We're All David Rigert's Bitches: Smoke Em If You Got Em, Because Science Is A Liar Sometimes, 2- The Weed Edition

"I think we should legalize marijuana in this country.  So pot heads have nothing to talk about ever again. Come on, it does get a little annoying after a while… “Hey you want to get high?” No. “Why not?” Because I’m not in the 7th grade anymore and I have things to do. Why don’t you grow up and do coke like an adult?"

- Daniel Tosh

Before I start this segment, I'll just say I side with Daniel Tosh on the subject of weed.  I've smoked it maybe a dozen times and with the exception of one hilarious evening, all it's done is make me shitty at Grand Theft Auto, occasionally make me sleepy, and generally bore the piss out of me.  If I wanted that for an evening, I'd just befriend this weird-assed pillhead who dragged myself and the girl I was dating at the time back to his house for a foursome, whereupon we were forced to sit through most of a Steve Harvey standup before I finally just stood up and fucking left about halfway through.  Weed is to fun what Steve Harvey is to funny, which is to say not at all.  In any event, the subject of weed and sports performance is often discussed on message boards, and it seems only to be contended by potheads too stupid to formulate an argument or virgins who have nothing better to do than proselytize their sad little drug free lives from the safety of their parents' basement.

I do believe this man could make Whoopie Goldberg seem funny by comparison.

Perhaps the most annoying thing about the debate is that none of the participants apparently know any pro-level strength athletes, because everyone one of them I know takes whatever drugs they can find by the handful.  Of the top of my head, I know people who pop vicodin like tic tacs; a badass bench specialist whose idea of the ultimate preworkout is cheque tabs, weed, and beer; two epic, top tier powerlifters in the 181 and 220 weight classes who smoke more weed than Harold, Kumar, Cheech, and Chong combined; bodybuilders who will smoke weed, blow lines, drink their faces off, and then knock themselves out with GHB at the end of the night, and so on.  And fuck me if I know a single high level lifter who doesn't love coke and adderall.  Thus, this whole conversation is fucking stupid because elite athletes love drugs and will both take them and excel with them.  As such, the effects of weed on lifting are basically immaterial.  Nevertheless, people want me to do their research for them, so I shall.

Prior to 1900, only 140 cases of lung cancer had been identified, and smoking cigarettes is directly blamed for the prevalence of lung cancer these days.  Hilariously, the scientists seem to completely ignore the advent of the internal combustion engine and other modern air pollution in identifying smoking as the sole reason for the rise the incidence of cancer, but the link between lung cancer and smoking seems to be pretty strong.    Because of this, any idea that smoking might have beneficial effects has been overlooked in Big Brother's insanely devoted attempts to save you from yourself.  As we covered in the last entry in this series, smoking does seem to have some beneficial effects after all, and plenty of high level strength athletes have and still smoke with no apparent ill effects on their training.

This, then, brings us to the subject of cannabis, which is a polarizing topic no less contentious or stupid than gay marriage, in spite of the fact that it might be the most innocuous activity since hoop rolling was invented for bored frontier children.  Cannabis has been a point of contention for governments around the world for centuries, and while it's waxed and waned in popularity, it's never really fallen out of favor with a significant segment of the population.  Though no significant health problems have ever been associated with cannabis  (some studies do show very mild brain trauma over extended periods of heavy use, however), and in spite of the fact that cannabis is not considered to be addictive, it's been more maligned than its ostensibly more harmful cousin, the cigarette, for the last hundred years.  As such, it's thrust upon us to determine for ourselves whether or not it's going to fuck up our gains (in spite of the fact I've already established that it matters not in any case).

I've never seen a hacky sack game devolve into headhunting, but apparently getting high does not slake bloodlust in Taiwan.

Since its first recorded use in the 3rd millenia BC in China (though there is evidence it was used 10,000 years ago by the indigenous headhunters of Taiwan), everyone from mystics to warriors to lay people have used cannabis, in just about every corner of the world.  To this day, it remains the most widely used psychoactive drug, which seems to be a check in the box marked awesome if you enjoy giggling like a college girl at a frat party and exhibiting a level of intellect commensurate with those gibbering nitwits.  What is interesting, however, is the fact that cannabis was in heavy use by warrior cultures for two thousand years, and that many of the toughest warrior cultures on the planet were renown for their cannabis use.  Chief among them were:

• the Scythians, a tribe of sexually egalitarian psychotics (the women had to kill three men in battle before they could marry) who "fought to live and lived to fight" who lived in Southern Russia (Bennet).  Nomadic badasses on horseback, the Scythians were the guys who popularized scalping, and they actually wore cloaks made of their enemies' scalps and drank from gilded skullcaps.  It's hard to imagine a pack of badasses harder than these guys, and what makes this particularly odd is that they were apparently high as fuck, 24/7.  Dave Chappelle likely wishes he could have hung with these guys on smoking, as Herodotus recounted at some length the Scythians' love of cannabis, and that love was spread to surrounding areas as the Scythians' sphere of influence spread (Ibid, Frater).

• the Cimmerians, the tribe of violent lunatics whom the Scythians displaced, and who are credited with domesticating the horse.  The Cimmerians were so tough that just about the only phrases we have from their language all have "strength" in them, they were led into battle by priestesses who would slit the throats of prisoners and dissect others for divination into the outcome of battle, and when they were finally being pushed out of their homeland, the Cimmerian nobility just separated into teams like they were going to play kickball and proceeded to slaughter each other so they'd not be buried on foreign soil.  Like the Scythians, Herodotus commented on their cannabis use, stating they would have "spirit sessions" in sweat lodges wherein they would throw cannabis onto hot stones (Carlile 53).
• the Mongols, conquerors of the largest bit of landmass in history.  The Mongols were purportedly incredibly fond of hashish, a habit they may well have picked up from either the Chinese, who had been using cannabis prior to 3000 BC, or from the Persians.

