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31 March 2013

Random Awesome Shit Easter Edition


Today being Easter, I thought it would be appropriate to offer up an Easter Basket full of goodies of which you've likely never heard, and which I thoroughly enjoy.  Lest you find yourself amongst the teeming hordes of non-Christians who could give a shit about Easter, buck up- I've got music, supplements, and movies to get you through this trying celebration of Christian piscetarian zombies.



Side note- a practice we need to adopt in the West is the Czech tradition of spanking women on Easter Monday.  Spankings are always good fun, and in this case they're for a good cause- the spanking grants the spankee good health and beauty over the coming year.   Therefore, find a booty and spank it on Monday.

One More Random Music Recommendation



Iggy Azalea

Speaking of booties... I realize I'm a little late to the party on this one, but my only exposure to Iggy had previously been her song"Pu$$y", which while amusing didn't have much staying power in my rotation.  Her latest shit, however, is damn good- badass beats, far smoother rhymes than most of what her "rival rapper" Kreayshawn, and fairly intelligent lyrics for a high school dropout.  Perhaps it's the booty, and perhaps it's the fact that she's from Australia and I'm fairly certain that I was an Aussie in a former life, but this shit is worth slipping into the rotation on the rare occasion I need a break from breakdowns.  The videos I posted below are some of her more mainstream stuff, but the new shit she's got out have beats that blow M.I.A.'s stuff out of the water- it's really more along the lines of seriously cool electro with rap overlaid on the beat.



Not off Iggy's album, but a fucking great song in any event:

Anything that mocks child beauty pageants is good by me:

Zeus likes this shit, so any fan of Friday can't hate on it too hard:

Her new mixtape is free, so you might as well grab it here.

Supplements
Perhaps in an effort to take a break from their primary directive of doing everything they do in their lives in the furtherance of evil, Russian scientists have delivered a beautiful baby onto the pharma market in Russia, and the US supplement market.  This baby is actually an entire family of drugs called racetams, which the Russians created to make people more intelligent.  They were probably looking for a way to get their scientists intelligent enough to make prostitution robots that crush a man's spirit and steal his wallet all at the same time, which playing the old Soviet national anthem.  Nevertheless, they've made huge leaps in the last few years with racetams- the family of drugs serving as pharmacological aids for memory, cognition, and a variety of other mental health features. These supplements, which were widely available for a short period of time in preworkouts and general nootropics were pulled when the US government issued a statement that stated that piracetam, the most popular of the racetams in the US, could not be sold in the United States because it did not fit the definition of a dietary supplement. As such, all of the racetams were pulled from product formulations that contained them. That is, until now. LGI Labs recently released N-Pept 10 and CTD Labs has Noopept both products contain what has been described as a "brain steroid", a substance called Noopept.  Noopept almost sounds too good to be true. Like the other racetams, it's used most heavily in Russia, and it is considered to be essentially a wonder drug. Though the mechanisms by which racetams work are unknown, the entire family of drugs appears to do the following:
  • reverses the effects of both aging and alcoholism on the brain
  • lowers signs of depression
  • improves memory
  • improves blood flow to parts of the brain associated with cognition and memory
  • aids in cognition for schizophrenics
Noopept is BETTER than the best of the previous racetams - by a factor of 1000. This stuff is basically the drug from the movie Limitless, only without going full retard after a couple of months. According to Wikipedia:
  • Animal studies have shown noopept to be neuroprotective and enhance memory in various tests.
  • Noopept displays both high oral bioavailability and good blood–brain barrier penetration in rats 
  • Human studies have shown promising results, with potential application in the treatment of Alzheimer's disease.  
  • It is also an "immunocorrector" in mice.
Best of all: Chronic treatment with Noopept was not followed by the development of tolerance, but even potentiated the neurotrophic effect.  Thus, the more and longer you take it, the better it works! In anecdotal research, each does seems to last 2 – 4 hours. Russian Noopept literature recommends taking a one month break from the product every 1.5 months to regain the euphoric feeling you get initially.
Dosing suggestions for Noopept are 10 – 20 mg taken 1 -3 times a day depending on your need. The specific optimal dosing for Noopept is .5mg per kg of bodyweight. You do not build up a tolerance for the Noopept so there is no need to increase the dosage past these levels.


I bought a bottle of this the other day and took it when I awoke on Saturday, with the intent that it might make me better at Call of Duty (yes, I lead an exciting life). Thus, I slammed a Bang!, popped 20 mg of D-Pept... and proceeded to read four issues of Muscular Development back to back and take notes on pertinent scientific studies outlined therein. That took me about an hour and a half, after which time I switched to Call of Duty and tore it up. This stuff is legit.

I'm not one to really hawk a supplement, but I'm sold by the science on this stuff.  If you fail to get some, you're pretty much just admitting to the world you don't give a fuck how stupid you might appear to the people around you when you open your mouth.


