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13 October 2010

Modulate Your Frequency Part 1.5- It's Rantin' Time

To this point, I have produced for you, my gentle readers, a litany of diatribes railing against the common misconception that the phenomenon known as overtraining is as prevalent as AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa. Despite the comprehensive nature of these missives, many people find them to be in error, for a variety of reasons. Though I hardly think that as one of a scant few voices battling the irrepressible tide of the town criers warning the world of the overtraining boogeyman my contentions might be seen as particularly compelling, I should hope they will at the very least inspire deeper thought on the subject. This has evidently not been the case.
AIDS appears to be the least of this broad's problems.

Those of you who agree with me seem to do so simply because my arguments are compelling, rather than as the result of a combination of introspection, your own conjecture, and a study of the evidence I’ve provided. Those who don’t simply parrot the Weiderisms that dominate modern physical culture, insisting that there is no way that a human being could possibly endure a level of physical activity that millions of people have successfully endured throughout the ages without the benefit of performance enhancing drugs, magic, superhuman genetics, and whatever other mystical and fantastical unnatural edges a person might enjoy. They do so in spite of the fact that the substances they commonly reference did not exist prior to the middle of the last century, after which time various lifts of considerable poundages had been lifted, not to have been duplicated since (or only most recently defeated).
Apparently, many people don't find it fucking amazing that Edward Aston put 300+ lbs overhead with one hand... at a bodyweight of 165.

The combination of the Bulgarians, Chinese, and Soviets and every strongman and strength athlete who lived prior to the advent of steroids has been uncompelling evidence for many of you, and as such, I'll try to present to you my argument in a different manner- one that should, at the very least, shame the naysayers into shutting the fuck up, and bolster the confidence of those who dogmatically agree with me. There exists in our society a vast swath of the populace who have turned their back on humanity and embraced in its stead the doughnut. They've literally shuffled off any physical relation to their fellow man, drowning themselves in a sea of calories and sloth in an apparent effort to match the aesthetic of the walrus, manatee, and the hippopotamus, in some cases finally eschewing normal modes of conveyance for motorized carts. What, I ask you, could a person who has simply given up on walking have in common with you or I?

Whatever that is, it's not fucking human.

Not a fucking thing. Yet, some of the more mobile of these morbidly obese sub-humans have embarked upon a televised 2 month sojourn in an effort to regain their lost humanity- yes, I am referring to "The Biggest Loser". These disgusting creatures are forced through 2 months of nearly nonstop physical activity in an effort to lose the weight they so painstakingly gained over the course of a lifetime of Ring Dings and television, purposefully and specifically clogging their arteries and destroying their body's every internal system in the pursuit of a blissful death by coronary. Having apparently decided that 15 minutes of fame is preferable to a catastrophic heart attack, these fat fucks sign up to be forced through a series of workouts that would make Mark Rippetoe weep for them, and by the account of anyone ranging from Mentzer to Ian King should result in naught but overtraining and perhaps death. Miraculously, however, these creatures manage to thrive on them, lose massive amounts of weight, and gain muscle mass. Fascinating.

For those of you who've happily managed to miss this show, contestants on the Biggest Loser engange in low-calorie dieting while engaging in "intense aerobic and strength-training exercises for between two and seven hours a day (but usually four to six). (1)(2) Take a second and drink that in- people who've studiously avoided anything that could be construed as dieting and exercise suddenly dive into that ridiculous program and thrive on it. At the same time, Ian King, Mark Rippetoe, and their compatriots in mediocrity assert that you cannot possibly do this and succeed. In other words, you suck as a human being far more than do the aforementioned land whales. You can't hang with the morbidly obese- you'll fail miserably, forget how to sleep, shit blood, and your test levels will disappear. That will happen to you, apparently, but the fat fucks will be just fine.

