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10 December 2009

*Nate Green... I Knew He Was a Douche, but A Copycat, too?

HOLY FUCK.

I apologize, my fuckers, for the long delay in posting. I shall be posting a bevy of beautiful, badass blogs befitting a brainy behemouth such as myself soon. This one's getting posted out of order, as I've been working on three that are post-dated, but I had to jump on this as soon as I saw it.

Ever heard of Nate Green? He's a T-Nation author and has penned a spectacularly douchey book about lifting weights so you can pull hoes in the club- kind of a cross between the Game and some Men's Fitness Book. He's got a new article up on T-Nation, and after reading it and marveling at the fact that he's a professional author, I clicked the link to his blog, scrolled down, and discovered that not only does Nate Green read my blog, he cuts and and pastes it into his own as well, hahahaha. Last March, I posted a blog entitled "Yo Dog! I Wanna Look Like You. What Supplements Do You Take?" Nate must have loved it, because he rewrote it, badly, and turned it into a massive plug for shitty Biotest products that would only be purchased by people with far more money than they have good sense.


He looks like a gay Neil Patrick Harris. Except that NPH is gay, yet looks more manly.


Want some highlights?

I posted:
"Certainly, one of the most annoying questions ever posed to me by strangers is this: "What supplements do you take?" Not "Damn, bro, what kind of program are you on?" or "How many times a week do you squat?" or "what program will work best for me?" Instead, it's "what supplements do I need to take to grow/shred/whatever." It's a fucking disgrace. Supplements hone a physique, polish a physique, and assist your training. they are not the end all, be all."

He posted:
""Don't fucking worry about it right now. Follow a program, train consistently, eat good quality food, drink water, and get some sleep. Do that for a year or so and then come talk to me about supplements."

Sure, it's not the nicest response but what's a guy to do when he's asked by tons of beginners who are looking for the next "get-jacked-in-four-days-using-fucking-Acai-berry" pills?"

I recommended the following:
Greens- They help alkalize my pH, since my diet is so acidic, and my workouts are so brutal.
Psyllium Husk- Paleolithic people got 100-150 grams of fiber a day. I'm not trying to hit that number, but I want to get at least 50g a day for the health of my digestive tract.
Probiotics & Digestive Enzymes- Also great for keeping the digestive tract healthy, especially given the ridiculously high amounts of protein I consume.
Dessicated Liver- Filled with B-vitamins, and it covers the paucity of organ meats in my diet.
Milk Thistle- Cleanse the liver from binge drinking and supplement usage.
Animal Pak multivitamins- Best. Multi. Ever.
Omega 3 Fatty Acids- I don't eat fish, so I take this for leaning out and mental function.
Adrenal Caps- Help the adrenal glands recover from stimulant usage.
Mixed protein powder- I like the slow-acting blends because they leave me less hungry. Big fan of Matrix 5.0's Cookies n Cream.
Whey protein powder- I have whey for post workout, and it's a cheap way to bang back some protein.
Ultramet- I love this MRP, and it's a great way to get protein, fiber, and MCT.
ECA stack (ephedrine/caffeine/aspirin), or the ECY stack- Best way to get lean. Without question.
Redline Extreme- Huge fan of it as a preworkout boost, especially stacked with 25 mg of ephedrine. It's got a decent amount of Beta-Alanine in it as well, which helps with the vascularity and the pump a bit.
Oh Yeah and Supreme Protein Bars (the Almond Fudge Brownie and Peanut Butter Caramel flavors, respectively)- Great way to get a portable 30g of protein that taste good.

He recommended:
Protein Powder

Fish Oil

Concentrated Vietnamese Goat Liver
HIS JOKE SUPPLEMENT WAS EVEN FROM MY LIST. Holy fucking hell, folks, we have a winner on our hands! In a blog a couple of days before, he also espoused the use of fiber supps and digestive enzymes, which I also conveniently listed AT THE BEGINNING OF MY LIST. That he aped both my writing style, the order in which I addressed them, and mocked dessicated liver is astonishing and disheartening, given that he's 150 lbs of manscaped douche, and I'm 190+ lbs of brutal fucking midget.
Viking style.
Previously, I found Green distasteful simply because he lifts weights solely as a means by which to pick up chicks. He does this, presumably, because he's never had an original thought in his head and is probably a horrifically boring conversationalist as a result. Unless, of course, you feel like talking about Biotest, trendy clothing, or the best way to pluck your eyebrows to look manly, yet alluring. Now I find him to be even less original and more of a douche, which is shocking given the fact that he maxed out my douche-o-meter with his book.

Did I mention that he is a regular twatter? Ave fucking maria.

Since he's ripped me off, I suppose I should do the same in turn. How about some fashion advice?

