A few years ago, a book was released entitled Your Fat Is Not your Fault. Though the book likely wasn't popular enough to have effected great change in the American zeitgeist, it certainly echoed the strongly held beliefs of a lot of extraordinarily fat people trundling their worthless asses around your local Walmart. Virtually anything other than their lack of self-discipline and willpower is generally identified by one of these jiggling crybabies as the root of their surfeit of adipose tissue- poverty, genetics, unavailability of healthy food, insufficient time, income inequality, overwork, marketing, governmental complicity, societal pressure, and vast conspiracies implicating some or all of the aforementioned. Of the lot, certainly poverty is bandied about the most, as a number of studies have drawn a correlation between poverty and obesity. Unsurprisingly, this correlation does not hold if one looks at the United States in prior eras, nor does it hold consistently outside of the United States. As these statistics are easily obtained through a google search it seems obvious that obesity is more strongly correlated with sloth and stupidity. Again unsurprisingly, that correlation holds no matter what spatial or temporal boundaries are employed, and actually extends further. As such, I propose that the root of the problem behind obesity in America is a combination of stupidity and laziness, with the amusing correlates of religiosity and bad driving to boot.
Before I expound upon my earth-shattering findings, let me state that I understand that the book Your Fat Is Not Your Fault didn't blame any of those things, but rather ascribed fatness to bad parenting, food allergies, and a bunch of other happy horseshit. Irrespective, it still takes the onus off the fat person and places it on everyone else, which is preposterous. If you're stuck in a room slowly filling with raw sewage, you would likely find some way to reduce and then eliminate the flow, and you'd make it your first priority. They should be even more motivated in that scenario if they'd caused the sewage inflow, since it was their responsibility for having caused it. That is, of course, unless they enjoyed wallowing in sewage. One would think that a penis disappearing under folds of fat would cause people react with much the same level of distress, alarm, and heightened motivation towards resolution, but they're too fucking lazy to bother. Thus, they blame everyone and everything else for their problems and continue to get fatter while they scream about their rights as an alleged human being, their persecution by the skinny right, and the fact that their obesity is not a direct result of their own actions. No matter what their preposterous accusations, however, it's not society that made them fat, and the only thing keeping them from resembling an actual human is their unwillingness to start bailing out the house slowly filling with shit.
The most common correlation mentioned between fatness and anything else is poverty. Fat people and leftists love to claim that obesity is the result of poverty, and use a variety of studies to illustrate the correlation. If you're thinking to yourself that this makes no sense, you're right, but they confuse correlation for causation because they're stupid and lazy, and they seem to think that all poor people are so fucking dumb they don't know what food is bad for them and what's not. As I show above, there's much more to this issue, but it appears clear to me that stupidity and sloth, not poverty, are at its root. Fat people aren't fat because they're poor- they're poor because they're fat and stupid. To wit:
- Stupid, lazy people make terrible decisions.
- As such, they get fat, a condition exacerbated by the fact that they're incredibly lazy. Perhaps extending out of their sloth, they are terrible drivers, and this makes it difficult for them to get to the whatever low-paying jobs they might have been able to obtain.
- They are only able to obtain low-paying jobs because ugly people earn less than attractive people. This isn't fatism- it's a simple sociological fact that people are nicer to attractive people, and attractive people are more successful as a result.
- Finally, after being fired for failing to show for their job stocking the shelves at Wal-Mart, they fall back on the idea that their station in life is divinely ordained, and that they can do nothing to resolve the situation that their intellectual insufficiency and breathtaking laziness have created.
Perhaps you're concerned that my statistical analysis is flawed. Frankly, I don't give a shit. This isn't intended to be an in-depth statistical analysis. Even if it were, everyone worth a shit (read: everyone but fat people) who has been through business school has read all or part of How To Lie With Statistics. If you've not, it's a book that clearly explicates the fundamental problem with statistics, which is that they can be manipulated by clever statisticians to support nearly any aim. Irrespective of the shallow nature of my statistical analysis, I'm certain that were students of anthropology were to look deeply into the data, my supposition would likely be borne out in great detail, and would then be blasted in the press and suppressed for being "mean."
