Every now and again, when I have that special little extra glow of hate in my heart, like I'm ET's evil cousin sent from hell to destroy the Earth, I mosey on over to a sad little corner of the internet called "Dances With Fat", wherein a shaved, tuskless walrus does its level best to convince the world that she is indeed human, and that being a disgusting fat body is perfectly ok. And by "perfectly ok" I mean that everyone on planet Earth NEEDS to recognize that "fat is beautiful", "fat is healthy", and that some people just can't help being fat, and we should let them waddle amongst us as if they're real people with brains and souls.
She's a dancin' fool.
In one of her latest installments, the odobenus expert and adiposity apologist decided she would rail against the media's portrayal of Type II diabetes as a land whale related issue:
"An ABC news online report today lead with the line “Half of all American adults are destined to develop diabetes or pre-diabetes by 2020 if they don’t slim down….” It goes on to talk about the “diabesity epidemic”
While I applaud the portmanteau, I have to come down against horrible, irresponsible, unprofessional reporting.
Being overweight doesn't cause diabetes. I know that because the American Diabetes Association says on their website:
Myth: If you are overweight or obese, you will eventually develop type 2 diabetes.
Fact: Being overweight is a risk factor for developing this disease, but other risk factors such as family history, ethnicity and age also play a role. Unfortunately, too many people disregard the other risk factors for diabetes and think that weight is the only risk factor for type 2 diabetes. Most overweight people never develop type 2 diabetes, and many people with type 2 diabetes are at a normal weight or only moderately overweight.
Correlation is not causation. The fact that two things happen at the same time doesn’t mean that they cause each other. It’s quite possible that both things are caused by a third factor, or that they are unrelated. For example studies are starting to show that, in countries where there is no stigma on obesity, there aren’t negative health outcomes of obesity. More studies are needed to determine if the constant shame, stigma and guilt faced by obese people in the other cultures causes the health issues, or if it’s something else, or if causality can actually be linked to weight" (Chastain).
That's really her, and I did not add the music myself. This actually happened. In real life.
Ah, how lovely it must be to rest one's fat ass on that favorite adage of the lazy pseudointellectual, "correlation does not equal causation," and utilize it to justify a horrendous and pathetic lifestyle centered around claiming to love the cellulite on your face. Apparently, our fat-bodied, troglodytic shit pile of an author ran out of rage and Twinkie fueled steam before she could type out "diabetes obesity correlation" into Pubmed, because science bends this fat bitch over and blindly searches for a hole before giving up in disgust and just rapes her face with a broken bottle dusted with cayenne pepper.
Yes, zombification. You see, the obese suffer from ailments of which most of us cannot conceive. For instance, health care professionals often find random things hidden in the panniculi (the pocket underneath a fat fold) of obese patients. I asked a nurse friend to ask her friends what they'd found in panniculi, and here was the list a few of them compiled (Facebook):
- Half of a sandwich
- Pill bottle-still full.
- Pack of cigarettes
- Remote control from home she'd been looking for "for over a month"
- A whole, king-size Snicker
- Furry green object that later determined to be a half eaten cheese sandwich
- Creamy yellow yeast build-up from candidiasis
- Hershey's chocolate bar with the foil packaging decaying and stuck to the skin, discovered when an unusual rectangular opacity showed up on chest X-ray
- Lemon Drop candies
- $20 bill
- Raven .25 auto (though it was under a pancake tit, not a pannus)
- Peppermint candies, "to help with the smell"
- Hidden tattoos
- Bag of Lays chips, half eaten "and growing into skin lollipop"
- Sugar packets
This is a grade 3 panniculus. They go up to grade 5, however. You don't want to see grade 5.
Luckily for them, they can't feel the maggots crawling around on them because with type two diabetes, a condition of damage to sensory nerves results, known as peripheral neuropathy. Basically, they're like Adam Sandler in Mr. Deeds, capable of having their feet beaten to a bloody pulp with a hammer and wouldn't notice a thing. Well, they'd be like Adam Sandler in Mr. Deeds if Sandler gained 200 lbs and gave up on life to the point where showering was a daunting task and a 12 hour, 20 minute finish in a marathon- at a whopping 1.55mph- would be considered a triumph. While you might be channelling your inner Daniel Tosh and asserting that the incapability of feeling pain would make you well-nigh a superhero, in the land whale population, it's actually the opposite- this is what precipitates the actual rotting portion of the zombification that the excess fat began in the the fatties brains (if you don't feel like clicking, low intelligence correlates strongly with obesity).
Here's where fat people become imminently more disgusting, and I'm sure a great many of you will climb aboard the ol' Pain Train to shout epithets our our burgeoning population of rotting, corpulent land beasts- these, disgusting, unwashed, waddling ocular assaults have what is known in the scientific world as "shitty skin integrity." In essence, they're literally falling apart. Common skin conditions among the obese are:
- Diabetic Foot Ulcers- "Almost 24 million adults in the United States have diabetes, and obesity is one of the main risk factors for Type II diabetes" (Lowe). About 15% of these slowly apirating cesspits of adiposity with the fat beetus (Type 2 diabetes) have diabetic foot ulcers and are the most common reason for diabetic patient admission to hospitals. Slap a bandaid on it and sally forth, you say? Nah, bro- you forget these failure piles aren't humans and lack human immune systems. A foot ulcer in a diabetic land whale results in osteomyelitis, amputation, or death because they're so fucking ill and filthy that normal antibiotics often fail to quell a simple skin infection (Ibid).
