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23 July 2013

Why Go Cannibal?


One reason for the slowdown in posts after a flurry last month was because I'm going through all of the old nutrition articles and rewriting them for the new nutrition ebook, which should be out presently.  Additionally, I've been spending a lot of time on new merch for CnP and the new supplements, plus working my day job.  As such, I've been getting out what I can, when I can.  To tide you fuckers over until my next epic post, I thought I'd drop the following on you, which is something I'm working on for the forthcoming corporate CnP (www.chaosandpain.com) website.  Lest you worry, the blog will remain as is, porn-and-gore-filled and generallyawesome.  The new site will feature semi-sanitized articles from the myself and uncensored articles by other authors (Jay Nera being among them), in addition to being a sales and info site for the supplements and new merch (CnP beer mugs and shot glasses, anyone?).  Some of you will find this interesting, and the rest of you can yank the panties out of your cracks, as there will be new shit posted soon, and there's a week-long 2 hour podcast (which I cannot get to upload to Youtube for some reason) that features our new addition, the aforementioned Jay Nera.

Preview of the new site- we're about to go big time.

The Story Behind Chaos and Pain's "Cannibal" Supplement Line

Long ago, at the University of Arizona, Chaos and Pain's founder Jamie Lewis was in the nascence of his writing career, but already deep into his lifelong campaign of anti-authoritarianism and shit-stirring.  It was here that he was enjoined to pen a paper either defending or critiquing the plan detailed in Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal, a satire in which Swift suggested that the English begin eating Irish babies to rid them simultaneously of the scourge of Catholicism and the Irish.  At the time, there was strong anti-Catholic sentiment in the strongly Anglican nation, concomitant with a virulent hatred of the Irish, who were considered basically subhuman by the Brits.  True to form, Jamie chose to defend the proposal as an intellectual exercise, and because he knew this would anger his class full of born-again Christians and foaming-at-the-mouth liberals beyond words.  As such, he set to discovering who had been cannibals in the past, and how they fared.


What he discovered shocked him- provided they avoided eating uncooked brains (which all but the people of Papua New Guinea did), cannibal tribes around the world were renown for their strength, size, speed, and ferocity.  Far from being the sickly, backward malcontents of unenlightened lands, many of these peoples were so feared and respected by others that they resisted colonization and the "civilizing" hand of Christian missionaries almost into the modern era.  This, of course, made a defense of "A Modest Proposal" a simple affair, and Jamie enjoyed watching security escort several enthusiastic missionaries from the classroom as he read his paper, the sole defense of cannibalism, aloud.


Cannibalism, he posited, was not merely the purview of the insane or the starved, the afflicted or the deranged.  Instead, cannibalism among primates is a rather common occurrence, as chimpanzees show rather frequently.  Likewise, cannibalism was common amongst Neanderthals and Australopithecines, and this practice has a profoundly positive effect.  The massive influx of protein from prey that was easier to catch and consume contributed to rapid evolution of hominid brains, and reinforced a desire for meat and a concomitant aggressiveness in succeeding generations.  Springing forward into modern humanity, the word "cannibal" was coined by the Greek historian Herodotus.  Prior to the invention of the word, cannibalism was apparently so common that a word to describe the practice of eating human flesh, as opposed to that of other species, simply did not exist.  Much later, sociologists would further define the word by dividing cannibalistic practices into two types- funerary endo-cannibalism, and aggressive gustatory cannibalism.


From what essentially amounted to an act of academic trolling sprang an idea- would human flesh then be the most healthy protein source humans could eat?  It only seemed reasonable that it would be, as it should naturally contain exactly the amino acids and nutrients that the human body would favor, and was famous among cannibals for being the most delicious meat on Earth.  Though the evidence gradually found its way into Jamie's hands, his concept for a "Cannibal Fuel" product seemed a pipe dream, as Jamie had neither the capital nor the necessary manufacturing experience to make it happen.  It wasn't until he met the other half of Chaos and Pain LLC's braintrust, Wayne Banks, that the idea began to solidify as the duo discussed its merits between sets of deadlifts and bench presses.  It was in the gym, then, that Cannibal Fuel and Chaos and Pain LLC sprang into being.


