshit that doctors and the gov't has been pushing for the past 50 years? Test is made, in part, from Cholesterol.

    Pass the Steak and eggs, please...

  11. @Justin_PS
    The documentary Fat Head talks about that subject in detail and how Super Size Me was a crock of shit.

    The movie itself is whatever to look at, but the subject matter is decent. The guy's voice is annoying and the production looks like a local TV station was involved though.

  12. Increased testosterone for me= big increase in competitive spirit. I thrive off 10 hour days of study and love kickin the shit out of college exams as if they werent an inanimate object. I used to avoid exams, cross country races, and any other thing that had an air of performance attached. I also used to think about death alot when faced with challenges.

    In keeping with the points noted in this article, I also dont care about money more than is absolutely necessary. I feel my new mode of thought can be directly correlated with the power lifting lifestyle.

  13. My father-in-law has a shillelagh hanging up in his garage. Next to the hook he's written "wife beater".

  14. Just read Saxon's Textbook on Weightlifting. Better than 90% of the dross you find on the sports shelves of any bookstore. Two points I found most interesting: 1) If he makes any reference to reps at all he suggests working up to 20 before increasing weight. 2) No squat stands, no power racks, no machines. His version of a leg press is balancing a barbell on your feet while lying on your back. Incidentally, I shall be attempting this in the near future, if only for shits and indeed, giggles. Actually I can imagine it being rather fucking amazing considering he recommends not only pressing with the legs but rising up onto your shoulders and neck with the weight on your feet. I may pay for a single session at the local gym just to do this in front of all the cunts down there. My point is that there was no concept of avoiding lifting weights in a certain manner according to whether it may be safe or not. Modern lifting is all about what's in fashion. The continental method of getting the weight to the shoulders is so out of fashion that on 2010's WSM the commentator was baffled when it was used in the axle lift. Obviously there were established methods of performing most lifts but when it came down to it the point was to get a weight overhead and without squat stands or power racks they had to do it however they found they could. I mean, to do a BNPP Saxon does a hack squat and rolls the bar up his back... How's that for determination and a big fuck you to safety/good form/will this damage my rotator cuffs/should I do this on leg day or back day? etc. A lot of the chumps these days wouldn't dream of even cleaning some dumbbells without a step by step tutorial.

    That is all.

    1. Thick cunt. I hope you did go to that gym, and that people filmed you trying to look like you're 'the man' as the barbell fell on your face. Sad fucking twat.

  15. I wouldnt pre-exhaust myself by doing some extreme shit like this if I can avoid it, but I see your point and I gladly join the fuck you to the "OMG thats too heavy, you cant do it, your going to die!" crowd.


    Just in case you need to make good post better...

  17. Kieran- In a job a couple of years ago I used to spend my days printing out the texts on sandow.uk and putting them in annotated binders with hand-drawn covers. Obviously, that job was fucking easy and extremely dull, but I learned a shitload about lifting.

    Niel- Here they are:

    I think that about covers it.

  18. Follow the instructions on this link and you'll raise your test leves

    Every line is epic.

  19. Good luck with that barbell leg press.
    Be sure to post pics of your face after it drops upon it.

  20. BB leg press?

    Might I suggest doing those with logging boots on?

  21. To quote Jamie, that's the sort of "mealy-mouthed defeatist bullshit" that has created a generation of pencil necks that can't make a change to their workout schedule without obtaining the permission of at least ten internet nobodies. But yes, I shall post pictures if it falls on my face.

    I would think bare feet would be a better option since you can curl them to some degree thus forming a curved shelf for the barbell to rest on. I imagine the old timers would have done it this way. If it really is unthinkable to do this for safety's sake I thought today that one could probably do it by rolling the barbell up a wall with the feet. Of course you then don't have the option of kicking it off and away from you as Saxon describes.

    1. You really are a twat. I bet you don't workout at all now, fucking loser

  22. I think Saxon did them in boots with heels.

  23. You can call it "mealy mouthed defeatist bullshit" or whatever you please.
    There is a large difference between ballsy, badass and just plain dumb and dangerous.
    You decide which category this falls in for yourself.
    I'll stick to squatting and non-skull denting movements.

  24. By no means did I invent this but if you fuckers want to try something different have a go at what I like to call disc-grip snatches. I read about how Goerner could snatch over 220lbs while gripping the plates on either end of the barbell and tested it today. I found I had to use a 6ft standard bar since my reach is too short for an olympic. You will also want to create a gap between the large plates you are gripping and the others that make up the rest of the weight. My bar is a spinlock and I used extra locking nuts for this. For example, you will put on a pair of your largest plates first followed by a pair of nuts, then you will put on the rest of your weight plates followed by another pair of nuts. The reason for this is that if the plates you are gripping are not separated from the others then they will get in the way of you being able to grip and control the barbell properly. Also, keep the locking nuts loose so the plates are free to move. Great fun, could be a fantastic grip exercise.

  25. On BB leg presses: Ed Zercher seemed to just use regular flat shoes if you google image search him.

    Couldn't you just do partial BB leg presses in a power rack?

    also, some strongmen have done plate flips for the grip, i.e. lifting the plate off the ground and flipping it around to catch it on the other side.

  26. Also, if you're afraid of denting your skull stop doing BTNPP's.

  27. I don't recall anyone talking about BTNPP's.

  28. Neither do I, but obviously you are afraid of damages to your cranium. Being that you're moving the barbell so close to it in a BTNPP, I would say that you pose as much of a chance at it while doing that exercise. Hell, if you're not retarded the only thing you'll do in a BB leg press is put a barbell through the wall kicking it away from you.

  29. It's not really the distance of the weight from my dome as much as it is the lack of options to get the fuck out of the way if it happens to fall towards my head. I'm not sure about you, but I can move a bit better when on my feet, so pressing isn't a problem. But hey, maybe you are completely spry when lying flat on your back with a barbell above your head.

    Your comparisons are a bit reaching.
    This exercise just seems to serve no other purpose than to show off or act hyper-old school.

  30. There is a reasons people dont barbell leg press anymore:

    -the first and most important one being TECHNOLOGY.

  31. BTN push press is fine. I understand some people aren't built for it, or they simply don't enjoy doing it, but that's no reason to go tell everyone else that it's bad for ya'.

    BTN push press is no more hype or show off or anything than any other excercise, what about clean and jerks and snatches? Deadlifts?

  32. I was making the point that a BTNPP poses threat of crashing into your dome (which has happened to Jamie if I recall). Of course the comparisons are reaching, they were supposed to be. Complete hyperbole. But there's no reason to insult someone for wanting to do an exercise you think is dangerous.

    That was the point of what I was saying. Just because someone wants to do a BB leg press doesn't mean they're going to kill themselves and explode into fire. If you want to come off like one of the pussies telling us quarter squats and harness lifts or pulling with anything but a completely straight back is dangerous, it's really up to you.

    The fact is that some incredibly strong men did BB leg presses and never got their skulls bashed in by a barbell.

    I know a guy in NM who does partial BB leg presses with 950 pounds and has never had a barbell drop on his head.

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  34. @MARS
    Nothing I said was referring to the BTNPP. It was all aimed at the barbell leg press.

    My intention was not to insult, but to point out that it's more or less risk without added benefit. You guys do what you want, by all means. There's a huge difference between all the exercises you are mentioning in comparison and this one.

    I'm glad you know a guy who can do it with huge weight. Seriously, I am ecstatic. Overwhelmed with joy.

    The fact is, it's unnecessarily risky in my eyes.

    But, you know...if you wanna' come off as the type of guy who thinks I'm impressed by your macho lifts, it's really up to you.

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