Powerlifting Is Not A Fucking Fun Run, Part 2- The Elite Chime In

Following the massive shitstorm the last Fun Run article stirred up, I thought it prudent to see if in fact, I was the only elite lifter who felt this way.  As it turns out I'm not, and not only am I not the only one who feels this way, everyone seems to think powerlifting in sliding into the shitter.  Before you guys go and get your panties wadded, you might want to read through this carefully, as I am about to hit you motherfuckers with a twist M Night Shyamalan couldn't have conceived.  No, we're not all secretly reptilian aliens hell bent on world domination like Kris Kristofferson undoubtedly is- this twist is much, much more surprising.

Before we delve into the possibility that I was not entirely correct in asserting that millenials are treating powerlifting like the world's laziest gangland "jump in" and beating the sport to death with their flaccid dicks, let us peruse the thoughts of other elite level lifters, as I am quite certain the majority of the audience thinks I'm simply some psychotic elitist with a penchant for mocking everyone unfortunate enough to not be born me.

Ed Coan, powerlifting god.

"The sport is very fractured with too many federations with too many different rules. The rules have to be more the same than different. Judging is horrible to say the least in most places."

Paul Nguyen, 1588lb AAU and Raw Unity Elite total at 165, World Record Holder Deadlift (717), #8 on Michael Soong's Historical Rankings at 123.

"In my opinion the problem is that the talent pool in the sport of powerlifting is depleted from interest in other sports. I think that more often then not, a person with the talent to excel and possibly dominate in powerlifting wind up taking it elsewhere such as a sport that offers them more than powerlifting could ever offer, such as scholarships or notoriety. Powerlifting offers little to no compensation for success and the trend looks to continue that way.  The fix would be to continue to try and unify powerlifting as a sport and garner more interest in hope that it could one day be as popular as the other sports that rob it of its talent. I believe that the records that stand now are nowhere near where they could be if the sport were as popular as even skiing. I own a single lift world record and there is no doubt in my mind that there are many people out there that are capable of smashing it but have no idea of or have in interest in powerlifting."

"Shitty cookie cutter programs are to blame for a lot of things. I never gave the idea of an amateur division a thought, but I don't think that would fix the stagnation of competition. People avoid competition as I'm sure you've mentioned before, rather then seek it. The idea of powerlifting programs being more widespread in high schools was brought up in the comments somewhere, pretty sure it was you, that would be a huge step forward in my opinion."

Bob Benedix, 1608lb AAU Elite total at 181, Master's 50-59 World Record Holder Squat (580), Deadlift (560), and Total (1480lb).

Bob's answer came by way of Facebook chat, so it's a bit choppy.  As the conversation was immensely interesting and he has been in the sport since its inception, however, I will recount all of its highlights.

In re why we're not seeing a lot of guys who can crack an AAU Elite total from 40 years ago:

"Nobody really likes to train hard! I believe you have to walk out the weight! And I know if I can walk it I can squat it! I was at the High School Nationals and they do no raw work! Gear comes on right Away! You need muscle (and if you are going to do RAW meets you better train RAW!" 

In re how Bob got started powerlifting:

"I started benching in 1973 at 13!  I benched 265 at age 15 at 132lbs and 365 148lbs when I was 17!  I was just a bencher, and a boxer.  The Marines talked me into taking the ASVAB when I was 17 and I aced it, so the Navy offered me Nuclear Power School and to lift for the Navy!  I had no Dad to ask about it, so I just went for it, and I'm glad I did."

In re the deplorable state of benches in early meets:

"Ours never [collapsed], but I was lucky and got to use good stuff.  We used the old rules, though- head on bench and feet flat!  I benched 500 lbs many times like that in the gym at under 190lbs- it's always harder to bring down then up for me.  I started doing hammer curls heavy and it helped [Ed: also a fave of Bill Kazmeier]."

In re how Bob trains:

"I just love to train heavy!! I used to train with Rick Weil [Ed: raw world record bench presser at 165 and 181] and Mike Roy [Ed: 70s powerlifting badass who should be #20 on Soong's all time list at 165] and Gary Drigo [Ed: Fifth person to ever total 2,100 at 220], so never thought my bench was big- they were all stronger.  Because Rick benched more than me, I started squatting heavier.  I train with people who are stronger than me, and I always go heavy!!!  Go heavy then do downsets!  

Ted Arcidi [Ed: first man to officially bench press 700lbs] told me if warm ups make you weak, you are not strong!  We trained!!  We would warm up, then work with bigger weights and make small weight jumps down, then do [death] sets!  3 days on, 1 off, unless we were underwater, out to sea! [Bob was a nuclear engineer in the Navy.]"

"People do like to talk sooo much, and do so little."

"I don't know how [other people train], but I have to bench twice a week and do legs twice a week... and I am 54!  I love doing heavy leg presses, then back off set after set, and then squat.  8 weeks out I just go to 800 on leg press, 7 weeks to 700! My squat goes through the roof.  I broke my back in 1984 and could not squat to depth, so started leg pressing and then squatting and not worrying about the weight . It puts less stress on my back when I'm not trying to squat 800 every week."

In re Bob's sons, who are both badass teen powerlifters:

"They love [powerlifting] and respect it! They have met Arnold and John Cena and Hulk Hogan who are friends of mine and were treated as equals! Real lifters are family!  Real lifters respect the work!"

In re the idea that it's ok to be fat if you powerlift:

"Real top lifters look like bodybuilders!  They don't have to wear shirts that say "Powerlifter"- people can tell by looking at them."

In re the original knee wraps, which were just ace bandages:

"Yes , lots of guys [wrapped tennis balls behind their knees, but the wraps were shit!"

In re the inception of geared lifting:

"Everyone wore gear back [in the 1980s], but the new singlets are better.  I saw guys cutting suits and wearing 3 of them.  Anything to cheat- one was as underwear, then another half way up, then a t-shirt covering that, then another suit on top.  Bill Kasmier pointed it out to me at the Senior Nationals in 1983 and my mouth dropped."

"I trained with Bob Gaynor [Masters 60+ World Record Holder in Deadlift at 198 (680) and 220 (672)] yesterday, who is 67- he pulled 650 yesterday at 200lbs and still wears the same $5 leather belt he used years ago.  He is RIPPED." 

Ryan Celli, Chaos and Pain athlete, 1840lb AAU and Raw Unity Elite total, former world record holder, #3 on Michael Soong's Historical Rankings at 198.

"When you first asked me this question, “What do you think is wrong with powerlifting? And how can it be fixed?” My first instinct was to say,

1. Everything is wrong with powerlifting.
2. Everyone is a big baby.
3. Powerlifting can't be fixed.

Powerlifting is so far gone in my opinion it’s hard to be positive. With the one million different divisions now, and the two million different federations it does seem hopeless.  But honestly, I really think it can be fixed!  I think if we start with these few simple steps, everything else will fix itself over time. The bogus feds will fall by the way side, the best ones with thrive.  Ideally in the end, will would only have a few federations. 