As it happens, protein powders are incredibly expensive to produce and unless the company has the capital to produce massive quantities, not a tremendously lucrative business.  Luckily, however, cannibals around the world found themselves competing with pre-modern humans for resources, land, and calories.  Were they to exist in large numbers today, finding food would be a simple affair- they'd simply find the nearest herd of ridiculously obese people and slaughter them en masse.  There existed few people, however, that resembles beluga whales more than humans, which forced the cannibal tribes to supplement their meat-heavy diets with various herbs to make them faster, stronger, and smarter, so as to facilitate the conquest of neighboring peoples and ensure a steady supply of human flesh.  The use of stimulants by hunters is ubiquitous to improve reaction time, strength, and performance, and foremost among the herbs used in that regard was ephedra.  Common throughout Eurasia, ephedra has been found in every Neanderthal burial, and has been commonly used by tribesmen from Europe to China since as a "performance enhancing drug".  Likewise, tribesmen in Africa have used the coffee bean and the herb khat as a stimulant for generations.  The Maoris used micropiper exelsum as a stimulant on hunts and an aphrodisiac thereafter, and the natives of the Americas used herb ranging from the coca plant to chocolate and western ephedra strains for energy.  Botanicals were also used to aid in everything from sex to sleep, and written records of ancient athletic competitions are replete with mention of athletes using the same herbs hunters and warriors used to help them on the athletic field.


This, then, is why Chaos and Pain's supplements carry the "cannibal" title- in a long line of badasses, we wish to produce the baddest of the bad, and harkens back to the days when the Androphagi dominated the Russian steppes, striking fear into the hearts of their neighbors- people known to be hyper-warlike, overly muscled, insatiably libidinous and wildly bloodthirsty.  These Mad Max psychos bowed before the Androphagi, men "more savage than those of any other race. They neither observe justice, nor are governed, by any laws. The "man-eaters", as the Greeks named them, "were in the habit of drinking out of human skulls, and placing the scalps, with the hair attached, upon their breasts, like so many napkins."  No man or woman was tougher, larger, or more fearsome that the Greeks encountered, and are thus the ideal classical group of maniacs of whom we could think to emulate in the present.


Go forth and conquer, fellow cannibals- we'll supply the num nums.


37 comments :

  1. I LOVED that essay by Swift.

    Did you ever pick up that book, "Contingency Cannibalism" that Paladin press published? That was a good read.

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    Replies
    1. Never heard it. Just finished Dinner with a Cannibal, though, and that was a great read.

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  2. That was an interesting read and takes me back to my thoughts as a youth. Obviously on philosophical grounds it might be better to be higher up in the food chain. But here, my first impressions are that eating the brain might be symbolically satisfying.
    Do you think that stories about giants are related to real cannible cultures? I'd be interested in seeing some sources.

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    1. Then again, it seems most momdern cannibles are so pathetic.

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    2. I can hit you with some sources tonight. As for the giants, there seem to have been some really people running around certain areas of the world back in the day. I've no idea if they were cannibals, though it's certainly possible give the prevalence of cannibalism in that era. The Tarim mummies in NW China, for instance, may well have been from a cannibalistic culture, as the areas from which that haplogroup came were all cannibalistic in the past.

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    3. Here are some sources:

      History of Performance enhancing drugs: http://sportsanddrugs.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=002366

      In re ephedra in particular, it's long been used in China in a tea for stimulant effects- there are sources all over for that but here's one http://eastmeetswest.com/chinese-herbal-medicine-and-the-athlete/. For the Scythians, it is well known that they used a wide array of hallucinogens and stimulants before battle, but the evidence for ephedra is anecdotal: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/jemt.22216/abstract;jsessionid=FE3E24ECE02B6FCF492A0779CC96606F.d03t04?deniedAccessCustomisedMessage=&userIsAuthenticated=false and http://link.springer.com/article/10.1663/0013-0001(2003)057%5B0295:AEFTTO%5D2.0.CO%3B2 and http://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-540-79116-4_19

      Otehr Scythian drug use: http://books.google.com/books?id=l8Uy2k1srAIC&pg=PA95&lpg=PA95&dq=scythian+drug+use&source=bl&ots=jAljC9ywBm&sig=Ab09pZzBSXqfEpZ1FeMM91_Iltw&hl=en&sa=X&ei=-f7vUe2AJIrg8ATp1oHgCg&ved=0CGsQ6AEwCA#v=onepage&q=scythian%20drug%20use&f=false

      De Materia Media, the oldest extant medical "textbook" listed ephedra for its stimulant properties, so you can check that out.