• the Hashashin (Assassins), a tribe of Persian ninjas who were so fond of hash that they were named after it.  The Hashashin were renown for their ferocity in battle and their skill at assassination alike, in addition to their love of sweet, sweet hash.  Though they were eventually wiped out by the Mongols after trying to assassinate Genghis's grandson, Möngke Khan, they remain legends for being badasses who were higher than a Red Bull promotional parachute drop from space.

• the Huns, the band of Turkic tribesmen who swept across Central Asia and Eastern Europe like locusts, laying waste to everything on which they could lay hands.  Invariably described as vicious, bloodthirsty, and stout badasses, the Huns smoked cannabis as part of shamanistic rituals in worship of their surroundings (Waldman 397).
• the Goths and Celts, tribes who fought against both the incursions of the Romans and the Huns at various times, and who were well known in antiquity for being tall, muscular, and pants-shittingly brutal warriors as well as epic partiers.  The Goths apparently used cannabis as an aphrodisiac during an erotic festival in honor of the warrior goddess Freya, while the Celts seem to have preferred hash.  Either way, weed did not get in the way of brutality for either of these two broadsword wielding bands of maniacs (Wikipedia).

• the Vikings, sail boating, hard drinking slayers of monks and conquerors of the British Isles.  Though there's no first-hand accounts of the Vikings' use of cannabis for its psychoactive purposes, it's thought that Viking sorceresses called Völvas burned cannabis seeds in a metal rattle to induce trances for religious purposes (Brady).  
• Pehlwani, the Persian and Indian wrestlers who were legendary and dominant around the world until the beginning of the 20th Century.  In Northern India it is still popular to drink bhang (a drink made with milk and hashish) in wrestling gymnasiums, even in instances where wrestlers abstain from participation in all other vices (alcohol, tobacco, sex, etc), and it's said that any real wrestling gym should have a special place for the preparation of bhang (Alter 320).

• the Sikhs, a hyper-badass sect of Indians whose culture is so heavily based on being warriors that every Sikh carries a knife wherever they go and their symbol, the khanda, is nothing but their three favorite weapons slapped atop each other.  The Sikhs drink bhang as part of their religious festivals and before and during battles, and bhang can be credited with some of the most amazing battles in world history, including a famous last stand of 23 Sikhs against 10,000 Afghanis... the Sikhs lasted several hours and fought to the last man (Bennett, Bhang,  Sikh Wiki, Wiki, AND A MILLION OTHER SOURCES).  Imagine how awesome the Alamo's defenders could have been powered by bhang- Mexico would be completely depopulated of indigenous people and would be called Texas.

Why these guys were such fucking badasses, however, is a matter for some debate, because science has been saying it literally isn't possible since 1974 (Kolodny).  According to science, consumption of cannibis causes "a marked reduction in the body weight and in the weights of seminal vesicles, ventral prostate, epididymis, preputial gland and perineal complex (Penis and its bulb and levator ani muscle)" and "in combination with testosterone propionate (TP) [inhibits] growth stimulation produced by TP alone" (Dixit).  In other words, cannabis is anti-androgenic and might shrink your dick... if you're a castrated mouse.  Interestingly, however, it does not cause the purported ill effects on testosterone and estrogen levels in humans we once thought (Cushman, Block).  In Block's study, chronic marijuana use had no effect on on testosterone, luteinizing hormone, follicle stimulating hormone, prolactin, and cortisol, and in another study, not only was no effect shown on test levels from smoking, but it was shown that chronic (get it?  Chronic?) smokers had considerably higher test levels than people who didn't smoke "dat ciggaweed" (Block, Mendelson).

Consider my test raised.

Does that mean chronic cannabis use over lengthy periods of time increases serum testosterone levels?  Not necessarily.  It might just mean people with naturally high testosterone levels seem to be drawn to getting high.  Regardless, it appears cannabis is not the testicle-destroying harbinger of estrogenic doom it's made out to be in the media.  Given its use by the aforementioned face-smashing hellspawn outlined above, it might seem that cannabis might have some positive effects on one's performance.  There is absolutely no evidence to support that contention in scientific literature, but one might get a performance boost conferred by weed through fearlessness, particularly in the form of fear memory extinction and decreased anxiety.  If you've ever hurt yourself training, weed might help you overcome that fear, just as it likely helped ancient warriors forget about the pain of having their limbs smashed and guts ripped open in previous battles (Mateus).  According to one researcher, cannabis

"this substance can only indirectly improve performance—it can have a euphoric effect, reducing anxiety and increasing the sociability of a player who may be particularly nervous before an important match. It can also have a relaxing effect after the game. In this way, cannabis can be considered as a doping product that calms the mind. It has already been described that use of cannabis in sporting environments is basically motivated by the effects of relaxation and well being, allowing the user to sleep more easily. However, if consumed regularly, it risks harming performance and motivation" (Saugy).

Dude's arms are fucking ridiculous and he smokes more weed than Bob Marley's entire family.

So, there you have it- weed hasn't hurt Ricky Williams' ridiculous tricep development, anyone's battlefield prowess, or the Indian wrestlers' dominance of the squared circle.  Quite the contrary, in fact, it may have even helped- if nothing else, it makes you fearless and gives you a brutal appetite. I'm not saying it would necessarily make the ideal preworkout, as it causes and "increase in heart rate and blood pressure, decline of cardiac output and reduced psychomotor activity", none of which are ideal for athletic performance, but that's not to say you can't toke up after your workout (Campos).  Should you decide to partake, I've no recommendations to make since I don't bother with the shit myself.  There are two strains, however, and according to High Times:

"As a connoisseur smoker there is nothing like a sativa high. The sativas are like a Chateau Lafitte Rothschild ’65: A fine wine that tastes even better with age. I’ve smoked sativas that have been cured for more than 24 months and the high had no ceiling, meaning that with every new joint you smoked you just got higher and higher. With the indicas I find the effect to be quite universal across multiple different strains. It is usually a couch-locked “I wanna sit and play Playstation” kind of feeling. That being said, it is actually the indicas that have the strongest analgesic effect when it comes to medical cannabis, it’s usually the sativas that have a higher amount of THC compared to CBDs" (Resin)."

