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02 February 2011

Evil Will Always Triumph, Because Good Is Dumb: The Science

Few things in life have bothered me more than the propensity for Hollywood to allow the fucking mealy-mouthed weeny to win.  Every. Single. Time.  Darth Vader got his shit handed to him by a tiny, sister-fucking douche with big hair, Ivan Drago and Clubber Lang both got their asses whipped by a mentally challenged man half their size, fucking Frank Dux beat the master of Asian disaster and reigning world champion of pectoral overdevelopment Chong Li... the list is fucking endless.  Well, my friends, I've got good news- according to scientists, that shit's not happening in real life.
Instead, it's the bad guys (and girls) who fuck the most, have the best sex, are the strongest, the most aggressive, and generally better in every possible way.  According to science, Scott Pilgrim vs The World should have ended with Chris Evans ripping off one of Michael Cera's emaciated arms and fistfucking Cera's retardedly hot punk rock girlfriend with it, both of them laughing as Cera dies of bloodloss.  Why?  Because evil always wins, and bad guys always get the girl.
For those of you who missed the original installment of this series, it pretty much stemmed from the fact that I get called an asshole.  A lot.  So much, in fact, that I found it necessary to repost an email I got with an expanded reply detailing the ways in which I'm a half-assed Satanist, hate pretty much everybody, and generally rule.  His missive was written in response to my excellent critique of the Alpha Male Challenge, and was for the most part fucking ridiculous... especially because I'm right.
Science is a wonderful thing, especially when it confirms everything I've ever thought about the world.  In this particular case, it seems that science has been co-opted by a bunch of my fellow sociopaths, as they've shown fairly definitively that "evil" is a synonym for "awesome" and that the suburban white picket fence fantasy's going to leave you a miserable cuckold in a beige house with an empty wallet, a minivan, and a pack of screaming kids.  On the other hand, "evil" people like myself are going to be busy banging everything in sight, dripping with testosterone, lifting obscene amounts of weight, and generally making life our punk bitch.

To whom, then, are we referring?  We're referring to those parties dressed in black who enter a room looking like they're going to smash something, making children cry at every opportunity, and generally think they're the shit.  I'm not talking Chuck Manson stabs you in the fucking spine evil, as that sort of evil presents a wide array of social problems and generally comes with enough autism and sociopathy to fill a small soccer stadium in Honduras.  That shit doesn't work.  The bad boy/edgy slut, however, kick all sorts of ass.  The types of people who are "clearly disagreeable, very extroverted and like trying new things - killing people, new women"... these are the people who live the best lives.(Yerman)
We're talking people like Vin Diesel's character in Pitch Black, Jason Statham or Amy Smart in the Crank series, or Clint Eastwood in just about anything- badasses, and not "good guys", but not out to royally fuck over everyone on the planet... maybe just fuck them and then roll some asshole for his wallet in the parking lot.

According to science:

The way they dress fucking rules.  The bad boys and girls in the movies almost never wear anything but dark clothing, and there's a good reason for it.  Whether it's Jaime Pressly in Torque or Darth Maul, you know when they enter the room that someone's getting fucked, and someone's getting fucked up.  This is because the color black makes us more aggressive, and may raise testosterone levels.  People who wear black find that their personality changes, making them far more aggressive, violent, and audacious... which basically means that they're a hell of a lot more awesome.(Smith 513)  I tend to wear a hell of a lot of black in the gym, and apparently it's for damn good reason.
I would punch my mom in the mouth for some semi-consensual sex with this broad.