I feel there are two groups of people to blame for the current state of powerlifting.
I think the meet directors are a big part of the problem.  Let’s be honest, they are out to make money. I understand this, and think they should make money, as it not an easy job.  Unfortunately, they feel the only way to get repeat lifters is to make sure the lifters get all of  their lifts passed, win first place, and maybe take home a few World Records.  This is the worst thing you can do! 

The second group to blame are the lifters themselves.  They continually support this nonsense. They often complain about the bogus lifts being passed, yet enter those meets anyway, and they enter every division they qualify for. They also brag about how they broke 3 world records at some backyard meet. 

The only way I see things getting better are if the meet directors start only offering a few divisions. OPEN, MASTERS (over 50), WOMEN, TEEN. They also need to start adhering to the rule book. We need to teach these new lifters its okay to place 8th out of 15. Yes, 8th sucks so you know what? Work on getting stronger!  Stop babying these lifters. Red light the lifts that are not to the required specifications. The lifters will learn from this and become better lifters in the end."

Jay Nera, 1907lb AAU and Raw Unity Elite total, #14  on Michael Soong's Historical Rankings at 220.

"The 44 minute stat you cited in your article is nuts to me….  But really, who gives a fuck about the median or the average?  I mean the average American is, in my opinion, an overweight, illiterate, lazy, entitled, TV-parroting, malignantly narcissistic douche (Canadian brothers and sisters off the high horse, the only difference is we can all read a little bit better).   But WE are not the median nor the average.

I’m going to have to be honest with you regarding my knowledge about the history of powerlifting, prior to my own participation, in that it is minimal.  I know what I’ve read in books such as Purposeful Primitive and then what I’ve heard from friends Willie Albert and Sam Byrd, both of whom have a plethora of knowledge on many of the great lifters from back in the day.  But really, I know very little history of the sport.

When I think about it, I can’t say that powerlifting is getting worse.  I mean, as far as I know, raw powerlifting is fairly new, or at least the re-emergence of it is.   When I competed in Russia in 2010, it was the WPC’s 1st Raw World Powerlifting Championships and the WPC is the second largest powerlifting federation in the world.  The largest powerlifting federation in the world, the IPF, only recently added a raw division within the last few years.  So raw powerlifting, in my opinion, is only now making it into the maintstream of the powerlifting world.  For a while, especially in the US, geared lifting was dominating the powerlifting scene.  I mean, how many Westside Barbell T-shirts are circulating and how many westsiders lift raw?

I would also have to argue that the competition, or at least my competition has become fierce…and keeps getting stronger.  I was once at the top of the Powerliftingwatch lifter rankings in 2011, 1st in the squat(716), 3rd in the deadlift(744) and 1st in the total(1901).  Now, even with a greater squat and total in the books,  I am 5th, 9th, and 3rd respectively.  So it is safe to say that even if the average powerlifters are getting weaker.  The best of the best are still continuing to push the limits….records are being increased.  For example, I know you are pissed about Puccio taking down your record by 5 fucking pounds.

I do know what you are saying though.  Yes, the average participant is getting worse.  But “why?” is the question.  I would put my money on the growing popularity of the sport and increased participation of course(as would you I’m sure).  But fuck, man, this is a good thing!  I want more and more people participating.  I want more people to participate in powerlifting so that when I say I squat well over 700 and am close to deadlifting 800, people will actually comprehend what kind of weight that is.  I mean, I just got back from the Arnold’s where I deadlifted 700 lbs for 5 reps without training my deadlift for months due to a strained oblique and no one understands that that is a pretty good deadlift feat.  It makes me hate answering friends and family who try to show interest in my life by asking how my competition went.  I appreciate the interest, but really, its worse than small talk when there is zero comprehension.
I mean only people who powerlift can truly appreciate and understand how difficult some feats of strength are.  

Back to it, more people participating = more awareness of the sport and more appreciation / comprehension…more money into the sport.

Let’s be clear about something.  Years ago I lived in Japan.  Before I moved to Japan, one of the things I wanted to do was to climb Mount Fuji.  People would climb it at night and reach the summit in time to watch the sunset.  When I got to Japan I heard that it would take about 8 hours to reach the top, that there were vending machines on the way up, and that an 86 year old woman had recently done it.  I didn’t climb the mountain.  What a fucking waste of time that would have been.  To share a sunset on a crowded mountain with numerous people because any fucking person including an 86 year old woman can get there.  I’d rather climb a mountain that scares the fuck out of people and enjoy the sunset by myself.

So just because participation is increasing, doesn’t mean we, the guys who actually do have elite totals, true elite totals, ie above 500 wilks totals, have to share platforms with them.  I stopped competing in at the CPF nationals because the last two times I did, I had to share warm up racks with people who couldn’t squat more than 455lbs.  I’m warming up for a 694 opener, currently with 6 plates on the bar, and some stupid idiot wants to drop the weight to 3 plates, and wants help doing it, and wants a spot…..I’ll have to stop at that because I do want newbies in the sport…just not when I’m about to lift.  But that’s the point.

Let the better lifters lift in the better meets.

I mean, we get get into the discussion of why Crossfit has grown so fast and now in the mainstream and why powerlifting in a relatively niche still.  But we can’t ignore that Crossfit welcomes everyone and anyone can do it.  There are competitions all of the time and all over the place.  A newbie crossfitter has competitions as do the vets.  There’s a powerlifting meet being held in my area this August held by the RPS.  They created an entire division just for newbies and crossfitters.  I think that this is a great idea.

In the end, good powerlifters need to support the bigger meets.  Men who can climb mountains need to stop wasting their time climbing little hills getting trophies against newbies.

Sin Leung, Chaos and Pain athlete, 749 Raw Unity Master total, #11 on Powerliftingwatch All-Time list 
(who has only been lifting for two years, by the way). 

"The problem with powerlifting is with the media- you're not a powerlifter unless you're "GOOD", which is stupid because everyone starts somewhere.  Then, you have everyone talking tons of shit, and using social media to voice it.  Also, everyone forgets they start from somewhere and subsequently forget they shouldn't spew every fucking thought that ever passed through their head.  On top of that, you have the problem of "PROS"- everyone is like "ohh, I want to get sponsored by so and so."  What the fuck is the point of that?  Everyone wants to get SPONSORED.  Those phaggots should shut the fuck up, keep their heads down, and just do the work and get good.  Everyone's so desperate for a sponsor, but no one is willing to do the work- they just post internet videos and wait for their free sponsor tshirt to arrive in the mail.  You're a fucking idiot if you're in this sport if your goal is to get sponsored, like this is CrossFit.  And yeah, I get the irony, given that I am sponsored by Chaos and Pain, but that was never my intention- I just wanted to do graphic design.  You guys were the assholes who chased me down with a sponsorship- it wasn't like I said "wow, I lift weights so someone SHOULD GIVE ME FREE SHIT.