So, there you have it- feel free to smoke weed if you've got it, because the bullshit you've heard online, in the gym, and was just old, bad science making you look like a bitch.

Sources:
Alter, Joseph.  The "sannyasi" and the Indian Wrestler: The Anatomy of a Relationship.  American Ethnologist, Vol. 19, No. 2 (May, 1992), pp. 317-336.

Archer, Dale.  Is marijuana addictive?  Psychology Today.  5 May 2012.  Web.  1 Jul 2014.  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reading-between-the-headlines/201205/is-marijuana-addictive

Barnett G, Chiang CW, Licko V.  Effects of marijuana on testosterone in male subjects.  J Theor Biol. 1983 Oct 21;104(4):685-92.

Bennett, Chris.  Sikhs and Cannabis.  Cannabis Culture.  24 Dec 2009.  Web.  3 Jul 2014.  http://www.cannabisculture.com/node/21460

Bhang.  Sikhi Wiki.  Web.  3 Jul 2014.  http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Bhang

Block RI, Farinpour R, Schlechte JA.  Effects of chronic marijuana use on testosterone, luteinizing hormone, follicle stimulating hormone, prolactin and cortisol in men and women.  Drug Alcohol Depend. 1991 Aug;28(2):121-8.

Brady, M. Michael.  The Viking drug mystery explored.  4 Apr 2014.  Web.  2 Jul 2014.  http://theforeigner.no/pages/columns/the-viking-drug-mystery-explored/

Campos DR, Yonamine M, de Moraes Moreau RL.  Marijuana as doping in sports.  Sports Med. 2003;33(6):395-9.

Carlile, Dennis J.  Rimbaud - The Works: A Season in Hell; Poems and Prose; Illuminations.  Bloomington: Xlibris, 2000.

Cushman P Jr.  Plasma testosterone levels in healthy male marijuana smokers.  Am J Drug Alcohol Abuse. 1975;2(2):269-75.

Dixit VP, Lohiya NK.  Effects of Cannabis extract on the response of accessory sex organs of adult male mice to testosterone.  Indian J Physiol Pharmacol. 1975 Apr-Jun;19(2):98-100.

Entheogenic use of cannabis.  Wikipedia.  Web.  2 Jul 2014.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Entheogenic_use_of_cannabis

Frater, Jamie.  Top 10 Interesting Facts about the Scythians.  Listverse.  5 Jan 2010.  Web.  23 Jun 2014.  http://listverse.com/2010/01/05/top-10-interesting-facts-about-the-scythians/

Gumbiner, Jann.  History of Cannabis in India.  Psychology Today.  16 Jun 2011.  Web.  24 Jun 2014.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-teenage-mind/201106/history-cannabis-in-india

Kolodny RC, Masters WH, Kolodner RM, Toro G.  Depression of plasma testosterone levels after chronic intensive marihuana use.  N Engl J Med. 1974 Apr 18;290(16):872-4.

Mateus M, Bergamaschi MM, Alexandre J, Crippa S.  Why should Cannabis be Considered Doping in Sports?  Front Psy.  2013 May;4:32.

Saugy M, Avois L, Saudan C, Robinson N, Giroud C, Mangin P, Dvorak J. Cannabis and sport. J Sports Med. Jul 2006; 40(Suppl 1): i13–i15.

Waldman, Carl and Catherine Mason. Encyclopedia of European Peoples.  New York City: Facts on File, 2006.

We're All David Rigert's Bitches: Smoke Em If You Got Em, Because Science Is A Liar Sometimes

Pictured above, you will see a man who could probably crack walnuts with his traps and or spinal erectors.

• A man so unequivocally brutal that he is referred to as "a real man" in a country run by a violent psychopath who wrestles bears and conquers the Ukraine, shirtless and on horseback, in his free time.
• A man who once stuck a lit cigarette up a bull's ass and lived to tell the tale (Butov).  
• A man who set 68 world records in Olympic Weightlifting as 198 lb lifter (yeah, the dude above was 198, so feel free to start slitting your wrists now), won six world championships in Olympic weightlifting and snagged a gold at the 1976 Olympics.  
• A man whose gym lifts were the height of ridiculousness: he squatted 300kg x 6, deadlifted 400kg from a 15cm box, strict military pressed 170kg, push pressed 220kg, jerked 260kg (after his retirement at around 100kg), snatched 200kg, power snatched 160kg, power cleaned 200kg, and benched 210kg with his motherfucking feet in the air (All Things Gym).  
• A man who is currently the coach of the Russian Olympic Weightlifting powerhouse
• ... and a man who chain smoked during training and meets, and who would slam shots of vodka in the warm up room at meets between his warmup sets (Van Vleck).

  

Yup, all of that boozing and smoking certainly took it's toll on ol' Davie Boy's physique.

"So fucking what?", you might be saying.  "Everyone knows smoking will kill you and my mom said drinking is bad and the kids on Bodybuilding.com say drinking and smoking and masturbating is bad and girls have cooties and only people on steroids weigh more than 150 lbs.!", might be your follow up.  This is, of course, because you've been snowed by the popular media and know about as much about the world around you as a sea cucumber might know about the aerodynamics of helicopters.  As we've already covered extensively (here and here), alcohol consumption, even to Gary Busey-esque levels of violent, dangerous, irresponsible, and flirting-with-alcohol-poisoning-because-it's-tuesday levels, is not only not deleterious to training, but it may in fact help your training.  This flies in the face of what MADD, teetotalers, Christians, the mentally challenged, and virgins might have to say on the subject, but as they're all generally incorrect whenever they open their mouths, this should come as no surprise.

Lesson: Just because everyone seems to agree on something does not make it so.  Remember- people are fucking stupid.