They get laid a hell of a lot more than the average bear.  Scientists have found that people who score highest in narcissism, machiavellianism, and psychopathy have a MUCH higher bodycount.  They fuck more often, and fuck many more people.(Yerman)  This is due to a couple of factors, it appears, including:
  • they smell better.  Women find the pheremones of dominant/authoritative/badass men to be far more sexually appealing than that of douchebag fratboys, fatbodies, or skinny nerds.  According to one article, women pick up on the scent of guys with high testosterone levels and instantly get wet for them, due to the fact that they perceive those guys as more virile (rightly so).  (Montaner)
  • they're unmarried.  Married men have test levels like pubescent girls, and the more time they spend with their wife and kids, the worse it gets.(Gray 2004)  This is compounded by the fact that married people sleep far worse than do single people (who get their own bed), which raises their cortisol levels and correspondingly decreases their test levels further.(New Scientist)  This, in turn, makes them smell less good to their spouse, which gets them laid less, and the cycle continues until they're driving a powder blue minivan and helping their wife decorate the stage for their daughter's ballet recital.  
  • they don't have kids.  The above-cited Gray also dropped this happy little nugget on us childless assholes- testosterone levels in married men with kids were lower than married guys with kids and, of course, unmarried men.  Don't believe me?  Suck on this:  "Among married men without children, higher scores on a “spousal investment” measure and more hours spent with a man's wife on his last day off work were both associated with lower T levels. We suggest that lower T levels during the day among fathers may facilitate paternal care in humans by decreasing the likelihood that a father will engage in competitive and/or mating behavior."  (Gray 2002) How much does that suck?  Not only does marriage automatically mean your sex life's on its last legs, but even your body betrays a man to the point where he may well not even be able to get it up if he manages to pry apart the rusty spring trap his wife's legs have become.  This is why Cougarlife.com exists, I suppose.  Thanks, married guys!
Janine Lindemulder- cougar and a slut.  Jackpot.
  • they're probably sluts.  Unpartnered heterosexual men and (interestingly) non-heterosexual women have higher testosterone levels when not in a relationship.  This may be, however, due to the fact that people with lower testosterone levels generally place themselves in relationships in the first place, however.(Van Anders and Watson)
  • they have high testosterone levels.  High testosterone levels have been linked to increased sexual activity, infidelity and marital conflict.  Fellas, this means that your body count's going to be impressive, but your bank account is going to get FUCKED.  Pre-nup, anyone?  My recommendation's actually open relationships- that way, everyone get's laid, there's no sneaking, and there's a very high likelihood of group sex. [If you don't like group sex, you've really got no reason to read this blog] (Thaindian News)
Lest you worry, there's more to come.  In the next installment, you'll find out why they fight so much, why their sex is better, and why they're stronger than nice guys.
Darth Maul would have fucking pwned every Jedi in the Galaxy if real life science applied, and then he would have gone on to fuck some green broads from Star Trek.

Sources:
Gray PB, Kahlenberg SM, Barrett ES, Lipson SF, Ellison PT.  2002.  Marriage and fatherhood are associated with lower testosterone in males.  Evolution & Human Behavior 23, 3, 193-201.
Gray, P. B., Campbell, B. C., Marlowe, F. W., Lipson, S. F. & Ellison, P. T. 2004 Social
variables predict between-subject but not day-to-day variation in the testosterone of US
men. Psychoneuroendocrinology 29, 1153-1162.
Montaner, Jorgi.  Violence makes us animals, but compassion does as well.  Global Talent.  5/20/2010.  http://www.en.globaltalentnews.com/current_news/reports/3866/Violence-makes-us-animals-but-compassion-does-as-well.html
New Scientist.  Lack of sleep sap's men's brain power.  7/22/06. http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg19125615.000-lack-of-sleep-saps-mens-brain-power.html
Smith, Elliot R. and Diane M. Mackie.  Social Psychology.  London:  Psychology Press, 2000.
Thaindian News.  8/28/2009.  http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/health/men-with-high-testosterone-levels-more-likely-to-have-multiple-wives_100239253.html
Van Anders SM,  Watson NV.  2006.  Relationship status and testosterone in North American heterosexual and non-heterosexual men and women: Cross-sectional and longitudinal data.  Psychoneuroendocrinology 31, 6, 715-723.
Yerman, J.  Bad Boys Finish First, Study Shows.  Now Public.  6/21/08.

23 comments :

  1. This is all good news. High test levels = awesomeness! Thank god for science. :)

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  2. In my own personal experience married sex is way better than before I was married. You fuck the same person for years and years, you get to know what each other likes. That being said, frequency does go down when you have kids simply because the spare time isn't there anymore.
    One hundred sessions a month works out to three a day plus a few extras on weekends. So if you can get her before work and twice after the kids go to bed it's not as ridiculous as it sounds. If you fall behind you just send the kids to their grandparents' for a weekend and get caught up. For you little boys who are still reading books on how to approach women and practicing pickup lines in the mirror, well, good luck, junior.

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  3. Hey Jamie, I don't mean any offence but have you lost some interest in your blog lately? The posts so far this year just seem a bit rehashed. Your writing isn't as colourful as usual also. Where it used to be full of hilarious metaphors and graphic description, now not so much. You got a new woman or something? Again, no offence.

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  4. Kieran- there's only so much shit about which you can write about in this vein without touching the same topic more than once. If you've got ideas for blogs, send them my way.

    Glen- I was looking forward to your take on this.

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  5. Ok Ive got something I'd like your opinion on. I've been playing around with the Chaos and Pain philosophy for a few months, lifting heavy (for me)4-8 times per week and basically doing what ever I feel like in the gym (for me thats body part splits). I find myself doing a lot of clean and presses, bears,super bears, etc. and other whole body stuff on my light days but I also dabble in the german volume training on light days or if I have an injury Im trying not to make worse with heavier weight. So my question is what is your experience with german volume training.

