Toughguy Hardcore Has Returned

For those of you who are woefully unaware, toughguy hardcore is the single greatest musical achievement in recorded human history.  Walking on the moon pales in comparison, for instance, to the refined brutality of Hatebreed's "Satisfaction Is The Death Of Desire", which continues to stand as a beacon of hope for those of you who are considering the possibility that there's no hope for humanity.  I could go on for an eternity listing awesome beatdown bands of the 1990's, the wonders of wearing a jersey to a show and strangling emo kids with their white belts, and a time wherein people actually fucking hit each other at shows.  I was under the impression that our time had passed, and that toughguy hardcore was deader than disco, but I was even more wrong than that guy who thought he could get fucked by a horse and live.


COLD HARD TRUTH

Skip to 2:16 for the best breakdown written in the last 15 years.

That's fucking right- a hardcore band fronted by a guy with 17"+ arms and neck that plays shit designed specifically to accompany football hooligan riots.  I actually purchased their disc off Amazon due to the fact that I can't buy their merch here without paying a fucking arm and a leg (they're Brits), and because it's that fucking good.  I am not shitting you- I have not been this excited about a band since the first time I heard Throwdown in the now-defunct Repo Records and learned every fucking word to the disc in a day.  This shit is literally harder than trying to bang an Eritrean broad with Ron Jeremy's cock.

Get their cd here and their EP here (you're welcome, as that shit was hard to find) and put an instant 25 lbs on your max squat.  I know half of you will download that shit online, but if you have the loot, support the fucking band.

What have we here?

MURDER DEATH KILL
The other band to which I've been listening nonstop is Murder Death Kill, which you almost have to love simply for the name.  Just like the movie from which their name comes (Demolition Man, motherfucker.  Recognize.), they are fucking brutal.  Additionally, they bring back a 90s hardcore staple that's gone unused since the Hoods and Until the End sent one of their vocalists packing- dual vocals.  For the uninitiated amongst you, this phenomenon was so widespread in the mid to late 90s in hardcore that it seemed like every other fucking band had at least two, and sometimes five or six, vocalists.  Yes, it was just as fucking awesome as you're imagining.  In any event, MDK brings the motherfucking ruckus, and even went so far as to title one of their discs "Fuck With Us And Find Out".  The album title is so fucking tough it would have knocked out Ivan Drago in the first 12 seconds and then gone on to rape Bridgette Nielson, Rocky, and Adrian at once.

Forgive them the godawful opening line- it gets better.

For those of you who don't feel like watching the vid- the breakdown at the end is MDK and a bunch of fans beating the piss out of some hipster band, which apparently terrified some white belted fan of Evergreen Terrace into writing this "scathing" condemnation of alpha males and real hardcore while he champions trying to bang the wildly androgynous broad dancing onstage at the "Night to Remember" show.  Buy their shit just for that.

I bought this shirt to let anyone in Alabama who didn't already get the message know what I think of their shitty state.

Honorable Mention
HOMICIDAL
Holy balls, this is the most insane hardcore supergroup on Earth, and you've never fucking heard of them.  Members of Bulldoze (the band that started the toughguy scene), Skarhead, and 25 Ta Life bringin' it back '92-style.  Shit sounds like Bulldoze in a blender with Fury of Five and Madball.

Knuckle Up!
NJHC from the same label that brought us MDK.  If you ever liked Shutdown in spite of their shitbox vocalist, you'll fucking love this band.  I'm not in love with the lyrics, but this shit is definitely worth blasting with your windows down at the very least.

Lastly, Hatebreed rerecorded a couple of songs from Under The Knife (fucking awesome) and two B-sides, which you can get here.


This weekend will be the follow up on the Predator series (it actually has diets in it!) which is taking forever and a fucking day to write.  Until then.