Likewise, it appears that while smoking shortens your lifespan, it makes those years you have on the Earth markedly better, because it raises your testosterone, drastically lowers your chances of suffering from neurological disorders, improves memory, attention and psychomotor speed, stimulates blood vessel growth, and drastically speeds fat loss (Wang, English, Phillips, Andersson).  Let's pause a moment while you drink that in, shall we?  We'll take a moment and look at some anecdotal evidence we can pile atop the Rigert example.

• Arthur Saxon smoked like a smoke stack at the Magnitogorsk Iron and Steel Works in the 1990s.  According to Thomas Inch, "Arthur seemed to have an objection to going to bed at a reasonable hour and often sat up right through the night smoking, playing billiards, even lifting at three or four in the morning (Inch).
• During the halcyon days of weightlifting and powerlifting in the 1970s (you know, when people actually lifted weights and got strong rather than endlessly kvetching over bullshit like buttwinks and jacking off to other peoples' lifting videos), people smoked in the gym.  "Cigarette smoke often filled the gym and the ash tray was next to the chalk box" and people used to take "a drag off [their] cigarette, [set] it on the edge of the platform (with the “cherry” end dangling off the edge) and [hit] a set of power cleans" and then resume smoking (Van Vleck).
• The half hour breaks one sees in Bulgarian training routines do not exist so lifters can catch their breath and lay down- they are pre-programmed smoking breaks, because European weightlifters traditionally take frequent smoke breaks during training and many Oly lifters still smoke regularly, even with the mounting prohibitions on smoking in Europe (Starting Strength, Lowe).

 

Smoking does a body good.

• The Chinese Olympic weightlifting training center's floor is littered with cigarette butts (Larry).
• Bodybuilder and mini-Godzilla Markus Ruhl smoked during contest prep to speed fat loss and help build muscle (Daily Motion)
• Olympic weightlifting great Naim "Pocket Hercules" Suleymanoglu was an avowed heavy smoker (Smith).
• Legendary old-timey wrestler and strongman George Lurich was a legendary drinker and frequent smoker who shocked the shit out of George Hackenschmidt with his "unhealthy" ways on the way to kicking Hack's ass in wrestling and being one of the first people to jerk over 400 lbs (Hackenschmidt).

Look at the toll smoking and drinking took on poor Lurich's physique!  Let's all take a moment of silence to mourn his utter lack of physical strength, lean body mass, and the fact he couldn't afford pants.

Smoking takes ten years off your life.  Well it's the ten worst years, isn't it folks?  It's the ones at the end!  It's the wheelchair, kidney dialysis, adult diaper fucking years.  You can have those years!  We don't want 'em, alright? 

- Denis Leary

Before I continue, I'll just throw out there that I don't smoke and never have.I do, however, almost exclusively date thick girls who smoke, so my levels of secondary smoke inhalation are likely unparalleled outside of people who work in titty bars, bowling alleys, and porn shops with jerkoff booths.  I've never really worried overmuch about secondary smoke inhalation, foremost because it's a generally stupid thing about which to worry, and also because I think it's fucking hot when chicks smoke, if for no other reason than the overt hedonism of the act.  I like sluts, all sluts smoke, so I like smokers, is basically how that progression went.  Interestingly, science actually backs this line of thinking, because women with high testosterone levels are more likely to be promiscuous (Waters), and smoking has been shown to raise testosterone levels in more than one study (Wang, English)

Sloots, how I love thee.

Now, I realize that you're still likely highly skeptical, and for that I cannot blame you.  What is amusing, however, is that the very same person who popularized smoking in the United States and who fomented a significant portion of the women's lib movement by associating it with smoking was the father of modern public relations, Edward Bernays.  Quite the slippery little fuck, Bernays essentially invented modern propaganda techniques, and his methods were so effective that infamous Nazi propagandist Joseph Goebbels based his entire methodology on Bernays... in spite of the fact Bernays was a Jew.  As such, you might want to consider the possibility that the media has been used to manipulate your thinking on the subject of smoking, driven by a variety of "public interest" groups who may not have your best interests at heart.  I'm not saying smoking is good for you, but there is absolutely no justification for the current wave of smoker vilification that basically likens your average smoker not only to a child molester, but ones with 12" cocks who preys solely upon tiny infants with infinitesimally small vaginas and anuses.

Average smoker's van in the US.

In any event, the biggest study on smokers and their hormone levels was of course not conducted in the US because smokers are evil people who do not deserve to be treated as real human beings.  The Chinese, however, ran a study on 2,021 men (989 nonsmokers and 1,032 smokers), aged 20-69, and found that smokers had significantly higher total testosterone and free testosterone levels compared to nonsmokers, even after stratification as per age, BMI, triglycerides and alcohol consumption.  That's right- both total and free testosterone levels were "correlated to the amount of tobacco exposure" (Wang).  As if that weren't enough to blow your tits clean off your body, another study confirmed the findings of the Chinese, suggesting that smoking might "influence the levels of total and free testosterone through changes in the levels of SHBG (Sex Hormone Binding Globulin)" (English).  So, we've got pretty solid correlation between higher testosterone and smoking.

There also might be a correlation between endurance performance and smoking, which probably strikes you as impossible but is, in fact, a thing.  A cursory Google search reveals that there are a lot of endurance athletes who smoke, and they're all entirely on the defensive against the smoking community at large for their decision to have higher test levels than everyone else.  In the review paper "Cigarette smoking: an underused tool in high-performance endurance training", however, author Kenneth Myers states that:

"Cigarette smoking has been shown to increase serum hemoglobin, increase total lung capacity and stimulate weight loss, factors that all contribute to enhanced performance in endurance sports. Despite this scientific evidence, the prevalence of smoking in elite athletes is actually many times lower than in the general population. The reasons for this are unclear; however, there has been little to no effort made on the part of national governing bodies to encourage smoking among athletes" (Myers).

Amusingly, one of the studies on which Myers bases his argument shows that increased serum hemoglobin is also found in heavy drinkers, which could help explain how David Rigert got through his marathon training sessions (Milman).

The tragically under-muscled Rigert.