You also have the problem that America is the Land of the Impatient.  No one thinks about it as life long dedication.  Instead, they think about it as something that should come quickly and easily and for free.  Look at other countries- they train because otherwise they starve.  Their families starve.  For us, this is "fun."  And even powerlifters that are "professionals" don't make money powerlifting- they make it by training people or making products, like Mark Bell.  You know, for these kids that wanna know how to not suck, they should think about it this way- say someone kidnapped the person you loved the most and said you are going to lift this or we're going to kill this person.  It's guaranteed you will get stronger.  So quit bitching about being weak and either train like your life depends on it or gtfo." 

Ben Puccio, 1710 AAU and Raw Unity Elite total at 181, current world record holder total at 181, #3 on Michael Soong's Historical Rankings at 181.

"People should have an attitude of always working to be stronger, as that's what powerlifting is all about.  On the flip side, if someone starts out weak they should not think that starting out inferior precludes the possibility of eventually becoming superior.   When I first started competing, I was a 15 year old, 114lber, and I was weak as shit. Now, I'm a savage.  So, it comes down to mindset: if they are doing it without a care in the world as to where they stack up against the masses, I have no idea why they are powerlifting in the first place.  If they suck now and intend to eventually become elite, however, they should get on the platform and go nuts, no matter how weak they are at present."

Becky Rich, 882lb Raw Unity Elite total, former world record holder, #3 on Michael Soong's Historical Rankings at 123.

"It would be interesting to see a detailed statistical analysis of numbers across federations across the years. Although you've presented at lest some evidence that there aren't as many elite-level lifters in powerliting, and that presumably the mean and the median is going down, still the all-time record totals and individual lifts continue to climb. So, the issue doesn't really seem to be to be that there aren't as many good lifters (because the good lifters are getting better), but that there are more average to downright bad lifters, and that they're muddying the waters when it comes to elite-level competition.

To me, the issue isn't so much the "fun run" mentality. Plenty of people participate in sports and athletics just for enjoyment and to better themselves, and which is awesome. Some people have jobs and families and priorities that aren't athletics, and again, no problem there. Also, this is powerlifting - nobody's getting rich from competing, so you'd better enjoy it if you're going to do it. Last but not least, some people (myself included) aren't willing to supplement in a way that will allow them to get to and stay at the very top. However, in most sports, there is an (admittedly) for-fun segment, and there is a competitive segment. Powerlifting really has no such distinction. Generally speaking, it's kind of hard to find meets that you *couldn't* qualify to compete in.

I see the main problem (as with most things in powerlifting) as the variety of federations available. Since lifters are so split among a number of federations, it is nearly impossible to create a meet with only elite-level lifters. Pulling from only one federation, you'd end up with one or two flights, and some weight classes totally vacant. So, in order to fill out flights and get some entry fees, meet directors are forced to lower or even eliminate qualifying totals just to make a full meet.

For instance, the USPA national meet only requires a class II total to go to the national meet. USAPL single-ply nationals qualifying totals are similarly low, and they don't even require a qualifying total for raw nationals. The vast majority of other federations don't even have a qualifying total for their national meets, so in effect, the national meet is no different than any local competition except you have to pay more to travel. Even more competitive invitational and "pro" meets, such as Raw Unity, Pro-Ams, the Arnold, the Olympia, XPC meets, etc., typically have a handful of elite-level lifters and a number of lifters that barely made the cut, or didn't make the cut but were allowed to compete anyway. At best, qualifying totals for these meets are 60-70% of the totals that are going to win the meet (much closer to the 60% end for women).

So, to go back to the "fun run" comparison. The best men's marathon time ever (let's call that an all-time WR total) is slightly over 2 hours. The average man finishes in approximately 4 hours 15 minutes. The qualifying time for the Boston Marathon is just over 3 hours (let's call that the qualifying total for nationals or even the Pro Am). Assuming all marathoners are distributed on a standard normal bell curve, the qualifying total is at least 1.5 standard deviations above the average, probably closer to 2. This also means that less than 5% of male marathoners (possibly closer to 2.5%) should qualify for the Boston Marathon. Now, I've made quite a few assumptions in my math here, but hopefully you get the point.

Is powerlifting willing to cut qualifying totals off so high that only the top 5% of lifters would qualify for any given meet? I doubt it. And therein lies the problem. When your national meet isn't any different than your local meet, you end up with paint-covered runners in tutus at the Boston marathon, just happy that the Kenyans had to go around them at the starting line."

And that, my friends, is what the best of the best have to say on the subject- apparently I'm not the elitist, flaming cockface the commentators on the interwebz suggest I am.  According to people so fucking good at powerlifting that they make most people seem weaker than babies, the state of powerlifting is piss poor... or is it?  Coming up on Friday, I'll post a statistical analysis of raw powerlifters' performance over the last seven years, and see if I can get to the bottom of whether there is a problem with powerlifting, that problem's root, and how we can solve it.

I promised all of the respondents no porn... but I never promised no booty.

Powerlifting Is Not A Fucking Fun Run

ATTENTION:  SINCE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE POINT OF THIS ARTICLE, LET ME BE CLEAR- I AM NOT SUGGESTING ANYONE STOP LIFTING.  I AM SIMPLY SUGGESTING THE THEY NOT "COMPETE" IF THEY SUCK

There is a disturbing trend pervading the mentality of powerlifting at the moment, and it bears discussing before it gets much more out of hand- the idea of "participation".  From Reddit to bodybuilding.com to Outlaws to Facebook to the fucking platform, there is a constant hum of the weak and the mealy-mouthed, cooing platitudes about the "joys" of "sharing the platform with such great lifters", going to meets to "get some numbers", and other assorted anticompetitive happy-go-lucky bullshit.

For those of you who are unaware, sports can basically be divided into two models- "pleasure and participation" or "power and performance."  As I have no real interest in reinventing the wheel or retyping shit I could copypasta, and am frankly too pissed off at the very idea that I need to explain this in the first fucking place, please review the following:

While the source should be common fucking sense, I obtained those tables here.

One would think, if people actually did so, that the very moniker "powerlifting" would provide valuable insight into the sports model being employed in the sport, but apparently the Millennials have decided that this is not so.  Instead, the idea that we should encourage greater participation in the sport of powerlifting and embrace the spirit of inclusion is far more valuable than preserving the most basic tenet of the sport- namely, to determine who the strongest motherfuckers on the planet are.

Millennials, I don't know what it is about your faces, but I just wanna deliver one of these right in your suck hole.

