To avoid having to check this page every ten seconds for updates on supplements, music, and sundry little details, hit us up on Facebook and like the page. That'll keep you updated without getting spammed with a million twitter-length posts!

18 August 2017

The Caffeinated Elixir Of The Gods: Coffee For The Win

Again, this is another teaser for an article I wrote for the corporate site detailing the awesomeness of coffee.  Like I said, I'm not out to sell shit on this blog, but I figure you guys might like extra content while I'm working on new shit for this site.


Coffee- the second most valuable traded commodity on the planet (to oil), second most consumed beverage (to water), and people drink half a billion cups of it for breakfast around the world.  It's so important that in the Civil War the Union could not have won without it.  Each Civil Union soldier received as part of his rations 36 pounds of coffee a year, and the word "coffee" was more prevalent in the journals of soldiers than any other word, including words that should be most prevalent, like "Lincoln" and "slavery" and "war."  Seriously- Union soldiers loved to be caffeinated so much that in 1859 the Sharps Rifle company put coffee grinders on the rifles themselves.

Chaos and Pain's new coffee hits harder than a dubstep drop and gets you so hopped up you'd think you fell out of an airplane and landed face first in a Columbian coca field.

In other words, coffee is the business.  It's our jam, our jelly, our peanut butter, and our peanuts.  The origins of coffee are a matter of some debate, but there is no doubt that the coffee bean hails from UNICEF's favorite place for charitable donations, the perpetually starved nation of Ethiopia.  Luckily, the people of Ethiopia decided to share the wealth with Arab traders, and by the 11th Century coffee had begun spreading throughout the Middle East and Europe... and this is the historical point at which life got as good as an all-expenses-paid vacation to the Playboy mansion for the world at large.

Had Ponce de Leon simply realized Ethiopia had already given the world the closest thing the world had to the fountain of youth, he could have stayed home and chilled rather than running around the Americas like a jackass.

Though coffee has gone in and out of vogue with nutritionists and health experts, the science is in and it is definitive- coffee is the elixir of life.  When Juan Ponce de León was looking for the fountain of youth in the New World, he had no idea humanity had already found it- it's coffee.  Coffee's health-promoting properties are derived from its phytochemistry... and you'll have to go here to get the rest of the article.

Coming up late this weekend/early next week- "Fuck The Olympia- The Real Champions Of Bodybuilding Are Uncrowned", in which you'll get workouts from Brutil Bertil Fox and a bunch of other maniacs of who you may have never heard.

12 comments :

  1. I can attest to the "nobody can soldier with out coffee"
    A good cup was of the utmost import, to the point we would "dip" usuing MRE coffee packs instead of tobacco.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jamie, I think you once mentioned an article or series on how the best lifters improved their worst lifts. Still a possibility?

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well, coffee makes me jittery and anxious as fuck, I have full blown OCD on it. If I drink one cup in the morning, I have trouble falling asleep at night.

    Why is that? Naturally higher adrenaline levels?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Whatever happened to cannibal da vinci, anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ever read this book?

    https://www.amazon.com/Shorn-Little-Sissy-Things-2010-2014/dp/1503355152/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

    ReplyDelete
  7. Try to keep it down and save it for important training events when you really need it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This was posted three weeks ago promising an article by that weekend. No post and nothing on Jamies instagram either. So he's either locked up again, dead, or engaging in a spontaneous three week orgy.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Maybe he died of a spontaneous three week orgy while locked up.

    ReplyDelete
  10. He is researching into snake oil, apparently it can cure cancer and raise your deadlift 200kg.

    ReplyDelete