Next, we can move on to the myriad other positive effects of smoking- namely, the aforementioned lowering of your chances of suffering from neurological disorders, improvement of memory, attention and psychomotor speed, stimulation of blood vessel growth, and drastically improved fat loss.  All of these benefits come from the much maligned ingredient nicotine, which is an alkaloid that acts as a stimulant in mammals.  Though it's been vilified in recent years for its addictive properties (some organization called Drug War facts has ranked it more addictive than heroin), nicotine has a wide array of health benefits.  Namely, it:

• can be used to treat symptoms of Alzheimer's disease (Newhouse)
• improves cognition, memory, and attention span (Warburton) 
• promotes blood vessel growth and circulation (Heeschen) 
• improves reaction time (Newhouse)
• reduces depression (Duke)

Dennis Wolf being very busy with being bigger and leaner than you.

So, it seems we can put this particular baby to bed.  Smoking might kill you eventually, but it is certainly not going to kill your gainz and it's not going to hurt your training.  Quite the contrary- it has the potential to make you smarter, leaner, and stronger.  So, smoke 'em if you got 'em, because no matter how much you smoke, you're always be David Rigert's bitch.

Frankly, though, I'd rather be her bitch.

Up next, weed and hash- will they fuck up your gainz?  We shall see.

Sources:

Andersson K, Arner P.  Systemic nicotine stimulates human adipose tissue lipolysis through local cholinergic and catecholaminergic receptors.  Int J Obes Relat Metab Disord. 2001 Aug;25(8):1225-32.

The Bulgarian Method of Training Olympic Weightlifters.  Starting Strength.  Web.  24 Jun 2014.  http://www.calciatori.com/notizie/the-bulgarian-method-of-training-olympic-weightlifters

Butov, Sergey.  The Performer Turns 60.  IWF.  2007.  Web.  24 Jun 2014.  http://www.iwf.net/weightlifting/issues/071/2007-1_40-41.pdf

David Rigert Interview.  All Things Gym.  30 Jul 2013.  Web.  24 Jun 2014.  http://www.allthingsgym.com/david-rigert-shatoy-interview/

Daily Motion.  (2014, Jan 28). Markus Ruhl- Made in Germany [Video File].    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1ag4wk_markus-ruhl-made-in-germany-bodybuilding-muscle-fitness-documentary_sport

Duke University Medical Center.  Nicotine Lessens Symptoms Of Depression In Nonsmokers. ScienceDaily. 13 Sep 2006.  Web.  25 Jun 2014.  http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2006/09/060912225448.htm

English KM, Pugh PJ, Parry H, Scutt NE, Channer KS, Jones TH.  Effect of cigarette smoking on levels of bioavailable testosterone in healthy men.  Clin Sci (Lond). 2001 Jun;100(6):661-5.

Hackenschmidt, Geroge.  On George Lurich.  Iron Game History.  Aug 1991.  Vol 1 No 6 4-7.  http://library.la84.org/SportsLibrary/IGH/IGH0106/IGH0106e.pdf

Heeschen C, Jang JJ, Weis M, Pathak A, Kaji S, Hu RS, Tsao PS, Johnson FL, Cooke JP.  Nicotine stimulates angiogenesis and promotes tumor growth and atherosclerosis.  Nat Med. 2001 Jul;7(7):833-9.

Inch, Thomas.  My Friendship With Arthur Saxon.  The Tight Tan Slacks of Dezso Ban. 7 Jan 2009.  Web.  23 Jun 2014.  http://ditillo2.blogspot.com.au/2009/01/my-friendship-with-arthur-saxon-thomas.html

Larry’s Chinese Weightlifting Experience Part 1 – Snatches & Squats.  All Things Gym.  4 Jan 2014.  Web.  24 Jun 2014.  http://www.allthingsgym.com/larrys-chinese-weightlifting-experience-part-1-snatches-squats/

Lowe, Sid.  The joy of heavy men in bulging leotards.  The Guardian.  26 Aug 2004.  Web.  24 Jun 2014.  http://www.theguardian.com/sport/2004/aug/27/athensolympics2004.olympicgames8

Milman N, Pedersen AN.  Blood haemoglobin concentrations are higher in smokers and heavy alcohol consumers than in non-smokers and abstainers: should we adjust the reference range?  Ann Hematol. 2009 Jul;88(7):687-94.

Myers KA.  Cigarette smoking: an underused tool in high-performance.  CMAJ. 2010 December 14; 182(18): E867–E869.  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3001541/

Newhouse PA, Sunderland T, Tariot PN, Blumhardt CL, Weingartner H, Mellow A, Murphy DL.  Intravenous nicotine in Alzheimer's disease: a pilot study.  Psychopharmacology. June 1988, Volume 95, Issue 2, pp 171-175

Newhouse PA, Kellar K, Aisen P, White H, Wesnes K, Coderre E, Pfaff A, Wilkins H, Howard D, Levin ED.  Nicotine treatment of mild cognitive impairment: a 6-month double-blind pilot clinical trial.  Neurology. 2012 Jan 10;78(2):91-101.

Phillips, Harry.  The health benefits of nicotine.  Health24.  26 Feb 2014.  Web.  24 Jun 2014.  http://www.health24.com/Lifestyle/Stop-smoking/News/The-health-benefits-of-nicotine-20140226

Smith, Gary.  The Weight Of The World.  Sports Illustrated.  22 Jul 1992.  Web.  24 Jun 2014.  http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1004018/7/index.htm

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Drive Trucks, Break Arms, And Arm Wrestle

If I'm honest, I was completely unaware that armwrestling was still a thing in the 21st Century- I thought it was a flash in the pan thing that died in the 1980s.  My only exposure to armwrestling in my lifetime has been limited to the hilariously awesome but utterly nonsensical movie Over The Top, and in spite of the fact that the movie was centered around armwrestling, I recall very little of it aside from the fact that Sylvester Stallone had a weight stack set up in his big rig for the sole purpose of lifting while driving.  When faced with the revelation that such a thing is possible, it's easy to understand how a sport so consigned to the periphery of strength sports could have been overshadowed by the addition of a cable lifting apparatus to be used while driving.