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  6. I think I tried it once ten years ago.

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  7. Janine Lindemulder is fucking gross now. She was way hotter before she started fucking dudes. I wonder if there's science behind that.

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  8. Aye, you have been writing about this for two years now, I understand that. Didn't mean it as an outright criticism, just a candid observation from a regular reader mate. I don't believe I could do a better job and I don't want to tell you what you should write about, it's your blog after all. Not like you get paid for it or anything.

    On second thought, maybe you could do an analysis on why lo-carb Monster makes me shit so much.

    Or a follow up on David Goggins.

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  9. Ya, the blog has taken a HUGE drop off. It is the natural course of things though.

    I think I suggested a while back to do a post on special forces. Maybe tie in with that recent program on discovery or the NG Fight Science special they did on it.

    In fact I was surprised everyone started clutching their haterade when I suggested a post on Goggins. You did a post on Dean Karnazes in the past. It's not like I suggested a post on Roger Bannister or some shit.

    Hell, even a post on MMA (or boxing) would have been nice. Perhaps highlighting some of the bad asses in those sports (Fedor, Rutten, Nog, Aldo, Tyson, Dempsey, Ali, Robinson etc.).

    Anything but the old sucks balls, and then have some weesh guy named Glen Mac whine about how everyone is a pussy or whatever the hell he rambles on about.

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  10. Like The count of Montecristo, good & bad simultaneously. Nieztche's superman, Woland & faust, John Galt, etc tried to understand how it works.

    Anyway.. I want to share some training "secrets" in gratitude

    Lat flys/shrugs: similar to straight arm pulldowns (praised by Fred hatfield), instead you use abstraps. Thibaudeau recently reinvented or copied the idea and added a twist and calls them "Thib Lat Pulldown". A guy who post at bb.com forums as atrainer was the first I saw talking about this and has the version I like most.

    http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=512565&highlight=%40+reference+Lat+shrugs

    He has some other very interesting ideas and has a web site: revised-training.com

    T-bar rows with triceps rope using ramping. starting almost horizontal as in pendlay and as it gets heavier it almost turns into a Yates row angle. Rope adds rom and something else. This kind of cheating is nice. Its much much better than barbell rows.

    Lumberjack squat: Gives you flexibility in the ankles and opens up the hips. Play with the stance but I've found a duck stance (toes pointing far out and medium width)to be best.
    Don't know if exclusively thx to this but now back squat feels so confortable even when near 1RM. And now I understand Tom platz squats for time.

    Also:

    - dead weighted hangs with reverse neutral grip (on a swiss ladder)
    - dc's scapulae popping
    - mineral orotates & ascorbates
    - xylitol
    - buckwheat (soba noodles)
    - Hot water
    - nettle
    - Pavel ladder + mechanical drop sets combo on pull up like stuff. ie: pull up --> reverse grip sternum chin --> neutral sternum chin
    - Heart rate watch for rest intervals.

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  11. As he said, you can only write about something for so long without coming hitting some of the same notes. I went over to Robb Wolf's site a few days ago and most of his podcasts are mostly similar questions with a few new things thrown into the mix. Elitefts, same thing. It all loops. Frankly, I enjoy the rant no matter what it's about usually and you aren't getting paid for this shit so post when you just have that urge to let it out. As far as something new, I remember you posting about maybe working your squat with Marc Bartley and breaking records on raw lift? Go break some records!

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  12. Angel- Marc actually suggested I start squatting in a suit and break records that wasn't going to happen, but I moved away from their and train in a gym unconducive to doing anything but maintaining strength. As such, I won't be competing anytime soon. I've got no platform, so I can't deadlift heavy or do btns heavy... the whole thing sucks. Thus, until a new gym opens this summer, I'm treading water in the gym.

    Manveet- I haven't had any luck finding info on specops mental or physical training. If I do, I'll post something in the vein. All I can find is fanboy bullshit. I've actually planned on writing about some fighters' training, so I'll get that in here soon.

    Duvia- Half the shit you posted in that list had no explanation, which leaves me at a loss for why it's there. Nettle? What the fuck for?
    Lat shrugs are pretty badass, however, especially if you've got any forearm/briachialis/bicep injuries.

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  13. Ok I've a topic for you. You wrote a while back about everyone working the hell out of thier chests on Mondays and arms on Fridays. It't the begining of the new year and of course my gym is overflowing with douchbagery. Guys facebooking on thier smart phones sitting on utility benches, using the smith machine to squat a couple of 10lb plates (grown men) etc. Im sure there are quite a few rants left about this and other stupid things people do at the gym. I know it pisses me off for the first few months of the year.

