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30 June 2010

Baddest Motherfuckers Ever #16- Bruno Sammartino

Back in the day, if a guy was a wrestler, he was a bona-fide badass.  The sport, which grew out of what were essentially MMA fights with less striking and more wrestling (catch style), was filled with bad motherfuckers who ate big, lifted big, and lived big.

The guy who presided over what he perceived as wrestling's fall into the chemical years (of which Hulk Hogan's apparently the evil figurehead), was the great Bruno Sammartino, a man so beloved by Italians and wrestling fans that they stabbed a heel who turned on him, smashed his cars, and flipped over cabs he was in.

Bruno was an Italian immigrant who rolled over to the US due to WW2, and landed on the shores of our nation without a fucking word of English in his vocabulary, and a physique worthy of an Auschwitz beauty pageant.  As such, a Jewish kid (of all the odd fucking things) dragged him to the Y to get him yacked so he'd stop bleeding all over the kid's mom's carpet every time he went over to the house, since Sammartino was busy getting his ass kicked every five minutes.  A couple of years of brutal fucking training later, Sammartino was a badass wrestler who received a scholarship offer for wrestling from the University of Pittsburgh, and went on to win a bunch of lifting titles.  In Sammartino's words, he "became, I thought, a pretty good wrestler. And I became a pretty strong guy to where I started competing in both Olympic lifting and power lifting. I stated setting some records, first city records, then state records. In 1959 I set some power-lifting record. That's when I did my 565-pound bench press. I did a 715-pound squat and a 690-pound dead lift. By now I'm a big guy, about 265 pounds, 270." (Lee Benaka interview)  Additionally, Bruno, who was apparently obsessed to the point of fucking distraction with the bench, bench pressed 315lbs for 38 reps in his prime.  Not too fucking shabby, especially considering the fact that he was fanatically drug free, and he put up the 565 bench with a 2 second pause on his chest.(Critical Bench)   His workouts were fucking legendary, and weren't spurred by anything but Sammartino's imagination, his defiance against gravity, and his titanic brass balls.

He fueled his lengthy, brutal, and frequent workouts by eating his fucking ass off.  At 5'11" and 270, Bruno had to have been a big eater, and according to interviews, he'd routinely put away 24 lamb chops or four pounds of steak at one sitting and eat breakfasts of 12 eggs, a loaf of bread, a whole box of cereal, and two quarts of milk.(Post-Gazette)  Rippetoe would have been proud of his total unwillingness to approach the dinner table with anything but contempt for food, and to stuff as much whole food down his gullet as humanly possible.  Luckily, Sammartino wasn't overly concerned with showing up at competitions ripped to fucking shreds, and he was lifting 6 and wrestling 7 days a week, so he was training to a point where he'd likely have dropped dead of starvation eating any other way.

Think wrestlers don't get the fuck after it?  Think again.  Bruno, the hardass, Paul Bunyan motherfucker that he was, was always busy "doing amazing feats, such as picking up the 620-pound Haystacks Calhoun and dumping him so hard that the center of the ring caved in. Or doing push-ups with two men on his back."  (Post-Gazette)

So, "what was his program?", you might be asking.  From what I was able to glean from the spotty accounts online, and sifting through innumerable bullshit posts about his alleged routine, I determined that no one seems to know much, other than he trained a fucking lot.  Larry Zbysko, Sammartino's protege, still utilizes Sammartino's bench program with clients, and it consists of the following, 2-3 times a week:
-Flat Bench
--12 reps of 135
--8 reps of 185
--6 reps of 225
--4 reps of 275
--2 reps of 315
--1 rep of 365
---then a constant increase in weight until reaching a max. Current Max: 485 lb
--8-10 reps of 315
--6-8 reps of 315
--8-10 reps of 275
-Incline Bench
--3 sets of 8 reps of 245
-Upright Rows on Cables
--4 sets of 8-10 reps
-Biceps (various workouts)
--4 sets of 8-10 reps (one workout)
--4 sets of 8-10 reps (another workout)

