The Evolution Of My Diet

Some people think throwing a bunch of diets in a blender is a giant pile of horseshit.  I, however, think that most people should keep their fucking teeth together most of the time because they have the analytical and general cognitive skills of a low-achieving turnip.  A turnip jammed up the ass of a fat, hairy, drunken Moldovan with a penchant for buggary and an unwillingness to wash his genitals for the last several years.  A turnip who chose that situation as ideal, because that turnip has particularly bad decision making abilities, even for a turnip.  I've blogged at length in the past about the theories of biological individuality and metabolic typing, both of which have played major roles in my dietary formulations and experimentation.  For those of you who'd like a primer on them, here's a bit of a rundown:

All up in his ass.

Biochemical Individuality is the theory that "Every individual organism that has a distinctive genetic background has distinctive nutritional needs which must be met for optimal well-being." (Williams, 190)  Though the concept of human individuality is treated like the kiddie-touching Uncle at a family reunion in the modern era of egalitarianism, it's been noted by anyone with eyes throughout history that humans vary widely in size, shape, and color, both inside and out.  For instance, English surgeon and possible scat-obsessed necrophiliac Frederich Traves noted that intestinal lengths in human corpses he studied varied between 15 and 31 feet, and that colons varied in similar ways.  (Wharton, 184)  In BI, Williams goes on to note that humans aren't simply limited to wide variations in intestinal length, but that there are differences in terms of orders of magnitude between the size, shape, and location of organs throughout the human body, and that these differences account for massive discrepancies between the function of each person's individual biological systems.

Ava Cowan.  Who gives a shit what type she is?  She's the right type.

Metabolic Typing (the modern version) is the brainchild of William Wolcott and derives its basis from the aforementioned biochemical individuality, in addition to a landslide of historical precedent.  It states that there are three primary human genotypes in terms of dietary necessity- Protein, Mixed, and Carbo.  Essentially, the theory is that once you determine which of the three types you are and eat accordingly, you'll achieve optimal health.  More on that one to come in a subsequent blog, but for what I've posted already, go here, here, and here.

These two theories have played massive roles in my personal dietary development, and have thus guided my research into various dietary regimes.  Given that I've a penchant for investigating a massive array of esoterica, I've managed to combine those theories with a bunch of others to come up with my own personal system.  I've found, however, that even within an individual, you'll have significant variation in what will work over time, which I attribute to aging, differing work loads and types (both in the workplace and the gym), stress, hormonal fluctuations, and probably the position of stellar bodies.  As such, I've found the need to constantly reinvent myself from a dietary perspective.

Earlier this year, I realized that my previous diet that consisted of naught but chicken wings was 1) failing me in terms of fat loss and 2) boring as all hell.  Having utilized beef ribs in their stead quite a bit while dieting for my last meet, I decided to incorporate them into my newest dietary plan.  In an effort to drop weight quickly, I decided to give the original Velocity Diet a shot.  If nothing else, I figured that it would be far cheaper than my typical mealplan, and couldn't possibly fail to take some of my unwanted adipose tissue off of my midsection in particular.  What I found, however, was that I was so hungry during my lifts that I was distracted, and literally found myself fantasizing about eating.  Thus, I set about to find something that might work better for a guy who trains between 6 and 12 times a week, rather than the 5 weak-sauce workouts recommended by the T-Nation Staff. [ed- I've since discovered that there's a VD 3.0, which is not a protein sparing modified fast like the previous incarnations]

Bukkake's Japanese for "Protein Sparing Modified Fast"

Skipping over the science for the moment, as I'm running short on time and want to get this motherfucker published, is the following:

Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday: 
5-6 protein shakes throughout the day (and one overnight, which I'd leave on the toilet and chug while peeing).  I usually had Monster Milk in the morning, and followed that with Muscle Infusion throughout the day.  If I did a morning workout, it was a short workout (20 mins) usually consisting of one arm deadlifts, and I usually did not have a pre-workout shake.  On two of these four days I typically substitute one shake at lunch with wings or other no-carb meat.
2-4 lbs of beef ribs with a dry rub post workout.

Wednesday: 
This was Deadliest Warrior night (and now that the season is tragically over, Call of Duty night), so I'd go to a buddy's house, grill either bone in Ribeye or T-bones, and eat .75 to 1 lbs of those instead of the ribs.

Friday:
This was cheat meal day, so I'd usually make 1 lb of 94% lean ground beef as taco meat, and eat it on low-carb tortillas for two meals.  My post-workout meal was usually some kind of sugary protein bar like a Met-Rx Big 100, and I'd usually have either another protein bar or a shake as a 4th meal.  My 5th meal was my cheat meal, which consisted of the usual culprits, and I generally avoided sugary foods.

Sunday:
This would be one of my typical keto days, wherein I'd have the beef ribs at night, and would usually have 10 Hooters' Spicy Garlic Wings for lunch.  Dinners were either ribs or more wings, and I'd make up the balance with shakes.

For this one, I more or less avoided drinking the entire time, as once I saw the fat coming off and my lifts going way up, I didn't want to fuck with what was working.

Me, directly out of bed after eating my fucking face off all day on my birthday.

Where did this diet get me?  I'm floating between 195 and 200 lbs, lean, and stronger than I've ever been.  Up next, I'll hit you guys with the entire rationale and science behind why this diet works for me, and why it might work for you, followed by an Ask the Asshole, a training article, and the finale to my until-now abandoned Metabolic Typing series.

Sources:
Wharton, Charles Heizer.  Metabolic Man.  Orlando: WinMark Publishing, 2001.
Williams, Roger. Biochemical Individuality.  Austin: University of Texas Press, 1956.