At the risk of triggering whatever pussies who might be triggered by reading something that can be labeled with the neo-fascist non-word "ageist", this phenomenon can be placed squarely at the only generation who has more self-loathing than they have knowledge, work ethic, or common sense- the Millennials.  Bizarrely, even the Millennials know they're useless, though instead of using this information to grab their balls and do something about it, they're choosing instead to ruin every semi-competitive or competitive sport in which they can enter, turning Power and Performance sports into Participation Sports with all of the grace and purposeful action of a plague of locusts (Jagel).

Think I'm off base?  I'm not.  A recent series of articles outlining the myriad failings of what author Kevin Helliker refers to as "Generation Slow" detailed at length the abject lack of competitiveness among the Millennial Generation, and pointed to such statistics as the fact that "median U.S. marathon finishes for men rose 44 minutes from 1980 through 2011," citing the fact that "many new runners come from a mind-set where everyone gets a medal and it's good enough just to finish" (Helliker Slowest) as the reason behind this phenomenon.  Lambasting the Millennials for their communistic, anti-competitive mindset proved exactly how useless the generation actually was, as the critical response to Helliker's article was just as feeble and limp-wristed as the competitive performance he outlined in his article.  Instead of citing recent upticks in elite performance (if there are indeed any to cite), most responses railed against Helliker for being mean, utilizing social justice non-words like "ageist" to defend their indefensible attitudes.

Not a lot of running happens in this race, apparently.

The most popular endurance events in the country, the Tough Mudder and the Color Race, don't even post results- according to the race coordinators, it's not about how you perform but about how you feel.  Well, they should feel like they fucking suck, because I would rather eat a bullet than run a mile and guarantee I could finish three miles in fewer than 30 minutes powered by nothing but contempt for the egalitarianism and effeminacy of the mindset of the other competitors.

Chairman Mao would have been pro-"Fun Run"

Lest you worry that they lack even the energy to muster up excuses, making excuses for shitty performance is about the only thing about which Millennials appear motivated.  One respondent provided the following laundry list of reasons why she sucks, while others had more general reasons for their uselessness:

"'Between being president of my honor society, volunteering at the local elementary school, job hunting, staying on top of my course load, being secretary of my sorority and trying to start a personal financial literacy seminar for women, running has become my detox time,' wrote Natasha Mighell, a University of Virginia student. 'It is MY time, and is not a competitive activity.'

Some young people said that baby boomers had wrecked the economy, creating so competitive a market for today's college graduates that few had time for endurance training. 'Everybody I know is just struggling to get a job, much less train for a marathon,' said Tyson Hartnett, a 27-year-old entrepreneur, writer and sales professional" (Helliker Strikes Back)

That's all well and good, you might argue, but it's got precisely fuckall to do with powerlifting.  This is not so, however- the same mentality so pervasive in modern endurance athletics has now become part and parcel of strength sports.  Reddit's r/weightroom is positively littered with comments regarding the dangerousness of cutting weight and the concept that doing so is unfair, despite the fact that such practices are not expressly prohibited by the rules, and the fact that according to the Power and Performance model "Participants should not be concerned with injury."  Likewise, high standards for participation are unwanted, as the general consensus seems to be that greater participation should be encouraged, rather than less, which echoes the Pleasure and Participation model's sentiment that "the opponent is needed and valued."  This, in spite of the fact that the opponent in strength sports is the weight, not the other participant.

Ricky Dale Crain- just as elite in 1976 as he is now, because powerlifting is the only sport in which people have gotten worse since the mid-70s.

To illustrate just how out of hand this phenomenon has gotten, consider the following- the AAU classification for an elite powerlifter at 181 lbs, set in 1973 when powerlifting's rules had only just been codified, was 1605.  Since then, the AAU has dropped this classification to 1396, and only Raw Unity has raised the standard a paltry 4 pounds in the intervening 40 years.  Thus, in spite of much more widespread knowledge of the sport and a concomitant rise in popularity, the best of the best are in actuality no better than they were a generation ago, and for all of the weight classes over 181, they're actually worse (Sutphin 18).  That doesn't happen in sports- athletes are supposed to get better with time, not worse.  It's not as though the AAU set their elite classification standards in 1974 with the intent that virtually no one would make the cut- they set them so they'd have a classification for the upper echelon on lifters.  As it stands, their classification indicates a fraction of a percent of total lifters, which is insane.  Even supercars represent a larger fraction of the sports car industry.  Thus, we're left with a strength sport that's barely progressed at all in the last 40 years in spite of vast improvements in the availability of training equipment and availability of sports nutrition, yet the record mile time has dropped almost ten fucking seconds.  

Here you have the AAU's elite cutoff from what was basically the inception of powerlifting, Raw Unity's current elite classification, and the total number of people on Powerliftingwatch's all-time list who meet the AAU's original standards from 2007-2014.  Fucking pathetic.

Just as in endurance athletics, a bloated body of participants has actually managed to dilute the talent pool to the point where it appears that the best lifters in the world have no interest in competing.  Either that, or the utter lack of competitiveness among the modern powerlifting participant is so overwhelming that they've dragged the strength levels of even the elite powerlifters into the toilet with their own.  Whatever the reason, the low level of strength at the "championship" level of powerlifting recently resulted in a California State Championship in which a staggering 29 competitors lifted in the 181lb weightclass, yet the 4th place finisher would not even qualify as elite at 148.  That's not a championship- that's a fucking travesty.

Now, I realize this is going to result in a lot of hurt butts, but frankly, I don't really give a fuck.  The mentality of the casual powerlifter is fucking retarded.  Either you're competing, or you should get the fuck out of the way- this is not a fucking "fun run".  Just showing up and paying $100 to say you did a meet is as stupid as it is disrespectful to the people who actually go to meets to compete against one another.  The Houston Texans might have blown dogshit in 2013, but I didn't see Ben Tate smiling as he walked off the field after Peyton Manning delivered 400 yards of airborn rape to his team and interrupt the post game press conference to tell the world how glad he was to share the field with such an amazing athlete.  Tahiti's soccer team doesn't wander the field like a bunch of fucking cattle when playing Uruguay and just let them score at will, and they're fucking soccer players from Tahiti.  Even they can muster up enough competitive spirit to fucking compete, in spite of the fact that Donald Trump likely loses more than Tahiti's GDP every month in the laundry.

In short- stop sucking.  Stop accepting that sucking is the norm.  Stop going to fucking meets and "competing" if you know you suck.  And for the love of fuck, either stop "participating" in sports or stop "participating" in life- I don't care how you do it, so long as you're dead to me. 