Later, my apparent misapprehension about the sport of armwrestling was upheld with the advent of X-Arm, which is exactly the type of event one would expect out of the type of troglodytic, knuckle-dragging, monosyllabic, skunk beer swilling, white trash retards who seemed to fill Over the Top to overflowing.  For those of you who are unaware, X-Arm was the brainchild of Art Davies, the man behind the original incarnation of the UFC, and was a hybrid of MMA and armwrestling, with the combatant's hands tied together in a farcical attempt to make it seem as though an armwrestling match might break out while the fighters reenacted the amazing hockey-style dustup between Don Frye and Yoshihiro Takayama.  Don't get me wrong- the idea has some merit simply for the fact it resembled that epic fight, but beyond that the idea was dumber than Britney Spears' decision to procreate, and likely required a similar amount of moonshine and methamphetamine to come to fruition.

Thankfully, I was lifted out of the fog of ignorance of armwrestling a couple of years ago after watching the documentary Pulling John, a biopic about legendary giant killer John Brzenk.  Though most people only know of Brzenk as the little guy in the polo shirt who armwrestled Stallone in the aforementioned Sly film, Brzenk is a legend in the sport.  In spite of the fact that in the film Brzenk was a rather uncompelling protagonist, my interest in armwrestling was piqued by the training methods and overall awesome of Alexey Voevoda.  Don't get me wrong- as the "giant killer" of armwrestling who's dominated the sport for about 30 years, Brzenk is nothing short of a stone cold badass the likes of which the world hasn't seen since Aleksandr Karelin dominated Greco-Roman wrestling, but he's duller than an episode of the Facts of Life as a person and likely considers beige to be the greatest single color ever to grace the human retina.

What made armwrestlers truly interesting to me, however, was the wild variance in their training methods.  In most sports, there is a general overall structure to training that everyone seems to follow.  In armwrestling, however, the training methodologies are more varied than the means by which Justin Bieber continually invents to publicly embarrass himself, and for that reason I decided to conduct further investigation.  What I found boggled my mind further, as there appears to be no information readily available for strength training for armwrestling, and scanty information on how the armwrestlers practice for their sport of choice.  As such, I decided to pick a few of the more colorful and successful characters in the sport to determine exactly how they developed the strength most of us would like to be capable of putting on display at our local happy hour without tearing our shoulders to bits and exploding out biceps tendons all over the little old ladies avidly surveying the luscious landscape of meaty goodness before them.

Sarah Bäckman
5'8" 154 lbs.  
Swedish Senior and Junior Champion (left and right-handed divisions) (2006), Junior World Champion (2007), Senior World Champion (2009)

If there is a single word to describe Bäckman, it's hot.  A cursory glance indicates she's a Swede with arms most men would like to either lick or possess themselves, and further investigation reveals she's too hot for anyone to approach without pissing themselves in fear, and that our collective fear is just as completely justified as is our fear of deep sea creatures.  She's been a dominant force in armwrestling since she was 15, and has now moved on to the WWE where she will undoubtedly moonlight wrestling pasty-faced, sweaty schmoes for $1000 an hour.  To develop her insane pulling power and guns, though, Bäckman revealed the following:

"I practice armwrestling 1-2 times per week and I work out at the gym almost every day. I love the gym, it's my 2nd home. I plan the training myself. In the gym I train my whole body because I think it's fun, and of course I focus a lot on armwrestling exercises - wrist, forearm, side pressure, back pressure, etc" (World Challenge).

Though it will come as a shock to some, I was wholly unsurprised to find Bäckman has no set routine and just trains by feel.  Her workouts, however, generally consist of the following:

• one or two body parts a day, with two to three exercises of up to 30 sets for each. 
• heavy, basic, compound movements, with a lot of emphasis on Olympic and powerlifting movements.
• low reps- she never does over 6 reps.
• Fat Gripz work for everything from chins and dips to rows to build bone-crushing grip strength.
• hammer curls and dumbbell rows to build a strong brachilais, which in turn helps her top roll 
• walks 5km four times a week and rocks 10 sets of 100 m sprints afterward. 

Using that sort of a system, Bäckman's gotten crazy strong at a very young age- at 21, she's rocking a 300 lb deadlift, 235 lb Oly squat, and a 190 bench press, all while maintaining a physique lean enough to get her in the conversation with seriously accomplished physique competitors.  She credits the Pauline Nordin's Fighter Diet with her physique, which is a modified paleo diet that if Bäckman's meal photos are a good indication consist of mostly massive slabs of ribs and steaks accompanied by a pile of veggies.

In short, Bäckman's exactly as brutal as her training routine and diet would indicate she'd be.

Denis Cyplenkov
6'1" 308 lbs.
2009 and 2010 Nemiroff 95+ kg and Open Right (7th in Open 2009 due to Injury) and Left Hand Champion

Perhaps you've seen the hilarious pictures of Cyplenkov's hands measured against those of a normal person- if not, he appears to be the descendant of Shrek and 1990's bodybuilder Mike Matarazzo.  This badass Russian has forearms that stretch the tape at just over 20 inches, and his upper arms are an equally ridiculous 23.6 inches.  Though you'd expect his resume to include dismemberment of dozens of opponents and concomitant pictures of a hungry Cyplenkov dining on the raw, bloody, severed arms of his fallen opponents, Cyplenkov's wins are limited to the 2010 Nemiroff World Cup of Armwrestling champion in the 95kg+ category for both his right and left arm and similar placeings in 2009.  Perhaps of greater interest to the readership of Chaos and Pain, Cyplenkov benches 639 lbs. in competition, squats 705 lbs., and deadlifts 749 lbs., which would put him at #2 in the 308s currently, and at a very solid #1 in the bench.