Here's how I dress, nearly every day:

Baseball cap from Target

Camo shorts or jeans, also from Target

Death metal band tshirt, preferably with the sleeves removed

Vans or Nike Frees

The total cost of this outfit is likely less than half of what Nate Green's jeans cost, which is nice, because I can look like I ate sheet metal for breakfast, comfortably lift in my street clothes when the weather's nice (I NEVER lift in jeans, unless it's to prove a point to Mike Barcelone at Iron Sport), and still have a shitload of money left over for wings, Diet Coke, and my biweekly trip to the movies. Plus, chicks dig it, it's comfortable, and it's metal as fuck. There's my fashion advice. You love it.

Do me a favor and slap the fuck out of some manscaped douche at the gym today. Make the world a better place and get them the fuck out of our gyms.

Nate Green might be from Jersey.





21 comments :

  1. I'm a girl, and not a very critical one at that, but this is ridiculous.

    I like how he said something about being near jacked guys at the gym and hearing people ask that, because I'm assuming he's not jacked enough to be asked that question if people don't recognize him, he's not muscular enough to care. It's EXTREMELY obvious that his crossing his arms thing is his pathetic way to try to look big in some way.

    What a douche.

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  2. Any male who shaves his balls completely or has a profile on a social networking site should check his man-card at the door.

    Real men have hair on their nuts and make fun of facebook douchers.

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  3. Hey, do you get a bruise/scrape at the base of your neck every time you do behind the neck push presses? It's not so much the pushing part as it is the lowering that tattoos me. Whatever, it's a badge of honor and I refuse to put a sissy pad back there. Hit 275 for a single his week! Glad to see your blog back dude..don't make us read Nate Green for Chrissake.

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  4. This guy needs a good curb stomping.

    And to the poster above me, I have a callous at the base of my neck from btn presses as well. Occasionally when I fuck up a rep and drop it too high I'll scrape my neck and it'll be red for a few days. Oh well right? Also, grats on 275!

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  5. Fuck an A! 275's impressive as hell! Well done.

    As for the bruise, it's part and parcel of the exercise. I'm literally building scar tissue on my neck from it. We might be the only motherfuckers on Earth with neck callouses.

    I'm almost done with the 2nd part of my food pyramid article, and it'll have a Nov date, so it'll be before the nate green artcile, as will two other articles on applying Bruce Lee's methodology to lifting, and my favorite stable of exercises.

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  6. The 275 would be way more impressive if I didn't weigh 255, (I'm tall: 6'4") but at least I do not dwell with those poor cold and timid souls that know neither defeat nor victory.

    I actually had a bartender tell ME that behind the neck push presses were "irresponsible" and that now he would "never send anyone to see me" (I'm a chiropractor). As if this amorphous mass is a) a referral machine b) a biomechanics expert c) a CSCS (which I am) or d)worthy of judging anything I do. I almost had a Frank Castle moment.

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  7. Jamie,

    To edit the date of a post: in the WYSIWYG editor, click "Post Options," near the bottom, and a date/time box will appear to the right. If you set it to a time that hasn't occurred yet, the blog will also hold onto it then auto-post it when that time comes.

    You've got a good blog here.

    Take care,
    Patrick

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  8. Sweet. Thanks!

    The Frank Castle comment actually made me laugh out loud. That people cannot discern the marked difference on spinal and rotator stress between seated and standing BTN push presses is astonishing. I suppose it shouldn't be, because people suck, but it is.

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  9. I have had a massive scrape on my traps for months. Looks like I have leprosy from where I've been dropping the bar from BTNs. Love it.

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  10. It's true, Nate Green is King Douche. Incidentally, I forgive you your transgression of lusting after that crossfit hermaphrodite. Honestly though, your blog is amazing. I've seen the greatest gains of my life since I began following your posts. Thanks.

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  11. I started the C&P routine last week, and I'm already enjoying the after effects of the BTN push presses. First time in a year that my delts felt sore. The barbell at my gym is smooth in the center section, makes the landing on the neck a little bit gentler.

    You are right about the difference between seated and standing BTN work. I've tried to do it seated, and the rigid range of motion is completely different. With the BTN push press, the leg push gets the bar moving out of the "danger zone" in terms of mangling the shoulders, at least it feels that way to me. I also like the changed angle of attack, because (at least the way I'm doing it), it feels like my triceps are really taken out of the equation. Right now, I've got a bit of an issue in one of my triceps, and even light bench press aggravates it, but I don't feel it in the BTN push presses at all, which tells me that it's the delts and traps doing the work. I used to do seated military press, but I'd incline the bench a bit (say, 15 degrees) to take the vertical compression off of my spine, but as a result, the pecs/tris were coming into the lift a bit too much too.

    J.Ja

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  12. By the way, after I posted the comment, the banner ad at the bottom of the page is an ad for... Women's Health Magazine. Clearly, the topic matching algorithm is a bit inaccurate...

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  13. They'll figure it out at some point, haha. I am a raging ball of misogynistic fury, after all.

    Glad to hear you guys are liking CnP! Now, all I need to do is get you fuckers to start doing legends pullups, and we're all set. I posted about them in Feb or March, if you didn't see that blog.