Sources:
Helliker, Kevin.  The Slowest Generation.  Wall Street Journal.  19 Sep 2013.  Web.  31 Mar2014.  http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424127887324807704579085084130007974

Helliker, Kevin.  The Slowest Generation Strikes Back.  Wall Street Journal.  9 Oct 2013.  Web.  31 Mar 2014.  http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702304171804579123661553124776  

Jagel, Katie.  Millennials: Generation lazy?  Yougov.  17 Jan 2014.  Web.  1 Apr 2014.  https://today.yougov.com/news/2014/01/17/millennials-generation-lazy/

Sutphin, Paul.  Powerlifting: The Total Package.  Bloomington: AuthorHouse, 2014.

Chaos And Pain Reads Shit So You Don't Have To, Mar 2014 Part 2

Finishing up this month's installment of "CNP Reads Shit So You Don't Have To", we have Muscular Development and Flex.  I didn't bother to review Power because that magazine rarely has anything of interest unless you want to reread tired shit about the Cube Method or Intermittent Fasting, so I passed on it.  I might replace The Box with Power next month and drop Muscle and Fitness altogether, but we'll see where my scatterbrain takes me in the magazine section- you people might end up with MD, Flex, and Fangoria.  In any event, here's the goods from MD and Flex.

Muscular Development Jan 2014
MD is by far and away my favorite bodybuilding rag, and the only magazine outside of Mental Floss and Wired to which I've ever subscribed.  Unfortunately, the Barnes and Noble in which I was reading magazines tossed or sold both their March and April MDs, leaving me only May, which i was hoping to save for next month.  Thus, I dug out January from my personal pile to review for you guys.  Before you get out your powdered wigs and gavels to judge me, bear in mind this magazine is literally jammed to the gills with study synopses they actually fucking cite, and thus keeps me from having to subscribe to a shitload of expensive academic journals.  If you're going to get a magazine subscription to something meatheadish, skip Power and grab MD- it's a far better resource.

Applying a tourniquet to your limbs might cause your opponents on the platform to fatally injure themselves.
A new technique in bodybuilding and strength training of which you may not have heard is called occlusion training, which essentially consists of training with a loose tourniquet tied around the insertion point of the limbs being trained.  I've tried it for squats and it fatigued me like nothing I've ever done in my life.  Studies have recently shown that occlusion training allows trainees to gain more strength and mass with drastically reduced loads- one study with rugby players showed a marked increase in bench press, squat, sprinting, leg power, and testosterone when trainees trained with a thigh occlusion cuff using 70% of their 1RM for 5x5 on bench, squat, and pullups.  Ace bandages in training might be your secret weapon to crushing the opposition on the platform.

Cook CJ, Kilduff LP, Beaven CM. Improving strength and power in trained athletes with 3 weeks of occlusion training.  Int J Sports Physiol Perform. 2014 Jan;9(1):166-72.

BREAKING NEWS:  Jogging before squatting kills your gainz.
In a study that should be surprising to absolutely no one on Earth, science has discovered that doing 45 minutes of aerobic exercise at 75% effort trashes your performance in squatting, but not bench press, if you lift right after doing cardio.  Thus, if you're going to practice running away from evangelical Christians/people/bears/boogeymen/whatever it is people practice running away from, do it after your squat workout rather than before.

Cantrell GS, Schilling BK, Paquette MR, Murlasits Z.  Maximal strength, power, and aerobic endurance adaptations to concurrent strength and sprint interval training.  Eur J Appl Physiol. 2014 Apr;114(4):763-71

This would not inspire me to sleep, but I'd get horizontal, at least.

Get moar sleep to get less fat.

No matter how much I tell people sleep is fucking critical, they make all sorts of excuses for not getting it, most of which revolve around children.  This is what soundproof closets with stout locks are for, people.  If you're not getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night, you're pretty much guaranteed to  have larger waist circumference, total body fat, abdominal fat, and surface fat, in addition to less testosterone than people like myself, who put babies in dumpsters, where they belong.

Yi S, Nakagawa T, Yamamoto S, Mizoue T, Takahashi Y, Noda M, Matsushita Y.  Short sleep duration in association with CT-scanned abdominal fat areas: the Hitachi Health Study.  Int J Obes (Lond). 2013 Jan;37(1):129-34.

Schmid SM, Hallschmid M, Jauch-Chara K, Lehnert H, Schultes B.
  Sleep timing may modulate the effect of sleep loss on testosterone. Clin Endocrinol (Oxf). 2012 Nov;77(5):749-54.

If you want to be BR00TAL, listen to BR00TAL music.

It's always nice when science catches up to broscience, and I can't count the number of times I've had pseudointellectuals spout nonsense at me about how I train to the wrong kind of music according to science.  As far as I was concerned, science can get fucked- there's a reason why teenage males listen to metal- they have insanely high test levels.  As such, it stands to reason that such music would have a positive effect on aggression and test levels, which science has finally decided it does.  Aggressive music like metal, rap, and dubstep increase sympathetic nervous system activity and testosterone levels.  Once again, the 130lb bitches screaming and crying about the evils of "broscience" can eat a bag of dicks.

Yamasaki A, Booker A, Kapur V, Tilt A, Niess H, Lillemoe KD, Warshaw AL, Conrad C.  The impact of music on metabolism.  Nutrition. 2012 Nov-Dec;28(11-12):1075-80.

MORE PROTONZ = MOAR GAINZ

There is no practical upper limit to the anabolic response to protein or amino acid intake- the more protein you eat, the more anabolic the meal is.  The old adage of no more than 30 grams of protein per meal continues to get the fuck kicked out of it, but for whatever reason, the 130lbers of the internet trot that fucker out like it's the first sentence of the fucking Bible.  Pass me that brontosaurus leg, because I'm about to bring on the gainz.  Let the naysaying pussies eat less- it just means more steak for us.

Deutz NE, Wolfe RR.  Is there a maximal anabolic response to protein intake with a meal?  Clin Nutr. 2013 Apr;32(2):309-13.

Stop asking if coffee is good for you, already.  Of course it fucking is- it raises testosterone and suppresses estrogen.
The eggheads at Harvard come through again, showing definitively that coffee intake results in increased total and free testosterone levels and decreased estradiol.  Fuck eating beans- drink more coffee at every meal.

Wedick NM, Mantzoros CS, Ding EL, Brennan AM, Rosner B, Rimm EB, Hu FB, van Dam RM.  The effects of caffeinated and decaffeinated coffee on sex hormone-binding globulin and endogenous sex hormone levels: a randomized controlled trial.  Nutr J. 2012 Oct 19;11:86.

Flex April 2014
Flex has been an old standby in the meathead magazine genre- not too high-brow, yet not too lowbrow, and more hardcore than Muscle and Fitness.  They lack the aggression and the intellect of Muscular Development at Flex, but I suppose they make up for that in a bit of refinement, which in my opinion has little place in bodybuilding.  In any event, it's not a half-bad mag, but it's hardly the best of the bunch.

Cutting your lifts short means cutting your gainz short.
Trainees who use a longer range of motion experience less strength and muscle loss during a layoff, and have greater strength and hypertrophy gains while training, in addition to more fat loss.  Might be time to start mixing in more deficit work, people.

