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08 June 2009

Wanna-be Necromancer and Randomly Herbal Pharmacist

Though I don't really have a handle on raising the dead yet, I've got a couple of other tidbits to share with you from time to time, which my friends typically pass on to me as they know I will try just about anything to become superhuman.

Today's odd herbal concoctions consist of remedies for joint health after severe trauma and one for depression. I personally don't get depressed, but tried one of the supps as a kind of herbal adderal and it worked, and then suggested it to someone who was coming off cymbalta and it worked like a fucking charm.

Fuck Joint Pain!

It sucks, and it's stupid, much like my current elbow injury.
So my 20 staples aside, what to do when faced with this sort of catastrophic bullshit? Take 3 grams of MSM, 1500 mg. of Vitamin C, a handful of a good digestive enzyme like Wobenzyme or Medizyme, and 5 grams of L-Glutamine, on an empty stomach, thrice daily. Swelling and pain go bye-bye, and doctors marvel at your striking resemblance to Wolverine.

Fuck Shitty Attention Spans!

As for the other, I've got two ways to go with it. First, combine a Biotest Spike with a serving of Happy Pills for a sort of herbal Adderal. The shit will wake you up and focus you nicely. Great for working on a massive tome of strength training and nutrition knowledge, ahem, or for just searching the internet for the perfect porn. Good stuff.

Fuck Depression!

The second way is to take a serving of Happy Pills in the morning, and a serving of SAMe at night, which will apparently work like Cymbalta, but without the inability to show emotion or generally get excited about anything at all, haha. Thus, if you find yourself bearing a stark resemblance to Weepy Smurf, get on top of this shit and you should be right as rain the next morning.

Until that day, fuckers.

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Now playing: Knights Of The Abyss - I Pledge Agrievance
via FoxyTunes

4 comments :

  1. FrankenElbow- According to the manufacturer, happy pills contain 200mg of caffeine, about as much as two cups of coffee. Most people could not get much sleep if they took that in the evening, but I guess they could take your suggestion and search the internets for pR0n

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  2. It's meant to be taken in the morning - who takes adderall at night? SAM-e doesn't have anything in it that inhibits sleep - it can be taken at any time of day, it just happens to help with sleep. Though, for people already on meds - either of the two can have detrimental effects if taken in conjunction with antidepressants. (FrankenElbow? LOL Priceless!)

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  3. Got it. I took "same" to refer to "serving of happy pills" but apparently "same" is actually a product.

    But according to the package those happy pills do everything- energy, well being, weight loss, libido, sexy time. I feel stupider for not having one right now.

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  4. HAHA I never even thought of it since he wrote it SAMe ... but since ChAoS & PAIN has his own way of typing ... I suppose it's easy to make that mistake!! It's pronounced SAM-e (like the man's name, and the letter E), not like the word SAME. LOL FYI: Both are much cheaper on the online! (Bulk nutrition or lucky vitamins).

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