Random Awesome Shit Easter Edition

Today being Easter, I thought it would be appropriate to offer up an Easter Basket full of goodies of which you've likely never heard, and which I thoroughly enjoy.  Lest you find yourself amongst the teeming hordes of non-Christians who could give a shit about Easter, buck up- I've got music, supplements, and movies to get you through this trying celebration of Christian piscetarian zombies.

Side note- a practice we need to adopt in the West is the Czech tradition of spanking women on Easter Monday.  Spankings are always good fun, and in this case they're for a good cause- the spanking grants the spankee good health and beauty over the coming year.   Therefore, find a booty and spank it on Monday.

One More Random Music Recommendation

Iggy Azalea
Speaking of booties... I realize I'm a little late to the party on this one, but my only exposure to Iggy had previously been her song"Pu$$y", which while amusing didn't have much staying power in my rotation.  Her latest shit, however, is damn good- badass beats, far smoother rhymes than most of what her "rival rapper" Kreayshawn, and fairly intelligent lyrics for a high school dropout.  Perhaps it's the booty, and perhaps it's the fact that she's from Australia and I'm fairly certain that I was an Aussie in a former life, but this shit is worth slipping into the rotation on the rare occasion I need a break from breakdowns.  The videos I posted below are some of her more mainstream stuff, but the new shit she's got out have beats that blow M.I.A.'s stuff out of the water- it's really more along the lines of seriously cool electro with rap overlaid on the beat.

Not off Iggy's album, but a fucking great song in any event:

Anything that mocks child beauty pageants is good by me:

Zeus likes this shit, so any fan of Friday can't hate on it too hard:

Her new mixtape is free, so you might as well grab it here.

Supplements

Noopept

Perhaps in an effort to take a break from their primary directive of doing everything they do in their lives in the furtherance of evil, Russian scientists have delivered a beautiful baby onto the pharma market in Russia, and the US supplement market.  This baby is actually an entire family of drugs called racetams, which the Russians created to make people more intelligent.  They were probably looking for a way to get their scientists intelligent enough to make prostitution robots that crush a man's spirit and steal his wallet all at the same time, which playing the old Soviet national anthem.  Nevertheless, they've made huge leaps in the last few years with racetams- the family of drugs serving as pharmacological aids for memory, cognition, and a variety of other mental health features. These supplements, which were widely available for a short period of time in preworkouts and general nootropics were pulled when the US government issued a statement that stated that piracetam, the most popular of the racetams in the US, could not be sold in the United States because it did not fit the definition of a dietary supplement. As such, all of the racetams were pulled from product formulations that contained them. That is, until now. LGI Labs recently released N-Pept 10 and CTD Labs has Noopept both products contain what has been described as a "brain steroid", a substance called Noopept.  Noopept almost sounds too good to be true. Like the other racetams, it's used most heavily in Russia, and it is considered to be essentially a wonder drug. Though the mechanisms by which racetams work are unknown, the entire family of drugs appears to do the following:

• reverses the effects of both aging and alcoholism on the brain
• lowers signs of depression
• improves memory
• improves blood flow to parts of the brain associated with cognition and memory
• aids in cognition for schizophrenics

Noopept is BETTER than the best of the previous racetams - by a factor of 1000. This stuff is basically the drug from the movie Limitless, only without going full retard after a couple of months. According to Wikipedia:

• Animal studies have shown noopept to be neuroprotective and enhance memory in various tests.
• Noopept displays both high oral bioavailability and good blood–brain barrier penetration in rats 
• Human studies have shown promising results, with potential application in the treatment of Alzheimer's disease.  
• It is also an "immunocorrector" in mice.

Best of all: Chronic treatment with Noopept was not followed by the development of tolerance, but even potentiated the neurotrophic effect.  Thus, the more and longer you take it, the better it works! In anecdotal research, each does seems to last 2 – 4 hours. Russian Noopept literature recommends taking a one month break from the product every 1.5 months to regain the euphoric feeling you get initially.

Dosing suggestions for Noopept are 10 – 20 mg taken 1 -3 times a day depending on your need. The specific optimal dosing for Noopept is .5mg per kg of bodyweight. You do not build up a tolerance for the Noopept so there is no need to increase the dosage past these levels.

I bought a bottle of this the other day and took it when I awoke on Saturday, with the intent that it might make me better at Call of Duty (yes, I lead an exciting life). Thus, I slammed a Bang!, popped 20 mg of D-Pept... and proceeded to read four issues of Muscular Development back to back and take notes on pertinent scientific studies outlined therein. That took me about an hour and a half, after which time I switched to Call of Duty and tore it up. This stuff is legit.

I'm not one to really hawk a supplement, but I'm sold by the science on this stuff.  If you fail to get some, you're pretty much just admitting to the world you don't give a fuck how stupid you might appear to the people around you when you open your mouth.

Bang! .357

Energy drinks generally taste like gasoline mixed with brake powder and smell like a poison you'd use to kill a dragon, with the faint overlay of a berry scent, ostensibly to distract the dragon from your aim.  As such, I very rarely consume them, as I like my taste buds and want to vomit when I smell a Red Bull in an enclosed space- they're like the Thais took all of the malice and evil behind turning an 8 year old boy into a castrated ladyboy prostitute was bottled and served in a can fit for an infant.  Bang! .357, however, is nothing like that.  The perfect compliment to my Noopept, Bang tastes like Mountain Dew, contains 357mg of caffeine, a bunch of BCAAs, creatine, glutamine, and CoQ10- basically making it akin to a liquified version of sex.  Pass on it if you must, but if you deign to take a sip as a break from your berry flavored poison, you will not be disappointed.