Cyplenkov has two different training splits- in season and off season.  In season, he does three weight training workouts a week with two table sessions, and off season he does five weight training sessions and three table sessions a week.  Though details on his workouts are really only obtainable by watching his training vids, Cyplenkov:

• employs Fat Gripz in all of his arm work, and seems to prefer EZ Bar curls for biceps.
• simulates armwrestling movements with bands.
• incorporates strongman and powerlifting movements year round.
• employs Fat Gripz on his bodyweight work, which includes pullups and chins with a variety of grips, and dips.
• trains arms with relatively high reps and short-ish ranges of motion- he neither goes to full extension on curls nor pushdowns.
• goes full 1970s on the deal and does an odd combination of Heavyhands and the elliptical, where he does short range hammer curls while using the elliptical for cardio.  I was frankly surprised to see this, in spite of the fact that it makes sense from a logical standpoint, just because no one's even spoken the word "Heavyhands" in 20 years.

If you're not starting to catch on to the pattern, it might be a good idea to get some Fat Gripz, stat.  They definitely appear to be working for Cyplenkov and Bäckman.

John Brzenk
6'1" 200-225 lbs.

Of all of the wrestlers thus far discussed, none has the pedigree of John Brzenk.  As a light-heavy, Bzenk has dominated the sport of armwrestling since 1983.  Since that time, Brzenk has only lost one supermatch. and has defeated all comers ranging from Cyplenkov to Voevoda and a 60 lb fatass who tried to heave his useless bulk into the limelight by taking on the best ever.  The weird bit, however, is that Brzenk hates weight training and rarely does it.  According to Wikipedia, he was able to close grip bench 315 lbs for 5 reps at one point, and frequently trained with 50 lbs dumbbells for bicep curls and wrist curls.  For the most part, however, Brzenk just trains on the table.  According to the man himself, the greatest implement with which an armwrestler could train is a great team, not a barbell (XSportNews).  Weird, certainly, but apparently the man is onto something- he is indisputably the greatest armwrestler the world has ever seen.

Alexey Voevoda
6'4" 277 lbs.

Never in history has a man been more suited to wearing a matte black suit of armor and cleaving every motherfucker with anything to say about anything in twain with his trusty kilij than Alexey Voyevoda, longhaired badass from the Ukraine.  Voevoda is a multiple gold medal winner in the bobsleigh event in the Winter Olympics, multiple winner of the prestigious Zloty Tur armwrestling tournament, and one of the only men to defeat the legend John Brzenk.

Voevoda's training methods are nearly as unconventional as Bzenks, though far more brutal.  As he grew up in the Ukraine, a land famed for getting fucked in the ear by the Soviets harder than Sabrina Johnson got fucked in her two day gangbang with 2000 dudes, Voevoda had to get inventive with his training, which is exactly what he did.  Voevoda mad waves in Pulling John by doing bench press lockouts in a leg press machine with a positively ludricrous 926 lbs.  Voevoda's armwrestling training routine basically centers around arms, though he's capable of doing an easy flag even at his heaviest and trains his entire body year round to stay in shape for bobsleigh.  His training routine is not available online anywhere, though bits an pieces of it can be picked up from a variety of videos.  We know for sure that:

• Voevoda will have two people attach straps to his pulling arm amd pull against both of them simultaneously while armwrestling a third person.
• he does shitloads of arm circles with light dumbbells as a warmup.
• Voevoda benches 405 for a double
• he does a tremendous amount of cable work, and rope hammer curls in particular, to strengthen his arms for wrestling.
• Voevoda believes training for explosiveness is the key to winning in armestling, so training must be ear maximally heavy and extremely explosive and fast.

Bizarrely, Voevoda's been adhering to a vegan diet for the past three or four years, with no ill effects.  Whether this is a testament to the fact the man cannot be killed, we can only speculate, but he insists he avoids protein drinks and mainly subsists on a diet of fruits and vegetables.  

Travis Bagent, most amusing man in armwrestling.

As you can see, there's not a great deal of consensus on the best way to train to enable you to snap a motherfucker's arm like a piece of dry kindling over your knee.  What there is instead is a wide array of disparate training methods, freaks of fucking nature, and Fat Gripz.  Given the paucity of information on the subject of training for armwrestling, it seemed prudent to consult with Chaos and Pain's own Talia VanDoran, who recently added "armwrestler" to her strength sporting acumen, piling that atop her strongwoman and powerlifting competitions.  The following is what transpired in an interview we conducted some time ago in an effort to shed some light on how armwrestlers train.

Talia VanDoran
5'4" 180lbs

In re how her training has changed to suit armwrestling:
"My training has adapted in many ways now that I am incorporating arm wrestling to the list of strength sports I play with. Arm wrestling isn’t necessarily about big arms. Actually, it isn’t about big arms at all. I’ve seen some amazing pullers with arms smaller than mine. May be a little embarrassing for them, but they can take down giants! We are really talking about TENDON strength, wrist strength and grip strength. Coming from a background in powerlifting and strongwoman has helped me jump to the top of the pack. More specifically, the strongwoman training has been my biggest asset in the transition into arm wrestling. My supportive, crushing and pinching grip is solid due to my work with implements such as axle, stones, farmers etc. Also, strongwoman is bicep intensive. Arm wrestling is also bicep intensive. My tendons are conditioned to that type of strain, so I have done relatively well in a short amount of time. My wrists have also really thickened up since becoming a strongwoman. Carrying events are amazing wrist builders.

I do spend time in the gym working on upper back strength, but that is not only for arm wrestling. Everyone knows a big upper back will lend well to massive lifts across the board. Most women come into arm wrestling without a training background. This is where I am able to excel."

At the very least, powerlifting equips you to handle ebola.