McMahon GE, Morse CI, Burden A, Winwood K, Onambélé GL.  Impact of range of motion during ecologically valid resistance training protocols on muscle size, subcutaneous fat, and strength.  J Strength Cond Res. 2014 Jan;28(1):245-55.

I think if the pump I currently have persists for more than four hours, I am supposed to seek medical attention.

Dat pump, bro.
Want to look swole at the club?  Apparently, there's no need to bring dumbbells in your trunk and pump up in the parking lot every hour- apparently if you break your ass hard enough in the gym, you'll stay pumped for two days.  According to a new study by Brett Contreras and his trusty German sidekick, strenuous resistance exercise can result in an acute increase in muscle water content for up to 52 hours.

Schoenfeld, BJ, Contreras B.  The Muscle Pump: Potential Mechanisms and Applications for Enhancing Hypertrophic Adaptations.  J Str Con.  Article published ahead of print. 23 Dec 2013.  Web.  26 Mar 2014.  http://journals.lww.com/nsca-scj/Abstract/publishahead/The_Muscle_Pump___Potential_Mechanisms_and.99586.aspx

Posing for selfies makes you stronger.
One study revealed contractions of biceps and triceps by simultaneously contracting both muscle groups at 90° of the elbow joint, followed by 4-s muscle relaxation (10 repetitions/set, 5 sets/day) for 12 weeks resulted in a 4% increase in muscular size and a significant increase in agonist EMG activities- ~30% at 4 weeks and 40%+ at 12 weeks.  Bros got bigger and stronger by doing a front double biceps in front of a mirror for a few minutes a day.  Fuck do you even lift- do you even selfie, bro?

Maeo S, Yoshitake Y, Takai Y, Fukunaga T, Kanehisa H.  Neuromuscular adaptations following 12-week maximal voluntary co-contraction training.  Eur J Appl Physiol. 2014 Apr;114(4):663-73.

Sprinkle some leucine on your steak.
Time to add some leucine to your steak and rib rubs!  Stupid science bitches couldn't make my friends more smarter, but apparently some stupid science bitches could make steak more steaker.  According to a new study, five grams of leucine taken with protein maximizes muscle protein synthesis rates. For those of you starting your cut for the beach, you might want to take note- maximizing your protein synthesis can be especially important on a calorically restricted diet.

Churchward-Venne TA, Breen L, Di Donato DM, Hector AJ, Mitchell CJ, Moore DR, Stellingwerff T, Breuille D, Offord EA, Baker SK, Phillips SM.  Leucine supplementation of a low-protein mixed macronutrient beverage enhances myofibrillar protein synthesis in young men: a double-blind, randomized trial.  Am J Clin Nutr. 2014 Feb;99(2):276-86.

Chaos And Pain Reads Shit So You Don't Have To, Mar 2014 Part 1

I will confess this is not a new idea- some dude used to do this on T-Nation periodically.  He did not however, view bodybuilding/training rags as I do- as a Cliff's Notes for training and nutrition journals.  Instead, he just skimmed the mags and provided a bird's eye view into what was doing in those mags.  Despite the invalid criticisms that are sure to pour forth in the comments on this article,  I know for a fact there is value in bodybuilding magazines and intend to cram it down your fucking throats in a super-concise synopsis of useful information.  Yeah, they might just be a means by which advertisers can sell you shit you don't need and a bunch of pictures of sloots wearing too many clothes and dudes generally wearing shit that would only be appropriate in a gay pride parade, but there are kernels of wisdom inside.

You know what? If you guys don't think you can learn something from guys like Sergio Oliva, just ring your call button and Tommy will come back there and hit you on the head with a tack hammer because you're a retard.

Thus, I read The Box, Flex, Muscle & Fitness, Musclemag, Planet Muscle, and Muscular Development to bring you the best the fitness and bodybuilding worlds have to offer without any of the nonsense.  In addition, because I now that in spite of the fact that I am simply recounting what I discovered in these magazines, the intellectually lazy, shit-sipping frittatas of the internet will likely skim the fuck out of this and accuse me of promoting broscience or somesuch ridiculousness because they're too lazy and stupid to use the google machine to find the studies.  As such, I did so for you, because the one thing internet fame has taught me is that the only thing more common than pussies talking shit on the internet is lazy, stupid pussies accusing people far better educated and stronger than they are of "broscience", because it's one of the few words they can spell correctly.

[Edit: This thing ran incredibly long, and you will note the two really fucked up photos in the Musclemag section when I was running out of steam and went a little off the deep end.  Just read the fucking thing anyway, because there's good shit in here.  I chopped it into two parts and the fucker's still long, so this is The Box, Muscle & Fitness, Musclemag, and Planet Muscle, and part 2 will be Muscular Development and Flex.]

The Box Mar/Apr 2014
Crossfit’s premier magazine, the Box purports to be “Evidence that CrossFitters do it better.”  In reality, it's a pretty shitty magazine with very little in the way of training advice, a couple of paleo hacks, and a lot of articles about why CrossFit is cooler than sex with your favorite porn star atop the back of a unicorn that is fucking a unicorn in a field of lotus flowers while hopped up on Viagra and molly.  I've seen less braggadocio out of an Italian after Rocky 5 in downtown Philly, and I'll assure that the guido's braggadocio was likely more warranted. Nevertheless, here's the useful shit from The Box:

Yoga is better for active recovery than just about anything, save for possibly sex with another CrossFitter.
“Researchers at the University of Oslo, Norway, drew blood from 10 yoga practitioners before and after a session.  They found that yoga caused 111 genes to wake up, while walking and music-driven relaxation only turned on 38.  Because some of the same genes were affected, scientists hypothesize that yoga, exercise, and relaxation affect some of the same processes but that yoga’s impact on the body is more widespread.”

Qu S, Olafsrud SM, Meza-Zepeda LA, Saatcioglu F.  Rapid gene expression changes in peripheral blood lymphocytes upon practice of a comprehensive yoga program.  PLoS One. 2013 Apr 17;8(4):e61910.

FACT: Star Wars fans consume more creatine than Star Trek fans.

Creatine can make you smarter.
Here’s one I didn’t know- researchers have found that suboptimal levels of creatine negatively impact cognitive performance, and that creatine supplementation can improve cognition.

This isn't the study they were citing, as I couldn't find a recent one about this topic, but here's one on the subject: Ling J, Kritikos M, Tiplady B.  Cognitive effects of creatine ethyl ester supplementation.  Behav Pharmacol. 2009 Dec;20(8):673-9.

Even paleo chicks go batshit if you tell them they can't have muffins.