Bang! .357
Energy drinks generally taste like gasoline mixed with brake powder and smell like a poison you'd use to kill a dragon, with the faint overlay of a berry scent, ostensibly to distract the dragon from your aim.  As such, I very rarely consume them, as I like my taste buds and want to vomit when I smell a Red Bull in an enclosed space- they're like the Thais took all of the malice and evil behind turning an 8 year old boy into a castrated ladyboy prostitute was bottled and served in a can fit for an infant.  Bang! .357, however, is nothing like that.  The perfect compliment to my Noopept, Bang tastes like Mountain Dew, contains 357mg of caffeine, a bunch of BCAAs, creatine, glutamine, and CoQ10- basically making it akin to a liquified version of sex.  Pass on it if you must, but if you deign to take a sip as a break from your berry flavored poison, you will not be disappointed.

Titties, exploding heads, and nonstop hardstyle martial arts action.  Instant 1000 testosterone points when you watch this movie.  You might be wary due to the fact that it didn't make it to theaters, but this thing was filmed in 3D and intended for a theatrical release- they just couldn't cut it down enough to get an R-rating.  Yeah, it's THAT violent.  We're talking a movie consisting of equal parts of the original Universal Soldier, Fight Club, and Raid: Redemption that features a cast consisting of Van Damme, Dolph, Scott Adkins, former UFC champ Andrei Arlovski, and former boxing champ Roy Jones Jr.- you're night going to find a better cast in any action movie, with the obvious exception of Expendables 2 (as it featured all of the first three).



Click here for the most intellectual review of one of the most violent films ever produced.  I couldn't have written a better review, so I won't bother trying.



Dredd 3D

Another film shot in 3D, and if you missed it in the theaters, you seriously missed out- this movie is the reason that technology was invented.  True to the comic, violent as hell, well acted, and pretty much cool in every possible sense.  If it's possible for a movie that consists of little more than violence to be artistic, this is art.



Even Wired loved this movie- "Dredd 3D might be the only movie ever to make audiences say, “Did you see that guy get his face blown off? It was beautiful!” Ultraviolence isn’t for everyone, but for those who like their carnage over the top, this movie is aces."  Watch it.  Now.



Ted

Quite frankly, I was leery of this one.  Family Guy seems to have jumped the shark a decade ago, and I couldn't imagine a worse plot for a movie than Marky Mark with an animated talking bear.  I, however, was gravely mistaken- this movie could hardly have been funnier, even had it included Will Ferrell making random cameos.  The story follows Marky Mark as he copes with the fact that his best childhood friend, a stuffed bear, came to life after the former New Kid wished upon a star that he do so.  Ted, the bear, is a foul-mouthed, coke-snorting playboy who drags Wahlberg into a never ending series of hilariously offensive scenes, all the while being pursued by the astonishingly creepy dude from Boiler Room (another awesome movie you might as well throw in your Netflix queue).  Did I mention this movie also features Mila Kunis, Putty from Seinfeld, and the dude from that horrible 1980s Flash Gordon movie?  Well, it does, because they attempted to pack as much awesome as possible into a movie no one has apparently ever seen.



Still on the fence?  How about a bit of the dialogue?

Frank: You had sexual intercourse on top of the produce that we sell to people?
Ted: I fucked her with a parsnip. Then I sold that same parsnip to a family of four.

Just watch the fucking thing, preferably while wearing diapers in the likely event you piss yourself laughing.



Blood Car
If any of you have ever heard of this movie, I'll be shocked.  I stumbled across this gem in the now defunct indie movie rental store chain TLA, which was a staple in the Philadelphia area for years before it fell like wheat before Redbox and Netflix's scythes.  I happened across it on the new releases wall and snatched it up after seeing the cover, as I am easily amused and used to buy cds and movies based on their covers.

In any event, Blood Car is the story of a nerdy vegan in the near future who accidentally discovers that the engine he's designed to work on wheatgrass actually will run on blood.  Thus, he installs it in his car (gas prices have made it uneconomical to drive) and starts stuffing every motherfucker he can find in it to bang a chick who runs a butcher's stand.  Not only is it as awesome as it sounds, the meat chick actually pisses on him in one of the many sex scenes.  Need I say more?  I think not.

Black Devil Doll
This is the perfect drunken Friday night movie- unabashedly racist, blax- and sexploitation epic that features a horrible black doll whose body gets inhabited by the spirit of an executed Black Power death row inmate.  After taking control of the doll, Chuckie Mumia pretends to fall in love with the huge-titted doll's owner, which simply turns out to be a ploy to bang her friends.  The movie's little more than tits and ridiculous exclamations by a hard-dicked stereotype of a gangbanger in a voodoo-infused doll, and that's fine by me.  Awesome by any standard.
Cue any song Luke (Luke Skywalker of 2 Live Crew, for the babes amongst you)ever recorded.