In re program structure:"My program is based in powerlifting while adding in strongwoman implement work, arm wrestling accessory and body building hypertrophy. Brandon Lilly has been working with me to create a program that can sustain all three sports while not completely wrecking me. I never really thought I would be a multi-sport athlete and it does pose some interesting programming challenges, but it is some of the most fun I have ever had. I love pushing myself to the limit, so my programming has to allow for recovery while still seeing gains and prepare me for multiple competitions no matter the sport. Sounds like a lot of hard shit. I promise you it ain’t easy! Brandon has really worked hard to help me take on this crazy idea, stay healthy and SAFE."

In re arm wrestling practice:"Arm wrestling practice consists of table time. Getting on the table and pulling other people is what is going to make you better at arm wrestling. We run through some wrist warm-ups and then start pulling. At practice we really focus on technique. Most matches are won in the hand. If you can get your hand placement to where you are in the leverage advantage, the match is basically over. Arm wrestling is truly a game of leverages and is complicated as hell. This is why being “strong” isn’t enough. Focusing on different style techniques is also a major part of practice. The hook and top-roll are your most common styles. There are variations of each and different combinations of the two. Practice is a great time to play with your style and find what works best for you. We also get some strap work in, which eliminates a lot of hand/wrist leverage. The strap plays to the strength of those with big backs/lats. You will use a strap in a match when you have a slip, so always being prepared for that to be an option is important."

Finishing a full hand top roll.

In re her armwrestling style:"My AW “style” is more of a full-hand top-roll. A lot of women like to high-hand top-roll because the strength isn’t there. This looks like a lot of finger grabbing and pinning, instead of what you traditionally think of in arm wrestling. I’ll get into a high-hand with some girls, but in most cases I’m going to show them what power feels like. In a full hand, I’m able to utilize my lats/back/shoulders/triceps instead of playing the "finger dance." Due to my lifting background I’m able to overpower my competition in most cases. Even women that weigh 50+ pounds more than I do will struggle to match my strength at the table. I’m thankful for that advantage and I go into my matches with a good amount of confidence. That’s where the “mental” component comes into play. Arm wrestling is a personal sport. You are all up in someone’s space. Emotions are high. Intensity is palpable. There is NO other feeling like it. Intimidation is key. Setting up with confidence and showing no weakness will win matches. I don’t fear my opponents. I have pulled some amazing women. I have lost matches, but I never fear them. I welcome the challenge and don’t allow them into my mental space. I’m there to dominate. We can shake hands and exchange pleasantries when the match is over."

In re the idea that bodyweight training is ideal for armwrestling:"Bodyweight training ideal??? No. I don’t think so. Maybe if you are sport specific for arm wrestling, but even then you won’t build as solid of a muscular base as you will with weight training. I can see the advantage to some bodyweight movements when considering the development of tendon strength and wrist conditioning (pull-ups etc). However, I think it is of paramount importance to get your ass under a barbell."

In re the ideal diet for an armwrestler:"I’ve never seen a diet for arm wrestlers. In fact, a lot of guys will eat just about anything with no concern for how it will impede their training. The upper level pro pullers will eat a very “body building” style diet. Typically, they train like BBers as well, which I find to be very interesting. My diet consists of meat. Lots of it. Fat. Lots of it. Starchy carbs are minimal and veggies are just fluff in addition to the meat and fat. It’s worked well thus far. I’m sitting at 178#s just shy of 5’5”. #flatgutfatbutt"

In re why Talia gets so salty when people say "Nice tatts" or "nice ink" to her:
"Here’s the deal. When someone comes up to me (mostly men) and says, “nice tats” or “nice ink” I say thank you and move along. Generally, if this conversation is entertained, it will turn into talking about their tattoos, the tattoos they want, the tattoos they wish they hadn’t have gotten, the tattoos they want to show me (which usually involves removing articles of clothing) and potentially touching my tattoos. These are all things I’d like to avoid. I’m not quite sure what it is about the words “tatt” and “ink,” but I have found that when those words are present the conversation goes south. A lot of women that are heavily tattooed will get stopped to talk about tattoos. That’s ok in my book, but there is a slightly trashy connotation to the words “tatt” and “ink.” And guys…let’s be honest…”nice tatts” and "nice ink” usually tell a female you are hitting on her and could care less about the quality of her tattoos. Sorry. It may be unfair, but lots of things in life are unfair. Just say “nice tattoos” and you might have a better time."

And there you have it- there are a million ways to skin armwrestling's cat.  Whatever you decide to do, however, just don't tell Talia VanDoran she has nice tats, or you might end up staring up at her as she gnaws on your severed and bloody right arm.

Sources:
Interview: Alexey Voevoda about armwrestling and bobsleigh.  18 Aug 2012.  Web.  19 Jun 2014.  http://www.xsportnews.com/armwrestling/interview-alexey-voevoda-about-armwrestling-and-bobsleigh/

Interview: Denis Cyplenkov – Winner of A1 RUSSIAN OPEN – World Armwrestling Grand Prix – 27-28 July 2012.  XSportnews.  8 Aug 2012.  Web.  22 Sep 2013.  http://www.xsportnews.com/armwrestling/interview-denis-cyplenkov-winner-of-a1-russian-open-world-armwrestling-grand-prix-27-28-july/

Interview with Sarah Bäckman.  World Challenge.  8 Jan 2012.  Web.  22 Sep 2013.  http://www.worldchallenge.se/Default.asp?oewCmd=3&id=56201&archiveid=1517&pageid=29935&path

John Brzenk. Wikipedia.  Web.  13 Sep 2013.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Brzenk#Training_and_strength_feats

John Brzenk about armwrestling training.  XSportnews.  25 Oct 2013.  Web.  19 Jun 2014. http://www.xsportnews.com/armwrestling/john-brzenk-armwrestling-training/

Plummer, John.  Changing Attitudes.  Muscle and Fitness Australia.  Web.  18 Jun 2014.  http://www.muscle-fitness.com.au/features/article/0-news-and-features/192/changing-attitudes

The Most Jacked Athlete in Every Sport.  Muscle Prodigy.  18 Jul 2012.  Web.  18 Jun 2014.  http://www.muscleprodigy.com/the-most-jacked-athlete-in-every-sport-arcl-3187.html