Offended? Pissed? Appalled? You fucking should be. Before I continue, however, a rant within a rant:
Why the fuck are we sponsoring and supporting shows wherein subhumans bring themselves without shouting distance of the human form? Who the fuck cares? We should fucking put them on an island with no food and give the person who eats the rest of them a fucking medal, then walk them off a fucking cliff. It's a testament to our society that we champion these pathetic pieces of shit, rather than having tv shows wherein above-average athletes spent 8 weeks training their fucking asses off to compete in a variety of athletic endeavors- trying to make pro sports teams, competing in bodybuilding, etc. Shows wherein above average people attempt to become superhuman, rather than shows where our genetic dregs attempt to attain a human form. Fucking pathetic.
We need a show called the Biggest Winner. Fuck the losers.

Back, however, to the point at hand. Even if you find the evidence I've primarily used to suggest that greater training frequency can yield greater results to be suspect, one can hardly dispute this. If you think that you cannot handle a training frequency that exceeds 5 or 6 hours a week, you're either delusional or pathetic. You forgot, because you're stupid. Humans are designed to adapt to increased workload, and there's no greater example of it than the transformation of completely detrained land whales into vaguely useful human beings. If you cannot match their output, it's because you're unwilling, not incapable.


In the next installment, I'll start outlining how to increase your training frequency without feeling like death every day.


Sources:
1. Training Principles from the Biggest Loser. Complete Personal Fitness Training. http://www.completefitness.com.au/articles/motivation/biggestloser1.php
2. Biggest Loser workouts drop fat without losing muscle mass. http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/fitness/exercise/2010-10-13-biggestloser13_ST_N.htm

44 comments :

  1. these posts are fucking cockteases....
    where's the info!

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  2. LOL, great post.

    We need a show called the Biggest Winner. Fuck the losers.

    Damn straight.

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  3. Are you a Daniel Tosh fan (pre-comedy central show)? Seems like I've heard you quote him a time or two.

    At least the Biggest Losers provide motivation to similar cows. Just maybe it will get a few of them moving.

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  4. Jamie,

    Id actually like to see a blog post where you examine, dissect/offer pro's and con's of some of the main stream programs out there, ala 5/3/1, Rippetoes(hahaha), smolov, Sheiko, Westside, Texas Method, etc and offer insights on how to moderate volume on them, rip them to shreds.

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  5. I'm a huge Tosh fan- I saw him live this past weekend.

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  6. Wow, that was ruthless, haha.

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  7. And the Aryan speaks. hahaha

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  8. Great post again. I couldn't agree more. These shows make me sick. Its amazing, guys and gals who work out everyday and have tremendous bodies don't get half the credit as these obese whales who lose weight after being fat for years. I do disagree with you about a reality show for BB's or extreme fitness folks. Sugar Ray Leonard had a boxing show and it was cancelled after 2 years. People (not us) like train wreck TV. Shame

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  9. Isn't the objective in Biggest Loser to lose the maximum amount of weight possible? Wouldn't it be silly to compare weight loss, something that is easily a symptom of continued work, to muscle gain? I don't disagree with your premise here, but I think you're comparing how easy it is to destroy a building compared to building it up.

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  10. There used to be a guy in my year called Tosh,he wasn't that entertaining, in fact his calling card was to burn your neck with a lighter.

    Excellent post man.

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  11. The reason contestants on The Biggest Loser can work out for such extended periods of time is because they are not lifting loads comparable to a person training specifically for strength who is also eating for recovery and growth. The weight they move around may be intense to them but that is only because they are so weak in general.

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  12. They should redo Wall-E except as a cannibal flick where the people leave Earth, stay in space, get really fat after many generations, and then one day when they run out food they start eating each other. I can't think of where the robot fits into the story this time though.

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  13. Speaking of overtraining, it seems to be a western concept were people are finding an excuse to avoid work.

    Look at professional Muay Thai fighters, these fuckers are tough as nail. They train around 6 hour a day, 6 days a week and they fight almost weekly.

    They beat the shit out of each others in the ring, and most of the time one fighter leaves the ring on a strecher.

    The day after they are expected to train again if they are not crippled. They don't have any fancy equipement, no physiotherapist, no sports psychologist. Most thai camps look like shacks. They train hard, even the young kids who train there are harder than most of the adults who live in the western world. It's a fucking shame.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjeZaA2JnHU&feature=related

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  14. Since we're talking about reality game shows I'll mention that I'm leaving for Argentina on Friday for a week to compete on Wipeout.

