16 April 2013

Baddest Rivalry Ever- Kaz Vs. Jon Pall Part 2

The face of sanity.

Having set the stage for the battle between the incomparable titans of World's Strongest Man, it is now time to examine the Kaz-Sigmarsson rivalry in detail.  Though their first meeting is often believed to be the 1988 World's Strongest Man, the first meeting between the two roaring beasts was in 1985, in which Kaz and Sigmarsson went head to head in the World Muscle Power Classic.

Prior to the inaugural World Muscle Power Classic, Kaz had bounced around a bit.  After taking third in his initial foray into World's Strongest Man, Kaz went on to win it three times in a row, beating his (alleged) rival Capes by an average margin of 21.6 points.  As such, in their first three meetings, Kaz and Capes were rivals in the same way the US Army and the Iraqi Army were rivals in the 1990s.  Thereafter, as Kaz made a triumphant return to powerlifting to dominate that sport, Capes went on to beat Jon Pall by very slim margins a couple of times, and then lost handily a couple of times to the Viking berserker.  Sadly, as Kaz languished in the frozen tundra of Don'tcomebackbecauseyouembarrasseveryonewhenyoubeatthefuckingbreaksoffthem-land, Pall and Capes had to compete in the shadow of Kaz's greatness and endure constant commentary about how neither of them would be a true champion until they beat Kaz in a WSM.  It wasn't until 1985 that Kaz and Jon Pall would face off, with Capes in the middle like a thong crammed between two beautiful Brazilian ass cheeks, and it wouldn't be until 1988 that Kaz would be welcomed back into the warmth of World's Strongest Man's pillowy bosoms.

Life could be worse.

Kaz's return to strongman was hardly triumphant, as he came in third to Jon Pall and Capes in one of his only losses to the latter.  Not much information is available on the event, save for the event list and the placings.  Surprisingly, the events were by and large Scottish Highland games-style events, which makes it odd Kaz didn't fare better.  He failed to dominate either Capes or Pall, and Pall walked away with the gold.  What's curious here is that the events should have come as naturally for Kaz as banging teenagers and making boring movies is for Woody Allen.  Instead, Kaz found himself for two years on the outside looking in to the world of strongman, about as capable of winning a competition as an armless broad would be at winning a flapjack-flipping competition.  After sitting out the 1986 season in major strongman compeitions, Kaz again attempted to best Capes and Jon Pall.  1987 was the only year since the WSM's inception that the contest was not held, and in its place, was an event some consider to be the seminal strongman event of all time- Pure Strength.  Were I pressed to give my opinion, I contend that Fortissimus is in fact the greatest Strongman competition of all time, but Pure Strength certainly wasn't too far off.  Intended to be a fill-in for the defunct WSM, Pure Strength was initially a competition between the three best strongmen of the era- Geoff Capes, Bill Kazmaier, and Jon Pall Sigmarrson.  What was intended to be a three man race was really just a two man competition between Kaz and Jon Pall, however, as Capes didn't post a win in any of the events.  Instead, Capes won the off-camera cake eating competition and received a shiny participant's medal, which he also ate.

We should all look so good.

Should you attempt to look up Pure Strength, you'll likely only find youtube videos reminiscent of the Playboy channel of the 1980s- if you recall, most of us spent much of our formative years in an effort to discern what the fuck was being displayed, as it was for us mostly static and blurred lines set to a backdrop of passionate moaning.  If you paid close attention, you might occasionally see a titty with a nipple on it, but the majority of the image was analog nonsense.  That's the video quality of most of the extant Pure Strength footage, but like the Playboy Channel of yore, close attention to the image pays off.  Nevertheless, the competition featured a somewhat pudgy Kaz facing a bloated Jon Pall in his prime, with a bearded Eric Cartman in a tiny track jacket looking on from the sidelines.  Pure Strength was interesting not just for the fact that it featured a 1980's strongman competition between King Kong and Godzilla, though- it was unique in its events as well.  Despite their uniqueness, none of the events proved to be terribly difficult for Jon Pall, as he went on to win 8 of the ten.  Kaz only managed two wins, and displayed both an astonishing contempt for the world at large and for anything resembling good form throughout the competition.

Viking power.

In the forward hold, for instance, Jon Pall screamed encouragement to himself as he dominated the field, while Kaz simply seemed to give up with a look of disgust on his face in pretty short order.  The event was actually pretty cool, as each competitor had to hold a claymore at arm's length in one hand and a shield in the other.  The McGlashen stones went no better for Kaz, as he utilized none of the form one typically sees in stone lifting, instead choosing to basically bend at the waist somewhat lazily, throw the stone onto his shoulder, and walk rather lackadaisically to the bin in which he had to deposit it.  Kaz then went on to lose at a number of events for which he was famous, including the log lift, the deadlift, and the caber toss.  Jon Pall, to his credit, had been training in the Highland Games events for some time, making his transition from powerlifting to strongman to Highland Games rather easily.  Kaz, though an accomplished Highland Games competitor and all-around strongman badass, couldn't manage to channel his obvious hatred for all things great and small long enough to win anything but the weight for height and the stone carry, though he should have won some kind of award for "best look of boredom and contemptousness in history".

I'm paying attention and I care.  Seriously.  I do.

At the time, Kaz held multiple world records in powerlifting and was the only three-time World's Strongest Man.  Thus, in spite of the fact that he placed behind both Sigmarsson and Capes in strongman, he was still arguably the strongest human on the planet, and his workout belied his superhuman stature.  Surprisingly, Kaz only trained four days a week, though his volume was pretty much what you'd expect- a hell of a lot of work.  You've likely seen some nonsense online wherein Kaz trained with high reps, though that's not what I found, and it's not what would make sense- high reps would make about as much sense for Bill Kazmaier as a donkey would be for transportation in a race against a Ferrari.