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  14. Most of you guys are pussies, Manveet. Anyone who is so clueless that he needs to read a book on how to score with a girl is the very definition of a pussy.
    Hilarious how many of you guys will eat up all this "how to be a badass" stuff that Jamie writes like candy and yet you're too chickenshit to actually have done any of it. You guys who would rather jerk off than get laid and disguise it as misogyny thinking that it makes you appear macho; you guys who are afraid to get into a fistfight because a loss might damage your precious reputations; you're all a binch of Peter Pans playing make believe online. Jamie choosing to live like he's in his mid-twenties for the rest of his life is one thing but you clowns can't even do anything more than live vicariously through him and then complain that he isn't writing anything up to your standards anymore.
    Peter Pan is actually more of a man than you are since he wasn't afraid to scrap with Captain Hook and most likely would have fucked Wendy if his balls had ever dropped.

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  15. I know, I'll complete it now,

    - Nettle herb, because I can notice its effects and so do some friends. I don't know how it works at all but hair is thicker than ever and libido is up too, which I thought is contradictory. Maybe works as a Selective DHT Receptor Modulator, something like that would be awesome. Aparently it also has magnesium, silica, vitamins..

    - Lat shrugs: lot of weight can be used on those, more than in weighted pullups. My Pullup numbers skyrocket thx to those and BTN PP(weird I know). Like I said I do most my bodyweight work in a Ladder & mechanical drop set combo fashion cause that way I can do a lot of volume and end feeling not drained at all.

    - Drinking hot-warm water during training, it might look stupid but it works incredibly. And I have some ideas as to why.

    - I haven't tried animal pak, it has anecdotal evidence and all that but when looking at the ingredient list, it's not the most cutting edge multi. Regarding minerals, ascorbate and orotate form seem incredible on paper. Especially magnesium orotate. Even in athlets.

    - Xylitol it's like the oposite of sugar. It even helps build bone. So far is the best sweetener.

    - Dead weighted hangs with a reverse hammer grip (best way I can describe it is like a gymnastics crucifix grip on fixed paralell bars): Use them over a period of time and they'll make you wider. Maybe the clavicles elongate, or go from slouched to more straight, dont really know. They work and thats all.

    - DC's scapula poping, like the old "stretching out the scapulae" that Arnold and other talked about but taken to the extream. Google "Alternative Lat Stretch".

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  16. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCxFn3sAw68&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL LOL

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  17. Test dropping in married men? Since I got married, I've gained over 30 lbs of muscle and women find me at least 20 times hotter than when I was single.

    That's bullshit! That's what happens when you let the bitch rule your life and let your kids be a bunch of animals!

    Which probably describes about 90% of American men so...

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  18. Jamie, an idea for you - just bought the other day "The Four Hour Body" by Tim Ferris. The books huge but, being married with kids and a shift worker, it'l take me ages to get through. I've skimmed through it though, and it looks like the kind of thing people here would like, ie his experiments raising test levels (with blood test results) naturally and using drugs. Also a nice section on how to masturbate a woman well (ahem, i'm already good at that), with diagrams. Loads of tips on just manly stuff. On a side note, about married men having dropped test levels - a lot of it's down to what you end up being married to. They all start off as cock hungry bitches, else you wouldn't marry them. But for some unfortunates there's truth in the saying "the food that most puts women off sex is wedding cake". That's why affairs happen.

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  19. Duvia- is the nettle herb the same as stinging nettle or nettle leaf?

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  20. Isn't the four hour body about getting a body with four hours of training a week?

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  21. Nettle leaf is what I have used but there is also nettle root, which apparently contains some other active compaunds. The more I learn about DHT & related the better it seems compared to Saw palmetto in many aspects. Plenty of anecdotal evidence in the internet.

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  22. Dray - I think really the four hour bit's just him carrying on with the theme of his other book 'Four Hour Work Week". It's not just about building your body, there's bits on how to hold your breath for several minutes, playing baseball, losing body fat, supplements, drugs etc. In the intro he goes on about getting results using the "minimum effective dose", ie the quickest way. I've only had chance to read a bit, it looks quite a good read though. Predictably, he's got a web page about it too - http://www.fourhourbody.com/

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  23. This link should work for that book

    http://hotfile.com/dl/103353401/61a5c4b/4.Hour.Body.An.Uncommon.Guide.to.Rapid.Fat-Loss.Incredible.Sex.and.Becoming.Superhuman.The.Timothy.Ferriss.rar.html

    If not, look on filestube yourself.

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