Finally!  Someone proposes paleo flour alternatives that are not completely retarded.
This is usually a massive point of contention for me, because flour and paleo don’t belong in the same conversation.  Most baked “paleo” recipes are bullshit, as they use arrowroot flour, which is entirely comprised of carbohydrates and in no way compares to a Paleolithic tuber.  Surprisingly, The Box points this out and recommends:

• coconut flour, which has 1 gram of protein and 2 grams of fiber for every three grams of carbohydrates 
• almond flour 
• tapioca flour, though it mentions that tapioca is similar to arrowroot in its un-paleo nature.

Keep calling CrossFitters pussies, guys.  You'll keep looking like a pack of jealous fucking retards.

CrossFit isn't going to injure the fuck out of you any more than high school soccer would.
Only one small study has been conducted on CrossFit injury rates, and it showed a rate of 3.1 injuries per 1,000 training hours, which is similar to those reported for Olympic weightlifting and powerlifting.

• rhabdo is the participant’s fault, not the sport’s.  “Rhabdomyolosis is the result of inappropriately applied intensity.  It’s simple: Someone did not gauge and manage intensity correctly; the athlete did not slow down or stop when he she should have.”

Also, there was a full page article detailing all of the reasons CrossFitters are better lays than everyone else on Earth.  It was, as you can imagine, pompous and generally retarded.

Muscle and Fitness Apr 2014
Interestingly, Muscle and Fitness, one of the mainstays of the bodybuilding magazine industry, has pretty much thrown in the towel on bodybuilding and strength training.  Instead, they’re switching to a more “fitness” oriented magazine that caters to the CrossFit/reddit's r/fitness/Men's Fitness crowd and turning their back on their former core demographic.  Additionally, what used to be my one monthly magazine purchase (when I was in high school, before you maniacs get overexcited) basically just shills for supplement companies and has no substance now.  While I find this appalling, I highly doubt anyone else gives two shits, so here's what they included in this month's "new" M&F:

John Cena is a sweetiepie.

• Cena's apparently the nicest person in the world- He is the only celebrity to break the 400 wish mark for the Make a Wish Foundation.
• Cena currently benches 481 and is on the cusp of 500, in spite of the fact he tore his tricep completely in August.  When asked what his secret was, he said that max effort overhead presses are the best bench accessory.
• Wears Adidas Powerlift 2.0 shoes, which I know is a rally important anecdote for the internet gym warriors.
• Is not a terribly good squatter- he's only hitting 5x5x495.
• Eats clean 6 days a week and faces doughnuts all day the 7th.

Bruce Lee loved the fuck out of circuit training too, but he still went heavy from time to time... someone might want to alert the editors at the Weider headquarters. 

M&F loves circuit training.  
And I mean they love it.  Every fucking program in this issue was a circuit, save for Cena's program.

Planet Muscle Feb 2014
I'm sure many of you have never heard of this magazine or seen it on a newsstand.  I have periodically loved and hated this mag throughout the last ten years, and while it's not quite as jammed with info as other magazines, it's interesting in that it's owned by a small West Coast supplement company that has made the same great but hideously expensive products for the last 50 years and is somehow still in business.  Additionally, PM's article layout is interesting in that it's thoughtful- they usually use the articles early in the magazine to build a knowledge base for understanding later articles.  As such, it's a pretty good primer from lifting and nutrition neophytes.  There are also no shortage of scantily clad sloots in the back of every issue, so you have some nice wank material if you have the ability to orgasm to soft core porn.

Someone finally brought Star Wars into lifting- introducing Yoda 3 Training (Y3T). 
Here's a training program of which I'd never heard, which is fairly unsurprising because I don't really give a rat's ass about programming.  Nevertheless, this training method is the brainchild of a Brit named Neil Hill, who's the trainer of guys like Zach Khan (650 squat and 600lb bench press)and 212 lb Mr. Olympia Flex Lewis (who seems reasonably strong in spite of vehement protests against his form on Bodybuilding.com, which is apparently populated by a lot of people far more jacked than Flex Lewis but curiously bereft of evidence of this fact).  The program is apparently intended to utilize the concept of macro and microcycles for bodybuilding purposes by rotating though three 1 week cycles that rotate rep numbers, exercises, and explosiveness to selectively target Type 1, Type 2a, and Type 2b muscle fibers.  Week 1 is heavy compound movements (8-10 reps), Week 2 is a combination of isolation movements (12-16 reps), and week 3 is something called “total muscle annihilation” that involves a bunch of intensity multipliers like giant sets, drop sets, forced reps, and the like.  For more info, check it out here. Before you claim such a method is useless for your purposes, nebulous as they probably are, I would suggest you check it out, as this could have some interesting applications for strength training if it’s modified somewhat.

Talk your shit guys, but like the dude who took 2nd at the Physique Olympia, Tim Liggins pulls far more bitches than you do and probably outlifts you.  Food for thought.

“As a bodybuilder, you use and not lift weights”- Tim Liggins.
I found this quote to be the most interesting bit of Tim Liggins' interview.  Liggins seems fairly cerebral about his training and while the 5'8", 200 lb bodybuilder isn't fantastically strong, he definitely appears considerably stronger than your average "powerlifter."  He utilizes the aforementioned Y3T system, so the vids I saw consisted of a lot of high rep drop sets and the like, but the dude definitely did a very easy set of 18 reps on his third drop with 80lb dumbbells, which isn't something to sneeze at, given the fact that he'd already done 36 reps with heavier weights.  In any event, I thought the quote above was interesting because it provides some valuable insight into the disparity between the bodybuilding and powerlifting mindset, and if you think about it sheds some light on the reason just about every gym's powerlifters are outbenched by the bodybuilders.

The riot bomber, Zabo.  Longshoreman by day, then hit the gym for a couple of hours each night, and was shredded before a word to describe his condition existed.  At 170, Zabo squat snatched 220, barefoot and without a warmup, then added 50 lbs and cleaned and military pressed it to impress some judges at random (Hise).  Still think bodybuilders are pussies?

Riot Bombing.
The training method with the awesome moniker "riot bombing" was invented by a guy I profiled in Issuance of Insanity 2, Zabo Koszewski, a 1960s bodybuilder who was insanely shredded before being shredded was cool.  Riot bombing is essentially what I do for arms, and it’s definitely brought them up over the last couple of years.  The concept behind it is to essentially drop a massive number of training bombs on your body to force growth in opposing muscle groups simultaneously. To do so, you utilize supersets with crazy volume to bend your body to your will, pairing exercises that utilize opposing muscle groups to ensure that your muscles get a bit of recovery before you pound them.  This phenomenon, of which you are all likely unfamiliar because it's cool to think bodybuilding is bitch made, is called reciprocal inhibition, and is a neurological reflex that causes one muscle to relax when its opposing muscle is contracted.

Riot bombing should feel something like this.