Movies

Universal Soldier: Day Of Reckoning

Titties, exploding heads, and nonstop hardstyle martial arts action.  Instant 1000 testosterone points when you watch this movie.  You might be wary due to the fact that it didn't make it to theaters, but this thing was filmed in 3D and intended for a theatrical release- they just couldn't cut it down enough to get an R-rating.  Yeah, it's THAT violent.  We're talking a movie consisting of equal parts of the original Universal Soldier, Fight Club, and Raid: Redemption that features a cast consisting of Van Damme, Dolph, Scott Adkins, former UFC champ Andrei Arlovski, and former boxing champ Roy Jones Jr.- you're night going to find a better cast in any action movie, with the obvious exception of Expendables 2 (as it featured all of the first three).

Click here for the most intellectual review of one of the most violent films ever produced.  I couldn't have written a better review, so I won't bother trying.

Dredd 3D
Another film shot in 3D, and if you missed it in the theaters, you seriously missed out- this movie is the reason that technology was invented.  True to the comic, violent as hell, well acted, and pretty much cool in every possible sense.  If it's possible for a movie that consists of little more than violence to be artistic, this is art.

Even Wired loved this movie- "Dredd 3D might be the only movie ever to make audiences say, “Did you see that guy get his face blown off? It was beautiful!” Ultraviolence isn’t for everyone, but for those who like their carnage over the top, this movie is aces."  Watch it.  Now.

Ted
Quite frankly, I was leery of this one.  Family Guy seems to have jumped the shark a decade ago, and I couldn't imagine a worse plot for a movie than Marky Mark with an animated talking bear.  I, however, was gravely mistaken- this movie could hardly have been funnier, even had it included Will Ferrell making random cameos.  The story follows Marky Mark as he copes with the fact that his best childhood friend, a stuffed bear, came to life after the former New Kid wished upon a star that he do so.  Ted, the bear, is a foul-mouthed, coke-snorting playboy who drags Wahlberg into a never ending series of hilariously offensive scenes, all the while being pursued by the astonishingly creepy dude from Boiler Room (another awesome movie you might as well throw in your Netflix queue).  Did I mention this movie also features Mila Kunis, Putty from Seinfeld, and the dude from that horrible 1980s Flash Gordon movie?  Well, it does, because they attempted to pack as much awesome as possible into a movie no one has apparently ever seen.

Still on the fence?  How about a bit of the dialogue?

Frank: You had sexual intercourse on top of the produce that we sell to people?
Ted: I fucked her with a parsnip. Then I sold that same parsnip to a family of four.

Just watch the fucking thing, preferably while wearing diapers in the likely event you piss yourself laughing.

Blood Car
If any of you have ever heard of this movie, I'll be shocked.  I stumbled across this gem in the now defunct indie movie rental store chain TLA, which was a staple in the Philadelphia area for years before it fell like wheat before Redbox and Netflix's scythes.  I happened across it on the new releases wall and snatched it up after seeing the cover, as I am easily amused and used to buy cds and movies based on their covers.

In any event, Blood Car is the story of a nerdy vegan in the near future who accidentally discovers that the engine he's designed to work on wheatgrass actually will run on blood.  Thus, he installs it in his car (gas prices have made it uneconomical to drive) and starts stuffing every motherfucker he can find in it to bang a chick who runs a butcher's stand.  Not only is it as awesome as it sounds, the meat chick actually pisses on him in one of the many sex scenes.  Need I say more?  I think not.

Black Devil Doll
This is the perfect drunken Friday night movie- unabashedly racist, blax- and sexploitation epic that features a horrible black doll whose body gets inhabited by the spirit of an executed Black Power death row inmate.  After taking control of the doll, Chuckie Mumia pretends to fall in love with the huge-titted doll's owner, which simply turns out to be a ploy to bang her friends.  The movie's little more than tits and ridiculous exclamations by a hard-dicked stereotype of a gangbanger in a voodoo-infused doll, and that's fine by me.  Awesome by any standard.

Cue any song Luke (Luke Skywalker of 2 Live Crew, for the babes amongst you)ever recorded.

Bonus Music:  The Poozles Recommends

Nekrogoblikon
My girlfriend is considerably cooler than yours, and probably most of your guy friends as well.  As such, I feel compelled to pass along her most recent favorite band, adding this to a list of bands that includes Yesterday I Had Roadkill, Nine Inch Nails, Whitechapel, Butcher, and Rammstein.  I forgive her for the Rammstein, as should you.  I was previously unaware of her love for folk metal, which I despise, but after mocking the shit out of a band called Finntroll, I found she didn't share my distate for metal recorded at a Renn Faire.  When I happened across Nekrogobilicon, I had to tell her, because this shit is actually tolerable.  Thus, check them out- they're sort of a wacky symphonic death metal.  It's a combination of the fun beats of Cradle of Filth with the vocals and sound of Black Dahlia Murder.  Even if you hate all of the above, their videos are still entertaining.