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  15. I believe the arguments for C&P because I tried training less and I tried training a LOT more, and spoilers- only one of those worked.

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  16. I'll be competing on Wipe-the-come-out-of-my-ass

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  17. Bah... find more reasons/excuses to post more of Sarah B's latest pics!

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  18. Hey I just want to say that this is a great blog. I came across it this thanksgiving weekend and spent 8 hours reading every post. I started SS in August and moved onto SL for no reason. Since August I have lost 30 lbs, started at 281 and am now 251. My lifts are as follows: Squat 245, Deadlift 305, OHP 105, Bench 155. Today I started doing a lot of the routines you do such as partials, singles, doubles. Your blog has been such an inspiration and I intend on making each session full of chaos and pain now. Today was my 3rd straight workout (lol @ overtraining right) and it feels pretty amazing. Sorry for the long message but i just wanted to say thanks. I noticed someone you wrote about was from Hamilton which is weird because I'm from there too. Well I guess thats enough, if you want to message me back you can at shelbycobra1967@gmail.com

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  19. What part of Hamilton are you from? I'm in the east end.

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  20. North End - Barton/James

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  21. Sgt. Dickcheese- they made that movie. It's called Pandorum, but there are no robots.

    In re this: "The reason contestants on The Biggest Loser can work out for such extended periods of time is because they are not lifting loads comparable to a person training specifically for strength who is also eating for recovery and growth. The weight they move around may be intense to them but that is only because they are so weak in general."- their relative intensity is the same, if not greater. Absolute intensity is something that fat powerlifters blather on about, but it's not applicable when comparing apples and oranges.

    Pat C- I'll give that a shot at some point, probably in a series.

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  22. It's so great that Glen found yet another way to insert his blather. From Biggest Loser, to Wipeout. Good connection. Stay in Argentina.
    It should be "Glen Mac-Desperate-For-Attention"

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  23. Jealous, junior? I get to go to Buenos Aires, Argentina all expenses paid too. And when my episode airs you'll watch it and live vicariously through me because you're a loser who will never do anything extraordinary for yourself.

    shelbycobra1967@gmail.com, what gym do you go to? It's not the one in Jackson Square, is it?

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  24. Send my love to Jill.

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  25. When you get interviewed before running over the big balls, leave out the part about not being able to beat up spiderman (even with three pals) and how tight your mom's vagina use to be.. Those stories seem to make you look like a loser.

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  26. That Jill Wagner is one piece of ace.

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  27. glen - I go to the Y on James. You go to family fitness in jackson? The Y is horrible only one squat rack although no one is ever using it.

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  28. How do I get in touch with you so we can talk about the practice of stealing bandwith by calling up images from other peoples file locations? If you are not expressly given permission to do so then don't do it. Upload the image to your own page and call it from there.

    I found this on you chaosandpain.com site where an image was called from one of my pages and noticed that you were stealing bandwith from all over the place. That's not cool. You need to stop doing it. Copy the images, if they are free to use, and host them yourselves. You can always use flickr or something.

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  29. I save the image to my computer and upload it from there. I was under the impression that would resolve the issue, but I'm not in the habit of obsessing over the details of blogger.

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  30. hey Shelby are you the guy behind the Illogical Contraption blog?

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  31. Jamie-

    LOL at fat powerlifters... they get so pissed when someone who can actually get laid is as strong or stronger than they are.
    Summary of a recent exchange with a wannabe powerlifter (he had the gut, he was just lacking the strength!):
    "Oh, you must have great genetics (insinuating that all my hard work was meaningless - fucker), and you'd be even stronger if you at a trillion useless calories a day like me."
    "Nope, and nope. Hard work and discipline, tubby!"
    Fun times around the power rack.