"You know a doctor or a podiatrist has to cut the toenails on a diabetic patient? RN's can't even do it, and they don't recommend the patient's do it themselves. Because one little wound from accidentally cutting off too much nail and breaking the skin can spiral into a shitstorm of ulcers, zombie-foot, and amputation. Oh! Sometimes toes are so rotted and dead that they will just fall off in the patients bed! Yay!"- A nurse friend who wants to keep her job and so contributed anonymously.
- Venous Insufficiency Ulcers- This is a condition in which the hideous shitpiles cannot force enough blood into their massive, distended extremities to support life. Before anyone leaps to the defense of the fat on this, there is "a significant association between BMI and increased clinical severity of chronic venous disease" (Ibid). It's not just a venous disease thing- the fatties have such shitty epididimal integrity that any reduction in blood flow basically results in these sorry motherfuckers' bodies falling apart (ibid).
- Lymphedema- This fun-filled spectacle is the result of impaired lymph drainage, which causes swelling of the limbs, bacterial infections, and thickening of the skin (Ibid). When this occurs, the skin cracks, infection sets in, and out comes the bone saw.
- Intertrigo- For those of you who squat as often as I do and have extreme thigh hypertrophy, you're aware that baby powder is a necessity if you're going to be walking any real distance. Fat people, apparently, can't be bothered, and suffer from intertrigo, which are skin folds that retain heat and moisture as the result of friction between skin surfaces. Prepare to heave up your last meal, as "frequent sites of intertrigo are skin folds and areas that retain heat and moisture such as: posterior neck, axilla, under breasts, under pannus, perineal area, and inner thighs" (Ibid). If you didn't catch that, it's common under fat folds, man titties, the taint, the armpit, AND THE BACK OF THE NECK. That shit results in inflammation, liquification of the skin, and skin erosion, in addition to the standard bone-saw attracting infections.
Let there be cleanse.
- Psoriasis- We've all seen commercials for psoriasis, and they don't feature humanoid Jabba the Huts. This is called "false advertising", because there's a stark "correlation between obesity, metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular risk and psoriasis" (Ibid). So, we can add skin redness and irritation to their list of ailments.
- Perineal Dermatitis- Oh joy! As if they weren't filthy enough, fatties are often incontinent, which gives them infections of their taint skin... because they can't be bothered to wipe after they shit or piss themself.
- Pressure Ulcers- Perhaps the most disgusting thing on the list, these overstuffed halfwits manage to get so fat that the weight of their skin pressing on other skin causes the underlying skin to die from lack of blood flow. Frankly, of all of the impossible shit on thsi list, this seems the hardest for me to wrap my considerable intellect around, because even when I've gone hogging I've never fucked a chick so fat or immobile that such a condition could occur. Apparently, however, it occurs, and it's a common cause of necrosis in fat people... or should we just start calling them zombies? If they're simply rotting alive, don't notice it, and are simply driven by the urge to keep eating and do nothing else, calling the obese zombies seems appropriate.
Not sure if this is a pic hospital in North Carolina during the Civil War or from last week. It's one or the other... or both.
In short, the segment of the population identified as obese is a vacuous, filthy, diabetic, maggot-infested, slowly rotting group of selfish and useless individuals who are systematically reducing modern medicine to Civil War standards and practices by making the the bone saw one of the most important ER surgery tools and who are placing an undue strain on society as a whole. While I will stop short of advocating genocide, I wouldn't suggest taking some drastic measures would be out of the question- if whale oil can fuel lamps, be used to create soap, and provide humanity with a non-toxic alternative to transmission fluid, it seems we could easily find a use for the obese. Given that we've established they're stupid, terrible drivers, filthy, diseased, worthless sacks of shit, we might as well find some use for them, even if it's just in death.
A short addendum from an RN:
"It would be awesome, but nigh impossible, to find data re: money / hours / productivity lost secondary to obesity. E.g., some patients have to be manually turned, side to side every 2 hours, while in bed. For a normal sized person that takes one or two RNs. For a walrus it takes 4 or 5 (or more). Every two hours. For a normal pt it takes only 1 RN to insert a foley catheter. Fatties = 4 or more: one each to hold the legs back/open, 1 or 2 to hold back the pannus, 1 to aim the flashlight, and 1 to insert.Bigger wheelchairs, bigger beds, bigger bed sheets, more medication (antibiotics are fire weight-based)"
AFP Relaxnews. Diabetes rose dramatically from mid-1990's to 2010: CDC; Prevalence of the disease increased by at least 50% in 42 of the country's 50 states. Daily News. 19 Nov 2012. Web. 16 Oct 2014. http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/diabetes-rose-dramatically-mid-1990-2010-cdc-article-1.1204421
Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center. Critical link between obesity, diabetes identified. ScienceDaily. 6 Mar 2013. Web. 14 Oct 2014. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/03/140306112210.htm
Chastain, Ragan. The Truth about “Diabesity.” Dances With Fat. 25 Nov 2010. Web. 14 Oct 2014. https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2010/11/25/the-truth-about-diabesity/
Facebook status for Allison Bartley. Facebook. 27 Sep 2014. Web. 14 Oct 2014. https://www.facebook.com/allison.selmon.bartley/posts/10152470904074825
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