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  14. Hahahaha. Fuck the legends. I've had nightmares about those things. I think most of us will leave 'em to you for now....

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  15. 1. Psyllium husk and protein powder and omegas? Solid recommendation but hardly original. All of your recommendations are quite ubiquitious, the standard beginner list. Plagarism implies that your original idea has been copied,this is clearly not the case.

    2. If the "joke" was plagarized, you should be flattered. It means someone actually thought you were funny.

    3. This isn't even a good rant. An effective rant is far more effective when the writer...well, has some writing skill, ability to present the information with humor, and an actual foundation for their accusations. You have none of these.

    4. Ripping on his fashion sense and looks only makes you look petty and jealous. Going for the lowest common denominator detracts from what should be your actual point. It actually serves to make him look better by comparison, and you look petty, uncreative, and impotent. Either way, it's neither interesting nor provocative.

    5. This is the first blog of yours I've read so I had not preconcieved notions about you. However, based upon the quality or lack hereof contained in this post, your bio is unexpected. You're ligit, so come on man, hold yourself to a higher standard. You clearly can do better than this.

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  16. As I stated, it was not merely the content, but the form- he stole my writing voice. I could hardly care less that he did so, but it's amusing nevertheless.

    I didn't rip on his fashion sense. If he wants to spend hundreds of dollars jeans, he should by all means do so. There's nothing necessarily wrong with metrosexuality- my problem with his approach is that it is the means to an end (getting ass), rather than the end itself. If ind that to be horrifically egoistic, womanly, and superficial. Furthermore, given that he's in a committed relationship, creating a workout based on getting more ass than a toilet seat at Nascar seems odd- he, like Rippetoe, does not appear to practice what he preaches.

    I am indeed too "ligit" to quit.

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  17. Notice how the shit-talkers always remain anonymous.

    Speaking of "petty and "jealous," that dude sounds like he is.

    I'm a high school English teacher. I grade on style, focus and content every day of my life and Jamie does pretty darn well. Leave the evaluation of higher order thinking skills to the pros, chief.

    Until you decide to post your name, don't talk shit.

    Go check out crossfit's page and do your isometrics for the day, fuckface.

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  18. Always thought Nate Green was a condescending douchebag. His articles on T-Nation are impossible to read; every other sentence is trying to shove a different Biotest supplement down your throat. That whole site is going downhill actually. The only reason I check back there is to see what Thibadeau or Dan John has to say, as well as reading the daily hilarity that goes on in the forums.

    Great blog, keep up the good work.

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  19. I've liked Waterbury for a long time, but otherwise, I avoid that site like the plague. The people in the forums are insane- do they actually think fake plates are easy enough to come by that people would purchase them and bring them to the gym to post fake lifting vids online? Where the fuck would one even buy fake plates? Where is this mythical fake plate factory?

    If I ever win the lottery, I might go on a tour of the country, Jay and Silent Bob style, beating the everloving this out of tnation and bodyspace posters.

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  20. Just stumbled across this article... and I have a couple points:
    1. I've gone through your blog and you have some good material but what authority do you have to call out guys like Green? (Who, by the way, is probably more of a lifestyle author than a self-pronounced fitness expert. On multiple occasions he has expressed that he is more of a consolidator/deliverer of information rather than a creator).
    2. Stop crying to yourself about the ideas Green "stole from you". There are other people in the world interested in how their bloggers are eating/training. It's not such an original idea to right an article about your nutritional regimen. Not to mention I've read multiple articles written by you that are "stolen" from other fitness authors. Case in point: your recent article about the adverse-effects of soy. Charles Poliquin came out with an article similar to this months before yours was posted.
    2. A lot of your advice just doesn't work for the general public because it's too impractical--but I give you credit, you certainly appeal to people who want to be just like you.
    3. I watched your lifting videos and ya, you lift a ton of weight... but with the WORST form. Lifting with good form doesn't make you a pussy. Just makes you an intelligent lifter--and judging by some of your posts you're a pretty smart dude. I challenge you to lift half the weight you do with proper technique and a tempo protocol.
    3. I can understand why you're bitter.
    4. Oh, ya bleaching your hair blonde is just as douchey as plucking your eyebrows. Get a clue.
    5. Ya I posted this as an Anonymous. Not because I'm hiding behind the internet but because, quite honestly, I'm a nobody so my name means nothing to you. But I'll tell you I have enough common sense to realize that this particular article was a complete waste of time and space and it's unfortunate that people are sympathizing with your insufferable level of bitching. It's also unfortunate that your followers have been given the impression that your idea of a good deadlift is even close to acceptable.
    6. What flavour of HGH do you prefer? I feel like you have a taste for cherry... That's my personal favourite.

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  21. "This isn't even a good rant. An effective rant is far more effective when the writer...well, has some writing skill, ability to present the information with humor, and an actual foundation for their accusatisons. You have none of these."

    Actually chaos and pain is a superb writer. One doesn't have to use ellipses and fcked sentence structures to be good.

    ReplyDelete