Bonus Music:  The Poozles Recommends

Nekrogoblikon
My girlfriend is considerably cooler than yours, and probably most of your guy friends as well.  As such, I feel compelled to pass along her most recent favorite band, adding this to a list of bands that includes Yesterday I Had Roadkill, Nine Inch Nails, Whitechapel, Butcher, and Rammstein.  I forgive her for the Rammstein, as should you.  I was previously unaware of her love for folk metal, which I despise, but after mocking the shit out of a band called Finntroll, I found she didn't share my distate for metal recorded at a Renn Faire.  When I happened across Nekrogobilicon, I had to tell her, because this shit is actually tolerable.  Thus, check them out- they're sort of a wacky symphonic death metal.  It's a combination of the fun beats of Cradle of Filth with the vocals and sound of Black Dahlia Murder.  Even if you hate all of the above, their videos are still entertaining.

56 comments :

  1. I avoided the Stallone Judge Dredd movie from the 90s because it looked stupid. After watching Dredd 3D a few months ago I decided to give it a chance and watched it on Youtube. It was a mistake.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha. I enjoy that movie, but I think it's just because I enjoyed it so much as a kid. n Demolition Man is a far better movie from the same era, I think.

      Delete
    2. Yeah same boat here. I watched the old Dredd movie a lot growing up, but this new one is fucking ridiculous. I enjoyed it a whole lot more, and I'm not even a huge comic nut.

      Delete
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      Delete
  2. Awesome post, though I'll have to forgive you for implying anyone need be forgiven for liking Rammstein.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHUsIU161w4

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is a cool song, and their live show looks awesome, but for every Feuer Frei there is a Du Hast.

      Delete
    2. Thank you! I try to get him to listen to Rammstein, but Jamie always starts singing Du Hast whenever I even mention the band.

      Delete
    3. I think that song, Du Hast, turned off too many people because it was quasi-mainstream, but their other stuff is the tits. I use plenty of it for deadlifts and such. Also, the first live show I ever saw was Rammstein, when I was in high school. Flamethrowers, burning mic stands, and flame-suits. Sickening.

      Delete
    4. If you ever lift in europe, regardless of the country, develop a liking because every second song played during the meet will be from Rammstein. The other half will be trance-techno.

      Delete
    5. Seriously, Rammstein are fucking metal, especially Till Lindemann.

      The guy is well known for setting himself on fire as part of their shows, is an ex-olympic swimmer for Germany, and was dissatisfied with the quality of CGI effects to light up the inside of his mouth for a music video, so he pierced the wire through his cheek to light an LED inside his mouth.

      Granted they have a fair few softer songs, but their essence is pure Chaos and Pain.

      Delete
    6. I think K will be doing a meet in Germany in the fall. She'll be training in Berlin, so i'm sure someone will drag her to a meet and pretend she's a Turkish German rather than an American.

      Delete
  3. on the topic of zombies and jesus, i present to you 'fist of jesus': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuKV2Z3eYTY

    ReplyDelete
  4. This review should make anyone who read your blog want to watch Ted

    http://www.amazon.com/review/R3HFJXWB88UWWO/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B005LAII12&linkCode=&nodeID=&tag=

    ReplyDelete
  5. wow. that nekroglobikon is some bad music

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It certainly requires a unique mood and mindset. Check out Finntroll- that's even fucking odder. I just imagine fat, hairy nerds banging to it using the grease from their giant roasted turkey legs as anal lube and yelling "Huzzah" when they get off.

      Delete
  6. You should look into buying noopept as a powder instead, tastes like shit but the price is 100x better. New Star Nootropics is the cheapest (I think) and they also sell other nootropics if you're interested. I haven't had any success with noopept, gonna add some magnesium and see if that fixes it (because the whole Mg and Ca in synapses, think I got a magnesium deficency).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We've developed our own version of a noot blend with a shitload of other good stuff in it called Cannibal Genius. With luck, that shit should go on sale next month (our investors are slow to loose their pursestrings). In any event, you're right- it is cheap as dirt in bulk.

      Delete
    2. Guess you wont tell what's in it? Either way, if you're interested about nootropics, check out longecity's forum on it ("Brain Health") or /r/nootropics. A few companies are currently releasing tons of new noots that has never been tested by private individuals (Sunifiram, Unifiram and Coluracetam). Some are also organising group buys for PRL-8-53 and Dihexa.

      Delete
    3. N-phenylacetyl-L-prolylglycine ethyl ester, CDP Choline, Urdine-5-Monophosphate, and DMAE.

      Delete
  7. I gave up on racetams after finding I get no effect from piracetam nor aniracetam. I only felt a slight increase in concentration from oxiracetam and it only lasted an hour. Guess I'll give this noopept shit a try if it's really 1000x better than all others.