Given that Sammartino himself stated that he benched 2 or three times a week, I think it's safe to say that that pantywaist bullshit you see floating around the intarwebz masquerading as a Sammartino workout is a fucking sham.
When he was 70, this was his workout, which he did 3 times a week, in addition to running 7 miles a day:
LAT PULLDOWNS: 5 sets of 15 reps: 130 lbs
SHOULDER DUMBELL RAISES: 10 sets, 15 reps each arm, 40 lbs
BENCH PRESS: 7 sets of 8 reps: 150-250 lbs
DUMBELL BENCH PRESS: 5 sets of 10 reps: 100 lbs
CURLS: 10 sets of 10 reps each arm: 40 lbs
TRI-DUMBELL EXTENSIONS: 4 sets of 15 reps: 40 lbs
LEG EXTENSIONS: 5 sets of 20 reps: 125-160 lbs

So much for the frequent heavy workouts fucking up one's ability to lift when they're older, right?  According to an interview with Sammartino on youtube, this cave bear of a fucking man beat the shit out of several guys at once, with the Iron Sheik coming through with a key assist.  When he was 51, he knocked out a former Steelers running back with one punch, and then proceded to kick the shit out of 5 other guys with the help of the Iron Sheik.  Apparently, Sammartino was backstage in an off-limits area and suggested the football player and his friends roll out.  After the guy took a swing at Sammartino, Sammartino KTFO'd the guy and got jumped by the dude's friends, so the Sheik rolled in and they fucked up the lot of the pussies.

That's how motherfuckers from Sammartino's day rolled, and that shit was apparently not a shoot.  Thanks to Boni, who gave me a link to a ridiculously long interview to which I didn't have time to listen and couldn't find a reliable transcript.  I'm sure he'll add 11000 Sammartino facts to this, since he's a fucking Bruno mark, haha.

What'd we learn from this?  Well, you can be a high moralist and still be Benny Podda-esque in your approach to training, you can out-eat any volume of training known to man, and lifting retardedly heavy and beating the shit out of your body every day will not necessarily lead to one being a fat, whiny, weakling, as many would assert.

Time to put that assertion to the test, fuckers.


  1. It's the body hair that fuels his power.

  2. Yeeeah, Jamie, yeeah!

    Bruno still does bicep curls with 70 lb. dumbbells (at age 74) and used to have bench competitions with Arnold and Superstar Billy Graham....and he outlifted them while they were gassed to the gills. He can still bench 225 like it's his job. The other stat that he talked about, which a lot of the Olympia guys can do (with juice, of course)is lateral raises with 100 lb. dumbbells. It may be a non-CnP-approved exercise, but still speaks to the fact that he's naturally strong as shit.

    Great article on a class act and a guy who proved that you can be a strong, burly m'fer without any chemical enhancement.

    So Rant, when you come around talking shit--which you inevitably will, you tired scumbag--know that it is possible to have a helluva build without roids. And it aint happening with the kettlebell tomfoolery you waste your time with.

  3. dude as soon as I nearly smashed my cock while doing lateral raises I never did that exercise again. This was 12 years ago. Fuck lateral raises. They don't make you stronger and they risk a cock smash.

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  6. Yo I just came across this site. Good shit man. I'll be back.

  7. Lorenzo,

    Welcome 2 the site. Me - I'm the Asian Chaos and Pain, a title I didn't ask 4 but earned. Jamie is the original Chaos and Pain. He pretty much runs this joint and he has the final word. I want to warn u about something, seeing as how ur a new arrival. U can find a lot of h8rs commenting on this blog, but try to brush that shit off. To wit, some h8r named Rant is constantly accusing Jamie and me of juicing, despite the fact that we would never ever touch that shit. So pay no attention 2 the h8, and again, welcome.


  8. Dracoy, harden the fuck up. XO, Everyone else that reads this blog

  9. DRACOY'S VOICE MAIL 4 REALJuly 1, 2010 at 3:07 PM

    Hey The Masses, Dracoy isn't here right now. Please leave a message at the beep, h8r.

  10. I've decided I like this Dracoy fellow, he's a good parody of 12-year-olds on the internet.

  11. Good health to yer pupik!

    I (The JEWISH chaos and pain) would like to welcome you to Jamie's (the original chaos and pain) site. Seeing as how I'm the Jewish Chaos and Pain, I should be the first to let you know a few things.

    Don't mind the alta kocka known as Rant. He's a nebech. The goy af tzu lochis posts all over the place here. Everyone knows Jamie is a mensch, and that makes rant MESHUGENAH!!!

    I'm the Jewish chaos and pain, a title that was not vehklempt, but earned from schlepping to the gym at the kibbutz and going meshugenah.

    Never buy shribnis from a moil. It was a suchashandeh. He makes it SO chewy.