If you feel like trying it, the execution is like a Balkan war criminal- as brutal as it is simple. Do 15-20 sets of of two exercises that target opposing muscle groups, like cheat curls and push downs, and add weight on the 6th and 10th sets so that you’re starting at about 10-15 reps and ending in the 4-8 rep range.  Rest no more than 15-30 seconds in between supersets to maximize pump and shredz and you'll be looking like Zabo in no time.

I would punch my mom in the throat to hold Jenny Poussin’s hand.  She's one of the aforementioned PM sloots.

Sloots.
Planet Muscle has oodles.

Musclemag March 2014
If I'm honest, I've never much cared for Musclemag and could not tell you why beyond their sponsorship by the least reputable major supplement manufacturer on Earth, Muscletech.  Muscletech has never met their label claims, so I would guess my subconscience believes the same to be true about Musclemag.  In spite of that fact, I cracked one open and discovered some useful shit inside, so it's not quite the soulless corporate shill I'd once believed it to be.  It also seems to be trying to shed its meathead image by heading in the direction of promoting "attainable" physiques, so there is a lot more emphasis, at least in this issue, on the 212 Olympians than the big guys.  I couldn't really give a shit less either way, but for those of you who might care, there is that.  For the rest of you, here's the goods from Musclemag:

I know precisely fuckall about pro wrestling, but this chick is a WWE Diva and squats like a motherfucker according to her interviews... and her legs.

For those of you still leg pressing- stop.
A recent study in the Journal of Strength and Conditioning pitted the leg press against the squat.  At 6x10 reps 80% 1RM, the squat elicited higher testosterone and growth hormone releases, but the GH release was the truly badass one- 200% higher immediately after training and still 100% higher an hour later.

Shaner AA, Vingren JL, Hatfield DL, Budnar RG, Duplanty AA, Hill DW.  The acute hormonal response to free weight and machine weight resistance exercise.  Published online in advance of print.  http://journals.lww.com/nsca-jscr/Abstract/publishahead/The_acute_hormonal_response_to_free_weight_and.97568.aspx

So unfunny you'd think he was the love child of Billy Crystal and Margaret Cho.

For those of you who like to drag out your training sessions like Steven Wright dragged out jokes, start swilling intra-workout carbs.  
A recent study showed that 6% of your daily carb intake mixed with BCAAs prevented upper respiratory infection in trainees.  Musclemag recommends 20 grams of dextrose or table sugar with BCAAS intraworkout.

I couldn’t find the study on this, but the logic is sound.

Don’t forget your MP3 player on days you're lifting heavy. 
The Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences found that music is not simply a distraction, but it reduces the amount of effort necessary to do the work.  In other words, music “would relieve the severely stressed from self-awareness of one’s own body” and allows trainees to push themselves much harder than trainees who trained without music.

Fritz TH, Hardikar S, Demoucron M, Niessen M, Demey M, Giot O, Li Y, Haynes JD, Villringer A, Leman M. Musical agency reduces perceived exertion during strenuous physical performance. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2013.  http://www.mpg.de/7573048/music-physical-exertion

I call this picture "Anti L-Citrulline."

L-Citrulline makes your dick hard.
A new study showed 50% of men with mild erectile dysfunction cured it with supplementary Citrulline.  Musclemag recommends1.5 to 3 grams of citrulline before lifting or fucking, or after looking at the above picture.  I just got you motherfuckers so good.

Cormio L, De Siati M, Lorusso F, Selvaggio O, Mirabella L, Sanguedolce F, Carrieri G.  Oral L-citrulline supplementation improves erection hardness in men with mild erectile dysfunction.  Urology. 2011 Jan;77(1):119-22.

There is such a thing as self-harm porn.  I know, because I've masturbated to it.

Depressed chicks get horny in the gym.
For those of you who are not into self-harm porn and do not find the above picture appealing, take note- chicks on anti-depressants found the libido dulling effects of the anti-depressants were eliminated after a 30 minute workout.

Lorenz TA, Meston CM.  Acute Exercise Improves Physical Sexual Arousal in Women Taking Antidepressants.  Ann Behav Med. Jun 2012; 43(3): 352–361.

Note Larissa's sexy ass knees.

Scientists somehow found a new ligament in the knee.  
The anterolateral ligament, ALL, seems to be the culprit behind ACL tears.  A weak ALL leads to ACL injuries, it seems.  No one has any fucking clue how doctors missed this ligament up until now.

Stuffing needles into your ears could help get dat sixpack, bro beans.
Auricular acupuncture could be the answer to getting that last bit of fat off your stomach.  Korean scientists conducted a study in which volunteers had 8 weeks of poking in the ears with needles followed by a week of keeping a needle taped into part of their ear and found that weight, body fat, and waist circumference were reduced.

Yeo S, Kim KS, Lim S. Randomized clinical trial of five ear acupuncture points for the treatment of overweight people. Acupuncture in Medicine, 2013.

SOY IS THE DEVIL.
Vindication never tasted so sweet!  Soy protein reduces testosterone post workout.  A recent study showed that soy protein has a direct negative effect on test levels and that it was far worse than whey at blunting post-workout cortisol spikes.

Kraemer WJ1, Solomon-Hill G, Volk BM, Kupchak BR, Looney DP, Dunn-Lewis C, Comstock BA, Szivak TK, Hooper DR, Flanagan SD, Maresh CM, Volek JS.  The effects of soy and whey protein supplementation on acute hormonal responses to resistance exercise in men.  J Am Coll Nutr. 2013;32(1):66-74.

The Rhino- WR holder in the squat and total at 275 and ripped to fucking bits.

Powerbuilding is a thing again?
Pretty much a staple training method up until the internet ruined powerlifting in the early oughts, powerbuilding is making a comeback as crossover athletes keep popping up.  Guys like Stan Efferding, Johnny Jackson, and Ronnie Coleman are getting bodybuilders to trend more toward strength training as jacked as fuck raw powerlifters eliminate the fat fuck mentality promoted by the thankfully fading multiply set.  Musclemag mentioned the following icons of powerbuilding for you fuckers to check out (and whose lifting routines would not be a bad idea to emulate): Joe Ladnier (who is the powerlifter who convinced me powerlifting wasn't code for "fat men in bulletproof outfits barely moving and calling themselves lifters while narrowly avoiding strokes"), Matt Kroc, Ken Patera, Franco Columbo, Bill Kazmaier, Tom Platz, and Dorian Yates.

Tomorrow or the next day I'll hit you with Flex Magazine and Muscular Development, and then we'll move on to whatever else happens to strike my fancy.  And don't hate, fuckers- you know you just had knowledge dropped on your faces like a ten ton hammer.

Sources:
The magazines and studies are all cited in place.

Hise, Bob.  The fabulous Zabo Koszewski.  Strength & Health. Aug 1967.  Web.  24 Mar 2014.  http://www.musclememory.com/showArticle.php?sh670820