      For the Neanderthal ephedra, look here under "Shanidar" http://www.eolss.net/sample-chapters/c03/e6-79-01.pdf, or just google Neanderthal and Shanidar.

      Herodotus and Cannibals (the Issedones and Massagetae): http://www.questia.com/library/1G1-65537122/herodotus-and-the-cannibals I sourced Herodotus fairly heavily in my lost paper.

      Cannibals in Ireland: http://books.google.com/books?id=f899xH_quaMC&pg=PA846&lpg=PA846&dq=strabo+cannibals&source=bl&ots=p-Yyfhyt2N&sig=XSt4LVcKChs7CxOpGCNxnMVlRw0&hl=en&sa=X&ei=u_zvUYeiAYj48wTUmYDQBA&ved=0CC8Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=strabo%20cannibals&f=false

      Maori Cannibalism: http://www.heretical.com/cannibal/nzealand.html and http://www.stuff.co.nz/archived-stuff-sections/archived-national-sections/korero/565552/Tales-of-Maori-cannibalism-told-in-new-book

      Cannibals worldwide: http://www.heretical.com/main.html#directory and Scroll down to Cannibalism.

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    4. Are giants cannibals if they eat people or just if they eat other giants?

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    5. Glen they can produce fertile offspring with humans I guess so they are still cannibals.

      Jamie most of the links were interesting but the Ireland one seemed sketchy as fuck. Also, why do you care about ephedra so much when you can start smoking instead, additionally increasing testosterone and looking cool infront of teenage girls?

      Delete
  3. BREAKING NEWS: Alabama man caught feeding people who cannot deadlift 315 into a custom-made wood chopper, seemingly to "eat their protein". Birmingham police are investigating.

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  4. LOL I would have killed (and eat them fat fucks) to see you present your paper. Also nice picture choice, that girl is a 10/10

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  5. Totally unrelated, but just watched this and found it quite inspirational -

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=fHRwo7j7byk

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  6. I watch this three or four times a year probably.

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    Replies
    1. Really? I just stumbled across it watching Steve Jecks old local network tv shows on youtube (still trying to find someone who's uploaded the whole pen slab dvd he did - i'm not paying what shops ask for over here in the uk). Anyhow, nice vid, that tombstone rock looked a right fucker. For functional training i've been using a girl at work for overhead presses. She reads this blog, so she knows i'm talking about her. Had a thumb slip where it shouldn't the other day that woke her up.

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    2. The easiest wayh to be "functionally strong" IME is to be really fat. All leverages against you from "odd objects" are reduced. Anyway, look at this guy:

      http://i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd152/bethyjr/IMG_6578.jpg

      http://i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd152/bethyjr/IMG_6581.jpg

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  7. Good lift there. Seriously though, nothing beats pressing a woman over your head, you get to put your hands in some funky places. And this particular woman could (and should) easily be a fitness model. Or porn star ;-)

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  8. The materialist anthropologist fucker Marvin Harris wrote an almost good book.

    Cannibals and Kings.

    Might want to check out if you haven't.

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  9. I want a CnP beer mug yesterday.

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    Replies
    1. My vote is still cast for the Basque stone lifting vest.

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    2. I believe we're only making the mugs for Europa reps to get them to carry our product. We might get a couple of extras for giveaways, though.

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  10. One word -- Kuru. Other than that, I don't really find fat people all that appetizing, but if they taste anything like whale than I am all for it.

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    Replies
    1. Kuru only really occurred with the people in New Guinea, and it was really only among the women, as they were the ones who ate the brains. Provided you're not eating uncooked brains, you're good to go.