    Jamie's shmekeleh may or may not be muktzah. I don't care to find out personally. If you do, get in line.

    You have been warned. By me. The Jewish chaos and pain. Who is me.

  12. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


    Dracoy is such a fucking faggot

  13. I went to Dracoy's stupid youtube channel. He doesn't even lift a lot. But he suits up like he's getting ready for extended deep sea diving. But he doesn't. He talks a lot, though.

    Dracoy tells all his friends how he pisses people off posting shit on here. It's a total gimmick. He figures that since it's the internet, he'll never meet anyone in person. Which, of course, enables him to talk big.

    I would love to meet him in person. I'd knock the slant out of his face. Fucking tool. Dracoy, you tell me where you live. I want to meet you. I promise you, before a word is spoken, I will tap you out. You will h8 it.

  14. DRACOY'S VOICE MAIL 4 REALJuly 1, 2010 at 10:23 PM

    Hey Anonymous, Dracoy isn't here right now. Please leave a message at the beep, h8r.

  15. DRACOY'S VOICE MAIL 4 REALJuly 1, 2010 at 10:24 PM

    Hey Boni, Dracoy isn't here right now. Please leave a message at the beep, h8r.

  16. Jamie, you should let Dracoy do the next post for the blog.

  17. Haha, I'd pay to read that.

  18. Yo Boni,

    Excuse me if there r soem typos in this commment. Its really hard to type while ur mom is giving me a blowjob. Oh shit, hold on... "Teeth, Boni's Mom, teeth! Damn, bitch."

    Anyways, Boni, let's try to put our differences aside. Anyway, ur dumb internet threats aren't fooling any1 anyway. "SHIT, BONI's MOM, wATCH THE TEETH, BITCH."

    Damn, BOni, ur mom is doing u a favor. She's going to mkae me tap out with her teeth brushing against my throbbing cock. Hahahaha.


    P.S. pwned.

  19. what the fuck is this highschool-eaque aproval seeking bullshit I'm reading here. Dracoy, i'm impressed. It must be hard to lift weights with jamie's cock consistently shoved down your insecure inferiority complex stricken throat.

    You taken getting on your hands and knees to suck someone off to a new level.

    I like these blogs, I love the workouts. I think jamies a tough motherfucker with some excellent insights. But I ain't about to put a collar around my neck, give the leash to jamie, and make it my life's work to live in his shadow like you so blatantly are.

    You need to quit being a pussy and gain some self-esteem and self-confidence.

  20. Dracoy, I looked at a few of your silly videos, and there is no way you are as stupid as you write. It's time to drop the act.

    Now, one of these guys (and I forget who it is) is banging your mother on a daily basis.
    Which one is it, and how is that going for you?

  21. that was me. My bad dracoy, homie.

    Girl wanted some crack and had no loot.
    Sheeeeeiiiit. I didn't know she was yo momma.

    If you notice a slightly poopy taste when she kisses you goodnight, try not to think too much of it.

  22. DRACOY'S VOICE MAIL 4 REALJuly 2, 2010 at 11:53 AM

    Hey Anonymous, Dracoy isn't here right now. Please leave a message at the beep, h8r.

  23. DRACOY'S VOICE MAIL 4 REALJuly 2, 2010 at 11:53 AM

    Hey Anonymous, Dracoy isn't here right now. Please leave a message at the beep, h8r.

  24. DRACOY'S VOICE MAIL 4 REALJuly 2, 2010 at 11:54 AM

    Hey Anonymous, Dracoy isn't here right now. Please leave a message at the beep, h8r.

  25. You fuckers need to realize (1) Dracoy is the only fucker I know consistently applying the CNP methodology, and subsequently, (2) Dracoy is making the biggest gains of anyone I know.

  26. I got my first week of heavy singles done.

    Every lifting day (3 times a week for me):

    30mins: Clean presses
    30mins: Deadlifts superset with Bench Press
    30mins: weighted chins superset with BNPs
    30mins: Squats superset with Barbell bent Rows

    all at >90% 1RM
    I made huge gains everywhere. My body feels fucking wrecked, but my squats and deads went up 70lbs and all my other lifts have skyrocketed too.

    I bought a bar and gonna get some plates so I can set up my 1RM Clean press in the basement and lift it whenever I pass by it.

    should be fun.

  27. Keep me out of this, you fucking retards, haha.