Why would it be suppressed? Because nonsense like the following is more accepted than the truth:
"It’s no secret that there’s a correlation between poverty and obesity. We’re living in the supposedly richest nation in the world (thanks to a glorious legacy of slavery and property theft), where the majority of the people are either poor, or hopelessly debt-riddled and overtaxed middle class. The majority of Americans don’t have enough money relative to the quality of life we’re expect to maintain for our families, and at best rely on consumer debt to survive, and at worst criminal activities that may land us in jail. Many of us live or work in areas where we don’t have access to affordable healthy food. We may not have the time or money or energy or desire to work out or cook healthy meals at home when they’re already working 2 or more jobs to barely get by. Most of us don’t have adequate healthcare. Most of us don’t have gyms in our office buildings (my building even discourages us from using the stairs), can’t afford or don’t have access to a public gym, and may not live in areas where it’s safe to go jogging at night, or for our children to get exercise by playing outside. We’re encouraged to self-medicate our exhaustion and misery with booze, cigarettes, television, video games, internet, and processed food that is literally chemically engineered the hit the pleasure centers of our brains like narcotic drugs, driving the urge to eat more (a hence, buy more). This narcotic food is cheap, even cheaper if you go for the 64 oz. Big Gulp, the King Size candy bar, the supersize fast food “value meal.” You can buy this “food” almost anywhere, and it’s a quick makes you feel good when you’re tired or cranky, at least temporarily. And it’s no big surprise that this lifestyle often leads to obesity, diabetes, and other issues."(James)
Blood-thirsty capitalist? Yes. Thin? No.
To summarize: fat people are fat because rich, thin, blood-thirsty capitalists force them to live beyond their means and internalize the belief that they can afford anything and everything. Thus, having overspent on trinkets, there's no money left for food, so the overworked and under-appreciated proles are forced to feed their families processed foods because they're too lazy to cook real food. Then, they're not given free gym memberships or rides to the gym by the aforementioned blood-thirsty capitalists, replete with top hats and monocles, and they must live with their big-screen tvs and smart phones in undesirable areas with people in the same situation but are whom apparently dangerous. Finally, they're forced to apply a chemical salve to their wounded, flabby psyches with junk food, nicotine, and alcohol to escape from the reality in which they live, and those medications are the only things that the rich provide them, as a soma for the Betas, Deltas, Epsilons, and Gammas of our cruel world.
Betas should do less smiling and more fetching me delicious beef ribs.
Only the fattest simpletons on Earth could possibly buy this ridiculous tripe. The fat broad who penned that ridiculously intellectually disingenuous bullshit has cast herself as nothing more than an easily led herd animal manipulated into a lifestyle she could have easily avoided if she didn't suck, and then managed to paint her fellow cattle as dangerous miscreants and criminals. Had this genius ever read Rhetoric, she might have developed the ability to formulate a cogent argument, but that would again require she not be a lazy piece of shit. She'd also know, were she not so fucking disgracefully slothful, that the correlation she mentioned between poverty and obesity only exists in the last decade of the 20th century and the beginning of the 21st century in the United States. This, of course, brings me back to my premise- our problem is that people are hideously, shockingly, and inexcusably fucking stupid and lazy. The fattie above blames everything on capitalism and income inequality, but fails to take into account that the United States of of the early 20th Century had nearly as much income inequality, yet they were far leaner. The immigrants coming across the ocean weren't whining about how fat they were, simply because they were too busy working hard and making their own fucking food to get fat, in spite of the fact that they were hard-drinking, chain-smoking, street fighting motherfuckers who likely never once thought about their waistline because their lifestyles kept them from getting fat. Nor does this correlation exist outside of the United States, because the correlation is nothing more than the root of a stupid fucking argument that's the brainchild of intellectually lazy socialists. The less intellectually lazy socialists at PBS had this to say to their red-banded compatriots last year:
"There are an estimated 1.46 billion overweight adults worldwide, and 502 million of them are considered obese. While nearly all countries are seeing rates rise, the severity of the problem varies greatly from country to country, said the WHO.
In Japan, about one in every 20 adult women is obese, compared to one in four in Jordan, one in three in the United States and Mexico, and up to seven in 10 in Tonga.
In the United States, where health officials have termed obesity an epidemic, more than 50 percent of the adult population could be obese by 2030 if current trends continue, a team from Columbia University and Harvard University wrote in a separate paper in the series."(Miller)In other words, everyone's seeing people getting fatter, and it has little to do with poverty- in poor countries, the rise in obesity is among the rich. Where's the indignation on their behalf, fat bitches? On what day shall we weep for them- people who are likely getting rich off the literal blood of their countrymen. It's not like there are any motherfucking Sudanese getting loot by expanding their cosmetic lines to serve outlying populations in northern Uganda. People in truly poor countries will eat anything on which they can get their hands, and still, unsurprisingly, manage not to be fat.
Avon's calling! Come get our new eyeliner!