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  11. Jamie You should make CNP PL singlets

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  12. Newsflash.
    Ireland could not be defeated by your thug English, who tried every conceivable way to subdue them.
    400 Brave Irish IRA defeated 50,000 of Englands finest including SAS, assassination squads, MI5 and MI6, Kidnappings, False flags and other acts of terror. IRA bombed the London Stock Exhange, Heathrow Airport, Downing Street missing PM John Major and his entire cabinet by 1 room and Brighton Beach Hotel missing PM and English terrorist Marg Thatcher by one minute.
    Please dont call those that resist Occupation terrorists, Rather than those that ARE The Occupiers.

    Zionist Americans have a funny habit of doing that, and the Afganis are now in the process of Evicting the Americans from their unsuccessful occupation as the US and Allies control Less ground in Afganistan than in 2003.


    Army paper says IRA Not defeated
    BBC News- July 6, 2007
    An Internal British Army document examining 37 years of deployment in Northern Ireland contains the claim by one expert that it Failed to defeat the IRA.
    It describes the IRA as "a Professional, Dedicated, highly skilled and resilient force", While loyalist paramilitaries are described as "Little more than a collection of gangsters".
    It concedes for the first time that it did Not win the battle against the IRA."

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    Replies
    1. Fuck the pope and the IRA, 1690 No Surrender etc. etc.

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    2. All well and good, but 400 IRA still defeated Englands finest of 40,000 + thug occupying soldiers.
      The English military General & Commander says the IRA cannot EVER be defeated.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRJGfe0k7rI


      Far as the Pope goes, thats understood.
      The Catholic Church is hated for its Crusades in reclaiming stolen lands from Muslims, for defending Europe from the same, and for keeping Jews in locked caged ghettos and confiscating their ill gotten wealth via Usury and burning their TALMUD- a vile religious book of Supremecy, so I understand your sentiment. Love the New World Order, dude.

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    3. The notion of Irish indepedance or of a primarily papist state would be fucked anyway without Britain's intervention. The seas of Nazi salutes sometimes given by Rangers fans are strange when Ireland was the country which dodged the second world war. It's not as though Nazi Germany agreed with them, clearly they were pro-empire and anti-papal, but Ireland was too weak or too selfish to fight for a just cause. Sure, let the British use Ireland during the war, but pretend you had nothing to do with it incase you need to change sides. Then when your country is safe go back to banditry and terrorism, pretending to be heroes fighting the wicked English. There's no doubt the IRA won: now the men who bombed train stations are in political parties instead of being executed for treason like they deserve. But don't pretend that they're good.

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    4. Who are you addressing with this nonsense? No one outside of the British Isles really gives a shit about Irish separatism.

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    5. Are you kidding? America funded terrorism in Ireland in the eighties.

      http://www.csmonitor.com/1985/0114/anor1.html

      Maybe you should go into an Irish bar on Mar 17th wearing a Union Jack - that would be an interesting experiment, despite the n of 1! :-)

      Btw, the cs monitor is usually obnoxious, but seemed reasonable accurate this time around...

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  13. http://phys.org/news/2013-07-chimp-pig-hybrid-humans.html#jCp

    Hmmm... Humans may have come from a Pig/ Chimp hybridization... saw this and thought about your article above... (and my love of bacon) I wonder what chimp meat tastes like...

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  14. Jamie, What are some sources you used for information on the Scythians apart from those linked above? I remember you mentioning them in a previous blog (predator diet with carbs blog i think?)

    Im trying to dig up as much info on them as possible as they seem very interesting and fairly hard to find info on.

    Is it also possible that the legends of giants originate from the Scythians? The average height in the time in which they roamed around was just above 5" but the graves of the Scythian Elite show heights up to just over 2m tall, if i was 5 foot tall that would look like a giant to me.

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    Replies
    1. In the past, I relied pretty heavily on Rene Grousset's Empires of the Steppes.

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  15. New Diet Taps into Pioneering Plan to Help Dieters LOSE 15 Pounds in Only 21 Days!

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    All the world famous brand name drinks for unbelievable discounted price tags.

    ReplyDelete