In case you want to see it for yourself.

When getting ready for a meet, Kaz would plan out his workouts months in advance, so he'd be able to envision exactly what he'd be lifting in preparation for the lifts he'd be making.  Thus, once he actually got underneath the poundages that would liquefy the bowels of lesser mortals, he'd already lifted them dozens of times in his head- this way, everything he did was old hat, even the first time he actually lifted it.  Though you'll read all over that Kaz only did sets of 10 and higher, his competition prep would begin with sets of 5, then drop to 3 and then 2 as the meets approached.

Bench (heavy)- warm up, then 4 work sets
Wide Grip Bench- 3 x 10 reps
Narrow Grip Bench- 3 sets x 10 reps
Front Delt Raise 4 sets x 8 reps
Dumbell Seated Press 4 sets x 10 reps
Side Delt Raise 4 sets x 10 reps
Lying Tricep Push (after 2 warm up sets) 6 sets x 10 reps
Tricep Push Down 4 sets x 10 reps

Squat (heavy) warm up, then 4 work sets
Deadlift (light) warm up, then 3 work sets
Shrugs 2 sets x 15-40 reps, 1 set x 10-20 reps
Seated Hammer Curls 4 sets x 12 reps
Standing Curl 4 sets x 10 reps
Close Grip Chin Ups 3 sets x max on each set
Seated Row 4 sets x 10 reps
Leg Extensions 3 sets x 10 reps
Leg Curl 3 sets x 10 reps
Calf Raise 3 sets x 15-25 reps

Bench (light) warm up, then 3 work sets
Wide Grip Bench 3 sets x 10 reps
Narrow Grip Bench 3 sets x 10 reps
Dumbell Seated Press (heavy) warm up, then 4 sets x 8 reps
Front Delt Raise 4 sets x 10 reps
Tennis Backhand Cable Extensions 4 sets x 10 reps
Prone Tricep Extension 4 sets x 10 reps

Deadlift (heavy) warm up, then 4 work sets
Squat (light) warm up, then 4 sets x10 reps
Shrugs (heavy) 4 sets x 10-15 reps
Seated Hammer Curl 4 sets x 8 reps
Concentration Curl 4 sets x 12 reps
One Arm Row – 3 positions 3 sets x 10 reps
Wide Grip Pull (down to chest) 4 sets x 10 reps
Leg Extensions 3 sets x 10 reps
Leg Curl 3 sets x 10 reps
Calf Raise 3 sets x 15-25 reps
(Ab Work When Possible)

I've no idea how long these workouts must have taken, but it's longer than most of us are willing to spend in the gym... or is it?  In the next installment, we'll take a look at how Jon Pall lifted to prepare for battle with Kaz, and I'll probably just dispense with pics of Kaz, Jon Pall, and Cartman for pics of a certain Brazilian broad with a gigantic booty.

One more Andressa Soares pic, because booty.

Hercules, Iron.  Bill Kazmaier Routine (apparently sourced from Marty Gallagher article no longer available online).   Muscle and Brawn.  28 Jun 2009.  Web.  3 Apr 2013.  http://muscleandbrawn.com/bill-kazmaier-training-routine/

Smoker, John.  A Seminar with Kazmaier.  Tight Tan Slacks of Dezso Ban.  Nov 2009.  Web.  3 APr 2013.  http://ditillo2.blogspot.com/2009/11/seminar-with-kazmaier-jon-smoker.html

No homosexual is gay enough not to fuck this broad.


  1. Like your site and this article in particular. Kaz was a beast. Looking forward to the next part, and by all means, forgo the pics of the guys for the Bazialian booty pics.

  2. I remember Kaz and Jon Pall battling it out back in the late 80's early 90's,we always NEW that when it came to pure static strength,Kaz was,and still is to many,the epitome of raw,ungodly power and strength.Its got to be remembered that in his day the events were'nt standardized like nowadays,so the guys couldnt really practice the events beforehand,and also the promoter (yes thats singular,as there was only one strongman promoter in those days)had his "favourites",the promoter in question used Jon as an advert for his dairy business,so we figured that was the reason the events were structured to favour his "boy" so heavily.
    As you will no doubt be aware,you can totally rig an event by knowing and including your man's better events as well as messing up someone elses just by choosing his weaker events,This was and still is common practice as it easily fools the ignorant TV viewers/masses into accepting the manufactured "winner" as the strongest.
    This very fact was the source of Kaz's frustration,we who were enlightened could see it too,so it only served to bolster our love for big Kaz.
    If the events were ran fairly with an even mix of strength and dynamic/speed he would have even have superceded Mariusz's record.

  3. For more info on the history of World's Strongest Man, check out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5g1z5otbUY .

    Anyways, I'm new to the blog and was going through the archived podcasts. All I could find about the sudden end was that it's definitely dead, and you said you were working on a new one back in early March.

    How's the new one coming along?

    I can't wait for those to start, I love just being able to listen to things for a long period of time, thanks for all this cool content Jamie.

    1. Should be recording a new one with Jay Nera tomorrow.

    2. Fantastic! Thanks you guys.

      I think just listening to you jacks up my test levels and makes me generally more awesome, so you can understand my desire for more content!

      Thanks again, much appreciated.

    3. "just listening to you jacks up my test levels"

      Jeesh, get a fucking room. Who are you, Stan, his biggest fan?!

      "and makes me generally more awesome"

      Err..no it doesn't

    4. Will you be doing any more shows with Paul, Jamie?

    5. Facebook post I found said that Chaos and Bang Your Earballs is dead. Sad news.

      @Rant Why you mad?

    6. You obviously haven't read many past comment sections

    7. I have not, I'll go do that.

    8. Don't do that, you fucking faggot.

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