    Anyone ever try sulbutiamine? I take it along with caffeine in the morning and that shit really gets me off my ass, no joke. It seriously tastes like powdered grapefruit rind though--the most bitter shit you will ever taste.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've never even heard of it. I just ordered piracetam and Kratom, so I'm going to stack those with Noopept and see what happens. i predict high levels of awesome.

      Delete
  8. Just a note related to Czech Easter. I used to like it when I was a boy, not so much nowadays. But there are also a lot weirder Czech Easter traditions. Apart from said spanking, where you use a whip made of willow (hurts as hell), in some parts of Czech Republic men use to throw women in cold water or at least pour a water on them. So they stay wet for a whole year. Feminists don´t like this for obvious reasons. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I heard of your pre-work and wanted to know where can I buy it at? Mind posting a link to your store? Thank

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's not out yet. We've got our funding together, though, and it'll be out this summer.

    ReplyDelete
  11. What happened to the cutting e-book you were supposed to release about a month ago?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's coming. It's hard to start a company, work, write blogs, train, and have any kind of life all at the same time you try to write a book.

      Delete
    2. Yeah, that's cool. I understand.

      Delete
  12. On the subject of films, you seen 'The Inbetweeners' movie? Pretty funny film.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope. The only British TV I watch is Top Gear. That's really the only television show I watch, period.

      Delete
  13. Marky Mark was never a New Kid. Get your facts straight. Long live Rant!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You guys should do less yoga and read more.

      Wahlberg first came to fame as the younger brother of Donnie Wahlberg of the successful 1980s and 1990s boy band New Kids on the Block. Mark, at age thirteen, had been one of the group's original members, along with Donnie, Danny Wood, Jordan Knight, and Jonathan Knight. However, he soon quit. It was his departure that eventually allowed Joe McIntyre to take his place as the fifth member of the group.

      Delete
    2. Wow, never took you for a die hard "new kids on the block" fan.

      Delete
    3. I spend an inordinate amount of time reading random shit on Wikipedia.

      Delete
  14. I would just like to say, I watched Blood Car and it is the most fucked up movie i've ever watched. I loved it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice! If you think that's fucked up, watch Visitor Q some time- that will blow your mind.

      Delete
    2. I fucking loved Visitor Q! Finally a recommendation that isn't a nerd shouting about being tough or a short story aimed at children.

      Delete
    3. You might want to check out Gregg Araki's stuff as well, if you liked Visitor Q. That is, if you've not already done so. Nowhere is the shit, as is Doom Generation.

      Delete
  15. Just took 15mg of Noopept. Only effect so far is a raging hard-on. I'm reading about nootropics, so no reason for it. Cool.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wow. Never heard of Noopept. I'll have to try your stuff when it comes out. Thanks for the info.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hey, that's lucky! Jamie's bringing out a noopept product, and he's just been writting about it!! How's that for coincidence!!! You are some damned lucky readers out there!!! But seriously kids, don't fuck around with kratom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a vast conspiracy, and you've uncovered it. Congratulations. Shouldn't you be jacking off to a fat drunk's blog about yoga?

      Delete
    2. My test level's are high enough so i can jack off to just about anything. You can kiss yours goodbye if you play around with kratom too much.

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    3. Insofar as I can tell, it's not done a goddamned thing. I think my test levels will remain intact. Congratulations for actually contributing something, by the way.

      Delete
    4. My pleasure. As i'm in a good mood for having another go. Kratom supposedly works on the opiate receptor, at least at higher dosages, and opiates are known to lower testosterone. I've used it infrequently on and off for about a year after reading how in low doses it's supposed to help you work harder and give some pain relief (my job can be very physical at times, and i work shifts). And also it's supposed to get you a little high at higher dosages, something i'll admit i'm not averse to. To be honest though i've only got so so results, it can be a bit hit and miss. I've an idea for a genuine test boosting, possibly pre workout blend if you're interested.

      Delete
  18. Good call on Dredd, though the Stallone one will always be special. I like how he commits multiple murders to clear his name after wrongly being convicted of multiple murders.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Wow Blood Car was amazing. Not another commercial comedy, but something original. Any other recommendations besides visitor Q?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, try Ichi the Killer or Audition.

      Delete
  20. The paleolithic diet (abbreviated paleo diet paleodiet), also popularly referred to as the caveman diet, Stone Age diet and hunter-gatherer diet, is a modern nutritional plan based on the presumed ancient diet of wild plants and animals that various hominid species habitually consumed during the Paleolithic era—a period of about 2.5 million years which ended around 10,000 years ago with the development of agriculture and grain-based diets. In common usage, such terms as the "Paleolithic diet" also refer to the actual ancestral human diet

    Benefits of paleo diet

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm just wondering how this came up...or am i just missing something?

      Delete
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