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  32. Anonymous goof, I really doubt she'll ask me any questions that will lead to answers involving Spiderman or my mother. If she does I'll answer them the same way I would for anyone else. Unlike you I'm not afraid to be myself. You live a sad existence.

    shelbycobra1967@gmail.com, I don't go to any gym right now. I haven't set foot in a gym since May. I went to the Family Fitness on Barton and Centennial for more than 10 years before I finally became so disgusted with it that I canceled my membership. The one in Jackson Square is even worse. Probably the most pathetic weight room in all of Hamilton. The Family Fitness up the mountain in that Zellers plaza on the other hand is probably the best gym in all of Hamilton. For the past few years I've gone to the gym on Parkdale. I'm not sure what it's called right now but it's the one that used to belong to Johnny Canine. Equipment-wise it's all ancient as fuck. Bars are all bent, benches are twisted, shit is falling apart. But the atmosphere there is great. You get away with pretty much anything there; shit that would get you kicked out of any other gym. There's a fistfight about once every two or three months. Dumbbells go up to 140 which is the heaviest in any Hamilton gym as far as I know.

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  33. Luc, the funny thing about genetics is that you could be born with the shittiest genetics ever and if you achieve getting even close to your genetic potential lardasses and toothpicks will claim that you had fantastic genetics all along. Whatever makes them feel better about being afraid of the weights. I don't know why people like that even lift. It makes no sense to engage in a sport that you have no instinct for. Like a midget thinking he's going to play in the NBA.

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  34. Just a quick fyi - that guy who claimed you were stealing bandwidth is a liar. He made a new blog and told a blatant lie to get traffic of folk who want to see what Jamie stole. Which is nothing.

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  35. On an overtraining tangent...How about these pussy NFL players and analysts whining about the potential of an 18 game schedule. One guy on ESPN radio actually said it was going to take years off their lives. Seriously? You play one game a week. And even then they probably only play 40-60 5 second plays per game. College rugby players routinely play multiple 80 minute games every weekend, without pads, lengthy breaks in play, or unlimited substitutions. And they drink massive quanities of beer afterwards. Just another example of how soft America has become.

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  36. Imagine Peter Griffin - hahahaha rugby.

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  37. First, let me say, I fucking HATE football. Don't watch it at all, can't stand the NFL. I live in Philly and people look at me like the antichrist when I say that. I hope everyone on the Eagles dies.

    However, you're application of overtraining to what football players do is like comparing apples to oranges. I'm not going into the car crash analogy of the tackles and how hard they hit. But they're not pussies and there's a point to the increase in injury if the schedule expands. I know you want to coddle Jamie's testicles lovingly and get aboard the "Yeah, dude, lift a million pounds and drink and be manly" bandwagon...but you're way off.

    College rugby players drinking beer = not nearly the elite athletes NFL players are. I'm not saying we haven't become soft and I'm not saying I like NFL players, but they're on a different level than scruffy dudes with British accents who happen to be good rugby players.

    And to your question..."Yes, seriously." Those dudes are punchdrunk and braindead as it is. Two extra games per year over the course of a 5-8 year career shortens lives.

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  38. ....and fuck me for not knowing the difference between "your" and "you're". I should go fist myself.

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  39. So says the biggest WWE mark of all time.
    <-- Speechless.

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  40. What's that got to do anything?

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  41. The post about NFL players being pussies is by far the dumbest thing I have read in a long time!

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  42. Hey Mac, good luck on the show! Let us know how it went. I know you don't post on the rosstraining forums anymore, but you should still post how you did on there as well. Anywya, good luck!

    (I realize you won't read this until you get back, but oh well).

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  43. I dunno Jamie, I know a pretty big WWE mark. I lean more towards the ultra-fucking-stiff work in Japan personally.

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  44. The stiffest popular pro wrestling in the U.S. is probably ROH. I mean, in CZW they stab syringes into a guy's head and cut each other with gas-powered weed eaters, but that's not really the definition of stiff. Regardless, you have to be a pretty tough mf'er to be a pro wrestler.

    For the finals of Biggest Loser, they used to measure muscle so the scrawniest guy wouldn't automatically win. Don't know if they still do it that way.

    Anyway, yeah, most typical people probably don't work as hard as they should/could. I don't know what Sly Stallone's workouts were/are, and of course he's not typical, but he recently said something about he regrets having overtrained so much.

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