Dispense with the Bullshit

There will come a time in every one of you motherfuckers' lives when you just don't have it in you to hit the gym. You're bored, you've stagnated on your lifts, you're hurting, your fucking dog died... who knows why you don't feel like lifting. The point is, you just don't. I know, you must think that I've never hit the wall in my life, but my fuckers, nothing could be further from the truth. I vacillate between periods of gangbusters, balls-out, ridiculously brutal and frequent lifts, and times when it's all I can do to drag my sorry ass into the gym.

Ah, well, everyone on the planet says that's the perfect time to take time off from the gym. Paint a picture, Mike Mentzer says! Spend time with your family, says Stuart McRobert! Re-charge your batteries, says Joe Weider! Well, fuck all that, says I. Every single successful lifter in history of whom I read credits unflinching, robotic, nearly psychotic, stringent adherence to a workout routine, and a complete abnegation of the practice of skipping workouts that leads to greatness. Read about Chuck Sipes- he never skipped a workout, according to various writers. Arnold skipped his dad's funeral to prep for the Olympia. DeFendis obliterated every facet of his life outside of training to achieve greatness. While I don't advocate the abandonment of life outside of the gym in the incredibly vain and self-absorbed pursuit of a brutal squat and a ripped midsection, I will point out that there is a lesson to be learned from these lunatics- skipping the gym is bullshit, and will lead to bullshit lifts and a bullshit physique.

If you're a hooligan, you eschew bullshit and all of its unpleasant trappings, and you grab life by its throat and fuck it into submission.

That stated, there's still going to come a time when you just don't feel like going to the fucking gym, and this is a post to address that time. I've posted in the past about various shit to pump you up, and I'll rehash it a bit here.

So, what to do when you hit the wall? Here's what I do.

1) Find some new music. Generally, I like shit filled with breakdowns, with brutal lyrics that I can growl in betwixt sets. To find it, I'll usually enter a band I like into www.last.fm's search engine and create a station, then download shit I like therefrom. That's worked wonders recently.

Embraced By Hatred pumps me the fuck up.

2) Watch part of a movie that pumps me the fuck up before the gym. No, I'm not talking about fucking Pumping Iron- that shit is for the Under Armor-clad douchebags on Bodyspace. Shit like Fight Club, Snatch, the fight scene in Alpha Dog... whatever gets your fucking blood pumping. I don't give a fuck if it's gay porn- just find something that gets your blood up.

3) Here's the most important one. Take this shit to heart, because it works.

Dispense with the bullshit you generally do in the gym. Cut out all of the extraneous shit you usually get into. To do this, CAREFULLY time your arrival at the gym. Give yourself NO MORE than 45 minutes before the gym closes, or you have to get the fuck out to go elsewhere. I'll generally shoot for anywhere between 30 and 45 mins. On the way to the gym, you should formulate a general plan of attack- shit you want to do while you're in the gym. This part is critical- make them high-percentage exercises. Shit that fucks up your whole body. Deads, clean and press, ultra-heavy BTNs, squats, etc. Then, BLAST THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF THAT EXERCISE FOR A HALF HOUR OR WHATEVER. It doesn't matter how many sets and reps you do- just make the most of your limited time in the gym. No chatting. No bullshitting. No meandering. No vacillation about what exercise you're going to do. Just pick something and murder the fuck out of it. Fuck it up like OJ did Nicole.

Do this at least 5 times a week. You might like the results. Once you've got your vim and vigor back, start rocking some two a days to capitalize. I just got back in the groove, and here's the type of thing I'm doing:

AM:
10 mins jumping rope, with as little rest as I can manage.
20 mins of as many sets of 3-5 reps with 115 on the bear as I can manage. Yeah, it's light- that's the point. I'm not out to set records- I'm out to increase my total workload without killing my heavy lifts later in the day.

PM:
Heavy as FUCK. The exercises vary, but I've been hitting a lot of Day 1: push/pull, Day 2: Squat, alternated 6 days a week, with arms thrown in on occasion.

200 lbs, and not fucking fat about it. 

To have the highs, you have to have the lows... the key is making those lows your punk bitch.

Time to go fuck life into submission, because if this chick is life's avatar, it's ready and waiting.