Before we continue, we might as well address that fat broad's contention about the ability to find affordable food, which is utter fucking nonsense. Think I'm lying? It's possible, even in Europe where meat is hideously expensive, to eat paleo on the cheap. I personally managed to eat very well for about $30 bucks a day, and I was eating 2 kilos of chicken breast and a big bag of mixed veggies daily in Vienna, the 24th most expensive city on Earth.(Bloomberg) I'm not saying that paleo's the only healthy manner of eating, but it's indisputably healthier than what most poor people in the US eat, and it's generally considered to be hideously expensive. The former-American-turned-Czech over at Prague Stepchild ran a 7 day challenge with his readers, and the three winners showed it was possible to not only eat extremely healthily, but also extremely well for between $25 and $85 a week per person- "Brendon spends $30-35 a week in South Korea. Jonathan spent $27.75 for a week, simply shopping at his local supermarket, and Margaret spent $85.49, around the national average, for very high quality food (grass-fed beef, etc)."(Prague) Thus, it's not a matter of cost, but a matter of sloth, which the fat bitch freely admits- "We may not have the time or money or energy or desire to work out or cook healthy meals at home." Thus, it's not a matter of accessibility or affordability, but rather of work ethic. This is why the poor Americans in the early 20th Century looked like badasses and many of the poor people of this century looks like the shiftless, disgusting sacks of shit that they are.
They could afford healthy food because they didn't spend all of their cash on crack, guns, and iPhones.
Let's get back to my awesome chart, though, since I went to the trouble of making it. On that chart, we see a very strong correlation between shit test scores in grade school (which we can attribute to a combination of shitty parenting and laziness), low rates of college graduation, religion, and poverty. Perhaps we should start broadcasting public service announcements that science and math are not the works of the Devil, and if you actually work hard in school you can get a job that will allow you to shop at Whole Foods if they wished. Certainly, I'm not going to blame Jesus for this problem, as that motherfucker had a badass six-pack, but the cattle who worship him around the clock seem to love Ring Dings and couches just as much as the Good Book and hate learning, exercise, and vegetables like they're the Devil himself.
So, what are we left with? How about the fact that people are so lazy that they consider it a victory to walk a marathon. That they will put on exercise clothes to walk the dog, because that, to them, constitutes exercise. That's not exercise- that's LIFE. Living your life the way humanity was intended to- moving the fuck around. Fat people are fat because they're lazy. They don't understand it because they're stupid. They're stupid because they're as intellectually lazy as they are physically. Think I'm exaggerating? Think again.
"Only 5.07% of Americans reported doing any vigorous-intensity activity like running, while at the other end of the scale, more than 95% said they had engaged in the highly sedentary activity of eating and drinking.Food preparation, my friends, is not moderate exercise unless you're a teppanyaki chef at a Japanese restaurant and you're busy flipping knives and dodging fireballs like you're in a live action episode of Dragonball Z for hours on end. The problem, obviously, is that people are incredibly fucking lazy, and that's why they're fat. For whatever reason, the government decided to exacerbate this issue by deeming housework as moderate activity, which must be how the obese decided that preparing the food they jam down their gullets is exercise.(Rhone) By prepare, of course, I assume that they mean "drive to KFC, order KFC famous bowl, return home, eat disgusting gelatinous brown glop in shame."
The next most common activity was another sedentary one — watching television or a movie, which 8 in 10 Americans did.
The “most frequently reported moderate activities were food and drink preparation (25.7%), followed by lawn, garden, and houseplant care (10.6%),” the study said."(Song)
Speaking of lazy, how about we address the laziest of all excuses that land whales bandy about as the source of their bodyfat- hypothyroidism. Whenever anyone blames glandular issues or their thyroid, they're claiming they suffer from hypothyroidism, which is an insufficiency of thyroid hormone. Fat people generally assign blame to this in addition to their genetics, which they seem to think are part of the vast global conspiracy to consign them to a life trapped in a fat suit and the ridicule and scorn that comes with it. Again, this is nothing short of laziness, because if they were in any way motivated to come up with anything other than a half-witted rationale for being a disgusting fatass, they'd know that only 4.6% of the population of the United States suffers from hypothyroidism.(Golden) Again, we've got nothing more on our hands than a pack of fat, stupid, lazy people who can't drive to Dunkin Donuts without smashing into other cars and parking on the sidewalk while bellowing odes to Jesus at the top of their lungs and shrieking in horror at the sight of a book.
Venusian. 10/10 WB.
Oddly, I have no problem with people being fat, necessarily, if that's what they want to be. I believe that the male archetype is the Farnese Hercules and the female archetype is Venus, and venusian figures are generally a bit chubby. I enjoy a fat ass on a chick, a little belly, and some big tits- that, to me, is what a female figure is designed to look like. What I cannot abide, however, is the intellectual disingenuousness that begins with people whining about the alleged discrimination under which they supposedly suffer fora condition they themselves embraced and actively cultivated, only to turn and state that they're victims of a mysterious and nebulous third party. It's the same bullshit that resulted in 10 Minute abs and the Thighmaster- sloth. If they love eating and fucking and want to lay around all day eating cheesecake, awesome, but keep your fucking mouth shut about discrimination- they chose a lifestyle that led to their current state.
Thus, I think there's a compelling case to be made for the idea that a person's fat is their fault. Whether or not they choose to do something about it is one thing, but they certainly can have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up about it. They made their soft, pillowy beds, and now they can lie in them- a state of repose should be fairly natural for them at this point, anyway.
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